naughty jokes
Q & A
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries.
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have ?
A. Very large hands.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.
Q.Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ?
A : Because he is dead.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become ?
A : It becomes wet.
Q.What often falls but never gets hurt ?
A : Rain
Q.What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be ?
A : TOMORROW
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half.
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What gets wet with drying ?
A : A towel.
Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
A : AGE.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?
A : Because it has its own scales.
Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg ?
A : Because it is too tyred.
y a beer is better than a woman ?
1 a beer doesn't jealous when u grab another beer.
2.when u go to a bar u know u can always pick up a beer.
3.a beer wont get upset if u come home and have beer on ur breath.
4.u dont have 2 wine and dine a beer.
5.if u pour a beer right u will always get a good head.
6.hangovers go away.
7.when u're finished with a beer, the bottle is still worth5 cents.
8.u dont hav to wash a beer bfore it tastes good.
9.a beer always goes down easy.
10.u can share a beer with ur friends.
11.beer is always wet.
12.u always know u're the first one to pop a beer.
13.a frigid beer is a good beer.
14.u can hav more than one beer and not feel guilty.
15.u can enjoy a beer all month long.
wise lady
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
"Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you ?"
The husband laughs and says: "An English girl !"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
"So,honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you"
"And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?"
"what I asked for.... the English girl ?!"
"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few
months to see if it is a girl !!!"
answers in brief
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off
and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well.
His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,"he says,"it says here,'Answer the following questions in brief'.
tired singh
Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu,one a Muslim, and the other a Singh.
The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.
The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim.
He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
The Singh thought he could make it all the way, so he started
swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.
hidden cameras
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa : "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.
Why every few minutes he keeps saying "You are watching the Star World Channel". How does he know that?"
intelligent students
Teacher: Let's take the example of the busy ant.
He is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens?
Little Johnny: He gets stepped on.
twins
Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat.
It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.'
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, 'Hell no in
fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right
from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old
dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back
and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got
bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these
four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good,
but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at
once and she split right up the middle.'
The old lady fainted.
marriage
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
night golf clubs
Wife: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time 0f the night?"
Husband: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife: "What? At 2 a.m?!"
Husband: "Yes, We used night clubs."
beauty of a lady
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you - - NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
blind date
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
human beans
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
poor saint peter
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter
told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year ?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered......
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said : "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though
it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied : "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
April 2nd. ..etc..." Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
greatest of all problems
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at Your picture and the problem disappear.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, What other problems can there be greater than this one