The Stella Awards
The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin
awards. Except, people
end up paying for these jerks...
Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on
herself and
sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella"
Award
- for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. January 2000:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a
jury of her
peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who
was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
bastard was
Ms.Robertson's son.
2. June 1998:
A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
wheel of the
car, when He was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998:
A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a
house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able
to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting
the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation.Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted
on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog
food. He sued
the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him
undue mental
anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million
dollars.
4. October 1999:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500
and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his
next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in
it's owner's
fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the
jury felt the
dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by
Mr. Williams
who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster,
Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her
coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson
threw it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the
owner of a night
club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front
teeth. This
occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the
window in the
ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was
awarded
$12,000 and dental expenses.
And the winner is:
Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr.
Grazinski
purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his
first trip
home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control
at 70 mph and
calmly, left the drivers seat to go into the back and make
himself a cup
of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway,
crashed and
overturned. Mr.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him
in the
handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded
$1,750,000
plus a new Winnie.
(Winniebago actually changed their handbooks on the basis of
this court
case, just in case there are any other complete morons
buying their
vehicles)