Anyone familar with the New Definitions round on "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue!" will know exactly what this is all about. New meanings for terms and names seen on Star Trek (any incarnation, yes including the Animated Series if you like). Heck, you can even make them groaners if you like. Here are some to start off with:

"Shinzon" - medical term used to announce the completion of successful tibial reconstructive surgery.
"Kai" - a dairy farm animal from Ireland.
"Phaser" - slang term for a phased energy firearm invented by former Steps singer Faye Tozer. See also "Phase Pistol".
"Picard Manoeuvre" - how to get a nosebleed the easy way.
"Kira Nerys" - any alien from Wales.
"Dr. Phlox" - disc jockey at Capital FM in London, presents the Pepsi Chart Show.
"Bajor" - what Captain Sisko calls Kira when he has a cold.
"Qo'noS" - the leading Klingon wrist-watch manufacturer.
"Quark" - a self-important sub-atomic particle who isn't nearly as clever as he thinks he is.

By John A. Lang on Sunday, December 15, 2002 - 08:25 pm:

"Kirk" - The ability to seduce women.
"Troi" - (Verb) A heavenly body. (Noun) a goddess.
"Rand" - A term to describe sexy legs.
"Temporal Anomoly" - Headache

By Sven of Phil might like these on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 08:13 am:

"Talarian" - Ancient Tellarite phrase meaning "a desire to start war."
"Tarellian" - Ancient Tellarite phrase meaning "a desire to mate."
"Terellian" - Ancient Tellarite phrase meaning "a desire to have lunch."

By Sven of Move Along Home! on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 08:14 am:

"Calamarain" - a traditional playground rhyme, involving rhythmic skipping and jumping on marked stones, first heard among young octopi of school age.

By Sven of oh no not more on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 08:19 am:

"Captain Terrell" - in Tellarite it means "he who lunches frequently." Incidentally, the subject of the funniest pun on the Tellarite homeworld.

By Will on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 11:24 am:

Earl Grey Tea; the only surviving tea remaining as of the 24th century.

EMH; Former top 30 hits radio station in Boise Idaho, EMH 96.5 Hits FM, later referring to a narcisistic Emergency Medical Hologram.

Shuttlecraft; Self-replicating sentient spacecraft aboard USS Voyager that outnumber the Vulcan contingent of the crew by a factor of 6 to 1.

V'Ger; See 'Creator'.

Creator; See 'V'Ger'.

47; Most prevalent numeral in human history and most likely the meaning of existence itself.

Russia; Country where everything was invented. EVERYTHING, people, and that's final!!!!!

Enterpriski; Name of famous starship had it actually been invented in Russia.

Somekinda; Term used when somekinda thingamabob has somekinda power that somekinda starship crew has never encountered before, in somekinda distant part of somekinda galaxy.

Scotch; Alcoholic beverage invented by 89-year old Mabooshka Skorenchenkov, a little old lady from Leningrad.

Jake Sisko; King of poetry.

By Sparrow47 on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 03:50 pm:

Re: 47... darn straight!

By John A. Lang on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 04:36 pm:

"Deep Space Nine" - A place of sheer boredom
"7 of 9" - Size of a female's clothing versus her actual size & measurements.
"Janeway" - To indulge on coffee
"Borg" - Season ender
"Continuity" - Unknown subject to Trek database

By Sven of Nine with a hint of Groan on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 05:45 pm:

"Dr. Crusher" - instrument wielded by the fanatical extremist anti-medicalisation brigade for torturing purposes. See also "Dr. Bashir"
"John Archer" - term given to any male human trained in the ancient sport of trick urination.
"T'Pau" - ancient and revered Vulcan pop group.
"George and Gracie" - played Mr. Sulu and Yeoman Rand on "Star Trek"

By Sven again on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 05:52 pm:

"France" - republic of Western Europe on Earth, conquered by the British at some point after the 21st Century.

"Today" - A good day to die.

"Victory" - See "Life"

By Sven of Nine of Borg on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 05:59 pm:

"Resistance" - See "futility"

By Sparrow47 on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 06:41 pm:

LOL, Sven!

"Deep Space Nine" (revised)- General term for any area left virtually unprotected in the face of an imminent invasion.

By John A. Lang on Monday, December 16, 2002 - 07:54 pm:

"Leslie" -The ability to rise from the dead

"Uhura" -Term for hot chocolate.

Let's not forget:

"Scpipt": A word that is incorrectly spelled and goes unnoticed for an extended period of time.

"Spawnk": A misspoken word during a drama.

"Gumato": An animal that can change its name without notice

"Kowel": To forget someone's name & call them by someone else's name for an entire day.

"Uhuru" A word that is spelled incorrectly for a big budget film and goes unnoticed.

By Sven of Nine in a bed on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 11:14 am:

"Okmyx" - An eight-way orgy.

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 08:45 pm:

"Tuesday"- Parts arrival schedule from an orbital shipyard.

"Prime Directive"- Important rule to follow...when you feel like it.

"McCoy"- When you're a CMO & NOTHING ELSE! Not a bricklayer, escalator, flesh peddler or engineer. You get that?!

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 08:50 pm:

"Wesley"- Troublesome smart-alec.

"Worf"- To consider your homeworld to be alien to you, yet to practice beliefs, activities & rituals from that homeworld.

"Data"- To use contractions when you're not supposed to.

"Picard"- To tug at one's uniform often.

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, December 17, 2002 - 09:24 pm:

"Harriman" - To gawk & to dawdle, even if they're thousands of lives at stake.

"Scotty"- A miracle worker

"Cat"- Female changling

"Spot"- A cat than can change its gender at will.

By I.... am.... Sven of... NINE! on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 10:40 am:

"Gul Madred" - Derogatory term for someone who is clueless, which translates in Tamarian as: "The lights are on, but there are only four of them."

By stevegoad on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 04:15 pm:

Spock - The ability to disregard logic when it seems as though it might be logical to do so.

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 04:44 pm:

"McCoy" (addition) Not a moon shuttle conductor either!

By Sparrow47 on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 08:40 pm:

Just remember, stevegoad, Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 09:30 pm:

"Kirk" (addition) To parade your bare "He-Man" chest in certain situations.

"Edo" Birthplace of Bill Theiss

"Holodeck" Invention by Richard Daystrom...and if you know what means, you'd better stay clear of the thing.

By Sven of Nine on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 08:14 am:

"Wesley Crusher" - weapon of Snipes destruction.

"Khan" - genetically-engineered eater of scenery.

"Voyager VI" - disappeared due to a space phenomenon and reappeared at the other side of the galaxy, its mission being to return to Earth while, on its way, acquiring modern technology. Made an appearance in a largely disappointing "Star Trek" feature at a time when fans wanted more Trek.

"USS Voyager" - disappeared due to a space phenomenon and reappeared at the other side of the galaxy, its mission being to return to Earth while, on its way, acquiring modern technology. Made an appearance in a largely disappointing "Star Trek" feature at a time when fans wanted more Trek.

By Sven again on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 08:19 am:

"Horta" - one ugly-looking alien mother

By Sven again on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 08:42 am:

"First Contact" - episode where, following a disastrous undercover mission to a primitive 21st-Century alien world, Picard must violate the Prime Directive and assimilate that race into the Borg collective in order to rescue his injured drone Riker and prevent their first warp-powered flight. Or something.

"Emissary" - episode where Worf has an encounter with an old lover, the half-human half-alien Benjamin Sisko, during a mission to subdue an old Klingon ship full of warriors who believe the Cardassians still occupy Bajor. Or something.

By Will on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 11:48 am:

Fat Tribble; Life form that hasn't heard of Jenny Craig.

Harry Mudd; What you see when Chewbacca or a 10-foot tall ape-thing falls into a puddle.

Guinan; Only woman in the galaxy that likes to listen more than talk. OOOOOOOO!!! SORRY! SORRY! Just a joke, really!

Sulu; Super-famous celebrity of the 23rd century that went by a single name. See also; Cher; Rembrandt, Linus.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 05:02 pm:

RE: SULU...he did call himself "Hikaru Sulu" in STVI.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 05:06 pm:

"Lazarus" - To fall off a cliff several times and survive with only a few scrapes & cuts. (See Wile E. Coyote)

"Shanya" - A mega-babe

"Losira" - TV tube fadeout effect seen in the 60's

"Alpha Quadrant" - Section of the galaxy patrolled by ONE Starship.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 05:21 pm:

"Molly" - A child who ages faster than it should.

"Transporter" - A fountain of youth or aging...depending on the need. Also a semi-reliable piece of equipment used for away missions. (Probably another Daystrom invention)

"Galileo" The name that appears on ALL shuttlecrafts on Kirk's Enterprise...no matter what they're really called.

By Matthew Patterson (Mpatterson) on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 07:36 pm:

Linus also has a last name; it's Van Pelt.

By LUIGI NOVI on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 07:59 pm:

John A. Lang: "Troi" - (Verb) A heavenly body. (Noun) a goddess.
Luigi Novi:

Friend 1: "Yo, how�d that blind date go, man? I heard she was totally kollos."
Friend 2: "Hell no, she was gorgeous!"
Friend 1: "Really?"
Friend 2: "Yeah, man, she was totally troi."

John A. Lang: "Kirk" - The ability to seduce women.
Luigi Novi:

Friend 1: "Well, how did it go?"
Friend 2: "How did it go? What do you mean �how did it go�? I kirked her."
Friend 1: "Geez, just like that? Man, you�re bad."
Friend 2: "Geez, don�t be such a barclay."
Friend 1" "Oh, go kobayashi yourself."
Friend 2: "Hey!"

John A. Lang: "McCoy"- When you're a CMO & NOTHING ELSE! Not a bricklayer, escalator, flesh peddler or engineer. You get that?!
Luigi Novi: LOL.

John A. Lang: "Holodeck" Invention by Richard Daystrom...and if you know what means, you'd better stay clear of the thing.
Luigi Novi: Fan of The Rift, eh?

Sven of Nine: USS Voyager" � Made an appearance in a largely disappointing "Star Trek" feature at a time when fans wanted more Trek.
Luigi Novi: Voyager never appeared in a feature.

Some Additional Terms and Definitions:
Deep Space Nine: [Bajoran] Place of great writing, three-dimensional characters and plots with long-term consequences.

Freedom: [Borg] Irrelevant.

Self Determination: [Borg] Irrelevant.

Death: [Borg] Irrelevant.

Other uses of Trek-derived terms:
Daughter: "Bye, Mom, I�ll see you later!"
Mom: "Gasp! What�s that you�re wearing??"
Daughter: "Nothing, it�s just a nice little seven I picked up at the ferengi."
Son (muttering): "Yeah, �nothing� is the operative term."
Daughter: "Why don�t you just riva it? Don�t be such a campio. Dumb q."
Son: "At least I�m not dressed all edo like you are."
Mom: "That�s enough. Son, you keep working on your English paper. And you better proofread it. You don�t want it to look all braga when you hand it in tomorrow.
Son: "Nah, don�t worry, Mom. I went over all the weak spots and just hologrammed it."
Mom: Sigh. As for you, young lady, I�m not going to let you go out looking like some cheap theiss!"
All: "GASP!!"
Daughter: "I can�t believe you called me that! I got this seven at a bargain! I paid almost quark for it!"
Mom: "I don�t care if you paid ODO�ITAL for it, you march right upstairs and put on something less revealing right now! I�m not gonna let you go out dressed like that and end up getting kirked and rikered. And make sure you keep your communicator with you in case you get voyagered."

By John A. Lang on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 08:43 pm:

John A. Lang to Luigi----LOL That was good!
Leave it to you to come up with sentences like that using our "dictionary"!

By LUIGI NOVI on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 09:00 pm:

Thank you.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 09:21 pm:

"Defiant" - CPR for DS9

"Trill" - An entity who really doesn't give a rip about who's body it incorprates, just as long as the body has opposable thumbs.

"Companion" - See Hedford

"Bridge" - Target for enemy vessels to hit...especially the bubble dome.

"Red Shirt" - Terminal occupation.

"Riker"- To have a gorgeous woman sit in front of you every day and totally ignore her.

"Lwaxana" - To have the panting hots for members of the opposite sex.

By Sven`s Vacation Replacement on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 06:57 am:

Luigi: Voyager never appeared in a feature.

"Star Trek: Voyager" WAS the feature, AFAIAC. (And, unlike Sven, I actually liked it.)

MattPatt: Linus also has a last name; it's Van Pelt.

You mean "Torvalds"?

By John A. Lang on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 06:58 am:

"Theiss-ware" - Any outfit that has strategically pieces of fabric missing to reveal significant portions of beefcake or cheesecake on a person.

"Shields" - Protective energy barrier that's supposed to protect Starships but rarely does. Especially # 4 shield. (Probably another Daystrom invention)

By Sparrow47 on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 10:58 am:

Anyone else noticing the subtle conflict emerging the quality of DS9? Oh boy!

And for the record, I'm a-goin' with Luigi's definition.

"Temporal Cold War"- BEST EXCUSE EVER! I mean, just imagine it... "Hodgkins! Where's that report? You told me you had finished it yesterday!" "Well, yes, Mr. Forbes, but I think it was erased in the Temporal Cold War..."

By Sven`s Vacation Replacement on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 12:20 pm:

No, Sparrow, I think Sven would much prefer your definition of Deep Space Nine!

Though, for the record, here's *Sven's* definition:

"Deep Space 9" - Old Cardassian bicycle-wheel used to house people and docking ships.

And one of mine:

"Gaseous anomalies, charting" - Second-best excuse ever! (see "Star Trek VI" and "The Pegasus" [TNG])

By LUIGI NOVI on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 01:14 pm:

Thanks, Sparrow.

Luigi: Voyager never appeared in a feature.

Sven`s Vacation Replacement: "Star Trek: Voyager" WAS the feature, AFAIAC.
Luigi Novi: "Star Trek Voyager" was a series, not a feature. "Feature" refers to theatrically-released movies.

By LUIGI NOVI on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 01:14 pm:

Or is that how the word is used in the UK?

By Sven`s Vacation Replacement on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 02:22 pm:

Correct. I.... think. I'll need to ask Sven once he comes back.

By Sven`s Vacation Replacement on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 02:30 pm:

Well, once phone call later, and he said:

"Feature" - any grand Star Trek project, for example: film, TV series as a whole, video game, novel or series of novels.

Well, I suppose this board isn't called "new definitions" for nothing, eh?

By LUIGI NOVI on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 04:42 pm:

Well, I didn't know we were trying to come up with new definitions for words like "feature."

When he says, "Feature" - any grand Star Trek project, for example: film, TV series as a whole, video game, novel or series of novels", is he quoting some reference source?

By S.V.R. on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 04:59 pm:

Anyway....

By John A. Lang on Friday, December 20, 2002 - 10:42 pm:

"Kirkism" - To speak with dramatic delays.
"Kirk-Fu" - A flying kick
"Spockchop" - To knock someone out with a punch when you have a Vulcan Nerve Pinch that you can use.
"Suluism" - 1. To try and grab a sword or other weapons with your bare hand. 2. To make goofy looks with your face when given a stimulant or under alien control.
"Mears" - a bunny hop from a chair to the floor.
"Landon" - A high kick used by female yeomen.

By S.V.R. on Saturday, December 21, 2002 - 02:36 am:

"Helen Noel" - Comes but once a year....

By John A. Lang on Saturday, December 21, 2002 - 04:01 pm:

"Trekflip" - Any flipped image seen on "Star Trek"

"Miri" - To be older than you actually appear.

"Droxine" - Power emitted by scantily clad alien babes that compel men to tell the babes everything about them...including personal items.

"Afterlife effect" - Any Sickbay monitor that still shows life functions even if the patient is halfway across the room.

By John A. Lang on Saturday, December 21, 2002 - 10:26 pm:

"Kirk-tear" - To have your shirt torn during hand to hand combat.

"Miramanee" - "Trekohontas"

"Zarabeth" - Cavewoman with curls

"History" - Events which can be altered at will. See: "Time"

"T'Pring" - The sound of a Vulcan gong.

"T'Pau" (revised) - The sound of one Vulcan hitting another.

"T'Lar" - A Vulcan cowardly lion named "Bert"

"T'Pol" - A survey taken on Vulcan

By John A. Lang on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 08:39 am:

"Scott-time"- To multiply your repair time by a factor of 4.

"Uhuredial"- To repetitively hail a person, ship or alien until you make contact.

"Practicality Circuit"- Device that adjusts your ship's weapons or away team posture to be more effective against an attack.

"Posture Circuit" - Device that adjusts a person's body after transporting.

"McCoyed" - To declare he /she /it/ is dead.

"McCoyism" -Verbal jabs at alien beings that borders on racism.

"Dumbwarp" -Warp factors so high that the ship canna' take it.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, January 02, 2003 - 09:47 pm:

Romulan- To cross a forbidden area back and forth as you dang please.

Borg- (addition) To attack in one single vessel.

Cardassian- A man who has 4 lights on at the same time.

Dominion- Worm hole menace

By Will on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 11:14 am:

Jem'Hadar; Rare jewlery sold on The Shopping Channel.

Odo; What you sound like when you say 'Oh, no!', when you have a head cold.

Mirror-Universe; A very, very, very, very BIG store that just sells mirrors.

Sherman's Planet; Original title of 'The Jeffersons', starring Sherman Helmsley.

7 of 9; What you get when you subtract 22% from the number 9.

Nanoo-nanoo; Formal greeting from the Deltan, Ilia, until ABC stole the idea and gave it to Mork from Ork first.

Half a gallon of scotch; Amount of alcohol Scotty ordered on Melkot. Whether or not that was just his order, or if he was going to share it with Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Chekov...well, that's debateable.

By Sven of Whiskas on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 11:38 am:

Seven of Nine - the number of cat owners who preferred "Star Trek: Voyager" to their normal brand of sci-fi.

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 01:22 pm:

"Kirk-flip" 1. Any flipped image of Captain Kirk. 2. Any strategic hand to hand fighting manuver performed by Kirk.

By John {Q} Lang on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 01:28 pm:

FROM THE CONTINUUM:

"Q-ed" To be caught off guard by someone's immediate arrival.

"Q-Express" The ride of over 1,000 light years in a moment from your original position.

"Q-Flash" The light effect used by Q's appearance / disappearance

"Q-Tip" A hint to any solution provided by provided by Q.

"Q-Less" The feeling you get when Q vanishes.

"Deja Q" The be visited by Q more than once in a day.

By Sven of True. on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 01:58 pm:

"We'll Always Have Paris" - little-known episode of Voyager where Tom discovers a fountain of eternal life.

"Torres" - a term for the stock names used in the early days of Next Generation scripts that are later recycled for use in a future series or episode or film. See also "Dax", "Janeway".

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 11:09 pm:

"Janeway" To travel at slow speeds when trying to get home in a hurry.

"Sisko" To shave yourself bald.

"Saavik" To change your facial appearance

"T'Pel" To somehow slip by all security & steal valuable secrets.

"Bozeman" To repeat the same events for several days.

By Adam on Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 05:18 pm:

"Berman" To destroy something of depth and character by concentrating purely on its appearence

By John A. Lang on Sunday, January 05, 2003 - 09:28 pm:

"Journey's End" --A farewell tour for Steve Perry & his band.

"Preemptive Strike"---The SGA's wage negotiations break down.

"Sub Rosa"--A Hispanic naval commander, commanding under the sea.

"Dark Page"--Writer's block at Paramount.

"Starship Mine"---A shaft on a Starship where you find dilithium crystals.

By Will on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 11:10 am:

"Doomsday Machine"; Term given to a wife when she discovers her husband has had an affair; forgotten her birthday; forgotten their anniversary, etc.

"Charlie X'; Tenth movie of the classic "Charlie" tv series.

"The Savage Curtain"; Collection of nasty native people from 'Gilligan's Island' that arrived on the island and wanted to hang drapes in the Castaway's huts, until the Professor built a thermo-nuclear device consisting of some nails, bamboo, and plutonium, and blowed them up real good.

"Turnabout Intruder"; Someone that breaks and enters your home, then leaves immediately after he realizes you have nothing of value.

"The Best Of Both Worlds"; See 'Malcolm Reed'.

By Sven of Nine on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 01:03 pm:

"Bread and Circuses" - that which Paramount produces to keep the starving Trek fanbase alive.

"Where No Man Has Gone Before" - the ladies' room.

"Charlie X" - one of the most potent illegal drugs available on the black market.

"Spock's Brain" - Irony.

"That Which Survives" - Star Trek (for now at least...)

By Sven again on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 04:20 pm:

"Genesis Device" - highly destructive invention that has the capability to destroy - or create - life on a planet by playing Phil Collins songs.
(Hence the phrase "How can you be deaf with ears like that?!" )

By Sven yet again on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 04:38 pm:

"Year of Hell" - pagan tradition where, for a whole Bajoran year once every 13 years, the inhabitants of Bajor dress up as neo-renaissance impressions of the Kosst Amojan, other Pah-wraiths, or demons, devils, and other beasts of the underworld from other known cultures. Or Cardassians.

"Kirk" - old Scots term for a church.

"Spock" - paediatrician and author of "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care".

"McCoy" - the 7th Doctor.

By Sven of oh no on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 04:44 pm:

"Chekov" - Starfleet ensign who insists he wrote "Uncle Vanya", "The Cherry Orchard" and "The Three Sisters" among others.

"Uhura" - Gesundheit.

By Sparrow47 on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 04:58 pm:

"Fuzzy Math"- Calculations that allow the Enterprise-A to make the trip to the center of the universe in days, the Enterprise-D to make the same journey in two years, and to top it all off, the Voyager to travel 70,000 light-years in 70 years.

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 08:50 pm:

"Year of Hell" (alternate) Any season of "Star Trek" which features less than quality episodes.

"Power Play" A drama on stage about Commonwealth Edison.

"Yesterday's Enterprise" The unknown version of the Starship Enterprise commanded by Captain Calvin Yesterday. (Seen on the back wall of the Rec Room in STTMP)

"Too Short a Season" Any sports-related event cancelled by a strike.

"The Big Goodbye" A 300 lb. person who's surnamed "Goodbye".

"Heart of Glory" Organ transfer from someone surnamed "Glory"

"Pen Pals" 2 pigs who are friends put into an area filled with mud.

"Lower Decks" The poker cards on the bottom shelf in Riker's room.

By ScottN on Monday, January 06, 2003 - 09:19 pm:

"Too Short a Season" (alternate) Any season of Futurama truncated because of preemption by (American) football.

By Sven of Nine not again on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 02:02 am:

"Too Short a Season" (another alternate) - See also "The Next Generation, season 2".

By Will on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:20 am:

"Too Short A Season" (and another alternative) - See also 'Doctor Who' seasons, where there are usually only 14 to 20 episodes a year.

Cheekoof; The closest approximation given to the proper name, 'Chekov', by really ugly 'girls' with bad teeth on Triskelion.

Beautiful; A shiney, silver tray.

Rear-end Slap; Something that's okay to do with a man, but not with a lady, because there's no 'right way' to hit a lady.

Girl; Retro term given to adult women age 30 and over in the 23rd century.

Lore; Name given to the android that was Data's predessecor, after Dr.Soong decided that people might talk if he built his original android, Laurie.

Sulu; Sound made when you slurp your spahgetti.

By Sven of Nine`s implants on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:40 am:

"Hikaru Sulu" - sound made when you choke on a piece of spaghetti because you slurped too much.

"Montgomery Scott" - a variety of hard-fat cheese originating from either Scotland or Canada.

"Suliban" - why George Takei is no longer allowed on television.

By Sven of Nico on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:44 am:

"Reed" - performed with the Velvet Underground.

"Tucker" - also performed with the Velvet Underground.

By Sevn of Nnie on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:50 am:

"Lore" - term given to describe any malicious manipulator of data.

By Sven of addendum on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 12:08 pm:

"Tasha Yar" - term given for any inadvertent manipulation of data.

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 10:42 pm:

"Garrovick" To come back alive after being disinigrated from a phaser blast.

"Gillain" To leave your current place in history and go forward into the future.

"VISOR" Tool repetitively used to spy on the Federation...yet no one seems to catch on.

"The Storyteller" See Gene Roddenberry

"The Most Toys" 20th Century retail competition between "Toys R' Us" and "Child World"

"That Which Survives" See "Star Trek"

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:00 pm:

"Ktarian" - A video game junkie

"T'Jon - A drug addict

"Peak Performance" - What Tasha Yar thought about Data in "The Naked Now" in Yar's quarters

"Hero Worship" - Someone who REALLY loves big sandwiches from a deli.

"Friday's Child" - The singular offspring of Jack Webb.

"The Ultimate Computer" - What Microsoft promises to deliver every year, but doesn't.

By allegra on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 11:10 pm:

B4: a vitamin deficiency that makes Data's skin progressively more pasty looking year by year

Worf: if a klingon vomited in space, and there was noone to hear it, this is how it would still sound.

Pon Far: spicy chinese chicken dish.

By Sven of plagiarism on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 - 07:34 am:

"Extreme Measures" - late episode of DS9 starring Hugh Grant as a doctor with a British accent.

"The Muse" - episode of DS9 where Jake gets help with his writing from a mysterious alien played by Sharon Stone.

"When It Rains..." - almost all the time on Ferenginar.

"Let He Who Is Without Sin..." - ... start a new Star Trek series.

San Francisco - one of many points of convergence in the space-time continuum.

By Sven of Nine.... it`s all about cake, really on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 - 04:17 pm:

"A Matter of Time" - that which comes before the appearance of a new Star Trek series.

"A Matter of Honor" - episode of TNG based on the novel by Jeffrey Archer.

By Sven of Edwina and John on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 - 04:21 pm:

"Jonathan Archer" - the product of splicing together the DNA of two disgraced members of the Conservative Party.

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 - 09:36 pm:

"Up the Long Ladder" To ascend a climbing device manufactured by Long Hardware

"Balance of Terror" The fright one gets when stepping on the scale & seeing you're overweight.

"Angel One" Nickname for Michael the Archangel

"Where Silence Has Lease" The rules of conduct in any public library

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 04:10 pm:

FROM Q'ONOS:

"Kruge" To be so fed up of someone's presence that you kick them out.

"Kor" To sneer and laugh menacingly.

"Kang" To slap someone hard on the back

"Koloth" To hire a sabateur

"Chang" To quote Shakespeare in a court of law

"Kras" To fall down while descending a hill

"Kahless" To be a copy of the original.

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 10, 2003 - 10:28 pm:

"Ro Laren" To be trusted, then betray that trust

"Kira Nerys" To strut around in high heels

"Jadzia Dax" See "Old Man"

"Hugh" To be nice to an enemy that should be destroyed

By John A. Lang on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 09:48 pm:

"Ultramatrix One" The most potent headache relief you can buy without a prescription.

"Nebula" A storehouse of coffee

"Coffee" The TRUE power of any Starship.

"Borg Queen" An assimilated David Mercury rock & roll band.

"Progress" What the current writers of "Star Trek" seem to lack as far as advancing the excitement level of the show.

By Benn, a Nitcentral Musicologist on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 10:00 pm:

"'Borg Queen' An assimilated David Mercury rock & roll band." - John A. Lang

Uh, I think you mean Freddie Mercury, John.

By John A. Lang on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 08:17 am:

OOPS, you're right Benn. Thanx.

By John A. Lang on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 08:41 am:

"Anti-Time" To boycott Time magazine

"Koord" To be fat & burp like a pig

"Klaa" To attack without provocation

"Kirok" To have amnesia

"Garth" To alter one's appearance

"Shuttlecraft (STTNG)" A spacecraft that keeps changing its designation name even though the number on the hull remains the same. (IE El-Baz, Onizuka)

By Sevn of Nnie on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 09:41 am:

"Brattain" - Patron saint of mis-spellings on Federation craft. See also "Feynman".
(For those who don't know, ther USS Brattain was spelled "Brittain" while shuttlecraft Feynman was spelled "Feyman".)

By John A. Lang on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 03:23 pm:

"Poker" The only card game that survived into the 23th century and beyond. (It is mentioned in TOS)

"Humpty Dumpty" The only nursery rhyme of Mother Goose that survived into the 24th century.

"Night Terrors" To sing "Silent Night" off key and off tempo.

"Galaxy's Child" The infant seen in '2001: A Space Odyssey'

By allegra on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 08:19 pm:

where can I get some of that there, "ultramatrix one", John? come in handy, about now....

By triste on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 07:12 am:

Lots of games survived into the future. Parisses Squares, hide and seek, and numerous casino gambling games like dom-jot, Tongo and Dabo.

By Benn on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 08:22 am:

Solitaire has also survived in the future postulated by Trek. There's a version of it called Double Jack played by Eve in "Mudd's Women" in TOS.

By Anonymous on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 11:37 am:

And don't forget Fizbin! (Except on Tuesdays, unless you starship is missing vital supplies.)

By Sven of get it right! on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 04:31 pm:

"Terry Farrell" - world-famous award-winning architect and urban designer, knighted in 2001.

By Sven of Nine`s Mighty Column on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 04:40 pm:

And no, we shall not discuss the obvious joke about all this. Ever.

By Sven of Nine, who died yesterday. On stage. on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 04:55 pm:

Not even the one about Sir Terry giving the world some spectacular erections (which you can see here). So there.

Darn.

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 10:00 pm:

To: Everyone- I was referring to card games. I should have been more specific

By Benn on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 10:12 pm:

I knew exactly what you referring to, John. Solitaire is a card game. That's why I mentioned it.

Fizzbin doesn't count. It's a card game, but it's not a 20th/21st Century Terran card game.

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 10:15 pm:

"Stargazer" See Rene Picard

"The 37's" What the reoccuring number on "Star Trek" almost became....they decided on "47's"

"Playing God" What Q enjoys doing

"A Taste of Armegeddon" An ancient recipe measurement for "Doomsday Pie"

"Lursa" To wear an outfit with a lot of cleavage exposed.

"Ilia" A female who shaves her head, walks around wearing a white bathrobe & high heeels & talks like a Transformer

"Decker" To argue with a superior official

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 13, 2003 - 10:32 pm:

Sorry...that should be "High heels" (one too many "e's)

By Sven of Terry Farrell on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 01:53 am:

"Decker" To argue with a superior official

... and also how to eventually deal with said superior official.

By Sven of Ulay on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 11:33 am:

Fizzbin doesn't count. It's a card game, but it's not a 20th/21st Century Terran card game.

Except on a Tuesday.

"Ilia" - The new name for 'Oil of Olay'.

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 09:41 pm:

"A Fistful of Datas" To open a box of floppy discs and having the box accidently collapse in your hands. And then somehow catch all the floppy disks before they hit the floor.

"Timescape" To escape your subscription of Time Magazine without paying any more money.

"Profit And Loss" The current K-Mart sales as of now.

"Ex Post Facto" A news item about a former Post Cereal.

"The Visitor" See Kira Nerys

"Little Green Men" The Great Gazoo & his friends from "The Flintstones"

"Starship Down" What happens when the Voyager landing gear is lowered.

"Crossfire" The KKK is at it again!

"The Thaw" What Roy Disney is hoping will happen to Walt Disney soon.

By Vaal on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 10:01 pm:

An old one, maybe you've heard it before, maybe you haven't:

"Kirk" (verb): To break or severely test the Prime Directive. eg:"Y'know, this was a great planet until they Kirked it."

Shamelessly stolen from David Gerrold.

By Come friendly bombs and rain on Sven of Nine on Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 12:30 pm:

"Timescape" - what Martin Freeman's character in "The Office" tried to do in series 1.

By the clock on Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 08:46 pm:

"Seven of Nine" - 8:53

By From Astrology.com on Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 02:43 pm:

"Torres" - April 20th to May 20th. You may be stubborn, but your grounded, steady demeanor makes you someone others can count on. You're also a sensualist who loves good food, physical affection, romance and material goods - and only the best of everything. Ruling planet: Venus. Ruling house: Second House. Element: Earth. Quality: fixed.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 04:31 pm:

From "The Animated Series":

"One of Our Planets is Missing" The message sent to the Enterprise just before the Doomsday Machine appeared.

"The Infinite Vulcan" See Sarek

"The Slaver Weapon" What Troi used to get Riker to marry her.

"Beyond The Farthest Star" See Galactic Barrier

"Practical Joker" See Cesar Romero or Jack Nicholson

"Albatross" An edible item sold at theaters. Flavor: Albatross (From Monty Python)

"The Counter Clock Incident" To punch out at work earlier than what you're supposed to and say that you left on time.

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 09:20 pm:

"Pressman" To violate an important treaty, yet get promoted to Admiral.

"Jev" To take someone's bad thoughts and use them against the same individual as a weapon.

"Hedril" To look at a person & think about someone else.

"Argus Array" 24th century piece of floating trash with more bugs in it than a Roach Motel.

"Jo'Bril" To fake one's death

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 09:52 pm:

"Mirror, Mirror" To have a smaller mirror attached to a bigger mirror.

"Barclay" To be in a critical position, yet stumble around like a buffoon at times.

"Khan" (addition) New car from Cordoba...with sleek Corinthian leather.

"Alexander" A Marclosian Wind Devil.

"Worf" (addition) To have bad aim.

By John A. Lang on Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 02:17 pm:

FROM DS9:

"Starship Down" What you get from a Starship Duck

"Return of Grace" Gracie the whale returns and beaches herself due to her bad marriage to George

"The Bar Association" To get used to the TNN Black Bar when watching "Trek" movies

"Rules of Engagement" The conditions Troi laid out for Riker before he gave her the ring

"Hard Time" What McCoy always gives to Spock

"Shattered Mirror" What happens when the Horta tries to look at her own reflection

"Body Parts" What the bug-aliens were after in "Schisms"

"The Ship" See: USS Enterprise

"For The Uniform" Unseen episode in STTNG where Picard's uniform becomes a life-forms and says, "Hey, quit pulling on me! That hurts!"

"A Simple Investigation" Something that NEVER occurs on "Star Trek"

"Business As Usual" What Paramount thinks everytime they grind out a bad episode or movie

"In The Cards" Where Riker puts his Starfleet ID badge

"A Time to Stand" The event on any Starship when something cool comes on the viewer

"Behind the Lines" How Molly colors in her books

"You're Cordially Invited..." What Troi wrote on all her wedding invitations

"One Little Ship" See "Science Vessel"

"Change of Heart" What happened to Picard after fighting the Nausicans

"His Way" See "Starship Captains"

"The Reckoning" What Paramount may have to face up soon if they don't get their act together.

"The Sound of Her Voice" See "Uhura"

"It's Only a Paper Moon" Probably the most unusual sensor reading on any Starship

"Prodigal Daughter" See "Demora Sulu"

"Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang" What happened to the Excelsior in STIII when it came to a halt.

"Till Death Do Us Part" What Troi is expecting from Riker.

"Strange Bedfellows" Picard & Q in "Tapestry"

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 05:46 pm:

"Scpipt Supervisor" See George A. Rutter or John A. Lang

FROM "VOYAGER"

"Projections" See Holodeck matter

"Twisted" Description of Q's sense of humor.

"Maneuvers" What Kirk does in bed with women.

"Deadlock" A security device on a door that won't work.

"Tuvix" A new brand of candy bar from the Delta Quadrant.

"Parralax" 2 Ex-Lax tablets.

"The Cloud" See V'ger

"Eye of the Needle" What you need to make it SEW!

"Learning Curve" A lesson on making wide turns

By ScottN on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 06:43 pm:

Spelling Nit. Parallax.

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 09:32 pm:

ScottN: T'was the "Scpipts" that got me.

By Adam on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 09:35 pm:

"wrongs darker than death or night" to let Rick Berman and Brandon Bragga continue helm the Star Trek franchies even tho it is obvious they have no idea how to tell a decent story or have interesting character development.

By John A. Lang on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 09:48 pm:

"Shades of Grey" 1. What one looks for in the mirror when one is over 40. 2. To have flashbacks of events earlier in your life.

"Masks" What "Trick or Treaters" wear on Halloween.

"Darmok" To talk obscurely.

"Time's Arrow" An indicator in TIME magazine telling you to turn the page.

"The Host" A wafer seen at a Catholic Mass during Communion.

"Booby Trap" A very tight bra.

"Unnatural Selection" What supposedly happened to Catherine the Great at the end of her life.

"The Child" See "The French Chef"

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 10:25 pm:

From: "Enterprise"

"Broken Bow" The number one reason Tonto doesn't carry arrows.

"Fortunate Son" See Spock

"Dear Doctor" See Beverly Crusher

"Fallen Hero" See Captain Garth

"Desert Crossing" Wesley's final mission with Picard

"Two Days and Two Nights" The length of Kirk's affairs with women

"Shockwave" See Praxis

By Benn on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 10:38 pm:

"Seven of Nine" - The number of men who prefer Jeri Ryan to Kate Mulgrew.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 04:20 pm:

"Catwalk" The strutting of ANY female on "Star Trek" down the corridor.

"Spacedock" The big Starbase seen in STIII for Starships which looks so cool, the design for it was spead throughout the Alpha Quadrant.

"The Way to Eden" See Genesis 2: Verses 10-14

"The Trouble With Tribbles" Biological Xerox machines

By John A. Lang on Friday, January 31, 2003 - 09:04 pm:

"Jellico": (alternate) Bunny suit hater

"Torpedo Bay": A body of water near a town named "Torpedo".

"Elaan Of Troyius": See "Taming of the Shrew"

"Allegience" The 3rd word in Cloud William's recital in "The Omega Glory"

"When the Bough Breaks" The verse that comes after "The cradle will rock" in "Rock A Bye Baby"

By John A. Lang on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 10:18 pm:

"The Outrageous Okona" A foreign vehicle that costs over $90,000.

"The Tholian Web" Internet service provided by the Tholian Internet Co.

"The Naked Time" What honeymooners do in the bedroom

"Tomorrow Is Yesterday" What you experience when flying on a jet going from West to East and you cross the International Date Line.

"The Deadly Years" Age 80 and up.

"Is There In Truth No Beauty?" What people asked when Black Beauty died.

"Turnabout Intruder" An univited person who arrives at the Turnabout Dance at a High School.

By Will on Tuesday, February 04, 2003 - 11:12 am:

I had an Okona for a while, but it had terrible gas mileage, and no Corinthian leather.
My Jadzia was better, and could she ever go fast!

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, February 04, 2003 - 09:36 pm:

"The Naked Now" Playboy centerfold

"A Private Little War" 2 people playing a child's card game

"Home Soil" Your stomping grounds

"Paradise Lost" See Adam & Eve

"The Dauphin" How kids 5 and under say, "dolphin"

"Past Tense" To be worried about something that happened days,weeks,months, or years ago.

"Life Support" To continue your subscription to "Life" Magazine

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, February 04, 2003 - 09:48 pm:

FROM THE ORBITAL SHIPYARDS:

"U.S.S. Ajax": Starship used for "clean up" operations after a battle.

"U.S.S. Budapest": A Starship whose crew keeps nagging people about Buddha.

"U.S.S. Charleston": Starship whose crew acts like they're in the "Roaring 20's"

"U.S.S. Chekov": Starship made in Russia

"U.S.S. Crazy Horse": Starship whose Holodeck equestrian program is constantly on the fritz.

"U.S.S. Hathaway": Starship whose Captain talks about a group known as the Clampetts.

"U.S.S. Prokofiev": Starship whose Captain's name is "Peter Andy Wolf"

"U.S.S. Enterprise": Starship whose always giving away lovely parting gifts.

By Will on Wednesday, February 05, 2003 - 11:24 am:

"U.S.S.Hood": Starship commanded by a criminal.

"U.S.S.Exeter": Starship that makes a great exit when it leaves.

"U.S.S.Constellation": Starship that gets eaten by the Doomsday Machine, after it gets beaten up, making it look like the Big Dipper.

"Captain Pike"; Starship captain with a fishy B.O. problem.

"Botany Bay"; Spaceship commandeered by Khan Noonien Singh when he left Earth with all of his house plants.

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, February 05, 2003 - 10:30 pm:

"Sickbay" Any body of water that's really polluted.

"Krola" To resemble the Empire Carpet salesman.

"Andrea" An outfit that only has pants and suspenders

"Romaine" To have your body invaded by aliens

"Romulan Ale" Illegal beverage that everyone seems to have.

"Riley" To sing REAL BAD

By NarkS on Thursday, February 06, 2003 - 08:48 pm:

"When the Bough Breaks" The verse that comes after "The cradle will rock" in "Rock A Bye Baby"

Uhh... isn't that before?

By ScottN on Thursday, February 06, 2003 - 10:40 pm:

Nope.

---

Quote:

Rock-a-bye baby
In the tree top.
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

---

By Sven of Special K on Friday, February 07, 2003 - 08:28 pm:

132k already! I am impressed.