| litttle johney jokes |
| Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" ********************************************************************************************************* One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'" ******************************************************************************************************** Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!" ********************************************************************************************************* Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "Ok, now take off my skirt..." and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra..." which he does. "And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." And when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!" ********************************************************************************************************* Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!" said Johnny ********************************************************************************************************* A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mothers bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and saying , "I need a man, I need a man." Over the next couple months he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her room he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran to his room, took off his cloths, threw himself on his bed and started stroking himself and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" ********************************************************************************************************* Little Johnny walks in on his father taking a shower and asks, "Daddy, can I take a shower with you?" His father replies, "Only if you don't look down" Johnny agrees, but after a couple minutes, Little Johnny was tempted so he looked down. He asked, " DADDY!!! What's that?!" and his dad replies, "Uh......it's a snake son." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mother taking a shower and he asks, "Mommy, can I take a shower with you?" His mother replies, "Sure. But don't look up or down." As before, Little Johnny agrees, but soon is curious again. When he looked down he asked, MOMMY!!! What's that?!" and his mom replies, "Uh.........it's grass honey." Then Little Johnny looks up and asks," MOMMY, what are those?!" and his mother replies, " Uh.........they are headlights." The next day, Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom because of a storm. He asks, "Can I sleep with you? I'm scared." So his parents agree. A little later, Johhny was awoken. Then he exclaimed, "MOMMY, MOMMY, TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS. THE SNAKE'S IN THE GRASS!!!!!" ********************************************************************************************************* Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" ********************************************************************************************************* Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None." replied Johnny,"'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking." ********************************************************************************************************* |
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