| Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim. That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick." "What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother. "Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?" The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three." ************************************************************************************ A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid. ************************************************************************************ An important senator arranges to use an escort service and winds up with a beautiful japanese girl who speaks no english. They go into his hotel room and start having sex and she gets into it like there`s no tomorrow! She starts yelling the same japanese word over and over and making faces and he can tell he`s driving her crazy! He`s never had it so good. The next morning, he`s golfing with the japanese ambassador, and he makes a birdie. He suddenly remembers the word that the Japanese woman kept yelling out loud the night before, and he yells it out. The ambassador looks at him strangely, looks at the pin, and says, "no, that was the right hole." ************************************************************************************ A man moved to an Antarctica village because of his new job. This village had many men, but no women. After a few days, the man started getting horny. He asked his boss, "What do you guys do when you`re horny here?" The man told him, "We have a barrel with a hole in it. Here I`ll show it to you." The boss then took him to the hole and told him to put his thing in the hole. The man did. After a few minutes the man took his thing out and was very satisfied. He told his boss, "Wow! That was really great, I`m going to put my thing in the hole every day of the week!" "Not Thursdays!" said the boss. Confused, the man asked, "Why, what`s wrong with Thursdays?" The boss answered, "That`s your day to be in the barrel!" ************************************************************************************ A group of Asian women were visiting a village somewhere deep in Africa when they came across a trader selling human breasts. One of the Asian ladies asked the trader, "Why are you selling women`s breasts?" The trader replied, "Locally, we have found that consuming the flesh of a woman`s breast can increase men`s sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis." Hearing with interest about the `enlarging the penis` the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. "Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast." "Give me the price of each." said the Asian lady impatiently. "The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says, "white breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound." The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast booth. "Hey, not bad! Asian breasts are worth more!", said one of the Asian ladies. "No no no, you don`t understand," the trader explains, "you don`t know how many Asian women we have to kill to get one pound of breast!" ************************************************************************************ Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. 'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.' The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, 'Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.' 'If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis..........fifty times' ************************************************************************************ A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgiveme." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221." ************************************************************************************ |
| some fine jokes |