Chapter Six
“Okay, now wait a minute. Verranos wanted to give you two handjobs?” Ejay asked unbelievegly.
It was early the next morning and the guys were giving each other details of their little adventure.
“No. Jim wanted one from us,” Justin said.
“What?! Bullshit!” Ejay replied.
“No, he did. And it was horrible,” R.J said.
“Very horrible,” Justin agreed.
A.J took out a deck of cards. “You guys wanna play some asshole?” he asked.
“Nah, just watching the game, A.J,” Justin said.
“I just wanna do something together,” A.J said.
“Well, we just did something together,” R.J said firmly. “Very together.”
Jim came into the room, carrying a huge box.
“Ho, ho! Jim-Claus is here. Now, just so there’s no confusion, Santa Porn has brought us some heterosexual entertainment. Here ya go,” he announced, tossing porn videos to A.J, R.J, Ejay, and Justin.
“And the Jimmeister has provides us with some complimentary lubricate. Whack away, Justin. Whack away,” Jim added.
“Does this stuff really make a difference?” Justin asked.
“Oooh, yeah!” Jim said.
“Really?”
The phone had rang then and Jim went to answer it.
“Hello? Jimmeister’s house of love…straight love…Oh, hey…Yeah, I’m fine…How about you…”
Everyone perked up. “Jim’s mom,” Ejay said knowingly.
R.J shushed him. “Silence,” he said.
“Yeah…I didn’t think you’d be in Michigan this summer…Yeah, you’re more than welcome to be here…if you want to hang around with these guys…Okay, stop by in a couple of weeks, we’re havin’ a big party…Okay…Bye.”
Jim hung up the phone, everyone, including R.J, looking interested.
“Um, Jim…was that_” R.J began to ask. Jim flipped him the bird and left the room, looking at a porn video cover.
R.J set down his bowl of oatmeal. “Okay…she’s coming! Jim’s mom is coming here!” he yelled, running up the stairs. “Efforts must be doubled!”
Ejay laughed.
“Efforts must be doubled,” Justin repeated, agreeing. “Absolutely.”
At night, Justin began to sneak around the camp, looking for Kelly. He could overhear two girls talking.
“Jodi, where’d you put my clarinet?” One girl asked.
“Oh, I think I shoved it in your box,” Jodi told her.
“Oh, thanks,” the girl said.
“Bad man! I’m a bad, bad man!” Justin scolded himself, taking his mind out of the gutter.
He found Kelly several minutes later. “Kelly, hi. Hi.”
“Justin, what are you doing here?” Kelly asked, surprised.
“Um, well…I thought about what you said…”
Kelly dragged him into the mess hall. “You can’t just stand out there,” she said.
“Look…um…I need your help. Ryan’s coming back and I don’t…I don’t wanna be this awkward, bumbling, nervous guy with her,” he told Kelly. He took a deep breath. “I don’t wanna seem like a dork.”
Kelly sighed. “Boy, I know that feeling. Spending your life, playin’ in the band, doesn’t exactly give you the ultra cool, hipster, image.”
“Well, I think you’re pretty cool,” Justin said, honestly.
Kelly beamed. Justin found himself beginning to like that smile.
“Seriously?” Kelly asked.
“Yeah,” Justin replied. There was a long pause. Afterwards, Justin asked Kelly, “Kel, why did you ditch me after prom?”
Kelly looked nervous. “I…I…didn’t ditch you. I just thought our date was over. I mean, did you want some funky, weird, next morning good-bye? It’s not like I wanted you to pretend you were in love with me or something.”
Justin looked confused. “Why would I pretend that?” he asked.
“Guys do that,” Kelly said.
“Yeah, well…I’m not like other guys.”
“I know. Okay, I’m gonna help you.”
“Really?” Justin asked.
“Yeah. I…I just feel bad for saying that you sucked. Even though, you kinda did…” Kelly replied, trailing off when Justin got his feelings hurt. “Oh, um…I’m just…um…Okay, let’s just get started.”
“Okay,” Justin said.
“Okay, I’m a hot girl,” Kelly said, helping Justin envision.
“Right.”
“What do you wanna do?” Kelly asked.
“I wanna feel your boobs!” Justin exclaimed.
Kelly rolled her eyes, laughing a little. “No, you dingbat. You just don’t go groping away. You gotta preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey.”
“Okay,” Justin replied. He couldn’t believe how smart Kelly was at things like this.
“Kiss me, here,” Kelly said, pointing at her neck. Justin shrugged and did so. “Good. Okay, now the collarbone. Kiss,” Kelly said. Justin moved up and began sucking on Kelly’s collarbone. Kelly couldn’t help but feel aroused as she felt his mouth on the tender part of her neck. “Oh, Justin. Good…You’re makin’ me wet,” she replied.
Justin stopped kissing her neck, looking excited. “Holy shit! Really?” he asked.
“No. I was just sayin’ that so you could practice.”
Justin sighed, looking disappointed. “Of course,” he replied.
What the two didn’t know is that there is a camp counselor outside, securing the area. He hears the voices and turns around to check it out.
Meanwhile, the lessons are still going on. Justin starts playing with Kelly’s boobs while Kelly sat there, looking bored and uninterested.
Justin suddenly stopped. “Okay, now does direction make a difference? Clockwise? Counter-clockwise, make a difference?”
Kelly sighed. “Okay, Justin. This is what I’m talking about. Your main problem is that you’re so uptight. Um, do I seem uptight about my sexual stuff? No. The biggest pointer I could give you is you have to feel comfortable in any situation. Stand up.”
“Hmmm?” Justin asked.
“Stand up!” Kelly yelled. She lifted him up out of his seat and pulled his shorts down.
“Ohaaa!” Justin yelped.
“Now, this is a fucked up situation,” Kelly told him.
“What the hell happened to preheating?” Justin asked.
“We’re skipping a couple of chapters,” she replied.
“Oh, okay. This is good. This is good,” Justin said, closing his eyes. He looked at his crotch. “Obviously. Ha.”
Kelly realized what she was staring at and suddenly stood up. “Oh, Gilligan’s Island, Mr. Howell!” she replied.
“What?” Justin asked, looking very confused.
“You’ve gotta control yourself and think of something nonsexual. I haven’t even touched you yet and you’re turning into the Sears Tower.”
“I’m sorry. Yeah…nonsexual…right…right…um…okay, chairs.”
“Good,” Kelly said softly.
“Chairs,” Justin continued, his eyes closed. “Um, cleaning my bathroom…dung beetles…yeah…”
Kelly picked up a trombone. “Okay, now don’t freak. I’m gonna do something to push your threshold.”
“Okay…AHHH!”
Kelly had shoved the trumpet up his ass as it made a weird sound.
“Ahh! That’s cold! What are you doing?”
“I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren’t instruments fun?”
“Okay, I think you just crossed my threshold,” Justin replied.
The sound of a door opening startled the both of them. Justin and Kelly panic and run frantically run out of the room.
“Oh, gosh! We gotta go!” Kelly yelled once they were outside. “Okay, call me in two weeks. I’ll be home then and we can finish lessons.”
“Okay,” Justin said.
Kelly ran. A second or two, she came back and kissed Justin. “Pointer, less tongue,” she said.
At that moment, Justin heard the counselor playing the same trumpet that Kelly had. Shaking his head, he left the camp.
At breakfast the next day, all the guys were looking at A.J’s brother’s old guest book while eating breakfast while playing cards at the same time.
“ ‘A night not soon to be forgotten. August ’93,’” Justin read from the guest book. “It’s your brother, man. Look.”
“Yeah. His cottage was right down the beach. Guys, this is what our party’s gotta be. Something we’ll always remember, ya know?”
“Yes. Definitely,” Justin agreed.
“Absolutely,” Ejay said.
“You go fish,” R.J said, not paying much attention to the conversation.
“R.J, we’re playin’ Gin,” A.J reminded him.
“Oh, well…Gin,” R.J muttered, setting down the cards down on the table.
The rest of the day was a whirlwind. Justin got a postcard from Ryan that wrote, that said, ‘Justin, see you soon. Love, Ryan.’
R.J stayed in his room, practicing martial arts while Justin tried to mimic him. He tried a kick and ended up breaking his lamp. A.J and Christina managed to have lunch at a café in town. Jim was playing football with a couple of girls. On the patio, R.J was practicing Tantra from a book while doing some pelvic thrust motion while holding his crotch. Jim looks at him, mouthing to himself, “What the fuck?”
One of the girls threw the ball at him and end up hitting him the groin with the ball, making him fall down in pain.
Justin managed to Super Glue the lamp back together, R.J stared at a picture of Jim’s mom, Justin trying to pull the lamp off the dresser he accidentally super glued it on, and R.J looking at the same picture of him with Jim and his mom. He took a pair of scissors and cut out Jim to make it look like his mom and himself in the picture.
That night, Justin sat in bed, reading the latest postcard
from Ryan. ‘Dear Justin, Chicago is beautiful, but would be better if you
were here. I’m counting the days. Love, Ryan’.
Justin put the postcard back on his night table. “Well, I wish you were here, Ryan,” he muttered.
He turned off the light and prepared to go to sleep. But he found himself restless and got up to turn on the VCR. He popped the movie Jim gave him called ‘Pussy Palace’. He pressed the play button and turned on the TV.
On the screen, two lesbians were making out in a large bubble bath.
“Have you been dirty?” the first one asked.
“Oh, yes, baby. I’ve been dirty,” the other one replied.
Justin took the lubrication that Jim gave him. ‘Apply a few drops to achieve desired lubrication,’ he read. He set it back down on the night table. “Right.”
The movie continued.
“Oh, what the hell…”
Justin kept his eyes on the TV and reached for the lubrication but grabbed the super glue he used earlier. He squeezed a ton of glue into his hand and rubs them together. He then puts them down his pants and begins to jerk off.
“Shit! Oh, God! I’ve been missin’ out!” he exclaimed.
All of a sudden, his face fell.
“Ow! Ouch!” he replied. He looked down and realized that his hand was stuck to his crotch. “Ow! Oh, shit!” Justin looked over at the dresser and sees the Super Glue. I must have grabbed the wrong bottle! He thought. “Oh shit! Holy ouch! Jezz!” He yelped, falling out of the bed.
“Everybody okay?” Ejay called from his bedroom.
“I’m fine. I’m fine! Everything’s fine,” Justin reassured him.
“Shut the fuck up or I’ll break down the door and pummel your ass!” Jim yelled.
“Ahh, no! Don’t come in here. I’m fine. I just fell out of the bed.”
Justin walked to the VCR.
“You sure?” A.J asked.
“Yeah. Okay, good night then.”
“Okay, we’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” Justin replied.
Justin ejected the tape and tried to slide it under the bed, but he’d forgotten his other hand had glue on it. His other hand was now stuck to the tape. He tried throwing the tape, but it’s stuck good and tight. He tried putting it on the floor and stepping on it with his foot to get it off, but that doesn’t work, either.
He quickly jumped in the shower, squeezing a shampoo bottle under his chin, all the soap going on his crotch, trying to loosen the glue.
When that failed, he put a remote control in his mouth, dialing numbers on a cordless phone.
“Hello? Poison Control?” A voice asked.
“Hello…hi…um…yeah. I kinda super glued myself to, um, myself,” Justin told the operator.
“Do you want me to call an ambulance?”
“No, no. Don’t call an ambulance. Look, is there anything, you know, around the house?”
“Try some paint thinner,” the operator suggested.
“Thanks,” Justin said, hanging up.
He sat there, wondering where to get paint thinner.
Justin tried to open his bedroom door numerous ways. He used his forearm to open the door and then, his mouth. He noticed his open window and goes out that way.
Justin walked on the roof, looking for a safe way to get down. A next-door neighbor saw him on the roof and called the police. At that moment, Justin spotted the paint thinner in the painting truck he and the other guys always use. But he also noticed that it was too high to jump.
“Shit!”
He turned to go back, but at that moment, a police car pulled up with all the lights on and a light shining on Justin.
“Don’t move! Stay where you are! Hands where we can see em’! A cop yelled.
Justin raised his one free hand in the air with the tape glued to it.
“Both hands! Both hands!” They yelled. “Both hands, goddammnit!”
Justin struggled to free his other hand and his pants slid right off.
“I can’t! I can’t! I’m glued! I’m glueeeeeed!” he replied, his eyes closed with embarrassment. He paused. “I’m sorry.”
An EMT and A.J carefully walked Justin out of the house into an ambulance. About 50 people were gathered outside, watching all the commotion.
“I’ll take it from here,” The EMT told A.J.
“Hey, don’t worry, J-Man. You’re gonna be okay, buddy,” Ejay assured him.
“Justin, this happens to the best of us,” R.J added. A.J and Ejay gave him a look that disagreed with him. R.J shrugged.
“How about left foot first? Easy does it. Good. Watch your head,” the EMT said to Justin, helping him into the ambulance.
“Alright. Go on and take a seat,” A female EMT told Justin.
At that moment, Jim tried to sneak on the ambulance.
“Excuse me, sir. Are you a family member?” the EMT asked Jim.
Jim snorted. “Fuck no! This is just too good to miss!”
“Okay, sir. You’re just gonna have to wait here, alright?”
As the EMT began closing the door, the last thing Justin saw was Jim giving him the thumbs up sign, smiling at him. Justin gave him an evil glare.
“Ha, ha! This summer’s turned out to be great!” Jim exclaimed, walking back into the house while the other guys glared at him.
When Jerry got a phone call from the hospital, explaining what had happened to Justin, he couldn’t believe it. What do these kids play with nowadays? Jerry thought on his way to the hospital. He shook his head as he drove on.
Later, in the waiting room, both men sat in the waiting room, looking shocked, embarrassed, and most of all, mortified.
“How you doin’, son?” Jerry asked his stepson.
Justin wanted to hide his face. “I’ve been better,” he moaned.
In the ER, the doctor had finished fixing Justin up with a huge, diaper-looking, pad to cover his swollen crotch.
“Boy, that doesn’t look too bad, Justin,” Jerry remarked. Justin glared at him.
“The swelling should subside in 8 or 9 days,” the doctor told them.
Justin looked disappointed. “Eight or nine days…Beach party’s in a week…Ryan’s coming…”
“Oh, oh!” Jerry replied, understanding. He turned to the doctor. “Doc, my son has a party in seven days and there’s a young lady who’s he been waiting to…get with.”
“I’d tell your son to keep his pants on during that party,” the doctor warned.
“Oh, yes. Believe me, I will be doing that without saying. But, if his pants decide to come off during the party, could he have full use of his…um…penis?”
The doctor sighed and reached in a drawer and pulled out a tube of cream. “This should shave a couple of days off,” he told him. He then left the room.
“Oh, good. Thank you, Doctor,” Jerry said to him. He turned to Justin, excited. “Justin, that’s good news! This has been a good news day, son!” He reached for his coat and put it on Justin’s shoulders. “Put this on, okay? It’s a little chilly out there.”
In the car in front of the house, the two men were silent. They hadn’t said a word the entire way. Justin was too embarrassed and Jerry didn’t quite know what to say to make him feel better.
“Well, here we are,” Jerry said. “You know, Justin. Uh, I think we should keep your mother in the dark about the little incident tonight. I think the whole thing might make her queasy.”
Justin shook his head, disbelievingly. “I don’t know how I get myself into these things. But, thanks for understanding. You’ve been really cool. I mean, between this and you know…” Justin replied, trailing off.
Jerry’s eyes sparkled with happiness. “You know, you may be Jus or J-Man or Jbodeine to these guys in here,” Jerry replied, jerking his head towards the house where the rest of Justin’s friends were. “But, I want you to know there are two people who still remember where Justin Eldrin Bell Guarini came from. We’re awful proud of you, son.”
Justin gave him a feeble but a happy smile. “Thanks, dad,” he told him happily.
I hope he never embarrasses me again, Justin thought.
At that moment, Jerry handed Justin his tube. “Don’t forget your penis cream.”
Justin sighed. I knew it was too good to be true. I
shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.