Kirk: Hi, God. I'm your gift to women.

Kahn: Arrrrrr. I'll get ye, Kirk, & your little Vulcan, too.

Janeway: Frog blast, vent the warp core!

Redshirt: Shoot me now! Shoot me now!

O'Brien: So what do you want to do tonight, Julian?
Bashir: The same thing we do every night, Miles. Try and take over the Federation!

By Sven of Nine on Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 12:54 pm:

Kirk: How about Star Trek VII?
All: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

By KAM on Monday, February 19, 2001 - 04:32 am:

Star Trebek - where Starfleet captains must defeat their enemies in the form of a question.

By KAM on Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 04:41 am:

Data: In A.D. 2101 war was beginning...

Borg: All your base are belong to us

Uhura: What you say?

Kirk: Somebody set up us the bomb

Dukat: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha...

Picard: Move �Zig� for great justice.

Janeway: Take off every �Zig�!! You know what you doing.

Sisko: Man! These messages from the Prophets just keep getting weirder & weirder.

By Sven of Nine on Sunday, February 25, 2001 - 01:00 pm:

(Unused line from "The Best of Both Worlds" (TNG))

Locutus of Borg: I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this day forth, you will service... our broken engines - they've been playing up like b*gg*ry all week and making this retched whining sound like a broken hoover....

By Derf on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 12:40 pm:

Data: I think you'll find this tour interesting, Doctor.
McCoy: Don't tell me what I'd like! ... I'd really like ... adrenline ... adrenline!!

By Spockania on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 06:06 pm:

[cut line from VOY "Caretaker"]
Janeway: "Brace for Impact!"
First Officer: "What? This show is going to be on UPN? I'm outa here! *throws himself across bridge to death*

By Rene on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 08:59 pm:

That explains it!

By The Tim Lord on Saturday, March 03, 2001 - 04:54 pm:

Janeway: (to Kes) Well, with five votes Kes you *are* the weakest link - goodbye.

By KAMdromeda on Tuesday, March 06, 2001 - 04:57 am:

"We are the Borg." (pause) "Hug?"

By Will S. on Tuesday, March 06, 2001 - 03:53 pm:

What Chapel was thinking as she slapped Spock back to consciousness in 'A Private Little War':
Spock; "I asked you to strike me! If I don't regain consciousness it may be too late!"
Chapel thinks; "I can't believe I'm hitting the man I love!"
SLAP!
Spock; "Harder!"
SLAP!
Chapel thinks; "Hey, this isn't so bad! In fact, when I think of all the times you didn't look at my legs..."
SLAP!
Chapel thinks; "And all the times I winked at you and you didn't wink back!"
SLAP!
Chapel thinks; "And to think I'd sit in my cabin writing 'Mrs. Christine Spock! Over and Over!"
SLAP!
Chapel thinks; "You no good, son of a---!"
SLAP!
Scott dashes in. "What are ye doin', woman!"
Chapel; "LEAVE ME ALONE"
SLAPSLAPSLAP!

By Hans Thielman on Saturday, March 10, 2001 - 11:37 am:

Riker: The Beatles?
Picard: Rolling Stones.

By KAM on Friday, March 16, 2001 - 05:31 am:

Picard: (singing) Give me a head with hair, long gorgeous hair...

OK, that was probably used already, but Nick removed the earlier boards, so I couldn't check.

Speaking of which has Nick found a website to post the earlier boards?

Picard (after having his Borg implants removed): Dr. Crusher, are you sure I have to wear this skin tight catsuit & high heels?
Dr. Crusher: Mmmmm mmmm, uh, I mean yes. Now walk in a straight line & do a little twirl...

By KAM OShanter on Friday, March 16, 2001 - 05:38 am:

(Troi catches Riker with 3 Orion slave women)
Troi: Will! What are you doing?
Riker: Celebrating St. Patrick's Day?

Borg: Your four-leaf clovers will be assimilated.

Alien: What kind of beer is this?
All together now
Scotty & Data: It is Green.

KAM to Enterprise. Beam me out of here, quickly! ;-)

By Derf on Friday, March 16, 2001 - 06:33 am:

(O'Brien is using his KP time to invent gadgets for the Galley that will save time)
O'Brien: Cap'n, I've invented a cleaver that can slice four loafs of bread at the same time.
Picard: Amazing, Mr. O'Brien. What do you call it?
O'Brien: I call it ... a "four-loaf cleaver".

By GCapp on Friday, March 16, 2001 - 07:38 pm:

I once wrote a story about jumping to another time line where DeForrest Kelley was cast on "Lost In Space" and Jonathan Harris was cast on "Star Trek". With excerpts, I gave demonstrations of how various episodes were different, including,
"The Immunity Syndrome" (HE doesn't want to go flying off into that amoeba, but Kirk would just love it if Smith would volunteer and he could get a better doctor),
"The Devil In The Dark" (perfect time for Dr. Smith's famous scream),
"Space Seed" (when Khan holds Dr. Smith by the neck, Smith complains about his delicate back),
I can't remember which Lost In Space episodes I "rewrote" segments of.

By Will S. on Monday, March 19, 2001 - 11:14 am:

Jonathan Harris as Dr.McCoy, helping Eleen up the cliff;
"I'm a doctor not an escalator! You help her, you pointy-eared booby! My back is too delicate for this kind of manual labor!"
To Natira in 'For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky;
Natira; "I would like you to remain here... as my mate."
McCoy (in a quiet voice): "I'm sure that would be very nice, my dear, but tell me...exactly what's in it for me? Could you send me back to, oh, I dun't know, perhaps Earth?"

By John A. Lang on Thursday, March 22, 2001 - 02:27 am:

Elmer Fudd: "Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm supervising SCPIPTS....hahahahahahaha!" [See 1st season end credits]

By KAM on Friday, March 23, 2001 - 01:21 am:

Unused scenes for Flesh & Blood.
A Hirogen is stalking his prey, the prey shows up, points down. The Hirogen sees he is standing in mid-air and falls.

A Hirogen trap backfires on a Hirogen. The Roadrunner shows up and says, "Meep meep." and runs off.

The Doctor (at the end of the episode): The eee-the eee- the eee- that's all, folks!

By Anonymous on Friday, March 23, 2001 - 12:53 pm:

Data: I thought I saw a putty cat.

By KAM on Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 05:07 am:

Wesley (to Robin Leffler): You're dating Wolverine?

By Anonymous on Monday, April 09, 2001 - 01:13 pm:

Kim (sounding like Gomer Pyle): Surprise, surprise, surprise.

By Will S. on Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 11:22 am:

Scene from 'Q2';
Q hands Janeway a padd with a way to get home faster.
Janeway; "This will only get us home a few years earlier."
Q: "I know. But, please try it."
Janeway reads the padd. "'Fly at warp speed, instead of impulse all the time'? Will that work?"
Q: "I give up."

By Andreas Schindel on Thursday, April 26, 2001 - 08:58 am:

ANY Capitain, 0.5 seconds after the ship was attacked: "Fire!"

By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 11:43 am:

Picard: Congratulations on saving the Enterprise. How long have you been assigned here?

Man: Actually, I'm not a member of the crew, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

By XNZ on Monday, May 07, 2001 - 05:14 am:

Troi: Will! I'm being attacked by tentacles!
(pause)
Put down the holo-camera and help me, you pervert!

By KAM on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 06:32 am:

Worf: I write under the pen name of Toby the Targ.

Jake: A hologram gets a novel published before I do???

Riker: Why is my interspecies sex manual being published as a comedy?

Janeway: I've written a travelogue, Seeing the Delta Quadrant On 5 Shuttles A Day.

Chekov: I'm vorking on a history of Russian inwentions. I'm up to wolume 47.

By LUIGI NOVI on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 12:54 am:

I'm not sure I understand some of the entries offered on this board. "Lines you'll never hear" are usually lines that are antithetical to the character in question. For Kirk to say to God, "Hi, I'm your gift to women" seems consistent with his personality, not contradictory. Anyhoo, here are mine:


Riker: Not tonight, honey, I have a headache.

Picard: SCREW diplomacy! Let's kick some ass and take some names!

Janeway: There's trouble on the holodeck! Our crewmen are in danger! Shut down the holodeck!

Chakotay: I'll have a quarterhouse steak, with a side order of minced spotted owl (subsitute white tiger meat or bald eagle meat if you don't have any). I'll have a baked potato smothered in cheese and bacon on the side, and a couple of cans of jolt cola.

Torres: (Singing) I love you...you love me...

Tuvok: Giggle!

Scotty: No thanks, bartender, I'll have some tea. It's only 5pm, after all.

Worf: Make that two.

Chekov: I think some guy in Pittsburgh invented that.

Bones: Very insightful viewpoint, Spock. You
ve brilliantly analyzed and dissected the multi-layered facets of this very complex situation in a manner that I and every other average Joe can understand.

Paris: Whoa, there's some traffic up ahead. Better slow down.

Kira: Please don't hurt me! I'm fragile!

Bashir: But enough about me. Let's talk about you.

Quark: Here, keep the change.

Dukat: Live and let live, I always say.

Wesley to science teacher: I don't get it.

Lwaxana Troi: Well, don't look at me, Deanna, you're a big girl, it's your decision.

Guinan: I'm flattered Jean-Luc, but shouldn't you be asking Troi about this kinda stuff? I just pour booze down people's gullets.

Troi: Look, forget the psychobabble. In a nutshell, you're just plain nuts, okay?

Geordi: Hey, baby...wanna come back to my place?

Everyone in the mess hall: Hey, Neelix, this
tastes great!

Seven: Hmmm...Why the hell am I wearing lipstick (smudge, smudge.)...and why the (uhnf!) was I wearing these ridiculous high heals? And JEEZ! Look at me! I'm practically naked!

Harry Kim: All right, everyone, LISTEN UP! I'm in charge here, and this is what we're going to do!...

The preview trailer editors: Waitaminute, waitaminute. THAT's not in the episode!

Brannon Braga: I don't get it. Rewrite it.

Rick Berman: Maybe we should see what the fans think.

By LUIGI NOVI on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 12:55 am:

Award Presenter: And the Emmy for best dramatic television series goes to......Star Trek Voyager!

By LUIGI NOVI on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 04:23 am:

Peter: Everyone, I want you to meet my new boyfriend Jacques...

By Electron on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 07:50 pm:

Tasha Yar after "The Naked Now": "I had never a sexual relationship with that android!"

By KAM on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:30 am:

Tasha Yar (after The Naked Now): What do you mean I posed nude for Playboy?

Paris (to B'Elana): You should take kissing lessons from the Doctor.

B'Elana: I finally figured out why we can't go at warp. Apparently Q replaced our warp core with a lava lamp.

Holodoc: What is the Matrix?

Neelix: I was a vital member of the ship. At least twice a day they would grab me by the ankles & scrub the toilets with my head.

Seven: I'm in love with Harry Kim.

Tuvok: Sensors say it is a Mutara class nebula.
Janeway: But that looks nothing like a Mutara class nebula.
Tuvok: I never said our sensors were reliable.

Borg Queen: Janeway. Good to see you again. Love what you've done with your hair.

By KAM on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 04:48 am:

Chakotay: We're back at Earth? Oh, boy! I can finally get rid of this tattoo!

7 of 9: I am your teacher. You will be educated. Resistance is futile.

Janeway: Interfere with another culture? Well, that's just prime.

The Federation: Sensors indicate that the starship Voyager is approaching. Fire!

By norman on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 07:19 pm:

News Reporter: On this night as we're waiting for Voyager's Finele, we get to hear the question that's on everyone's mind!

Will Jeffords switch parties?

By norman on Thursday, May 24, 2001 - 12:52 am:

Neelix: (a week after his last contact with Seven of Nine) Hello? Seven? Voyager? Helllooooo! Where are you?

By Will S. on Monday, May 28, 2001 - 08:01 am:

Continued from above, same scenario;
Neelix; "Voyager??? VOYAGER!! Come in! Well. I guess that proves it. They never liked me! If that's the way it's gonna be, then I can only do one thing...I'M GOING TO HUNT ALL OF YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU LIKE THE SNEAKY BARCODIAN DOGS THAT YOU ARE! JANEWAY,PREPARE FOR THE REVENGE OF NEELIX!!!"

By Merat on Tuesday, May 29, 2001 - 06:19 am:

Barcod(e)-ian? Nice use of the common to make an alien word, Will S.!

By KAM on Tuesday, May 29, 2001 - 08:18 am:

And he can team up with old, evil Kes to blow up the ship. Finally a happy ending! ;-)

I found out yesterday that Roddenberry wrote a script for a Tarzan movie in 1968. Which inspired the following.

Kirk: This is Captain James Tarzan Kirk.

Uhura: Hailing drums open.

Kirk: Vine me up, Scotty.

Kirk: Poison darts on stun.

Kirk: Me Kirk. You Janeway.

Kala (dying in Tarzan's arms): The needs of the many outway the needs of the few.

McCoy: Dammit, Jim. I'm a witch doctor, not a warrior!

By KAM on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 06:01 am:

Kirk: Spock, I just looked at the crew compliment and noticed we have a Scpipt Supervisor on board.
Spock: Yes, captain. If the Scpipt's weren't properly supervised they could go wild & take out half the crew.
Kirk: Take out half the crew? But that's my job.
(Laugh track)

By Sophie Hawksworth on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 03:20 pm:

Kirk: We have a full compliment of Redshirts

Borg: Bother, we've assimilated Pooh!

By Merat on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 07:12 pm:

Scotty: "Captain! We've lost the ends of our nacelles!"

By John A. Lang on Monday, June 18, 2001 - 08:20 pm:

KAM---I LOVE THAT JOKE!!!!!!!

Kirk (singing): I say Gumato
Spock (singing): And I say Mugato
Kirk (singing): I say Scpipt
Spock: And I say Script.
Kirk (singing) I say Kowel
Spock (singing) And I say Kyle

Kirk & Spock (singing in unision):
Gumato--Mugato
Scpipt--Script
Kowel--Kyle

LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF!

By Sven of Nine on Sunday, June 24, 2001 - 04:09 pm:

NOOOOOOOO! Not Kirk AND Spock singing!!!!!

By Yul Avadyati, a.k.a Sven of Nine, a.k.a. Tuvok Shakaar on Sunday, June 24, 2001 - 04:15 pm:

Worf: That Pikachu, he was a glorious warrior. Let us now sing songs of the Pikachu!

By Sophie Hawksworth on Monday, June 25, 2001 - 05:30 pm:

Lwaxana: Mr Homm just exploded!
Troi: Don't be sentimental, Mother. People explode all the time.

Dukat: Drat, drat and double drat!
Damar: hee hee hee hee hee
(How do you spell Muttley's laugh?)

Janeway: Our new Chief Engineer has a plan to get us out of this spatial rift.
Klunk: Start vrrripp bung bing bing (bird whistle) fwap fwap fwap fwap like a bird!
Paris: Hey, this is making more sense than usual!

Paris: Borg sphere in range.
Janeway: Tuvok, arm the giant hammer and anvil. Neelix, load Seven into the giant catapult!

By Will on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 02:32 pm:

Worf; "Let us duel to the death!"
Gowron; "Very well. We will drink blood wine, then duel with bat'leths at the 16th hour!"
Worf; "No, we will drink prune juice, and I'll bring my dueling banjo. 4 o'clock isn't good for me either, since Oprah's on at 4."

Tasha; "Captain, the alien ship is hailing us."
Picard; "Will, quick! Hand me Toupee Beta-Omega-Three; I want to look my best."

Admiral Barker; "Ben, I'm giving you command of a Deep Space Station."
Sisko; "Thank you, sir. Which one?"
Barker; "You'll have to guess to win it, Ben."
Sisko; "Deep Space 1? Deep Space 2?"
Barker; "No, keep guessing."
Audience; "Higher! Higher!"
Sisko; "Deep Space 3? Deep Space 4?"
Barker; "No and no. You're almost out of time."
Audience: "Higher! Higher!"
Sisko; "Deep Space 11? Deep Space 14? 15? 16?"
Barker; "You're too high! Almost out of time!"
Audience; "Lower! Lower!"
Sisko; "Deep Space 7? Deep Sp--"
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
Audience; "Awwwwwwww!"
Barker; "Well, Ben, I'm sorry, but the answer was Deep Space 9. Thanks for playing. That's all the time we have now, ladies and gentlemen. Please remember to spay or neuter your tribbles. Or at least, for God's sake, don't feed them!!!"

By Duke of Earl Grey on Friday, July 27, 2001 - 03:52 am:

Every single time Picard calls down to Geordi for an engineering report, the last line of the report includes the phrase, "But don't take my word for it!"

By KAM on Friday, July 27, 2001 - 04:04 am:

McCoy: What would Dr. Phlox do?

Alternate plotline for Suddenly Human
Picard discovers that Brooke Shields has been raised by aliens and must decide whether to take her back to Earth to star in a lame sitcom or return her to the aliens.

Alternate plotline for The Child
Captain Kirk & Commander Riker must submit to blood tests to see which of them is the father of Deanna's baby.

Alternate plotline for True Q
Desmond LLewellyn & John DeLancie duel to the death to see which one can use the name Q.

By John A. Lang on Friday, July 27, 2001 - 07:04 am:

Alternate plotline for "The Enemy Within"
Rand enjoys Kirk's strong come-on and sighs, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Then pauses and says, "Let me slip into something more comfortable."

Alternate plotline for "Spock's Brain"
Chapel seizes the remote control and presses the "kiss me" button 100 times.

By Matt on Tuesday, July 31, 2001 - 11:22 am:

O'Brien; "My daughter was born on my ship."
Bruce Springsteen; "Hey, that would make a good song! I could call it 'Born In The U.S.S. Enterprise'!"

By KAM on Wednesday, August 01, 2001 - 04:54 am:

Alternate plotline for Deathwish
Charles Bronson stars as a vigilante Starfleet officer who wants to get revenge on the Collective that assimilated his wife & daughter.

By Not John A. Lang on Thursday, August 02, 2001 - 03:09 am:

Spock to Rand after she kisses Kirk: Hands off! He's mine!

By The one & only John A. Lang-accept no substitutes! on Thursday, August 02, 2001 - 04:47 pm:

DEFINATELY!

From STTMP---(rec room scene)

Decker: "All these vessels were called "Enterprise"

Ilia-droid: What about the Enterprise seen on UPN after Voyager completed its seven season run?

Decker: Uh....

Ilia-droid: And what about that odd-shaped one that's between the shuttle & the original Enterprise? I don't remember seeing that one!

Decker: Uh....Mr. Wise, help me out here!

By Sven of Nine on Thursday, August 02, 2001 - 05:29 pm:

And from the ST:TMP rec room scene:

"Wot no Tomb Raider?"

By John A. Lang on Thursday, August 02, 2001 - 05:51 pm:

From STTMP:

Kirk: Well doctor, do the new medical facilities meet your approval?

McCoy: They do not. It's like working in a God-**** computer facility.

Kirk: You're exaggerating!

McCoy: Oh yeah? Care for a game of "Donkey Kong" in E.R.?

By Derf on Friday, August 03, 2001 - 01:58 pm:

Q: Spock, why are you always in such a bloody rush? Do you ever perambulate, confabulate, postulate ... any 'lates at all?
Spock: Occasionally I undulate ... but always, always alone.

By Derf on Friday, August 03, 2001 - 02:07 pm:

(from Amok Time)
Kirk: Spock, what do you make of that?
Spock: Why do I have to be the one to always figure things out? And why do I always have to be the responsible party when everyone else is having fun!?

By RevdKathy on Friday, August 03, 2001 - 02:49 pm:

Derf that's cheating... that's a line from Spock V Q, the sequel!

In which case I claim

Q: I'm beginning to see why Kirk bagged all the babes
Spock: that's what you think

By Derf on Friday, August 03, 2001 - 03:49 pm:

Oil well ... you caught me!

By RevdKathy on Saturday, August 04, 2001 - 03:56 am:

Can I have one from "The first men in the moon" then, since it's said by Nimoy???

"I tried to resist but resistance was....."

(by the way, I think it's Ululate... which is something the ancient celts did in battle - gosh, you really wanted to know that!)

By Derf on Saturday, August 04, 2001 - 10:34 pm:

ululate \UL-yuh-layt; YOOL-, intransitive verb:
To howl, as a dog or a wolf; to wail; as, ululating jackals.
Ululate derives from Latin ululare, to howl, to yell, ultimately of imitative origin. The noun form is ululation; the adjective form is ululant.
(taken from Dictionary.com)

New from Hasbro Interactive ....
Ululation!

Now you can be one of the Celtic horde that threatened Northern Europe!
Bobby: (taking a playing card) Remove the British Crown ...
Careful! If you touch the sides ... (bzzzzz!) ... you blew it, Charlie!
Sally: (reading the playing card) Take out Braveheart ... Ha - ha - ha!!
A Winner!

By RevdKathy on Sunday, August 05, 2001 - 03:03 am:

Exactly. I think this is a very oblique reference to Nimoy's singing career!

Apparently the Ancient Brits used to rush into battle yelling "ULULULULULULU!" to alarm their foes. The Romans turned it into a verb (ululare)from which our term Ululate is derived. Actually, Nimoy has quite a nice voice .

By Keith Alan Morgan, whose name is Celtic, as well on Sunday, August 05, 2001 - 04:30 am:

I wonder if the singer Lulu got her name from that Celtic chant?

Klingon Warriors: Ulululululululululu!!!
Universal Translator: This is it. We're all going to die!

By RevdKathy on Sunday, August 05, 2001 - 12:01 pm:

Hmmm I think Ululululululu in klingon probably translates more like "this is it... you're all going to die"!

As for Lulu, I always assumed she took the name from the 1920's classic song "Don't bring Lulu" - which I think was just a diminutive of Louise. Of course, I could be wrong... Lulu is pretty Celtic, as I recall.

By Derf on Monday, August 06, 2001 - 05:54 pm:

I think Lulu owes her name to her parents ... she did NOT take it from a 1920's classics song OR from a celtic term/heritage (although her parents may have) ...

(sorry to so harshly nitpick the above post, but in order to keep clarity in it's virgin state, I accept the risk.)

By Clare Ity on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 02:46 am:

What if I don't want to stay a virgin?

By Derf on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 06:34 am:

Two snaps up for the "Clare Ity" thing ... (nyuk-nyuk)

Anyway, I suppose (based on my moniker) that Lulu is just Ulul spelled backwards ...

By RevdKathy on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 02:02 pm:

Sorry, Derf,didn't mean to Give H'Offense! I always assumed that Lulu was a stage name, or at the very least a diminutive. Was she actually registered as Lulu? I thought parents in that era were a bit more reserved. Must go search some database and find out....

By RevdKathy on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 02:11 pm:

OK... go here: http://livedaily.citysearch.com/artist/634.html You will find that Lulu was registered at birth as Marie McDonald McLaughlin Lawrie. So she didn't get Lulu from her parents. She presumably therefore took it as a stage name, since it's unlikely to be a diminutive of Marie. Where she got her inspiration from is anybody's guess. But it might have been the effervescent character in the song.

OK Clare?

By Derf on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 02:22 pm:

Twern't nuthin' ... I jus had to pull that tick 'fore it dug under my skin. If'n I seemed riled, I wuddn't. I's jus joshin' wif ya ...

The sites I visited also said she was married at one time to Maurice Gibb. (BeeGees)

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 07, 2001 - 08:44 pm:

Kirk: You know, maybe it would be a GOOD THING if we let gigantic computers run our lives!

[Any TOS character]: Take this cheese to Sickbay!

By KAM on Wednesday, August 08, 2001 - 02:24 am:

(Attacking aliens enter Voyager's Sickbay)
Holodoc: Computer, impliment Jedi Defense.
(Holodoc's hands turn into lightsabers)

Any Vidiian: Arms for the poor?

Any Vidiian (singing): You've gotta have heart...

(Voyager encounters some bald Kazons)
Maj Yul: We are the Kazon Picard.


1st Klingon: Which of the Spoonheads should I kill?
2nd Klingon: Pick a Cardassian, any Cardassian.

By ScottN on Wednesday, August 08, 2001 - 11:08 am:

Apparently some of the early ones were lost in the Great Collapsing Nitcentral Disaster of Betelgeuse 7.

So here they are for your pleasure:

McCoy: As a matter of fact, I am a bricklayer, and a moon shuttle conductor too!

McCoy: This man is alive, Jim!

Chekov: No, that was not inwented in Russia.

Koloth: Here, tribble, tribble, tribble!

Spock: Logic really su-cks sometimes.

By ScottN on Wednesday, August 08, 2001 - 11:16 am:

The Borg: We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
Picard: They're right, Number One. Lower shields, and surrender!

By KAM on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 04:25 am:

Nope. The 5 earlier Lines You Would Never Hear In Star Trek boards are at
http://www.geocities.com/nitcentral_tos/

(Maddux tries to take Data from the Enterprise)
Picard (doing Jedi Mind trick): This is not the droid you are looking for.
Maddux: This is not the droid I'm looking for.

Wesley: Why do you always wear that hat?
Guinan: Bad hair century.

Picard: Admiral Piett has ordered us to Alderaan.

Riker: Smooth as an android's bottom.
(Crusher & Troi feel Riker's shaved cheeks)
Crusher & Troi: Not even close.

Data: I am programmed with multiple techniques.
Yar: How many?
Data: Two.

By KAM on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 04:38 am:

M'Ress: Are you a man or a mouse?

M'Ress was a catgirl from the Animated series.

Klingon Warrior: Are you a man or a mouse?
Data: Since I can move a cursor on a computer screen, I must be a mouse.

Attacking Alien: Are you a man or a mouse?
Janeway: You must have flunked Alien Zoology.

Alien at bridge: Are you a man or a mouse?
Picard: An Earth mouse or a Regulan Tiger-mouse? There are two different types you know?
Alien at bridge: Why no I didn't know... (gets thrown into chasm) Aaaaaaaaaa...

By Will on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 11:38 am:

McCoy; Spock, what the Phlox is your problem???

Spock; I never said I didn't HAVE emotions, I said I couldn't SPELL 'emotion'."

Picard; Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
Cashier; Sir, this is Burger King, we don't have tea!

Quark; What are you looking at Hew-mon?
Jamaican; A guy with big ears, mon!

Chekov; Vas the Enterprise built in Russia?
Technician; No.
Chekov; Then shcrew it! I'm not going!

Picard; Excuse moi? Oui, monsuier?

Sisko; Yo-yo-yo-yo, Howard!

Janeway after a week on Earth; I'm bored. I think I'll gather my crew together and take them all on a nice relaxing 3-hour tour around Hawaii!

By John A. Lang on Thursday, August 09, 2001 - 05:10 pm:

Rick Berman: Let's give this John A. Lang a chance to write & direct a story...he sound like he knows what's he's talking about and from I've seen on Nitcentral, it sounds like he'll give us an exciting show.

(I can dream, can't I?)

By RevdKathy on Friday, August 10, 2001 - 03:30 am:

Berman: So John, you've given us 45 minutes of women fighting over various male characters. I love it! The scene with Seven, Kira and Uhura was particularly well scripted. And that scene in the mud with Rand and Edith Keeler - what can I say? you're nothing short of a genius. Our 18-25 male demographic will adore this stuff. Name your price for the script!

(No H'Offense, John! )

By KAM on Friday, August 10, 2001 - 03:45 am:

The Incredible Shrinking Miniskirts by John A. Lang

By John A. Lang on Friday, August 10, 2001 - 04:36 pm:

KAM...I cannot take credit for the incredible shrinking miniskirts....that belongs to Bill Theiss.

RevdKathy...no offense taken.

We'll also remember The end credits person...who can't spell to save his/her life. If he's/she's dead...is their tombstone misspelled too?

By John A. Lang on Friday, August 10, 2001 - 04:40 pm:

BTW, RevdKathy..my scripts should appeal to us 37 year old bachelors with raging hormones too.

By KAM explaining the joke on Sunday, August 12, 2001 - 04:46 am:

Actually my post was meant to be the title & screenplay credit of 'your' episode.

I considered Planet of the Jell-O Wrestlers & Uhura's Panties as titles as well.

I rejected POTJW because Kathy's reference to mud implies mud wrestling & I thought some people might consider it a rip-off of her joke.

While I thought of UP as being a joke on Spock's Brain I thought some people might not get the joke. (Much like the joke I did use.)

Also some might misinterpret Uhura's Panties by John A. Lang to mean that you were a lingerie designer or possibly something worse.

By John A. Lang on Sunday, August 12, 2001 - 07:13 am:

Ah....I get it now! Clever title...maybe I'll use it!

FUN FACT: From Majel Roddenberry: In an interview, she said that Nicelle Nichols would DELIBERATELY pull up her panties by the leg holes...so more of her legs would be seen. (That 'splains everything)

New lines you won't hear on TOS....

Uhura: "Everyone like my new red thong?"

Rand: (In pink jammies...raising her bare leg and placing her foot on Kirk's lap) "Look at my legs NOW, space cowboy!"

Scotty: "It's true what they say about the kilt. Uhura can vouch for me."

By ScottN on Sunday, August 12, 2001 - 01:54 pm:

Scotty: "It's true what they say about the kilt. Uhura can vouch for me."

Och, laddie, that's one image I canna wait to get out o' me head!

By Sophie Hawksworth on Sunday, August 12, 2001 - 04:07 pm:

Uhura (looking out from the screen): Hey Janice, John Lang just nipped out for a beer. Let's girlfight!
Rand: About time, bi.tch!

best catfight ever ensues

Rand: Hey, he's coming back!
Uhura: Quick, make like nothing happened!

_{intended affectionately, John}

By John A. Lang on Sunday, August 12, 2001 - 05:39 pm:

Thanx Sophie, Now how am I gonna sleep tonight if I missed the best catfight ever?

"And now the new Rockette....Yeoman Landon!"

David Lee Roth (singing with the TOS women in the background) "He's just a gigalo" as Kirk walks down the hall with his shirt off again.

Security Man Lang (Arena) "Yes sir, I am a descendant of John A. Lang. How did you know?"
Kirk: "I saw you looking at all the micro-mini skirts and drooling. It's also been noted you've provoked some of the women to get into catfights. All I can say mister is..GOOD JOB! Keep up the good work!"

By KAM on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 04:24 am:

Kirk (singing): Orion girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear.
And the Klingon girls with the way they fight
They knock me out when I'm out there.
The Argelian bars' dancers really make you feel all right.
And the Andromedan girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night.

But I can't wait to get back to the Feds, to the cutest girls in the Quad.
I wish they all could be Federation Girls!

By Will on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 11:08 am:

Troi; I sense...despair...sadness...anxiety...pain. Such...terrible pain.
Me; Aw, heck, Deanna, it's just Monday morning you're sensing!