How Do I Open My Heart Again?
Everyone who has ever loved, has been hurt. Sadly, those who have never been hurt in a relationship, have probably never learned to love, and never allowed themselves to become vulnerable. Love by nature and definition is the giving of oneself to another. As hard as it is for us to face, true love is a gamble. That, my friend, is what makes it precious and golden. If we could wave a magic wand and suddenly cause love and loving to be made easy and risk free, it would be cheepened and very unfulfilling. With these thoughts in mind we can now proceed to scrutinize the answer to the question: "Once I have been hurt, how do I open my heart again?"
WHAT CLOSED THE HEART?
Pain! Pain closed it? Rejection, misunderstanding, unappreciation, mistrust, out and out abuse, and even death can shut your heart.
That may seem like such an obvious answer to the average person. The truth is, pain is manifest in different ways in different people. The reason I start here is because the ever present memory of this pain is going to be the greatest obstacle in the way of opening up again. But let's remember, pain is present for a reason. It is sending us a message about ourselves and showing us that something is amiss.

There was a person in my life once that I loved deeply. And the reason I loved her so intensley was because I had risked opening up to her completely. That gamble brought us close for a time, but I never quite opened up totally. That intensified her own insecurities and a need to control me. This caused pain deep inside me. A pain so intense that I withdrew from further control and rejection, and the relationship disintergrated. What closed my heart was ultimate rejection and loss of trust and intimacy. Far too many debilitating memories from my past were triggered and my own maladjusted patterns of dealing with pain caused me to turn on the one I thought was hurting me.

Look at your situation(s). Look at it honestly. What closed your heart? What were you and are you protecting yourself from?
HAVE I LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCES?
One of the greatest dangers in life is that we repeat the exact same mistakes over and over again in our significant relationships. One of the most basic definitions of insanity is doing the same things again and again and expecting different results. It isn't enough to acknowledge what it was that closed your heart, you must then learn from that pain. It was Euripides the great philosopher who once said that "we pay a high price for being intelligent. Wisdom hurts."
I learned two things about myself from the heart closing experience I described above. Number one, I have a compelling need to open up and share myself with someone in an intimate manner. Nothing ever felt more complete. But, on the other hand, the second thing I learned was that I abhor feeling as though I am being manipulated and controlled. If I was to ever open my heart again I knew that it would have to be with someone who was secure in themselves to the point that they don't need to control me.

Again, look at your life. Take a good look at the heart closer and learn from it. Don't go right out and make the exact same mistake again. But instead...
...PROCEDE WITH CAUTION: DOES THAT MEAN ISOLATION?
Once you have determined what you need and don't need, as well as what you can offer and cannot offer, proceed with caution. There are a lot of people who have no clue about themselves. In order to have a significant person in their lives they will temporarily become what they think you need. But it won't last because they aren't being true to themselves.
If you have honestly answered the first two quesitons then you are ready and should be confident enough to move forward. But don't settle for second best or you will have the same results again. Take the time to get past the masks that we all wear for protection and learn more about yourself and other people. Many people will do one of two things. They will either go out and find someone just like the person who closed their hearts or they will go out and find someone who is the total opposite. Proceed with caution. Just open your heart with someone who is neither extreme.
For the conclusion, click here.
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