| Tom Finds The Land Of Fun! |
| Kay: Tom�s not boring at all! Naz: Totally interesting and spontaneous... god I used to hate it whenever he went "What are you doing on the 12th? I can come to Gford then. I have the weekend off from A.S.D.A" Kay: hahahaha! he always talked about asda! Naz: He loved those chickens in the rotisserie. No not asda... it�s ASDA!!! lmao! Kay: Oh no! I forgot the caps! He always typed it in caps, like it was really important that he did�ASDA Naz: They all sit on the sofa staring at the wall, no talking. Kay: TV is banned. Naz: But everyone has to be very quiet and slow when toms working to make sure he doesn�t pass out from all the people Kay: He has to wear a big germ protection suit! With dark glasses and earmuffs! Naz: With a Walkman his psychologist gave him... 'Be calm Tom... be still... trolleys are your friend' Kay: Omg! Trolleys are your friend! He pushes them around taking those little tiny steps they make you do in PE when you're little Naz: He has stabilisers on his trolley, and bumpers Kay: And has one of those with the poles on with a stuffed animal stuck on it! Naz: And a siren like on a fire engine that goes �neeenawww� whenever Tom approaches! But it has to be a quiet one with dim lights... Kay: They all have wheel locks so you can't push them fast Naz: I haven�t laughed this much for ages Kay: To say Tom is so boring he causes us to laugh a lot... He never had a toy zoo when he was little. He could only play with wooden ASDA pegs because everything else is too scary. He painted little faces on them! And made them brown clothes! |
| But one day his mum borrowed them to hang the washing out and Tom had to try and climb the washing line. He fell off and was brain damaged. All the kids at school used to tie ASDA apples to sticks and make him chase them in the playground. He would run around like a dog. Dressed in ASDA carrier bags. He also went home and decorated his walls with these bags, and put all his fave things in them. His favourite things were: ASDA toilet roll tubes, ASDA salads (although his mom didn't like him eating them because they were too colourful) and a brown �George� jumper. He wasn�t allowed stripy toothpaste either. He didn�t want his teeth turning red or blue. He didn't want to use toothpaste. He wanted his teeth to be brown, just like everything else Funnily enough, his love for ASDA got him a job there. The beeping noise of the till put him in a paralysed state for 3 weeks. But he refused to stay in the hospital. He got up straight away (the noise of the hospital was too much), and went straight back to ASDA. He started off in the stock room. He loved building castles out of the cardboard boxes. The boxes were brown so that was okay. Soon they moved him onto the rotisserie. He was a little nervous at first. But he was in ASDA, his most favouritest place in the world and nothing could go wrong. Could it? The chickens he had to cook didn�t move or speak to him so he had nothing to worry about. Until one day Tom started talking to them instead! He loved the chickens. When they were cooked, the skin went brown. Tom fell in love with a chicken. She had been cooked too long and was a very nice colour. He called her NAZDA lol! Now he was on his mission to find a real Naz to talk to. One day, while slowly pushing the trolleys around ASDA, he bumped into a lovely girl. With dark hair and brown eyes. She was perfect! Much better than a chicken... She had BBS Psycho written on her jacket. He spent months online searching for this BBS. He found it and joined. His mission was to go out with as many girls there as possible. Naz, Vicky, Sabrina and then Geordie. How he did it, no one knows. So many to choose from. He was so boring, people would pay no attention to what he was saying, and when he asked people to be his girlfriend, they just typed 'okay' as they'd been doing for the past two hours. But his main love was ASDA and their chocolate digestives. His mum melted the chocolate off though; the brown colour was too intense for a snack food. Tom spent many days at home, eating ASDA food, and thinking about ASDA. He was lonely sometimes, so he bought a mobile phone. It was put on silent straight away. But he didn�t hafta worry bout that, nobody rang him except when ASDA asked if he could work nights unpacking the loo roll. Until one night, he got a strange call from a man. He did not know who the man was, so he kept quiet. The man asked him if he wanted to meet for fun. Tom agreed. He was excited by the word fun. What did it mean?! He went home and started packing his fave things for this meeting. He didn�t dare ask his mum what fun was... last time he did he was told to stand in the shed for a week. Once his bag was packed, he went off for his secret meeting. Behind ASDA. There he met a guy called Simon who offered him fun in exchange for the keys to ASDA. Tom was unsure... he loved ASDA. But he just had to find out what fun was. They sneaked inside. Simon grabbed all the money from the tills and told Tom to run off with him if he wanted fun. Tom followed and they escaped down the motorway in a trolley. As they sped down the motorway, tom felt sad. The trolley was going too fast, and he had betrayed his beloved ASDA. But Simon promised him they would have fun. The police stopped the trolley. Simon told tom to go with them and they would take him to the fun. Tom was locked up in a cell and they called his mum. His sighed and stared at his ASDA badge. Would he be sacked? His mum came in furious and said she was sending him to military school where he'd have no fun with all those men around� He was happy he was going to military school. He would get a nice new brown uniform. But no ASDA. He decided there would be fun at the military school, as Simon had been such a nice guy, and surely he would not have lied about taking him to the fun? Tom tied to make fiends with the guys there and cleaning the floor was horrible! It was Tescos own cleaning brand! This was hell. He had to escape! He started to dig a tunnel with an ASDA plastic spoon he had been hiding in his shoe. The soil was nice and brown so it wasn�t too bad... after 4 days he escaped and tried to hitch hike... he got a lift with a weird cosmetic packer called Darren who gave tom a sample of his earthy brown range It was great. He decided to go and live with Darren. He looked as boring as Tom. And Darren said he would show him real fun and put Tom on the TV! Tom had never even watched TV, let alone been on it! The small red light on his camera took a while to get used to, but Tom realised he was a natural. His mum saw him on a billboard when she was riding her bike and fell off and ended up in hospital. The billboard was advertising a film. 'REAL trainspotting. 5 and a half-hours of Tom watching trains'. Tom was a film star! All the Z list celebs attended the premiere, here Tom experienced alcohol for the first time with a weird bloke called Gav who thought he was Bubble from big brother. Tom got an addiction and was at the pub every night from then on. He was always at the pub. And always with Gav. Darren got jealous and angry. He had made Tom who he was, after all! He needed revenge... So Darren slept with Tom�s mum after telling her he was a cobweb inspector. Soon she had a baby who would replace tom. Tom got jealous and wanted to come home. Tom's mom wouldn't let him. Tom had been corrupted by lights and music and she could no longer stand to have him around as he was now, it was just too heart breaking. She hated seeing him wearing clean socks and attempting to smile. This was bad. Tom was desperate. He knew the first step was getting his socks brown again... he still had some of Darren�s make up left. He put it all over him. He thought he looked great. And then, he tried to get back into ASDA. He begged the manager and they said he could come back if he cleaned the floors every night. He accepted! He used to love doing that! Next he had to persuade his mum to let him back home, she refused so he out his plan of sneaking in through the cat flap into action...He was skinny, as all he ate was brown things from ASDA. But he had plastered himself in so much make up, as he was trying to get through the cat flap, he got stuck. His face inside the house... the rest of him, not. |
| The End!!!! Thank God... |