Title - Ache

Author - Henle Girl

Rating - G

Category - Mulder/Scully Romance, Angst

Spoilers - The Truth

Summary - Scully hears voices in the night.

Disclaimer - The characters don't belong to me.  I'm just using

them for my own therapeutic purposes.  They will be returned to

Chris Carter relatively unharmed when I'm done.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

The breeze from the open window blows across her face, drying the

few tears there.  She doesn't cry anymore.  Well, hardly ever. 

But on some nights, nights like tonight, the ache is too much to

bear and she can't help but shed a few tears.

 

The wind continues to blow, the crispness in the air letting her

know that autumn is rapidly approaching.  She can't believe it's

been so long.  So long since she last saw him.

 

"It's late," she hears through the darkness.

 

"I couldn't sleep," she tells him, wiping away the last of the

tears before facing him.

 

"You had that dream again?"

 

"Mulder, it's more than a dream.  It's an . . . "  She closes

stops midsentence, blowing out her breath in frustration.  It was

too hard to try to explain.

 

"It's a what?" he asks, tucking a long red strand of hair behind

her ear.  It's much longer now.  There really hasn't been much

time for a trip to the salon. 

 

She closes her eyes, enjoying the closeness of the moment.  His

hands are always so gentle with her.  He's been able to sooth a

lot of hurts the past few months they've been on the run.  But

there's one he can't even being to reach.

 

"Please tell me, Scully.  I really want to know," he whispers

into her ear, brushing a kiss across her cheek.

 

"I can still hear him," she says, turning back to look out the

window.  "Most of the time he slept through the night.  But he

had so much of you in him, Mulder."  She smiles reminiscently for

a few seconds before continuing.  "This was his favorite hour to

get up and just run his little mouth.  He would just babble and

babble in that baby language as if I really could understand what

he was saying.  So much like you calling me at 2 a.m. to talk

about some silly case."

 

They both laugh for a second, remembering the good times from

their old life before the reality of their present situation

sinks in again.  The life where there's no more cases.  No more

late night phone calls.  No more baby.  Those times are over.

 

"He was starting to say 'da da'," she says softly.  He can hear

her tears hitting the collar of her pajamas.  "I tried to get him

to say 'ma ma', but he wouldn't.  It was just 'da da'.  All night

long, he'd call to you, Mulder."

 

She turns back around when she hears his sniffling, lifting her

hand to wipe the tears that have appeared on his face.

 

"Strange as it may sound, Scully, I think I actually heard him,"

he whispers.  "Calling to me across all those miles.  It hurt so

bad to hear him and feel him, but to not be able to be with him. 

Or with you.  I missed the two of you so much."

 

"It's not strange," she smiles sadly.  "It's what I hear now. 

What wakes me up this time of night.  I hear him saying 'ma ma'. 

But I know that now . . ."  She stops again, biting her lip to

try to hold back the tears, as if keeping in the words will also

keep the pain at bay.

 

"What is it, Scully?"  He can see the pain on her face and isn't

so sure he wants to know the answer to that question.

 

"I know that now when he says 'ma ma' . . . he's calling to

another woman," she manages to say before breaking down

completely.  The force of her sobs wrack her body and it's all he

can do to keep her in an upright position.  He finally gives up

trying to support her and lifts her into his arms, carrying her

back to the bed.  After a while, the crying subsides, leaving

streams of tear stains on both their faces.

 

"Is the ache ever going to go away?" she asks, breaking the

silence.

 

"He was our son, Scully.  I had only a few short days with him. 

You, only a few months.  But in that short time, I know we both

grew to love him more than our lives.  And we did what we had to

to keep him safe, healthy, and happy.  Our choices may hurt us

forever, but he's going to be better off in the long run.  I have

to believe that."

 

"I want to believe it too," she tells him.  "It's just so hard

sometimes."

 

"I know it is," he whispers, pulling her closer to his body.  "I

know it is."

 

She snuggles into his embrace, finding the perfect spot for her

body to mold to his.  She closes her eyes and lets out a deep

sigh, relaxing in his arms.  She knows that the gaping hole left

by William will always be there.  But being in Mulder's arms

takes away the ache temporarily.  Maybe one day it'll be gone for

good.  Until then, she's just going to have to take this

temporary reprieve and be satisfied.  She tilts her head up and

presses a gently kiss onto his neck.

 

"I love you," she whispers, feeling the hole close up a little

bit more.  Mulder is no substitute for her son, but maybe

together they can begin to heal each other. 

 

"I love you, too," she hears him mumble back to her before they

both succumb to slumber.

 

The end.

 

 

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