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| I halfway understood Floyd's anger and frustration over the pregnancy. It would be an adjustment for us all, but as my husband he ignored my emotional needs, giving no support. He ignored the changes in Angela's body and refused to accept the new life. Often food money was scarce because Floyd didn't want to be financially responsible for Angela and her greater need for simple things like more fresh vegetables and fruits. I used Angela's entire college fund for added grocery and clothing needs over the pregnancy. Many times Angela and I sought the advice of counselors. In at least one session our counselor discussed adoption as our pastor had done. The added information we were getting encouraged me to take a back seat and allow Angela to figure out what she would do with a baby at sixteen. Our family is very familiar with adoption, since my eldest sister's children are both adopted. I can remember how we prayed that my sister and her husband would have a family. Our prayers were answered as each of my nephews was brought home to be a part of us. Naturally, we discussed that perhaps the purpose for Angela having this baby so young was to give it up to a mature couple that desperately wanted a child. In talking to a friend, I learned of a family trying to adopt so we interviewed the couple. Angela felt comfortable with this couple and in the event that she decided to go with adoption, this couple would be her choice. I kept in touch with my family regularly about our thoughts and progress. When I mentioned to my mother that adoption could occur, she said, "The baby is our child. Other families take care of their own, why not us?" Of course I agreed with her, but that wasn't the point. Angela had to figure out for herself what to do with the life of this child, her child. So, often in the wee hours of the night and at times when Angela was not in earshot of my conversations, the idea of adoption was passed around. "What if she decides to give the baby up?" I'd ask my sisters. We lived far away from each other and my phone bill often reached two hundred dollars. I needed to talk, and in preparation for what might occur, we-my sisters, my mother and I-thought about how we could make a box for the baby with treasures that in the event the baby was adopted, the baby would have from us including pictures. Have you ever considered what marked your significance in this world? If you only had one thing you could place in a time capsule for a child to discover along the way, what would you pick? I cried thinking about all of the family stories, like when my grandparents came to America that I wanted to put in that box. And about the time that Angela asked me if we shrunk yet when we flew in a plane for her first time. I wanted to share the holidays and how we trimmed our Christmas tree and put up the German village at Nana and Grandpa's house. I wrote music that I wanted the baby to hear, and poetry I wanted the baby to read. I wanted this baby at home with us. However, I couldn't say that absolutely since Angela had to make the decision. I tried to explain to Angela that she would have an inner knowing about what to do, her heart would speak to her. We spent hours in silent contemplation waiting for her to reveal the answer. |
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