| "She�s dressed as Pocahontas, we think she may have been a patient at the psychiatric ward at the local hospital. She also likes to claim she is Satan�' "We have 2 boys here, Karl and Luke who say THEY'RE friends with the victim. They�ve also encountered the attacker previously. They say she had spelling problems and grammar incorrectness. Found saved on a friend of the attackers computer, were conversations between her, Karl, Luke and the attacker. The conversations between the attacker and her friend were very violent arguments, about grammar, and who God and Satan really are. The FBI have been informed, the 'State' of Miami department, also owned by Karl's dad in England. Meanwhile, Karl�s father is under police suspicion after attempting to talk to the attacker and friend. Karl and Luke will be sent to a very good school, as all the attacks they have suffered have left them unable to spell." "Meanwhile the attacker, known as Satan is being held while her friend known as God is being hunted down by the SWAT team. We hope to have them both convicted and jailed by the end of the month, but they are criminal masterminds, and have managed to fool even the great Darren Seymour and Mozzy. Mozzy has been on the run from the police force after attempting to kidnap a band called Manic Subsidal. The band have never been heard of before. Mr Seymour has been misled into believing he has 2 girlfriends and has been a mental patient for the last few months. We have sent the best of the police after them: Deputy Doofy. Were holding his hoover at ransom which is said to hold deep meaningful clues to the case" "We have one witness to the attack, Adam Seymour. We are sure he will help us because with a head that size, he's sure to have a large brain. Adam is said to have mental problems and was disturbed during the birthing procedure. He�s keeping quiet to protect someone�s identity, police reckon that a bloke called Tom had earlier brainwashed the attacker 'Satan" which made her crazy. Tom is being hunted down by one of our trainee policeman, Simon. Simon is assisting Doofy on his mission. Together they�re an unstoppable force. They are using the �dribble and hoover� method. When Simon sees a clue, he will dribble as a sign, and then Doofy will use his hoover to take the clue" "Local nutter Marc, has spotted Tom on his front lawn. Marc grabbed a spanner and chased Tom down the street. "Tom looked at me and started speaking, he bored me so much I fell into a coma for 3 days." People are advised to keep as far away from Tom as possible, as just one look from him will turn you into stone. yes, he really is that boring. Schools have been sent out leaflets and videos warning them to never ever talk to Tom when approached. Always carry a big knife incase of an attack, although it�s rare. Don't be too worried though. Although he likes to talk people into total boredom and a comatose state, he does not do this by phone. But stalker Darren does unfortunately. Police have checked the area and had confiscated mobile phones from local residents" "Karl and Luke were spotted in the local park greasing the skate ramps incase Simon came by. When Simon is finished investigating the case, he is going to take over as Karl and Luke's teacher, because of his incredible intelligence. He has set up an afterschool workshop for exceptionally talented kids, hoping to steer them away from the local weirdos. Meanwhile, Satan has escaped from the police and is on the run to find God we believe. God is apparently living in small cave in Wales, protected by Welsh-Bloke and his sheep. They are said to be plotting something. Satan has been spotted in BreakLeg Boys hometown, apparently trying to break his other leg for revenge!" "An army tank has gone missing from the military unit. A name badge saying D. Seymour has been found next to the army gates, also an abandoned fork lift truck was spotted in a local ditch. If you see any tanks speeding down the road-KEEP AWAY! Darren is driving, and if you get too close he will pick you up and drive away to his 'film studio'. Semen Studios has a reputation for hardcore movies involving a popular porn star by the name of Higgins and his pet Seagull while his adopted daughter Mizua looks on. (The videos are sold at any good black market near you) The tank has last been spotted in some welsh field, where Tom was suspectedly spotted boring the local cows. The farmer is not happy, as his livestock has fallen into boredom and wont produce any milk." "Welsh-Bloke and the farmer are now putting together the 'WAT' group 'Wales Against Tom'. They will help protect God, Satan and sheep. Resident nutter Marc has fully recovered from his coma and is on his way to Wales to save Satan and God before Tom, Darren, Karl and Luke attack them, and Simon and Doofy arrest them. Meanwhile another hero is on his way to join the 'WAT' team... TBD from California!" TBD is known for his vicious attacks on unsuspecting stupid people around the world, and will be a valued member of the WAT team. Satan, God, Welsh Dude, and Farmer Mozzman are hiding in the cave. Outside the SWAT team, police, FBI, Karl, Luke Simon, and Doofy await with big guns. Tom and Darren wait in a bush in the army tank. They can�t escape." "But, then, this is Satan and God. They can do whatever the hell they want. God makes an earthquake, which conveniently splits the ground in two, so they cannot be reached. They have been reported to be last seen in Hell... and still have been plotting. Nutter Marc and TBD have apparently been spotted taking a different route and the police have them under arrest. Don�t be worried about them though, Marc and TBD are working on an elaborate escape plan, and are hoping to frame Simon, as, he really does not deserve to be out in the world. Marc's plan is 'quiet' and police are trying to bug him so they can track them down. Marc has been reported telling TBD he 'hasta be quiet'... police are tightening security as the hunt for God and Satan continues" �Darren and tom, were last seen, still in the bush. They seem to have formed a close relationship, and Darren has invited Tom to his studio. Tom had always wanted to entertain people, and being in the movies was a great opportunity. News just in: Tom has been found dead in Darren�s bedroom. It was the cause of watching himself on video and being bored to death. Darren has gone into hiding with his brainy son Adam, last seen outside early learning centre. Darren was spotted buying his soon a little spade, a tweenies bag, and a skipping rope. Soon after this, Tom's body mysteriously disappeared. Higgins is chief suspect at the moment, after apparently turning into a cannibal on some island he got stranded up a year ago. Police are watching back videos from Darren�s studio. More news in: 4 officers are reported dead, after watching videos of Tom. Dead bodies keep disappearing, and police are asking anyone who knows anything to come forward. Whoever is taking the bodies, would be a great help, as the cemeteries are getting full. It�s thought that this could coincide with the release of Tom's 'house of fun' film, the last thing he made before he died, that was just released." |
| "Marc and TBD have escaped from prison! They are headed towards the nearest Pizza Hut. Deputy Doofy is upset and wants his hoover back. He�s lonely since Simon 'disappeared'� Looking through Doofy's hoover bag, a copy of Tom's video was found, along with Simon's body. All copies of the video have been banned and burned. It is reported that Satan, God, Marc and TBD have clubbed together and are on the run again. But Karl and Luke want to play nananana Batman, and are chasing after them! Unfortunately, Luke and Karl caught up with TBD and Marc, and they have been roped into dressing as Batman and Robin. God and Satan are desperately working on a rescue plan. Satan and God have been seen dressed as sheep and are following the guys playing nanana Batman. Marc and TBD allegedly fought over who got to be Batman." "Marc and TBD have been rescued! They are currently also dressed as sheep, and were seen with God and Satan in a horse box going back to England. BreakLeg Boy gave his 1st interview today. He�s still in shock and wonders how the whole thing happened. "I dunno why this girl dressed as Pocahontas did it, I remember her saying she was bored or something!" BreakLeg Boy burst into tears at the end of the interview, and is emotionally distressed. Apparently, he is now scared of all Disney films" |
| The End!!! |
| 17 Year Old Schoolgirl in Savage Mallet Attack!!! |
| This story was inspired one boring evening online. Kayleigh and I were discussing how boring school is. I told her about this boy at school who keeps breaking his leg when he falls over, and that he hasn't done it for months now. So we thought i'd be funny if I broke his leg for him... -Warning- Included in this story is Karl & Luke - the retard brothers who call *us* retards, Doofy from Scary Movie who acts as a retard, & Simon from the BBS who actually is a retard. Kayleigh is God, and I am Satan. Karl & Luke just dont understand this... |