*It is a usual night in the G-Pub, everyone drinking their favorites...*

Amuro: And that's how you use the wire-guided bazooka thing. Understand?
Kira: But how am I going to use that? The Freedom doesn't have a bazooka.
Char: (slaps Kira) Your next MS will, in Athrun's Counterattack.
Or is it Cagalli's Counterattack?!
Camille: Just like the Destiny Gundam having a B.I.O.S.E.N.S.O.R.
Judau: And plans for MS Gundam Seed: DD with a more childish feel to it.
Kou: What about me?
Everyone: QUIET!!!
Usso: I forgot to mention the Destiny also has beam wings. Hikari no
Tsubasa... oh, squeeze me.
Everyone: *grumbles*
Athrun: (enters the pub) Hello, everyone.
Amuro: Heya, "Alex Dino".
Char: If you think about it, it's fortunate that that two-bit Gear Fighter 
director didn't go ahead and use the alias "Vas Deferens".
Kira: Last I heard he planned to, but changed it at the last minute.
Heard that alias would not sell as much MS kits as he thought.
Everyone: *assents*
Kou: What about the Dendr-
Everyone: SHUT UP ALREADY!
(A horde of Elpeo Ple clones run through the door, trample on Kou,
and exit through the back door, leaving a cloud of dust)
Ple clones: Puru puru puru puru puru puru puru puru~!!!
Everyone: *coughs*
Amuro: At least your pedo-loli Force came in useful this time...
Char: Thanks. So, who's up to tell the "weirdest-ass Gundam story" today?
Camille: You.
Char: Oh, no. Not me. Last time I got 65,535 positive reviews from
fanfiction.net for posting my adventures while shooting "Wild On!
Sweet Water". They thought it was a fanfic! A damned fanfic!
Heero: At least... there are more perverts in ff.net than yaoi junkies.
Kira: Blame that on me. I posted a link which said "Hardcore Yaoi Inside"
but was a fan-made 4koma featuring two forty-year olds smooching.
Everyone: EEEEEWWWWW.... *someone pukes in the distance*
[Note: The comic Kira refers to is this:
http://www.dra-mata.com/manga/4koma/old/alpha36.jpg]
Flaga: Kira, damn you, stop saying that. I haven't had my drink. That comic
literally gave me nightmares.
Char: Back to the loli after the drink!
Flaga: Yes, Ped-O Master.
Judau: Well, who's up to telling the story now?
Usso: I've told my troubles with the Shrike Team countless times.
Camille: Yeah, and that shota Lupe Cinneau cornering you and...
[gesticulates with hands]
Everyone: THAT'S SICK!
Judau: So whose turn is it?
Kou: (From floor) Mine?
Domon: NEVEEEER!!!!!!! (uses Bakunetsu God Finger on Kou, toastying him)
Kou: But I have a nice story about Nina and the Gundams and...
Zombie Nichol: (appearing from floor) Stop it, Kou. (drags Kou into Hell with 
him)
Kou: UWEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!
Zombie Nichol: (pops out from floor again) As it stands, it is you, Athrun 
Zala, who is tasked to do the storytelling tonight.

Athrun: Ok.
Everyone: *cheers*
Kira: Oh, no... you're going to tell it to them!
Athrun: Uh-huh.
Kira: But if you do, Sai will...
Sai: *pops out from hangover* Sai? Where Sai? What Sai? Unghhhh...
*passes out again*
Athrun: Who cares, they're both dead.
Zombie Nichol: I'm here, though.
Athrun: Eh...
Zombie Nichol: It is all right, Athrun.
Camille: Who's the red-headed zombie behind you, Kira?
Kira: (wheels around) Fllay?
Zombie Fllay: You can tell them, Athrun. (throws a book to Kira, but
Char catches it first, with NT *kapwing* included)
Char: (reading cover) "CE Kama Sutra, Coordinator Edition". Sadly, no 
under- *A 1/100 Die-cast Elmeth falls on his head, knocking him out.*
Amuro: *gives Kira back the book* Now that the distractions are gone,
(hides Elmeth remote control in coat) Athrun, tell your story.
Char: (gets back to his chair) Yeah... please do. (rubs lump)
(Zombie Nichol and Zombie Fllay both take seats near the jukebox and
set the music to "Sunrise" by Norah Jones. It figures, since Zombie
Nichol is a piano dude.)

Athrun: Well, we all know that Muu La Flaga is known for being the
"rorikon sukebe oyaji" for *accidentally* squeezing Cagalli Yula Atha's
buttocks under cover of darkness...
Flaga: It WAS an accident.
Char: Be quiet and resume your perusal of my new Sasami-chan collection.
Flaga: As you wish, master. (resumes reading)
Athrun: Anyway, though that much is known, its analog, the "shotacon 
sukebe onna" does exist.
Domon: Wasn't that some sort of... leban urgend?
Heero: 'Urban legend'. Heard of it. Is it true?
Athrun: It's true, and it happened. Right after we made it to Gibraltar,
the four of us: Yzak, Dearka, Nichol and myself went to a branch of the
G-Pub, with a certain dark-skinned, light-haired guy as bartender...
Dearka: And his sister-in-law was a hottie! Char, you should-
Yzak: *launches Tactical Legs on Dearka, quieting him* Continue, Athrun.
Athrun: And now, how the "shotacon sukebe onna" came to pass...

At the G-Pub Gibraltar, the ZAFT boys are busily drinking to a job well done.

Nichol Amalfi: You know, shooting down that civilian shuttle wasn't the
epitome of piloting skill.
Yzak Jule: Shut up, girly-boy. I've got my "awesome seiyuu powers" and 
"hot blood"; and that so~ pwns your puny Blitz to hell and back.
Nichol: I am NOT a girly boy, you sorry excuse for a Squaresoft
protagonist!
Yzak: I am not a Squall Leonheart clone!
Athrun Zala: These guys are at it again...
Dearka Elthman: Shut up, you guys.
Nichol: It's his fault... saying I'm a girly boy.
Athrun: Well, you ARE dubbed by a girl in the Philippine ver-
*THWACK*
Kira Yamato: *enters bar* Don't start on that, Athrun.
Athrun: Hey, why are you being so touchy about that, Kira? They
didn't screw your seiyuu up.
Kira: I know, but still... *sits down and starts drinking*
Nichol: (To Kira) That's bad for you, you know.
Kira: Yeah, I know, but we ARE Coordinators, after all. A few drinks
won't get me... *suddenly passes out*

*The rest of the ZAFT pilots continue to drink as Kira sleeps on the bar top.*

Athrun: Bartender, thanks for slipping my poor friend a mickey.
Bartender (Loran Cehack): No problem. But tell me, why'd you want to use
knockout drinks on this guy? Stealing the X105?
Dearka: Not really.
Nichol: If we won't take the X105 back, then why did you do THAT? 
(sees a note in Kira's hand, reads it.)
Athrun: Uh-oh...
Nihcol: (gasps out loud as he reads the contents of the letter - it was
from Athrun!!!)

Nichol: No, I WILL NOT DO THAT.
Athrun: Come on...
Yzak: Quit being a pansy, be a man!
Nichol: This has absolutely nothing to do with "Being a man".
Dearka: Yeah, we know.
Athrun: Nichol, I'm dead serious. You'll be dead by Episode 29.
Nichol: Eh?
Athrun: So that's why you have to do this. I don't want to send you
off without you having a taste of... the finer things in life.
Nichol: The Director will get angry!
Athrun: Screw that WaDum [see my 4koma crossover for details]. Don't
you know he has a penchant for killing off the nice characters and
leaving out the angsty ones?
Nichol: I guess... but what about that guy who you'll Shield Toss into
oblivion?
Athrun: Him? He's got a girlfriend. Dearka will get his on the back-
*THWACK*
Dearka: I heard that, you...
Athrun: Sorry. Anyway, you should go ahead and do it.
Nichol: But you guys haven't done anything of the sort.
Athrun: I can vouch for everyone here; I haven't gotten laid. Yet.
(Everyone gapes at Athrun.)
Nichol: Even I don't brag about that fact about me, Athrun; I salute your
bravery.
Athrun: (I'll get laid in between SEED and SEED Destiny. Now you know my
secret, you really do have to get killed off.)
Nichol: Oh. Sorry.
Athrun: At least we're inexperienced, not unlike those two.
(Yzak and Dearka blush.)
Nichol: Yzak? You?! I can't believe it... you and that mute girl 
in our class, Shiho?
(Nichol gets *THWACK*ed with a road sign by Shiho.)
Shiho: *Holds up a sign saying "He was there, I was there, it was there.*
Yzak: Look, are we going to show off our amorous exploits, or are we going
to help our poor friend Nichol here...
Shiho: *thwacks Yzak in the nose*
Dearka: Yzak, do not make your girlfriend angry.
Yzak: She's no- (sees Shiho with a bilboard in hand) Yes, she is. So what 
now?
Athrun: I think this is where Nichol uses his Mirage Colloid-esque
disguising abilities.
Nichol: ok... Fine.

(Nichol carries Kira to a back room)
Loran: So... what do you plan to do with Yamato?
Dearka: We'll cart him back to the Archangel. (And why am I reminded of that
girl who also works the bar here?)
Loran: (whispers to Dearka) You know, if you want another go with my
sister-in-law, it's fine with me...
Yzak: Come on, Dearka, let's go. (pulls away a blushing Dearka)
Dearka: Go where?
Athrun: To the Archangel, of course! 
Dearka: N-now?
Athrun: You don't think I know you're seeing Sochie Heim on the side? 
Nichol~ come out. Let's see you.
(Nichol Amalfi appears wearing Kira Yamato's standard uniform; his hair 
is dyed brown and gelled to perfection a la Kira's hairdo.)
Yzak: STRIKE! This can't be happening.
Dearka: Very impressive.
Athrun: So, want to get going to the Archangel? Nichol, you take the 
X105 Strike.
Nichol: ...grumble... Fine...

(At the desert where the Archangel landed, it is nightfall.)
Athrun: Ok, Kira, you know what to do.
Nichol: I know. I angst about the shuttle and start crying. What do I
do then?
Athrun: Here. (slips Nichol the "CE Kama Sutra Coordinator Edition")
Nichol: (leafing through pages) OMG. WTF. BBQ.
Athrun: NICHOL! Now is not the time to nosebleed while reading that!
I don't want you to show them you're weak in the poop, ok? Show 'em,
Nichol. For great justice.
Yzak: Remember, Nichol, eastmost peninsula is the secret.
Dearka: Also, you're a bad enough dude to protect the PLANTs. And 
get laid. (hand gestures Nichol)
Nichol: Ok. Wish me luck, guys. (hand gestures the three of them)

(As Nichol runs through the halls of the Archangel, Athrun and the others
bring in Kira through a supply vent.)

Yzak: This bastard is heavy.
Athrun: Yeah, but he's not as heavy like the last time I had to drag his
drunken ass home after some chick dumped him.
Dearka: ...quiet...
Athrun: Kira knows his part of the bargain, now let's go.

(The rest of Episode 15-16's events take place, according to plan...)

A new day dawns for the Archangel, with Kira crying out his angst on
Fllay Allster's shoulder, who aims on using his Coordinator powers as
a means of revenge against Coordinators. But this morning, a startling
revelation will reveal an unnerving secret...

(Fllay sleeping in her room, wearing her birthday suit, obviously...)
(A silhouette stands up, and starts putting on clothes... you can see the
"CE Kama Sutra Coordinator Edition" scattered nearby, and a pair of blue
contact lenses)
Fllay: (sultry, husky voice) Kira? Is that you? Good morning...
???: Good... morning... eh...

(As the sun finally shines... Fllay sees the face of the guy she spent the
night with...)
Fllay: (Panic mode) You... you're not... YOU'RE NOT KIRA!!!

(Nichol instantly high-tails it out of the room wearing nothing but two 
throw pillows with Fllay chasing him in nothing but a bed sheet.)

Nichol: I'm sorry! Really! Honest!
Fllay: Get back here, you!

(Fllay finally corners Nichol in a corner of the Archangel...)
Nichol: Please! Don't hurt me! My friends told me I'd die soon...
Fllay: No, that's not why I'm angry at you...
Nichol: It isn't? Why?
Fllay: BECAUSE YOU ARE FREAKING FIFTEEN YEARS OLD! I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF!
NOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CALL ME A CRADLE SNATCHER! A DAMNED SHOTACON!
(Nichol sweatdrops.)
Nichol: Actually, I'm still fourteen. My birthday is the day after tomorrow.
Fllay: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Kira dashes to the hangar, sends out the Strike to battle the BuCUE's, and 
Nichol finds the Blitz cached nearby by Athrun and the gang, with Fllay's aid.)

Nichol: Thanks for not telling anyone.
Fllay: It's ok. (kisses Nichol) Now get going.
Nichol: ??? (blushes) Why are you helping me?
Fllay: (whispering) Because for a fourteen-year-old who will die in fifteen 
episodes, you sure are a monster in the sack.
Nichol: Thanks again.
Fllay: Advanced happy birthday, Nichol. (winks)
Nichol blushes again, and leaves.

*Back at the G-Pub...*

Athrun: So, that's how Fllay Allster became the "Shotakon Sukebe Onna",
guys.
Camille: Whoa... now that is a different SEED Episode 15 and 16 I've seen.
Amuro: Looks like someone's out to beat your record, Char.
Char: At least she's a shota-con, not a loli-con like myself.
Usso: Anyone call a pimp?
Amuro: Well, now. Your grandson beckons.
Char: (scratches head) People in the time of the Zanscares are Shotacons...
You guys in the CE are damn lucky.
Everyone: (nods head)
Kou: Help!
(Zombie Nichol stuffs a giant carrot inside Kou's eye socket and drags him
back down to Hell, with Zombie Fllay following him)
Char: I hope that's the last we see of him. (puts away Bug remote)
Amuro: What? And lose the butt of our jokes? Besides, with the nature of the
G-Pub, Kou'll be back. He'd better.
Athrun: That reminds me... where's Mark?

*end skit*






P.S.
Mark: What about me? ...you guys... you guys... HELP!!!
*Mark gets dragged by Ivan Raidenovich Raikov into a bush*
*"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is played while the bush rustles*