Dial
by Steven Michelson
Copyright ã 2000 by Steven Michelson. All rights reserved.
Act I
Scene 1
Late on a Monday afternoon in January
(MIMI, a 60ish woman, is sitting in front of the television in her living room, weeping profusely.)
TV ANNOUNCER (from TV)
That concludes today’s episode of "As the Dial Turns." Will Victoria find her mother’s long-lost twin sister? Will she return to Port Henry to testify in Kurt’s defense? Or will she disappear forever, lost in the blizzard of the century? You’ll learn answers to those questions and more in tomorrow’s episode of "As the Dial Turns."
(MIMI gets up and turns off the television. FELICIA enters through the front door, coming in from a blizzard, covered in snow. She is carrying a bag of groceries, and unpacks the groceries, which include a box of elbow macaroni, a can of cream-of-mushroom soup, and two cans of tuna fish. She also has some extra coupons, which she drops on the dining room table.)
FELICIA
Hello, mother! I’m making your absolute favorite for dinner tonight – tuna casserole.
MIMI
(Very emotional) Thank God you’re home, Felicia. You’ll never believe what happened. Victoria got stranded in a blizzard, she’s eight months pregnant, the father of her child is in jail for attempted murder, and she’s his only alibi! She has to get back to Port Henry before the trial starts next week, otherwise… I don’t even want to think about it!
FELICIA
Mother, you’ve been watching that silly soap opera again, haven’t you. I think it’s time you got a job and did something productive with your life.
MIMI
It’s more than a soap opera. It’s "As the Dial Turns." Ever since my sister – your aunt--
FELICIA
Not this again.
MIMI
It’s true!
FELICIA
Mother, come on. You know soap operas are made up. All soap operas. Even "As the Dial Turns." They’re works of fiction, and not even realistic at that. The characters are ridiculous, the situations are absurd and convoluted. Nobody in real life comes close to being like those people.
MIMI
Just because their lives are more exciting than ours, doesn’t make them any less real.
FELICIA
Having them on a soap opera sure does.
MIMI
You just don’t understand. If Victoria doesn’t get back in time to save Kurt from prison, her child is going to grow up without a father.
FELICIA
Don’t you see how ridiculous that is? Yesterday you said her husband’s name was Brent, and he was lost in the jungles of Papua, New Guinea. Today it’s Kurt and he’s in prison. Which is it?
MIMI
Her husband’s name is Brent, and he is lost in the jungles of Papua, New Guinea. Kurt is her lover, and he’s been falsely accused of attempted murder. He didn’t cut that brake line. Jessica cut it. And Victoria is the only one who knows that.
FELICIA
And Jessica is?
MIMI
You never pay attention to me. Jessica is Victoria’s brother-in-law’s spurned lover. And if Victoria doesn’t get back in time, her sister Laura is going to testify that her ex-husband Kurt cut the brake line so that she would die and he’d get custody of their son, Tommy, the musical prodigy. Felicia, you can be so insensitive and self-absorbed sometimes.
FELICIA
Are you telling me that Kurt is Victoria’s sister’s ex-husband?
MIMI
And the father of Victoria’s child. There was a paternity test that proved it.
FELICIA
This is what I’m talking about. It’s a ridiculous premise, and I wish you wouldn’t spend your time and energy obsessing about it. You need to get out more. You need to do something with your life again. You need to get a job.
MIMI
Who’s going to hire me?
FELICIA
Mother, you weren’t fired. You were downsized. You have skills.
MIMI
My last employer didn’t think so.
FELICIA
Look, I got you a job interview on Thursday. We need a receptionist at the office and I think you’d be good at it.
MIMI
I don’t need a job like that. It’s not exciting.
FELICIA
It may not be exciting, but it will help pay some of the bills around here, which is more than I can say about your silly soap opera characters.
MIMI
One of these days, you’ll understand. Those people are exciting, not like us.
FELICIA
Those people aren’t real! And what’s wrong with us?
MIMI
We’re boring. They’re exciting. They drive a new BMW every year; we drive a five year old Honda. They take trips to New Guinea where they find ancient treasures; we take trips to the Laundromat where we lose half our socks. They eat lobster for dinner. We eat tuna casserole.
FELICIA
But you like tuna casserole.
MIMI
What I wouldn’t do to be like them.
FELICIA
Mother, you’re delusional.
(FELICIA exits to the kitchen, and the doorbell rings. MIMI answer the door, and standing in front of her is a very pregnant VICTORIA, covered in snow.)
VICTORIA
Thank God somebody’s home. I just got stranded in this blizzard, I’m eight months pregnant, and I have to get back to Port Henry to testify in court. Can I use your phone?
MIMI
You’re Victoria Cain!
VICTORIA
How did you know my name?
MIMI
I watch you all the time!
VICTORIA
Are you a stalker?
MIMI
No, I watch you on TV. I love "As the Dial Turns." It’s my favorite show. You live such an exciting life.
VICTORIA
Can I just use your phone to call AAA?
MIMI
Sure. It’s in the other room.
(VICTORIA exits as FELICIA re-enters through the same door.)
That was Victoria Cain! She’s using our phone to call AAA!
FELICIA
Victoria Cain? From your silly show?
MIMI
I told you it’s more than just a show.
FELICIA
That is not Victoria Cain.
MIMI
Yes it is.
FELICIA
It didn’t even look like her.
Mim
It’s her! It’s Victoria Cain.
FELICIA
Mother, it’s not Victoria Cain. And even if it is, at best it’s the actress who plays Victoria Cain, Samantha Lucci.
MIMI
No it isn’t. It’s Victoria. I’m so glad she’s here. Now you two can get to know each other. You know I’ve always considered her like a niece to me. That makes her your cousin.
FELICIA
No it doesn’t. It makes her nothing to me, except someone using my phone.
MIMI
I hope she can stay for dinner. I have so many questions to ask her. I’ve got to find out why Rolf is treating Gina that way.
FELICIA
Mother, she’s not staying for dinner. She’s calling AAA, they’ll come, they’ll help her with her car, and she’ll be on her way.
(VICTORIA re-enters.)
VICTORIA
Thank you so much. You’re so kind to let me use your phone.
MIMI
It’s our pleasure.
FELICIA
Hi, I’m Felicia.
VICTORIA
Victoria Cain. Nice to meet you.
(They shake hands.)
FELICIA
(Under her breath) Yeah, right. (beat) So… Samantha, was it?
VICTORIA
No, Victoria.
FELICIA
So… Victoria… do you live around here?
VICTORIA
Actually, no. I live in Port Henry.
FELICIA
I’m sure. (beat) So, when are you due?
VICTORIA
In a month.
FELICIA
You and your husband must be very excited. Is this your first child?
VICTORIA
Actually, I’m not really married.
FELICIA
Ah hah!
VIctoria
Well, I guess, technically speaking I am married. It’s just that my husband got lost in the jungles of Papua, New Guinea, and I haven’t heard from him in quite some time. A search team has been trying to locate him for months, and they’re running out of leads. I fear the worst may have happened. I never dreamt I’d be a widow at such a young age.
MIMI
I’m sure they’ll find him. They’ve got to find him. He’s the only one who knows where the microfilm is hidden.
VICTORIA
(suspicious) What do you know about the microfilm?
FELICIA
So… Victoria… my mother here was telling me you had some car trouble. What happened? Did you get stuck in the snow or something?
VICTORIA
To tell you the truth, I don’t know. I was driving along, minding my own business, when I tried to put on the brakes, and nothing happened.
FELICIA
So you started skidding?
VICTORIA
Actually, no. The brakes didn’t even activate. Like somehow, the brake line broke or something. And I had just got the car tuned up. It was quite frightening. I hope AAA can fix it. I need to get back to Port Henry as soon as possible. A lot of people are depending on me.
(The phone rings. FELICIA exits and answers the phone.)
MIMI
I hope you can stay for dinner.
VICTORIA
Thank you for the offer, but I really can’t. Once AAA comes, I need to be going.
(FELICIA returns)
FELICIA
(to Victoria) It’s for you.
VICTORIA
Must be AAA.
(VICTORIA exits to take the phone call.)
MIMI
I invited her for dinner, but she said she can’t stay.
FELICIA
Of course not, mother. She’s not who she says she is. And there’s only so long she can pretend she’s Victoria without a script in her hand. She’s an actress playing a part, and she doesn’t want you to figure that out. Why she’s doing this, I have no idea. But I’m not surprised she has to leave.
MIMI
She is Victoria. You’ll see.
(VICTORIA re-enters, frightened.)
What’s wrong, Victoria? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.
VICTORIA
Somebody knows I’m here. I don’t know who, but they want me dead.
(Dramatic "soap opera" music is played. VICTORIA freezes, oblivious to the music, while MIMI and FELICIA are perplexed, trying to figure out the source of the music. Finally, VICTORIA breaks out of her trance.)
I need a drink.
(She looks around, but can’t find any liquor handy.)
Where’s the carafe?
End of Scene
Act I
Scene 2
A few hours later
(MIMI is sitting in front of the TV, as FELICIA puts the finishing touches on MIMI’s birthday dinner of tuna casserole.)
"Entertainment Tonight" TV ANnouncer (From TV)
In other show-biz news, there continues to be tension and turmoil on the set of "As the Dial Turns," as the volatile personal lives of the soap opera actors are affecting the story lines of the long running daytime drama. Today, Vince Sapphire, who plays Luke Baldwin, crashed his Porsche into a lake in what police are referring to as a speed-related accident. He is reportedly in critical condition, and the doctors are unsure of his prognosis. Ever since Jeremy Radius, who plays Brent Cain, was admitted to a drug rehabilitation center, the set has been rife with dissension. Viewers of the show will recall that the producers had Jeremy’s character get lost in the jungles of Papua, New Guinea, until Jeremy completes his rehab program. In addition, producers are locked in a contract dispute with Samantha Lucci, who plays Victoria Cain, one of the show’s most popular characters and the highest paid actress on the show. Insiders tell us the dissension between Lucci and the producers is causing friction between her and the other cast members, and that the producers are considering replacing Lucci rather than extending her contract. We’ll have more on this as it develops. Coming up, we’ll give you an exclusive preview of the new Tom Cruise movie, and we’ll tell you about the scandals that went on behind the scenes of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood...
FELICIA
Come on, ma. Dinner’s ready.
(MIMI turns off the television and goes to the dinner table.)
What were they saying about Samantha Lucci?
MIMI
Just that she’s in some kind of dispute with the producer of the show.
FELICIA
So you do realize it’s just a television show.
MimI
Of course I realize it’s a television show, but it’s not just a television show. It’s more than that. Some day you’ll understand.
FELICIA
I’m just glad Samantha--
MIMI
Victoria--
FELICIA
Whoever she is, I’m glad she’s gone. She stayed around long enough.
MIMI
That’s not very nice of you. It took a while for AAA to get here. What were we going to do, let her wait out in the snow? I’m glad we got to talk to her. She’s a fascinating person.
FELICIA
If you ask me, she’s kind of creepy. Besides, she’s not even real!
MIMI
She’s real enough for me. And she’s much more exciting than we are. Think about all she’s done, all the places she’s been. What I wouldn’t do to have a life like hers.
FELICIA
Well you don’t have a life like hers. In fact, you hardly have a life at all. Since you lost your job, all you do anymore is sit at home and watch TV. What kind of a life is that?
MIMI
You’re right, Felicia. I do need to get a life. I need to travel to exotic places.
FELICIA
Mother, where are you going to get money to travel to exotic places? You know we don’t have that kind of money. But I do agree you need to get out more. That’s why I got you the interview on Thursday. I think you’d be good as a receptionist.
MIMI
What do I know about being a receptionist?