| Nat : �Goddamit! wheres dribbley simon?? � Kay: �He's probably having a shiter...� Nat: �Simon takes ages having a shiter, he was about half an hour the last time he went � Kay: �haha! Urgh, I'd hate to go in the bathroom when he�s done...� Nat: �He�s too weak to flush it properly. He has to force it down with his hands. Then he doesn�t wash his hands and starts typing to us� Kay: �I can't breathe i'm laughing so much!!!!!!� Nat: �Then he wipes the screen coz it looks dirty and wonders why its even dirtier than before� Kay: �hahahah! I'm gonna wet myself!� Nat: �Hang on, his mum wipes his arse, then she doesnt wash her hands when make his school lunch - weird family those Kirks.. Kay: �He thinks it's chocolate spread on his sandwiches... Ewww!� Nat: �Then he swaps lunches with his mate Ben at school� Kay: �And Ben eats it all up. And decides not to go near Simon ever again. � Nat: �Then Ben realises he likes Simon�s sarnies so much he goes round everyday for some nosh" |
| Simon's mom likes Ben very much. She took him to the bathroom and wiped his arse for him after noticing his shit stains all over his Adidas Slipknot trousers. Then Simon came in and got all jealous and hit his mom with the toilet duck bottle. His mom fell and hit her head off the toilet. Simon needed a shit, but her hair was blocking the bowl. So he shit in her hair anyway. But he couldn�t flush the toilet, so Ben and Simon had a plan, to eat his mum! They were just about to, when... Simon's dad came in! He saw all the chocolate spread everywhere and asked Simon if he was hungry. He said he was hungry. Simon ate a choccy sarnie and needed to have another shit. Simon always wanted a brother or sister so he asked daddy to have a baby. And since daddy was really a woman this was possible! And mummy was a monkey, it would be possible! The plan just might work� 'Daddy' put on his best dress, and put his make up on so he would look sexy Mummy jumped around the bathroom picking Simon�s nits and eating them. Daddy came in looking stunning and mummy was making mating noises. Mummy jumped on daddy, and gave him a big kiss. Ben felt left out. He got the toilet duck and poured onto mummy�s fur, mummy got angry and ate daddy. Simon screamed in his girly voice. Mummy ran towards Simon... Ben jumped in the way and got bitten by Simon�s nits who were also hungry. Ben was drained of nearly all of his blood by Simon's nit army and needed medical attention, so Simon put Ben on his scooter and he rollerbladed him to the hospital where Kay, Nazza and Maja were after shock of seeing Simon's bum! He had previously sent them a picture of his arse, which had disturbed them terribly. And the sight of seeing Simons shit splattered everywhere meant they needed help from some sexy young doctors. Simon got jealous of their flirting and ran up to one of the doctors (fortunately the ugliest one) and bit him. The doctor got rabies and Simon had to have a injection in his arse. The nurse saw his arse and fainted at all the shit. She tragically died after that terrible site. They got a zookeeper in to give Simon an injection. The zookeeper saw mummy the monkey rummaging through dustbins and fell in love. She was the most beautiful monkey in the whole world. She has to go to his zoo and make the zoo man happy. He got a great big net, and ran after the monkey. Simon was sad - they wanted to keep his mummy locked up in a cage. Simon was alone. He went off to the skate park where he saw Slipknot spitting and stuff. Simon was in love. Then Kay, Nazz and Maja came along. They saw Simon, and were disgusted. They tried to hide but Simon saw them. Simon came along on his blades and saw their masks. Kay, Nazz and Maja nicked the masks and burned them. They then decided to burn slipknot as well. Simon cried, then he started to chase them around the ramps. They ran as fast as possible, thank god Simon is a shit blader. He skated into Vicky who was having sex with J in the hedge. He saw Vicky and decided she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. And then he looked again, and realised that she was, in fact, hideous. The beautiful thing he saw was his arse reflection in a nearby puddle. J looked at Simon, and decided he was way better than Vicky, and tried to have sex with Simon instead. Simon was flattered and took his blades off so he wouldn�t injure J. Simon had a great time. Simon then got scared about what his brother Tobey would think about him cheating with J! Simon cried and put his blades back on. He skiddled along the busy motorway to Tobey�s house. Tobey lived in a shopping trolly near Sainsburys. He skated closer and closer to Tobey's trolley. Tobey was sleeping. Simon skated straight into the trolly and got his hand stuck in the bars. Tobey wheeled him into Sainsburys where Kay, Nazz and Maja were buying stuff. They saw Tobey the tramp and Simon the stalker. They got scared. They bought lots of insect repellent. They sprayed it everywhere and the SWAT team shut the shop down so everyone was stranded in the shop. This wasn�t very good� No, this wasn't very good at all. Very bad, in fact. Kay, Maja and Nazz were stuck in a shop with Simon and Tobey along with lots of other innocent shoppers. Then tom came along. He was supposed to be in Asda, but got mixed up. God knows why� then Simon started trying to beat him up with a loaf of bread and some instant hot chocolate. Then Simon realised that Tom was the toaster, and that he started to burn stuff when he came in contact with bread. Simon was burned, and started to cry. In fact, Simon flooded the place, and began to shit himself. This was bad. There was no ventilation or means of escape... They needed to get out. Or to kill Simon. They got a big carving knife and cut off Simon�s hand that was stuck in the trolly. His hand came to life...it crawled to the toilet paper section, got some Andrex and wiped Simon�s arse for him� about time too. Everyone was wondering...'how could such a good hand come from Simon?' until they realised the hand was evil. The hand got the shit stained toiler paper and chased people with it. Kay, Nazz and Maja hid in behind the crisps... Kay used her microwave powers to destroy the hand and its wicked ways. Now Simon was handless and couldn�t possibly ever make himself happy again, someone else would have to do it... Everyone agreed that Vicky should have this 'pleasure'. She came into Sainsburys through the ceiling. She was on her Tom stalking mission. She skipped along and Nazz was tempted to do something evil to Vicky, so she did. She pushed Vicky, who fell on top of Simon. Kay, Nazz and Maja all jumped on them. Simon got horny. Vicky got horny. Then Vicky got up and raced towards tom who was stacking Asda products in the bakery section. Tom screamed, and hid behind some baked beans. Vicky was looking round for Tom, when Nazz came and fly-kicked her in the back of the head! Vicky dribbled everywhere then all the bones broke in her body - she was now boneless. Simon cried even more. He needed the loo. Tobey took him into the gents. Simon looked confused... He didn't normally go to the gents... |
| The End!!! |
| One evening, Kayleigh and I were bored - as usual then. We wondered where sexy simon was and it developed into a story... |
| Simon, Slipknot, Sex & Sainsburys |