Funny Documents:
Funny Documents
YNJ Bathroom
On the second floor of the Yeshiva of North Jersey, there lies a room visited between all subjects by YNJ boys. The bathroom, known to the eighth grade boys as the bat cave, is filled with unmatchable smells and unmatchable experiences. As soon as the bell is sounded, the bathroom is immediately inhabited by students of all ages.
When you are going to the bathroom for non-social reasons, the first thing you are probably looking for are the toilets. The middle floor YNJ boy's bathroom contains three stalls and two urinals. Both urinals are usable, but the urinal closer to the sinks is much shorter. One of the stalls also has an obvious advantage. The door of the stall that is closest to the wall does not close, the middle stall does not contain toilet paper, but the stall closest to the door is perfect, it has toilet paper and a lock. The other two stalls are rarely entered, and only used for games.
One of the necessities of a bathroom is the sinks, for maintaining hygiene is very important. Unfortunately, some of the RYNJ sinks may do the exact opposite. Two of the fountains in the bathroom emit a yellow liquid when the hot water knob is turned. Despite all the Rabbi's claims that the yellow liquid is merely rust in the water, some students are careful to use the other two sinks.
Upon entering the bathroom you will see children playing, people on their way to and from the stalls, and of course sinks and paper towels. The bathroom's smell is generally unpleasant and the weather is usually cold. Although the YNJ bathroom is a great place to spend time, it is a rather inconvenient place to take care of one's personal needs due to dirty toilets.
The YNJ bathroom is a wonderful place to spend time with friends. Sixty-six percent of playing at RYNJ is done in the bathroom and the hallways. If it wasn't for the bathroom, YNJ would be a darker place.
SHAI REALLY HANDED THIS IN!
-By Shai, Watch out hes gonna bust Ye Chops Awff!
October 13, 2006
by Award Winning writer and book reporter -Nisaniel Frome
They tried, and they tried, but they just could not pull it off. We told them that it was a good thing but they would not listen. They wanted to be infamous, not famous. The Detroit Tigers were unable to blow the post season away. Therefore, they would have to settle for the next best thing- being swept in the first round. They lost game one but they could not even manage to lose more. The Yankees were just so bad. �Hey we tried our hardest, but hey, what can I say, those Yankees really reek, oh my g-d, I can�t even breath,� said (or at least thought) Todd Jones the closer for the Tigers right before he was given C.P.R. due to the fact that he was suffocating because of the pungent smell of that the Yankees were giving off. Fortunately, he survived because double plAy- Rod walked by wearing his boy friend Derek Jeter�s new men�s perfume and it killed the smell. Todd Jones is in great debt to gAy �Rod but he still hates him because he is the main reason that Detroit was unable to lose.
New York Times, October 13, 2006
The Pool Boys
Burning cuts, undertow, high tide, oblivious life guards, horrible shark attacks, and irritating surfers; all of these are problems one must face when swimming in the ocean. Why should one have to face these issues, when all he or she wants to do is lie on a towel and tan and maybe take a quick dive to get his or her hair wet? The answer is: they shouldn�t. �Then what are they going to do?� One may ask. There are very few answers. From surprisingly little research, two relatively obvious solutions were discovered: join a local public swimming pool, or possibly buy a private one. However, with a little bit extra research, another solution was found.
On a coastline in Japan, there is an interesting beach. Unlike other beaches, this one has a retractable dome. Ocean Dome they call it. Inside this amazing dome, one does not have to worry about sun burn leading to deadly cancer such as melanoma. Nor does one have to worry about icky seaweed or monstrous sharks. All one has to do is worry that he or she is not having such an amazing and safe time that they actually lose track of time and forget to water their plants at home ( or any other activities that they find important). A man who visited this beach said it as it is: �God didn�t dream up this beach; the Japanese did.� (http://www.gluckman.com/IndoorBeach.html)
In 2004 there were 65. In 2005 there were 58. Why take the risk? Unprovoked shark attacks are no one�s fault. There is no way to prevent them from attacking. But why make it easier for them to catch civilians? Aren�t people sick of the endless reports of so called innocent surfers having body parts ripped off by ferocious sharks? Then why keep on provoking it? Out of the ocean is out of danger.
Down the steps and maybe a turn or two. A twist of the wrist and a slight push opens a door. A few easy movements to strip everything but the Speedos (or whatever obscene indecent �clothes� one wears). A jump and a dive, and splash, one is in the privacy of his or hers own pool. The previous four sentence fragments, which may but should not affect the grading of this essay, were the simple instructions to have a ridiculously fun time under water. Whether one wants to have a party with one�s close friends, or one just wants to take an early morning swim, having a pool in one�s backyard is the simplest, safest way to have a fun time with water and the sun.
Whether it be rain or shine, the Ocean Dome is right. Whether it be private or public, the swimming pool is right. Whether it be suicide or insanity the ocean is right (one may want to read this previous sentence again). It is fairly simple for the common intellect: The Pool Boys beat the Beach Boys any day of the week.