| Nite of the suicide |
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| On the night of the 1st of March, 2003 |
| Oh! what a great pain inside when this morn', I got out of my safe bed 'Twas if I had used every chance I ever had I can't recall much of last night Yet far more than I would like Where I once sat, in the joy of a drink with my mates For since a long time past with a pleas'rous feeling Discussing us and ours in mentionable debates Was all in vain; 'twas memories they were stealing Even it was hard for me to see; Maybe 'twas nothing more than an accident-prone But a few thoughts away I was left alone Yet for the great emptiness that swamped into me And it pressed hard upon my soul And the blackness of it covered me whole It was feeling like loosing all whom I ever loved If it were not that still they were there Yet far from generous care And nay, 'twas not for first; it happened more 'oft The love I sent never seemed to be received But then years ago before it all was from me bereaved I've been like this for I don't know how long And ever alone, never one walked along I think, where I still sat, I drowned away in my sorrow And none dragged me out of my void, they just didn't cared Thus I pondered if I whether or not would see tomorrow Sometimes in a glimpse I caught them as they stared With eyes so cold, not with disgust And quickly back to one other Without ever caring to bother Thus for even that they might knew it, they broke my trust And I ask them no pardon neither excuse; For that is their play of abuse Now in the morninglight I stand With my last poem in my hand I rethink it all without haste Never do they know how desperation does taste Abandoned from their eyes I am, abandoned from this world I shall be I am not missed now, so whoever shall No one would heed if I'd ever fall And the beauty in my person, oh! never one shall't see If only 'twere for Sylvaenor Starlight who saw the light in me And to my doors of reluctant joy and freedom she was the key But she's so far from here, farther than I'd like to recall Just the same as them others all So my last decision has been made Yea this night I shall fade Every minute of life hurts so much Never felt anything anything before alike such And I am not afraid; I shall walk through the fire Maybe now my 'friends' shall find a way to admire And then I never shall be alone For I shall remembered as a name carved in stone; "Here lies the fragments of a NiteAngyl, Even though he's gone for good We hate him still" |