Lines You Will Never Hear On Star Trek 8
Nitcentral's Bulletin Brash Reflections: ClassicTrek: The Classic Trek Sink:
Lines You Will Never Hear On Star Trek 8
Data (singing to the Borg Queen): I've got you under my skin...
Lily: You're just like Captain Ahab. The Patrick Stewart version. Did you ever see that?
Picard: Oh, yes. I thought he was wonderful in that. My favorite though is his one-man production of A Christmas Carol...
(Doors of the Vulcan ship open for first contact)
Vulcan Borg: We are the Borg you will be assimilated!
Kirk (singing during a battle): Strangers in the night, exchanging phasors, enemies at first sight...
Guinan (singing): Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum...
Spock: To hell with logic. Where are the babes?!
Q: Hello, mon capitaine. I... (looks around) This isn't the Spidermobile! 
Admiral: The Enterprise is the only ship in the Quadrant.
Kirk: I find that hard to believe.
Admiral: Would you believe that you're the only ship in the Sector?
Kirk: No.
Admiral: Would you believe that you're the only ship in that Star System? That's on our side? Commanded by a man named Kirk?
A member of Species 8472: Will you stop calling us by that Borg designation? We call ourselves Species 8471.
(Kirk is about to destroy a planet-controlling computer)
Computer: Wait! Wait! What if I made all the women on this planet nymphos?
Kirk: I'm listening.
Tommy Starnes: (Pointing to Spock) "Look everyone! It's one of Santa's elves!"
Kirk: (Dressed as Santa with Rand sitting on his lap) "So, little girl...what do you want for Christmas?" (Actually I think that one DID happen, we just never saw it)
Helen Noel: "I have a French sister named Joyeux."
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a caroler."
Sulu: Sir, shields just snapped on...It's a sleigh being pulled by nine tiny reindeer!
Cut scene from "Requiem of Methuselah"....
Kirk: "What was that piece you were playing on the piano, Spock?"
Spock: "The first piece was an unknown Brahms waltz..the second piece by a forgotten composer that I haven't heard in a while."
Kirk: "Which forgotten composer?"
Spock: "Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-dingle-dangle-donger-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-ein-nuraburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonendanker-kalbsfleisch-misler-aucher-von-Hautkopft of Ulm."
Spock: Klingons are approaching.
Kirk: Set phasers on "Jolly".
Quark: I can accept the flies around the world in one night, I can accept getting into houses through the chimney, but giving toys away for free? Now I know you're making this up.
Jem'Hadar: Ho ho ho. We only get our lives back when we give away toys to little children.
Wayoun: Yes, founder. From now on all Vorta will devote themselves to building toys.
Cardassian: Sir, sensors detect a space station being pulled by 3 tiny runabouts.
Jadzia: Good little Trills get a symbiont. Bad little Trills get a bellyful of coal.
Quark (on Santa's lap): Everything.
Kirk (on Santa's lap): Babes.
Spock (on Santa's lap): Peace, love, joy & happiness.
O'Brien (on Santa's lap): A quantum molecular phase confinement transducer.
Admiral :"Who's the jolly old fellow in red with a belly that jiggles like jelly? Santa Claus?"
Kirk; "No, that's Scotty."
Scotty on Santa's knee; "Scotch, scotch, scotch, malt scotch, double scotch, and something green."
Spock on Santa's knee; "Round ears."
Santa (with Seven on his lap): Well, this is my wish.
Santa (with Scotty on his lap): Aaaaaaaaaah! My leg! It's broken!
Cut line from Endgame
Paris: Wait! This isn't Earth! It's just one of those planets that looks like Earth!
Janeway: Here we go again.
McCoy: For once & for all, Spock, what is your full name?
Spock: It is (takes a deep breath) Spock Johann-Gambolputtydevon-Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-dingle-dangle-donger-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-ein-nuraburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonendanker-kalbsfleisch-misler-aucher-von-Hautkopftof-Ulm.
Cut line from Arena
Kirk: I think it's time for the Holy Hand Grenade.
Announcer: Suddenly the Defiant was saved when the SFX man died before he could blow up the model.
SFX man: Aaaaaaaaaa... *thud*
Picard: Don't mind him. He's from QonoS, you know.
Worf: This Bat'leth is a warrior's weapon!
Jadzia: It has Hello Kitty on it.
Any captain: Launch Futon torpedoes.
Picard: Set phasers on Fricasee.
Borg Queen: And I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't have been for you meddling individuals.
Dick Clark: Welcome to the Federation's Rockin' New Stardate Eve!
What? You don't think he'll still be around by the 23rd & 24th centuries?
Lucy; "What did you get for Trick or Treat?"
Linus; "I got candy!"
Shroeder; "I got an apple."
Charlie Brown; "I got a rock."
Mama Horta; "JUNIOR!"
For everyone's information, the old page has been archived. The long lost Lines 6 has also resurfaced. 
I didn't realize board 6 had been lost. BTW I just checked it & noticed board 6 still has an Add A Message box.
Kirk: Spock, why is your email name VulcanLoveMaster?
Spock: The ladies know why.
Worf: I'm as happy as a little girl.
Wesley: I'm afraid that we're lost in space.
Data: Danger, danger, Wesley Crusher!
Dr. Pulaskey: Oh be quiet, you pale, plastic popplewick.
Janeway: Why have we dropped out of warp?
B'Elanna: The hamster got tired of running on the wheel.
Finally an answer to Spornan's most popular nit. ;-)
Kirk: Ludicrous speed...GO!
Spock: Sir, we've gone to plaid!
McCoy: Jim...I want you to talk to our new security man Colonel Sanders. He refuses to fight.
Kirk: What's the matter Colonel Sanders...chicken?
McCoy: Jim! You're turning into a MAWG...a half man, half dog!
Kirk: If that's so, then I'm my own best friend!
Kirk to Security: Those Scpipts must be supervised at all times. Kirk out.
Picard:There is a little yellow alien creature running around the ship short circuiting every piece of equipment and yelling Pikachu.
[Any Crewmember]: Captain Janeway, why are we travelling at impulse?
[As Janeway]: 186,262 miles per second. It's not just a good idea, IT'S THE LAW!
Spock; "Go-go gadget logic!"
Worf; "It's clobberin' time!"
Archie Bunker; "Wesley, you are a meathead!"
Spock and Kirk survey the evildoers that Yarnek has created to fight them in 'The Savage Curtain';
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Genghis Khan, Colonel Green, Kahless, Brannon Braga!"
Same scene, different cast;
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Jake the evil mechanic that charges double labor on your transmission; Doctor Evil; Snidley Whiplash; and worst of all, Ernst Blofeld!"
Other 'The Savage Curtain' possiblities:
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Dick Dastardly, The Hooded Claw, and the Yellow Pinky!"
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Jim & Tammy Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart & Oral Roberts!"
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Adolf Hitler, John Wayne Gacy, Charles Manson, & Timothy McVeigh!"
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Lex Luthor, The Scarecrow, Cheetah, Black Mantha, Solomon Grundy, The Riddler,...egad! It's the entire Legion of Doom!"
Bill Gates has GOT to be in that list somewhere
Kirk: Egad, they've pitted us against the most evil creatures in history, Spock: Web Mistress Ming, Mordac, the Preventor of Information Services, Catbert, the evil director of Human Rescources and N'Sync who appeared in Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones as Jedi Knights and disgusted all true Star Wars fans.
Vader (to Kirk):Jim, I am your father.
Kirk (firing on Vader with a phaser):You better have written me into the will.
Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light:Kirk, come to the dark side. Reject Captaincy and become an Admiral.
Catbert (over PA system):Attention crew of the Starship Enterprise. In order to reduce Employment expenses, we will not fire anyone if you agree to work part time and come in on your off days. I will tear up this contract if all the woman will rub my soft belly for 5 minutes.
Catbert:Uhura, our records show you used you used the communications system for a personal message, you are fired. Scotty, our records show you kissed the warp core and said you loved it. You are fired. Checkov, you claim everything is Russian. You are fired. Sulu, I can't pronounce your first name. You are fired. McCoy, you refuse to do extra work and be anything but a doctor. You are fired. Spock, you do not understand humor or love. You are fire. Kirk, you have played with all the attractive woman on the ship for non business reasons. You are fired. Did I miss any of the main cast?
Catbert; "Nurse Chapel; you are in love with an alien who can't return your feelings, and as a result you mope around sickbay like a lovesick puppy. You are fired. Riley; you think you're better than everyone because you're Irish. You are fired. Mr.Hadley; you sit at helm and sometimes navigation, and never say a word. You are fired. Mr.Leslie; you may or may not have been killed more than once. You are fired, anyway. Dr. M'Benga; you said 'you're guess is as good as mine'. My guess is that you are fired."
Kirk; "Spock, they've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people in history; Doctor Octopus, Electro, Sandman, the Green Goblin, Mysterio, and worst of all, Doctor Doom!"
Kirk; "Spock, they've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people in history; Tom, Dick, and Harry!"
Spock; "I suggest we surrender immediately, Jim!"
Phil the Prince of Insufficent Light, Catbert the Evil Director of Human Resources and the Pointy Haired Boss convince Kirk to become an admiral.
Phil: Jim, your skills are becoming obsolete and your adventures old and stale as last week's bread. Reject Captaincy and become an Admiral.
Kirk: Never!!
Catbert: Do it, or you will be downsized.
Kirk: I will never be an admiral.
Boss: My consultant tells me that you realease an odor filled odor.
Catbert: What did that mean?
Kirk: Give up, I will never become an Admiral.
Phil: You will have control over all of one fleet.
Kirk: Never!!
Catbert: That fleet includes scantly clad beautiful woman.
Kirk: Tell me more.
Catbert: You can use your new rank to get attractive woman to flirt with you or face a court martial, accounting or HR.
Kirk (drooling): I'll become an admiral.
Since Star Trek: Nemesis will feature a wedding...
Picard: Do you Riker take Worf to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Riker: I do.
Worf: I'm so happy. *sniff*
Picard: This looks like Q's doing!
*poof*
Uncle Arthur: Sorry, kiddos, it's just me. (laughs)
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, & Peter
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Daleks, Cybermen, Autons & The Master.
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Neil Diamond, Paula Cole, & Cat Stevens.
I can't stand their music, so I think they qualify
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Darth Simultaneous Posts, Internal Server Error, Lord Real Life & KAM's Plot Explanations
Kirk: I'm going to sing.
Spock: When will the hurting stop?
Tuvok: Captain, it seems that the shuttlecraft containing Lts Kim, Paris & the Doctor has been duplicated.
Janeway: Just what we need. Another Tom, Doc & Harry.
Kirk; " They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; N-Sync, the Backstreet Boys, Milli Vanilli, Little Bow-Wow, and Puff Daddy!"
Spock; "P. Diddy."
Kirk; "Whatever."
Priest; "Do you, James Kirk, take Edith Keeler, Shana, Deela, Janice Lester, Elaan of Troyius, Janice Rand, and Gillian Taylor as your lawfully wedded wives, here on Rigel 2?"
Kirk; "I do!"
Borg Queen slaps her forehead; "I could had a Seven-of-V8!"
RE: Will's "wedding skit"
Uhura: "No, He doesn't! He said he'd marry me! So step aside you hussys!"
Kirk; " They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock: Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl!"
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; NBC Executives.
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Witchiepoo, Benita Bizarre, Horatio J. Hoo-Doo, & Dr. Shrinker.
Kirk: They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock; Nitpickers with a warped sense of humor.
Kirk; "Uhura, I - I'm frightened!"
Spock; "Me so horny!"
Kira; "Odo, why are you sweating?"
Odo; "That's not sweat."
Kira; "Eeewwwww!"
Spock Ramone (singing); "Rock, rock, rock n'roll Enterprise, rock, rock, rock n' roll Enterprise!"
Spock to McCoy; "Eeeh, what's up, Doc?"
Riker (playing pool); "Cue ball in the side pocket."
Picard; "Are you talking about me?"
Data tries various drinks after receiving his emotion chip, and gags on his drink;
"Oh! This is revolting! I hate this!"
Guinan; "More Snapple?"
Data; "Please."
Mulder; "I'm telling you, I know that extra-terrestials exist."
Agent Guinan; "Really? Tell me more?"
Kirk; "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people in history, Spock; Larry Monroe, Ken Smith, Sam Kellerman, and Frank Fazzo!"
Spock; "Who?"
Kirk; "I don't know, either. I guess they couldn't think of anyone famous this time!"
Cut scene from First Contact
Mulder: The Aliens are here. They abducted my sister and her boyfriend.
(Enterprise-E flies out of time vortex)
(On Bridge)
Picard: Where are the Borg?
Riker: They're not showing up on ships sensors.
Picard: Number One, prepare an away team.
Riker: Yes, Sir!
(Arriving on Earth)
Mulder: They've come. They're here to destroy us.
Riker: The Borg must be here. Find them!!!
Data: Yes Sir.
Mulder: You people are here to kill us.
Riker: Cancel that.
Data: Yes Sir.
Troi: I sence anger.
Riker: Gees, what tipped you off?
Mulder: You abducted my sister.
Riker: Away team to Enterprise. We overshot our mark. Beam us back.
(They beam away)
Mulder: Cowards. Filthy Back Stabbing Cowards!!
Scully: Mulder, what is it?
Mulder: The aliens came. They came.
Scully: Oh, Puleaze.
(On Enterprise)
Data: We traveled to far into the past and missed our mark. I will now recreated the vortex to take us to where the borg are.
Picard: Make it so.
M-5: Killing violates the laws of man & god.
Kirk: What god do you worship?
M-5: Bill Gates, Vaal, Landru...
Ilia-drone appears in the sonic shower in STTMP, and Kirk 'beams' a bathrobe on her.
Kirk; "Hm. Naw. How about this, guys?"
He beams a thong bikini on her.
McCoy; "I think Uhura might say that's sexist, Jim."
He beams an S & M leather catsuit on her.
McCoy; "YEA! Now that's more like it!"
Ilia-drone; "You-are-the-Kirk-Unit. You-are-the- creator...of 'Peanuts'! I love that comic strip!"
Oh, brother! I mixed up my Ilia and Nomad references! Heck, and I can't even blame Monday morning!
It's still funny, Will.
Deleted scene from "The Enemy Within"
Kirk kissing Rand...
Rand: "Yes! Yes! More! More!"
John, thats what many Trek fans are saying too. "Moore! Moore! No more TIIC!"
OK, what's TIIC?
Reed: That blowed up good. That blowed up real good.
T'Pol: Captain, internal sensors show the majority of the crew is missing.
Archer: That's because Paramount couldn't afford to hire any extras this week.
Chef: Who am I?
(A Suliban leaps out of a spaceship as another ship flies by, hits him and splatters him all over the veiwscreen)
Archer: Enterprise, prepare to beam us out quickly.
Reed: Why?
Archer: Porthos got loose & chased the Caitan president up a tree.
TIIC=The Idiots In Charge, I think....
Chef: Come try my salty chocolate balls!
Chef; "Today's special is spam, spam, spam, spam and spam, with a side order of spam."
Rand to evil-Kirk when he attacks her; "Nonono, that's not right! LOok; you arch your back, and place this hand here, yes, and put your leg-- hey, haven't you ever done this before, cowboy?!"
Losira; "I am for James T. Kirk."
Kirk; "Hot dog! Bones, Sulu, get lost!"
Picard; "What's this red button for?"
Daffy Duck; "Don't EVER touch the red button!"
Thanks, Merat
Picard: You're name is Geordi!
Geordi: My name is Kunta Kinta!
(Riker strikes him with a whip)
Chef: Chee'burger, chee'burger, chee'burger!
Archer: And I'd like a Pepsi.
Chef: Coke, no Pepsi!
Chef: BAM!
Chef: Hoooo-boy! We got some down home Cajun cookin' fur ye.
Chef: Me cook venison, paleface!
Archer: You're name is Chef, not Chief.
Chef: I've found 47 nits in this episode alone.
Archer: You're supposed to be the Chef, not The Chief.
Janeway: Captain Archer, my crew & I traveled back 2 centuries to ask you a very important question. Would you mind if we traded chefs?
Kirk to McCoy in Star Trek III: "Dude, where's my starship?"
McCoy gives Kirk glasses for his birthday in Star Trek II:
Kirk; "What are these?"
McCoy; "They're for your eyes."
Kirk; "They have no lenses, but they have a big plastic nose, and bushy mustache. How does that help me?"
McCoy; "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a practical joker!"
Sybok; "Spock! It's me! Your long-lost brother Sybok!"
Spock; "I have no brother named Sybok."
Sybok; "Would you believe your Uncle Sybok? Cousin Sybok twice-removed? Would you believe the family friend Sybok? Howabout some guy that lived in the same country as your family?"
McCoy; "Imagine that! A passionate Vulcan!"
Sybok; "Hugs!"
Hollywood Squares contestant; "I'd like Guinan for the block, please."
Worf; "Captain, we are being hailed by Duck Dodgers."
Riker; "Nah. I think I like your hair in a ponytail, Worf, rather than the Yeoman Rand-style weave."
Wesley; "Let me get this straight, Mom; we're going to be living on a ship commanded by the guy that let Dad get killed on an away mission? Cool! Revenge is a dish best served cold! MAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Bashir; "Uncle Malcolm! How nice to hear from you!"
T'Pol: Captain, an alien ship has appeared on sensors.
Archer: When?
T'Pol: Windows froze up, and we had to reboot.
Spock: In a past life I was the king of Atlantis.
Archer: Why it's my old partner, Captain Spade.
Spade: I thought you were shot by Brigid O'Shaugnessy?
Hoshi: Captain we can only recieve visuals from the aliens.
Archer: Why?
Hoshi: Because it costs too much to hear them speak.
Spock: On Vulcan Valentines are green.
Jadzia: Oh, Worf, you ripped out the heart of a Jem-Hadar and gave it to me for Valentine's Day. You're so sweet.
Worf: Awww, shucks....
The Borg: You will be our Valentine. Resistance is futile.
Archer (to Chef); "Wow! That'sa soma spicey meata-ball!"
Picard; "Computer; gagh, hot."
Picard; "Computer; Acme anvil and dynamite, please."
Beverly; "EEEEEEEEEEEEK Security! Intruder alert! There's a lumpy monster in my quarters!"
Wesley; "Mom, it's me! And it's just a little acne!"
Quark; "Take it! It's free!"
Dax; "I'm going to start a farm raising mallards."
Sisko; "What're you going to call it?"
Dax; "Dax Dux."
Tom Paris; "Why do people always think we're from France?"
Picard; "Beats me, guv'na."
Uhura: Hailing frequencies open.
Kirk: That's kind of a silly thing to say.
Uhura: But it's my only line!
Question: What makes you a successful lover?
Kirk: Phasers on stun.
Spock: The Vulcan nerve pinch.
Quark: Gold-pressed latinum.
The Intendant: If I can't be with the one I love, I love the one I'm with.
Data: I am programmed in multiple techniques.
Worf: Chicks dig a man who reads poetry.
Seven Of Nine: Borg implants.
Harry Kim: Dead girls rarely say no.
Riker: Lots of practice in the holodeck.
Wesley: Why are you asking me?
Commander Tucker: Failure is not an option.
Original First Contact Opening Line:
Admiral:Bad time Jean-Luc
Picard: No, not at all.
Admiral: I've just recieved a disturbing report from Babylon 5, our colony on Tatootine Prime was destroyed this morning. Long range sensors have picked up..
Picard: I know. The Borg.
Borg to Vader: You are one of us. You are perfection.
Picard; "Lt.Crocker, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. And as for you, Ensign Heinz, I hope you can catch up."
Worf; "Sir, permission to bring my doggie aboard?"
Khan; "But, you... I never forget a face...Mister...Magoo."
Magoo; "By George!"
Kirk; "What is the meaning of this attack?!"
Khan; "I was just trying to get you're attention, Kirk. I just wanted you to know who had...forgiven you. Best buds, again?"
Khan: I think it's time to end our petty bickering.
Kirk: Aw, you're no fun anymore!
Spock: Doctor! My brain hurts!
Adm. Fitzpatrick: It's a dog's life...er...a man's life in Starfleet.
Sulu: Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... (pause) I can't remember your name, but I definitely remember your face.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a... a... You know, that thing with the eyes & the nose & the mouth.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a nice, tight set of buns. You know, Chekov, my wife has been dead for some time now...
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face!"
Uhura; "Stop talking to my bumb!"
(I was at a convention that Walter Koenig was the guest and he told us that he wished he could have said this on one take, but either didn't have the nerve or didn't think of it in time):
From Star Trek IV:
Kirk; "Remember, this is Earth incognito that we're landing in, and doubtless some of their customs will be strange to us. Any questions?"
Chekov; "Keptin, vill ve have time to visit Disneyland?"
Chang; "'Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship...'"
Kirk; "More Klingon Shakespeare, General?"
Chang; "You haven't enjoyed 'Gilligan's island' until you've watched it in the original Klingon format!"
K'Skipper; "You've done it again, Killigan! And for you, it is a good day to die, ptag!"
K'Ginger; "Human females are sooo ugly!"
Spock; "A sehlat is a sehlat, of course, of course, unless the seh'lat is Mister Ed!"
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Rodgers!"
Is this the new "scene that wouldn't die"?
Khan: But you... I never forget a face... Mister... SULU! No, Chekov! I meant Chekov! Really!
Khan: But you... I never forget a face... Even one that I've never seen before... Mr. Chekov!
Troi: Have a piece of chocolate.
Worf: Do you have "Crunchy Frog"?
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Koenig!"
Kirk is tied down on a table as a phaser beam slowly crawls up towards him...
Kirk; "Do you expect me to talk?"
Goldfinger; "No, Mr.Kirk, I expect you to die!
Worf gets an eye exam;
Beverly; "Please read the letters on the chart with one eye, Worf."
Worf; "I...C...U...P...what's so funny, Doctor?"
Q: "This is my cousin, A."
A; "how's it going, eh?"
Q: "He's from the Canadian Continuum."
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... You are Don Diego Vega also known as Zorro!
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... You played Bester on Babylon 5.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face...
Joachim: Yes, sir. We've been stuck together on this rock for decades.
Gul Madred: Ah, Picard. Welcome to the Maximum Fun Chamber.
Worf: I rarely let anyone join me when I workout in the holodeck.
Troi: Because they are so intensely private.
Worf: No. Because they giggle when I dress up like Sailor Moon.
*falls to the floor laughing at the image of Worf dressed like Sailor Moon.* Ok, Im filing THAT image next to the one of Worf in a tutu, curtosy of Phil.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... Bob...
Phil: Actually, its Phil.
Khan: Ahhh, let me explain about this planet's reverse gravitational pull when you get more than a foot off the ground, then, Bob.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... Tattoo.
Khan: But, you... I never forget a face... Mr. Rourke...
Soren: Actually, its Tolian Soren...
Khan: But, you...I never forget a face...Uhh - until now, I guess. Dang! Sorry, who were you again?
Worf: I rarely let anyone join me when I workout in the holodeck.
Troi: Because they are so intensely private.
Worf: No. Because, to my great surprise, nobody else on the ship enjoys 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' with Richard Simmons.
Chekov: He toook peectures of our bodies... to control our lives... made us dress up... do tings.
Khan: But you... I never forget a face, Mister... Shamalamadingdong.
Khan: But you... I never forget a face, Mister... Tidy Bowl.
Khan: But you... I never forget a face, Mister... Lennon... no, Starr... no, damn it! Which one of them are you?
Khan: But you... I never forget a... Dios mio! Is this real Corinthian leather?
Khan: But you... I never forget a... Tattoo! You have a smudge under your nose!
Khan: But you... I never forget a face, Mister... err..
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, Sir. He's worked here for 10 years? His baby daughter shot you?
Khan: No, doesn't ring a bell.
Khan: "But you...I never forget a face, Mister...Karl Gambolputty de von Austfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burnstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-ein-nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weinmache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonendanker-kalbafleisch-mittler-aucher-von-Hautkopft of Ulm!"
Well...SOMEBODY had to do it! 
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Poopey-pants!"
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Chakotay."
Chekov; "Chekov."
Khan; "Close enough."
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Uhura."
Chekov; "Either you need glasses, or you've been on Ceti Alpha V too long!"
(Are we EVER going to be able to watch this scene from the movie again, without all of these great substitutions coming to mind?)
Kirk; "Bones, what do you have for a headache?"
McCoy; "Let me guess? The Klingons? Barris?"
Kirk; "No, ice cream headache. I ate mine and Spock's."
Khan: "But you... I never forget a face... Dr. Papshmear!"
I'm as guilty as the next guy, but aren't these MiSTings rather than "Lines you'll never hear"?
Line's you'll never hear are things like, "He's Alive, Jim", or "Sure, Cap'n, I can change the Laws o' Physics for ye!".
Okay, one more, and I can't believe nobody came up with this one;
Khan; "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Clean!
Section 31 Commander; "Have you completed your mission?"
Section 31 Operative; "Yes, sir! Starfleet officers are now wearing soft, pastel-colored pajamas with matching moon-boots, instead of blue, gold, or red shirts."
Decker; "Happy birthday, Ilia! I hope you like my present to you."
Ilia; "Decker, I don't think I'll be needing a hair brush!"
Khan: "But you...I never forget a face...Mister...Alzheimer!"
T'Pol: Chicken please.
Archer: This ship is a mind meld free zone.
Spock: Dr. McCoy, your display of Logic is brilliant!
Spock: Dr. McCoy, I believe you do not display enough emotion.
Scotty:You're right, the Enterprise is a garbage scow.
Torres: There was a quantum fluctuation in the multiphasic flux inhibitor, but I fixed it.
Janeway: You recalibrated the detector matrix?
Torres: No, I turned it off and on again.
McCoy; "Almost 50 % of his metabolism is geared for reproduction! Do you know what you get if you feed Scotty too much?"
Kirk; "A fat Scotty?"
McCoy; "No. You get a whole bunch of hungry little Scotty's!"
Admiral Paris: "Captain Janeway, welcome home!"
Janeway; "It's great to be home, sir!"
Paris; "Is it? By my records you have over a hundred overdue parking tickets!"
Janeway; "Ooops. Now you know why I took my time getting back home!"
Chakotay; "Kathryn, don't be impulsive."
Janeway; "I'm not impulsive, Voyager is impulsive. Impulsive all the way to Earth!"
Trip Tucker; "Whoops!" (Crashes to the deck, dropping everything in his arms.
Archer; "Now I know why you've got the nickname 'trip'!"
Trip Tucker; "Aw, go to he-WHOOPS!" (Falls down again.)
McCoy; "Almost 50 % of his metabolism is geared for reproduction! Do you know what you get if you feed Scotty too much?"
I'd just like to point out that James Doohan became a father again at age 80. He also has a 40 year old son. My brother-in-law was in a band with him (the son).
Rumor for an upcomming Enterprise episode: Commander Tucker is cloned by a predeceser of the mad scientist in the TAS episode. The crew is then attacked by the thirty-foot-tall, insane clone. The tentative title is "A long, strange Trip."
Spock (to alien guard): Sir, you have a multi-legged creature upon your shoulder.
Alien Guard: AAAHHHHHH! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF! (runs around in circles, screaming)
Spock (to alien guard); "Sir, you have cooties on your shoulder."
Wesley; "Worf, pull my finger."
Trip Tucker; "Come on knock on my door, three's company, too!"
Jack Tripper; "Hey! That's my line!"
(Aliens have captured Archer & are holding him down)
Archer: You'll never keep me down, for I have faith of the heart.
(Throws off all the aliens)
Alien leader: I told you to search him for faith! Shoot him, quickly! Before he has faith to believe!
(Aliens fire, but it bounces off his faith shields)
Archer: Faith on stun.
Alien leader: Run away!
(Archer blasts aliens with faith beams)
Inspired from lyrics of that stup¡d theme song.
Deleted line from "Generations":
Adm. Nogura: Captain Harriman...your performance on the Starship Enterprise-B was appalling. I am putting you in command of a cruise vessel.
Harriman: Which cruise vessel, sir?
Adm. Nogura: The U.S.S. Titanic....maiden voyage.
WARNING! Possible spoilers if you haven't seen Seasons 2 or 7 of Voyager
I was watching Threshold & Prototype recently & found myself wondering if Tom & B'Elanna ever told Miral about their other 'children'?
Miral: Do I have any brothers or sisters?
B'Elanna: Yes, I and Unit 3947 built a robot, unfortunately I was heartbroken when I was forced to destroy it's power source.
Tom: Captain Janeway & I had a litter of salamander-type children on a planet in the Delta Quadrant.
Miral: Come'on I'm serious.
Kor: Captain Adama, it would have been glorious!
Kor (making his first appearance): This world is now under the command of the Cylon Empire!
Wesley: I've made myself a robot dog.
Data: Woof. Woof.
Picard: Boxey, what information do you have on this planet?
Riker: Starbuck. Athena. You're with me.
Janeway: We're trying to find the lost colony of Earth.
Paris: Captain, the object appears to be Earth's Moon.
Janeway: But that was blown out of orbit in 1999.
Janeway: Abandon ship! Save all the coffee first!
Janeway: Abandon ship! Save all the coffee first!
Go here, and look at the first three items.
Picard; "Fire phasers, Mr.Austin!"
Stone Cold Steve Austin; "What?"
Picard; "Fire phasers! Quickly!"
Austin; "What?"
Picard; "I said, fire phasers!"
Austin; "Phasers, what? My watch is saying; 'Uh-uh!'!"
Picard; "May I present my Tactical Officer, Mr.Chewbaca."
Chewbacca; "Grrrorroorwwr!"
Cut lines from The Last Outpost
(When they first see the Ferengi)
Data: Captain these are the same aliens that attacked Captain Archer's Enterprise in 2151.
Riker: Archer also warned them to stay away from Human & Vulcan ships, or face the consequences.
Picard: Lt. Yar, fire photon torpedoes.
Cut line from "Mirror, Mirror"
Kirk: Lt. Uhura, would you please put on that 2-piece outfit just ONE MORE TIME?
Additional cut line from Mirror, Mirror
Uhura: Certainly, sir. I just recharged the Agonizer.
Kirk: Nevermind.
Any Villain: I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you meddling Feds!
Arne Darvin: I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling tribbles!
From 'Space Seed';
Spock; "It would be interesting to return to ceti Alpha V in a century, Captain, and see what seed you've planted here today."
100 years later, but without the events of 'Star Trek II' taking place:
Picard; "Oops."
Picard; "What kind of name is 'Q'? What's your real name and who are you, really?"
Q: "Very well, Jean-Luc, I'll tell you. I am Porthos, mighty space-dog, extraordinaire."
When Trek engineers survey the damage, they never give that long whistling intake of breath which lets you know that something expensive is about to happen...
"Bunch of cowboys did this. Gonna cost you, Squire."
Kurn: Worf, a human school teacher named Lipshultz is our father.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Adm. Forrest: Ar-CHERRR!!!! You got some 'splaining to do!
Archer: (hands on face) Mamma mia!
Hoshi: Klingon captain, could you repeat your message please? ... What's that? ... Timmy's fallen down a mine shaft?!
Trip Tucker: Chess vas inwented in Russia.
... and a cut line from "The Perfect Mate" (TNG):
Picard: I musht not allow the wedding to prosheed....
[Oi! You! Get back to work! - everybody]
Hoshi: Klingon captain, could you repeat your message please? ... What's that? ... Timmy's fallen down a mine shaft?!
ROTFLOL!
Khan: Your records are wrong. We didn't take over the entire Earth, just the Star Trek Franchise. We left when we realised that we ruined the continuity and blamed it all on some drunk we picked off the street called Brannon Braga. Oh, yeah. I didn't flee Earth because of that, I fled because I screwed up on Who Wants to Be A Millonaire.
Picard: The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO FURTHER! And I will make them PAY for what they've done!
Lily: That says maybe, but that won't get the pigs in.
Deleted scene from "Generations": Kirk and Picard ride their horses out of the Nexus...
Kirk and Picard singing:
My lovely horse running through the.... FIELD,
Where are you going with your fetlocks blowing in the.... WIND,
I want to shower you with sugarlumps and ride you over.... FENces,
I want to polish your hooves every single day and bring you to the horse.... DENtist,
My lovely horse, you're a pony no... MORE,
Riding around with a man on your back,
Like a train in the night,
[wait, wait, I can do this bit]
Like a train in the.... [TWANNNGGGG] ...night...!
Ferengi to P.T. Barnum: "You are our GOD!"
Picard & Kirk (singing on horseback ): Just give me space, lotsa space in the starry skies above, don't fence me in...
Picard: The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO FURTHER!
Lily: You take your hopscotch way too seriously.
Picard & Kirk (Singing on horseback) : "My heart will go on...."
CNN anchor Paula Zahn; "I shall leave you, as you left me, as you left her...marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet...buried alive...buried alive..."
Kirk: "ZZAAAAAAAAHHHNNNN!
Khan: Kirk... *I* am your father!
T.J. Hooker: Khan, I am your father.
Khan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
BeeGees: Kirk, we shall leave you, as you left us... marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet... buried alive... buried alive... ooh ooh ooh ooh buried alive buried alive ooh ooh ooh ooh buried aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive...
McCoy: What is Genesis?
Kirk: It's the first book of the bible, but that's not important right now...
Kahn: Kirk, I know you are really Zorro.
Khan: We left Earth because we just couldn't stand the pre-fabricated bubblegum pop music they kept playing on the radio. Do you know what it is like to have a Spice Girls song running through your head for over 200 years?
Khan: I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!
Khan: There ain't no party like an S Club party!
Kirk: "They've pitted us against the most evil, cunning, dastardly people from history, Spock: Ed Meese, Mike Meyers, Pope Leo III, and Hillybilly Jim!"
Scotty; "Cap'n, I've beamed up 2 Vulcans, 3 Andorians, and a Pycost."
Kirk; "What's a pycost?"
Scotty; "About $1.99."
Uhura; "Sock it to me!"
McCoy; "One of these days, Spock...one of these days...BOOM! ZING! To the Moon!"
Scary Spice; "I wanna ziggy-ziggy-eh!"
Archer; "Hoshi, can you translate that?"
Hoshi; "Sir, I'm still trying to translate Ozzy Osbourne!"
Ozzy; "I-I eh rever the my fin-uh, er, and-and-and that's, you know, the biver lonosh."
Hoshi; "See what I mean?"
Khan; "And I want to go one hurting you...I shall leave you as you left me...as you left her..marooned for all eter--"
Kirk; "Oh, waitaminute, Khan, I got another call coming in, hang on a minute...hellooo? Oh, hello, Dixie!"
From Dagger of the Mind
Adams: And now, Kirk, you will feel agony, as I connect the neutralizer to this Spice Girls tape.
Data: I have analized and intersesting phenomen. Spot has not only changed breed, but also gender several times.
Riker(whispering to Geordie) I told you you got the breed and gender wrong when you replaced Spot after he got lose in the warp core.
In the next exciting episode of "Enterprise"...
Archer: What happen ?
Tucker: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Hoshi: We get signal.
Archer: What !
Hoshi: Main screen turn on.
Archer: It's you !!
Silik: How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Archer: What you say !!
Silik: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
[pause]
Archer: Take off every 'zig' !! You know what you doing. Move 'zig'. For great justice.