Nothing Personal

a comedy by Steven Michelson

Copyright© 1998 by Steven Michelson. All rights reserved.

JEFF is tired of meeting the wrong women. After dating all the eligible women at work, after networking with friends, and after going on countless blind dates, he is finally ready to try the personals. He places a personal ad, hoping to meet the girl of his dreams. The newspaper misprints the ad, and he spends the next week dealing with the repercussions. Throughout the course of the play, he and his bohemian roommate, SIMON, proceed to meet MICHELLE, an overly accessorized manager at Macy’s, CINDY, a graduate student with a proclivity for speaking the truth, and an ever-present, impatient, and opinionated WAITER. All the while, SYLVIA, Jeff’s well-intentioned but intrusive mother insists on making frequent unannounced visits to keep tabs on her wonderful son. Nothing Personal pokes fun at the personals scene and being single - the world of bad dates, miscommunication, and an exploration of what makes men and women different. It has a cast of six - three men and three women.

JEFF - a well-groomed guy, 31 years old. He is intelligent, studied hard in college, and did well so that he could get a good job as an accountant. He and Simon are childhood friends and roommates.

SIMON - a slightly disheveled guy, 29 years old. He is a graduate student, and if he could, he’d stay in school his whole life to avoid working. He can afford to - he comes from a wealthy family where money is no issue. He and Jeff are childhood friends and roommates.

MICHELLE - a stylishly dressed but overly accessorized woman, 29 years old. She is a college graduate, and currently works at Macy’s, with a writing career based more in her head than in practice. She believes success is measured by personal appearance. She and Cindy are roommates.

CINDY - a 28 year old woman. She has a good sense of humor, and is working on a graduate nursing degree. She dresses comfortably, not necessarily stylishly. She believes success is measured by hard work and perseverance. She and Michelle are roommates.

SYLVIA - Jeff’s mother - a woman in her mid-50s. She spent the better part of her adult life taking good care of her family, and despite the fact that her children have moved away, this maternal instinct has not left her. She’s full of opinions, and is not afraid to express them.

WAITER - a man about 40 years old. He takes waiting very seriously, and likes to get to know his customers. He’s an observant man, and although he won’t admit it, he likes to play armchair psychologist to his customers.

The present, in a middle-class American suburb. On one side of the stage is the living room of the guys’ apartment. On the opposite side of the stage is the living room of the ladies’ apartment. The two apartments are near mirror images of each other. There is also a set of a restaurant, which contains at least one table for four, which can either be located between the two apartments on stage, or, if this is performed in a smaller theater, another arrangement could be designed.