Kirk: Activate windshield wipers

Uhura: Starfleet is hailing us....collect, sir.

Scotty: No drinks for me, thanks.

Spock: Fasten your seatbelts!

Chekov: Actually, that has nothing to do with Russia.

Rand: Look at my nice, shiny boots.

By Charles Cabe (Ccabe) on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 01:05 pm:

Chakotay: We have a full compiment of shuttles.
(Darn, he said that allready)

or

Chakotay: I'll get you Lex Luthor. (In Lois and Clark, The New Adventures of Superman, Robert Bertran played a bad guy who shot Lex Luthor.)

By Allegra on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 11:45 pm:

bumper stickers on any of the starships:

"I brake for no good reason at all"

"I (heart symbol) my (picture of a tribble)"

"Horn not working; watch for finger"

"hang up and drive!"

"My other car is a broom"

"Klingon chicks kick ass"

"Jesus is coming; look busy"

By Allegra on Tuesday, April 11, 2000 - 02:00 pm:

"Honk if you love Q"......

By Sulu on Tuesday, April 11, 2000 - 02:14 pm:

How's my piloting? Call 1-800-328-3878

By A. Nitpicker on Tuesday, April 11, 2000 - 04:38 pm:

But it should be "Call 1-800-ENT-SULU"

By Hans Thielman on Wednesday, April 12, 2000 - 02:13 pm:

Sisko: There's no crying in baseball.

By Allegra on Wednesday, April 12, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

B'Lanna: "Hey, Seven-wanna get some lattes and talk about guys?"

By KAM on Wednesday, April 12, 2000 - 10:46 pm:

Seven: Sure. Isn't that Harry dreamy?

By SomeDude on Sunday, April 16, 2000 - 04:03 am:

B'Elanna: Like, Totally! You Should Ask Him Out!
Seven: But I'm not, Like, Totally Suuuuurrrre 'Bout That...
B'Elanna: Aww C'mon, Sevie! Go Fer It!
Seven: Like, Totally Okay!
B'Elanna And Seven: OOOOOKAY!!! *Both Giggling*

By Keith Alan Morgan on Tuesday, April 18, 2000 - 03:58 am:

Spock: (picking up a brightly colored silicon sphere) What is this?
Miner: It was left by the Easter Horta.

Janeway: We could get away from the Borg if I could just part the Red Nebula.

Gul Dukat: Where's your Emissary now?

Uhura: They don't worship the sun. They're talking about the son of god.
Kirk: Jesus Christ?
Uhura: No, Hercules.

Apollo: If you worship me, I'll cast a spell that'll drive the women wild about you.
Kirk: All praise Apollo...

Data: I believe in Silicon Heaven, where the lamp will lay down with the iron...

Kirk: How can you worship a... a thing?
Trekkies: Are you saying we should pay more attention to the movies?

By Will S. on Tuesday, April 18, 2000 - 12:31 pm:

7 of 9; "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Worf; "Got blood wine?"

Wesley; "Got acne?"

Kirk; "Good work, Mister Leslie! You saved the ship!"

Worf; "SERENITY NOW!!!"

In 'Amok Time':
Spock; "It has to do with...biology."
Kirk; "Vulcan biology? Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

After 'A Piece Of The Action':
Kirk to Starfleet Command; "The Iotians had developed a 1930's gangster society, I was captured a couple times, and yadayadayada you have to send a ship every year to claim our 'cut'."

McCoy to the Salt Vampire (in the form of Nancy Crater); "You know, Nancy, I'm very pleased that you got those breast implants I suggested!"

Gem from 'The Empath' ; "BURRRRRRP!"

Wesley; "I'm nerdier!'
Tommy Starnes; "No, I am!"
Wesley; "I am!"
Tommy; "I AM!"

Picard; "Mr.Data, lock on glue-guns, and set staplers on stun. Engage the tape dispenser! Fire full power paper clips...NOW!"

Data observing a Gorn from a distance. "It is...it is... It is green."

By Hans Thielman on Wednesday, April 19, 2000 - 10:17 am:

Q: Is that your final answer, Picard?

By Allegra on Wednesday, April 19, 2000 - 12:17 pm:

Tom Paris: VIdeo Poker? sounds boring to me....

By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 19, 2000 - 06:58 pm:

After Voyager returns to the Alpha Quadrant and Tom and Harry meet Liuetenant Nog. Tom turns to Harry and asks "So Harry do you think he was warned about the Ferrengi at the academy."

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, April 19, 2000 - 08:59 pm:

(Tom & Harry meet Lt. Nog)
Tom: Wow, Harry. He's been in Starfleet less than you and he's a Lt. while you're still an Ensign.
Harry: Lousy Affirmative Action.

Seven: Strip Poker, anyone?
Crewman: With that oufit we've seen everything you've got.

Gorn: I am the Wonderful Lizard of Oz!

Balok: Pay no attention to the child behind the curtain!

Borg Queen: I'll get you my pretty! And your little Talaxian, too! Haaaaa hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Neelix: If I only had a brain.
Tuvok: A heart.
Harry: A promotion.

Bashir: I've had it with James Bond/Matt Helm type secret agents! I want to be John Steed!

By Will S. on Tuesday, April 25, 2000 - 12:24 pm:

Picard; "I love viagra!"

Worf; "Quark! Another Mountain Dew for me and Martok!"

Worf; "So I have a Barbie doll. Do you want to make something out of it?!"

By Keith Alan Morgan on Tuesday, April 25, 2000 - 07:48 pm:

(Worf, Martok, & Gowron zipping through a battlefield, on rocket-powered rollerskates, chopping off the heads of Jem'Hadar, Vorta & Cardassians. They do a flip in the air and catch three cans of Mountain Dew traveling at Warp 1. They slam down the soda, stick the cans in the camera and say, in Klingon)
Do the Dew!

Announcer: Buy the new Kingon Barbie! She comes with pink armor, designer Bat'leths and her honor intact. Klingon Dream House of Mattel and pink Bird of Prey sold separately!

Quark: It's not the size of your Q-Tip that's important. It's how you use it.

By Will S. on Wednesday, April 26, 2000 - 12:13 pm:

Kam; I have tears in my eyes from laughing out loud at the Klingon Dream house and pink Bird of prey, and Barbie's honour intact! Great Stuff!

By allegra on Wednesday, April 26, 2000 - 12:40 pm:

Me too! I want Saturday Night Live to get on both ideas, right away! (and pay you generous royalties, of course)

only now, what will you call "Ken"? Will they have to remake the infamous 300Z commercial, where GI Joe steals Barbie away from Ken? how would that go?

By ScottN on Wednesday, April 26, 2000 - 01:01 pm:

Obviously, "Ken" is a dishonorable Ferengi, and "GI Joe" is a brave Klingon warrior!

By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 26, 2000 - 02:27 pm:

Kirk: Saving money is wrong. I don't want to be right.

By ScottN on Thursday, April 27, 2000 - 01:16 pm:

Kirk: That's big. Really big.

By XNZ on Thursday, April 27, 2000 - 06:54 pm:

Woman to Kirk: That's small. Really small.

By Meg on Friday, April 28, 2000 - 08:56 pm:

I remember a friend of mine created a Star Trek dirnking game. Of course part of the time you said stuff every time something happened. Here's my favorite.

anytime anybody says "you have the conn."
(you)KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!

By Skinner on Monday, May 01, 2000 - 02:25 pm:

Picard: Computer, location of Commander Riker?
Computer: Commander Riker is in Counselor Troi's quarters taking a bubble bath.

By Anonymous on Monday, May 01, 2000 - 10:45 pm:

that was so funny i forgot to laugh

By Keith Alan Morgan on Tuesday, May 02, 2000 - 04:25 am:

Spot: I want lasagna.

Neelix: I want a date with Spot.

Worf: Kibbles & Bits. Kibbles & Bits. I want Kibbles & Bits.

Lt. Arex: Can someone give me a hand?

M'Ress: Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Holodoc: Obi-Wan. You're the only one who can help us...

Picard: Computer, where is Mr. Data?
Computer: Taking an oil bath.

Troi: Brain, brain and brain. What is brain?

Picard: It's the white whale!

Q: I wish people would stop using me to play pool.

Troi: Narf! Poit!

Evil Henchman: What do you want to do tonight, Chaotica?
Chaotica: The same thing we do every night. Try and take over the Universe!

By Will Spencer on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 12:29 pm:

Spock; "I'veonlyhadsixcupsofcoffeetoday,DoctorMcCoysogetoffmybackokayokayokayfinefinefine!!!!!!!'

LaForge; "Data! That new afro hair style is so you!'

Worf; "The Dominion has stolen all of my Brtiney Spears CD's! I will hunt them down and kill them all!"

LaForge; "Data, get that thing off your head! I told you to try some mousse, not A moose!"

Doctor Evil; 'Can I get some frikkin' help here, people?'
Data; "Inquiry; define 'frikkin'?'

By Hans Thielman on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 02:22 pm:

Picard: Bygones, people.

Troi: Troi to security. Intruder alert. Al Green is in my quarters.

By ScottN on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 04:14 pm:

Kira: Sure, fine, whatever.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, May 03, 2000 - 09:44 pm:

Kira: So I met this guy, we went out, yadda, yadda, yadda, he's dead now.

Worf (singing): Hit me baby one more time...

Valeris (singing): These boots were made for space walking, and that's just what they'll do, One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you...

Picard: So I sez, like you know, to the Romulan dude, Hey, pointy ears, you iz dissing my homeys by being on our turf...

Uhura: Yo, dude!

Holodoc: Sure, go to a real live, flesh & blood doctor, with an actual medical degree, see if I care.

Janeway: I wonder how the crew would react if they ever learned that I'm really Dennis, the donut boy?

Chakotay: That reminds me of an old Indian story. One day Vishnu was talking to Shiva...

Tuvok: I attempted to mind meld with Mr. Neelix, but it was dark and empty, and filled with cobwebs...

Paris: You know the rules Tuvok. Stay at the back of the Bridge.

Species 8472: So we're just numbers to you people, is that it? Well, we have a name, you know!

Holodoc (singing): ...and listen to... and listen to... and listen to...
Harry: Oops. He's skipping.

Picard: Having finally met the Ferengi, I reccomend we downgrade them from Possible Threat to Comic Relief.

Colonel West: Once war breaks out between the Federation and the Klingons, the Dominion will finally be able to conquer the Alpha Quadrant.

By Will S. on Thursday, May 04, 2000 - 12:08 pm:

The Robor from Lost In Space; "Danger, Will Riker! Danger! Danger!"

By Will S. on Thursday, May 04, 2000 - 12:09 pm:

Ugh!
That should have been;

The ROBOT from Lost in Space.

D'OH!

By Hans Thielman on Friday, May 12, 2000 - 02:10 pm:

Troi: As I was telling Captain Picard the other day, I hate name-dropping.

By ScottN on Friday, May 12, 2000 - 03:53 pm:

Any Voyager Episode:

Captain Picard: Hello, Captain Janeway.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Friday, May 19, 2000 - 04:21 am:

Tuvok: You have killed Mr. Neelix and left the body on Deck 6. I'm going to have to charge you with littering for not disposing of the body.

Chakotay (to Janeway): You talk to the ship?
The Ship: Are you kidding?! She goes on and on and on. I wish she'd just shut up, already!

Celes: It is my fault.

The Doctor: Delicate brain surgery? Oh, let Mr. Paris handle it. I've got a golf game.

Ensign Wildman: Captain! Naomi has been replaced by an alien who is quiet, well-behaved and pleasant to be around.

Data: Here's the problem. Somebody had Lor's switch set to evil instead of good.

Dr. Crusher: Data! Will you stop MiSTing our plays?

Dr. McCoy: Actually, I'm not a Doctor. I'm really a ship's pilot, who's had a few first aid courses.

Spock: Unidentified ship on sensors.
Kirk: Fire phasers!

Odo: Quark, you're under arrest for fondling your ears in public.

Kai Winn: It's the Will of the Prophets,... Unfortunately they drew up this will themselves and it's not legally binding.

By Hans Thielman on Friday, May 19, 2000 - 02:10 pm:

Odo: Go ahead, make my day.

By Mark Swinton on Saturday, May 20, 2000 - 07:56 pm:

>> The Robor from Lost In Space; "Danger, Will Riker! Danger! Danger!"

There was a thief on "Lost in Space"?!?!?!??!?!

By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 24, 2000 - 09:27 am:

Q: Your mission, Captain Picard, should you choose to accept it ...

By Will Spencer on Wednesday, May 24, 2000 - 12:10 pm:

Picard and Worf meet for the first time:
Picard; "Pleased to meet you, Ensign Dwarf."
Worf; "That's Lieutenant Worf, sir."
Picard; "Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Dwarf Star."
Worf;" "No, sir. Worf."
Picard; "Woof?"
Worf; "No, Worf."
Picard; "Nova Orf?"
Worf; "NO, Captain, my name is Worf!"
Picard; "That's what I said."
Worf; "What?"
Picard; "What?"
Worf; "What-what?"
Picard; "You're Lieutenant What-What?"
Worf; "NONONONO! Listen to me, sir! My name is Worf! Worf!"
Picard; "Woof woof? Are you a canine-evolved species?"
Worf; "NO! I AM NOT! AND MY NAME IS WORF!"
Picard; "I had a goldfish once."
Worf; "I don't care!"
Picard; "His name was Fred."
Worf; "I DON'T CARE, SIR!"
Picard; "Is your middle name Fred?"
Worf; "NO!"
Picard; "Thank goodness! Then your name would be Woof Woof Fred Fred."
Worf: "I am not Fred! I am not Woof! I - AM - WORF!"
Picard; "Do you want to know my middle name?"
Worf; "NNOOOOOO!!!"
Picard; "It's--"
Worf; "I DON'T CARE!"
Picard; "You seem to be upset, Lieutenant?"
Worf; "I AM NOT UPSET!!!"
Picard; "You aren't?"
Worf; "NNOOOO!!!"
Picard; "Mister Worf, you're very strange."
Worf: AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHH DIE, HUMAN FOOL!!!!!!"

By Keith Alan Morgan on Thursday, May 25, 2000 - 03:22 am:

(The Borg Queen appears on a veiwscreen)
Borg Queen: The lighting is green. My uniform is black. If you are not seeing these colors on your veiwscreen...

Borg Queen: Call me Queenie.

(Deanna find Lwaxanna & Worf in bed together)
Lwaxanna: Now, you know why I call him Mr. Woof.
Deanna: I found him to be Mr. Whimper, myself.

Rom: My last name is Ulan.

Sisko: Chief. I want you to replace all the Cardassian computers with IBM computers.
O'Brien: Will we notice any difference?

By Locutus on Thursday, May 25, 2000 - 02:32 pm:

Janeway: Get out of that alcove now, Seven. It's my turn to regenerate.

By cableface on Saturday, May 27, 2000 - 06:22 pm:

O'Brien:Anyone know where the Windows backup disks are?

By cableface on Saturday, May 27, 2000 - 06:22 pm:

O'Brien:Anyone know where the Windows backup disks are?

By Gul Dukat on Tuesday, May 30, 2000 - 02:18 pm:

Sisko: Why didn't Avery Brooks get the the title role in "Shaft"?

By kerriem. on Thursday, June 01, 2000 - 11:14 am:

McCoy: Dammit, Jim! I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV!
Or:
McCoy: He's only MOSTLY dead, Jim.

By Will Spencer on Thursday, June 01, 2000 - 12:07 pm:

McCoy; "You'd better come to sickbay with me, Jim."
Kirk; "Sickbay? What is it?"
McCoy; "It's the ships hospital, but that's not important right now."

Sulu piloting the ship towards V'Ger; "I got a bad feeling about this."

Ilia; "You-are-the-Kirk-Unit."
Kirk; "No, I'm Da Man!"

By Anonymous on Thursday, June 01, 2000 - 02:29 pm:

McCoy (to Spock): Surely you can't be serious?
Spock: I am serious, and don't call me "Shirley."

Seven of Nine: I deserve the Coors Light, because I said so.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Monday, June 05, 2000 - 12:15 am:

Scotty: Fool me 7 times, shame on you. Fool me 8, or more, times, shame on me.

McCoy: Captain, you're full of male jelly.

Janeway: I think this plan requires some nitpicking.

Gorn: Can't we all just get along?

Worf: The deep, dark secret that we never talk about is that the Klingon race is a crossbreeding of Buck Rogers' Tigermen of Mars and Doctor Who's Ogrons.

Holodoc: You activated me because you have the Crest of Light.

Tholian: Come into my parlor...

Andorian: Ready for some blue humor?

Harry: Thanks, captain, but I'm not ready for promotion yet.

Dr. Mora: Odo, you never write, you never call...

Kira (to Odo): Die Cardassian collaborator!

Kirk: The secret to having sex with women is a stun setting.

Spock: Once every seven years my species must drink the blood of the living.

Scene not in Generations
Riker: Crash positions, everybody!
(Everbody throws themselves around with arms & legs twisted, and people groaning)

(After the saucer section crashes)
Leslie Neilson (opening door to Bridge): Just remember, we're all counting on you.

M'Ress (singing): Midnight, has the moon lost her memory...

Data (to any human): Ugly bags of mostly water.

Spot: Success, at last I have control of the ship. Muhahahahaha!

By ScottN on Monday, June 05, 2000 - 11:42 am:

Spot: Does anyone have some lasagna?

By Hans Thielman on Monday, June 05, 2000 - 02:13 pm:

Sisko's mother: Call before you dig.

By KAM on Tuesday, June 06, 2000 - 04:17 am:

Sisko: I can dig it.

The hippies from Past Tense (to Kira): Your nose is... groovy.

Bashir: Bash my head in.

Jem'Hadar: Why do we keep taking Ketracel White when Black is Beautiful?

By Anonymous on Tuesday, June 06, 2000 - 10:21 pm:

Echeb (the oldest borg child) to Seven of Nine: That does it Seven. Stop treating me like I am the same age as the others. I am not a little kid.

By Will S. on Wednesday, June 07, 2000 - 12:06 pm:

The Borg kids; "AAAAWWW!! We want to stay up and watch you fight the Vidians!"

By Q on Wednesday, June 07, 2000 - 02:07 pm:

Real reason why Commander Riker never became captain:

Riker: Sir, it's "Riker," not "Rocker," and I never said all those terrible things in Sports Illustrated.

By kerriem. on Thursday, June 08, 2000 - 12:47 pm:

ROTFLOL!

By Allegra, Futurama fan on Thursday, June 08, 2000 - 02:28 pm:

Data: "Kill all humans! (Huge, flaming belch)"

By Will S. on Friday, June 09, 2000 - 12:18 pm:

SCOTTY: "I can't change the laws of physics! I've GOT to have 30 minutes!"
KIRK: "Don't argue, engineer, and program that VCR now! You're the only one who can get rid of that annoying '12:00', '12:00', '12:00' from blinking on and off!"

SPOCK: My favorite tv show from Earth is 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', due to it's highly logical content."

UHURA: "Have you noticed that 20th century tv has few major black characters?"
CHEKOV: "You tink that's a problem? How many Rrrussian characters are there?"

DATA: "What is sex like for humans?"
TROI: "It's like warm apple pie."
DATA: "Intriguing. I wonder if..?"
TROI: "Absoultely not! Go ask Tasha."

By KAM on Friday, June 09, 2000 - 09:19 pm:

Geordi: Whatchu talkin' about, Will S.? ;-)

Geordi: I'm sorry, captain, but I can't figure out how to keep Data from blinking 12:00, 12:00, 12:00.

Data: Tasha. While surfing the Internet I found the most interesting pictures of you.
Tasha: I was young. I needed the money.

McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I'm a janitor, not a doctor. Oops! I mean...

McCoy: Now you just lie still while I attach these leeches.

McCoy: Dammit, Jim! I'm DeForest Kelley, not Dan Ackroyd!
(Kirk arches eyebrows, John Belushi-like, while Spock does a Chevy Chase-style pratfall.)

McCoy: This man is dead.
Redshirt: It's just scratch.

By kerriem. on Saturday, June 10, 2000 - 05:05 pm:

A few riffs from 'Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie' that seemed strangely appropriate:

Space -- the final frontier. These are the voyages of Babylon 5.

Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle and I can't leave my room.

Captain's log, supplemental: A whole bunch of our ship fell off...and nobody likes me.

By Anonymous on Monday, June 12, 2000 - 12:12 pm:

Jake Sisko: And that's the way it is.

Jake Sisko: Page Two.

Worf: Boolah!

Quark: But wait, there's more.

Quark: But call now in the next 30 minutes...

Morn (in little girl's voice): Pepsi please.

By allegra on Tuesday, June 13, 2000 - 12:02 am:

Will S: (bowing many kudos)
that was the greatest stuff, yet!

By Will S. on Tuesday, June 13, 2000 - 12:02 pm:

Riker; "Here's the problem with Data, Captain; somebody put those cheap Duracel batteries in him rather than Energizers!"

By KAM on Wednesday, June 14, 2000 - 01:38 am:

Al Gore: I invented the Borg Collective.

George W. Bush: I am not answering any questions about whether or not I ever used Ketracel White.

Department of Justice: The Federation is a ruthless and predatory Monopoly.

By Callie Sullivan on Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 10:35 am:

Away Team: Captain Picard, we have found an electric machine which joins pieces of material together using a needle and cotton. What are your orders?

By ScottN, who has to say the obvious on Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 10:55 am:

Picard to Sullivan: Make it sew!

By Anonymous on Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 02:19 pm:

Sisko: Book em, Odo.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Thursday, June 15, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

(...and Odo hits the bad guys with a large book.)

Picard: That species looks like they wuz hit wit an ugly stick. A Klingon ugly stick.

Picard: Number One, who's manning the conn?
Riker: Yes, sir. Who's manning the conn.
Picard: What?
Riker: What's manning the helm.
Picard: I don't know.
Riker: No, sir. Idontknow is at tactical.
Picard: Who's at tactical?
Riker: No, sir, Who's at the conn.
Feel free to continue this, anybody. ;-)

By Will S. on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 01:11 pm:

Picard; That's what I asked you; who's at the conn."
Riker; Yes, sir.
Picard; "Excuse me? What did you say?"
Riker; "No, sir. Who., Who is at the conn.
Picard; That's what I'm asking you, mister, because I don't know which officer is at the con!
Riker; No, sir, I Don't Know is at Tactical.
Picard; That's terrible grammer, Riker, but I'll address that later. After your court martial for insubordination! Now; who-is-at-the-conn?
Riker; (shrugging) Ensign Crusher is due in one hour.
Picard; Fine. Whatever. Who's at the helm?
Riker; Uhhhhh...

By Anonymous on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 02:14 pm:

Picard: I want data on the name of the officer who is at the conn.

Data: Yes sir. Who.

By ScottN on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 02:27 pm:

Picard: Look when Starfleet pays the officer at the con, who's account gets it?

Data: Every credit of it. Why not, the man's entitled to it. Sometimes his wife accesses the account.

Picard: Who's wife?

Data: Yes

By Ben Cohen on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 05:58 pm:

Al Gore: I invented the Borg Collective.

I think that ought to be "I invented Unimatrix Zero".

By Ben Cohen on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 07:00 pm:

Pat Buchannon: Non-human life forms do not belong in the Federation!

By KAM on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 07:58 pm:

Picard: Who's wife?

Data: Yes

Picard: What's her name?

Data: Sue.

Picard: Sue who?

Data: Yes, sir.

By ScottN on Saturday, June 17, 2000 - 01:29 am:

Picard: All right then, tell me the navigator's name.

Riker: Tomorrow.

Picard: What time?

Riker: What time what?

Picard: What time tomorrow?

Riker: What time tomorrow what?

Picard: What time tomorrow will you tell me the navigator's name?

By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 01:49 pm:

Data: Bad cheetah!

La Forge: That's why I'm not a cat person.

By kerriem. on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 03:59 pm:

Picard: There's a timely, deeply meaningful classical quotation that would apply here...Nahhh.

Picard: Ah, Mr. Data, may I enquire why you're suddenly wearing whiskers?
Data: I have concluded, Captain, that humans are far to complicated for me to emulate. Therefore, i have switched my focus to a lower -- but in some ways more intriguing -- life form. Meyow!

By KAM on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:39 pm:

Worf: (starts growling at Data) Woof! Woof! (Chases Data around the bridge)

By HAL on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 01:59 pm:

Sisko: Where are the flying cars?

By KAM on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 12:12 am:

In the air, where else would a flying car be? ;-)

By Will Spencer on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 12:10 pm:

When we first saw Data he was more robotic, and when Picard says they'll have to snoop around (in 'Encounter At Farpoint') Data turns around and says, "Inquiry; 'snoop'?" because he didn't know the meaning of the word. Here are some more words Data is unfamiliar with...

Data; "Inquiry; 'D'OH'?"

Data; "Inquiry; 'shagadelic'?"

Data; "Inquiry; 'fart'?"

Data; "Inquiry; 'sha-wing!'?"

Data; "Inquiry; 'booger'?"

Data; "Inquiry; 'Double-dumb-ass on you!'?"

By Hans Thielman on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 02:14 pm:

Data: Inquiry; "alone"?

Data: Inquiry; "is"?

By Spockania on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 08:19 pm:

>>>Sisko: Where are the flying cars?<<<
Officer: We have runabouts, sir. They're sort of flying trucks...
Sisko: I was promised flying cars!

By Will S. on Wednesday, June 28, 2000 - 12:39 pm:

K.I.T.T.: "As the Knight Industries Two Thousand, might I be of service? I cannot fly, but I do possess aformidable turbo-boost."

By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 28, 2000 - 01:17 pm:

Kirk: Name your own price for a flying car.
Picard: See the flying cars on an RCA television.

By Mirror Kirk on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:20 am:

Rick Berman: Wait I have an idea. Lets give the fans what they want.
Braga: You know that might be crazy enough to work. And we can throw in a little continuity as well.
Rick Berman: And hire better writers for Star Trek Voyager while we are at it.

By Mirror-Will Spencer on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:17 pm:

Rick Berman; "Okay; here's my idea for the next Star Trek series; I call it; "The Berman Universe; The Next Next Generation',because whoneeds those silly 'Star-Trek' words in front of the thing anyway? Sci-fi fans will watch anything! Now, the ship's captain will be a genius 8-year-old boy called Mister Zee, and he'll command a ship eighteen times bigger thanthe Enterprise-D, with a crew of 5000, only 6 of which will ever do anything. His first officer will be a purple-skinned Vulcan, and the doctor will be a talking photo-copy of a Blue-skinned Romulan from the 1990's. The ship won't fight anyone, because what alien in his right mind would want to deal with a genius like Mister Zee??!! There'll be a farm,and an amusement park inside the ship,so we won't have to beam down to those silly alien worlds as often, because there'll always be a malfunction on the space-farm to deal with. Of course,every five epsiodes will involve time travel,and feature guest historical characters as enemies, like a Jem'Hadar Lincoln, or Breen Winston Churchill. Half the crew will be Ferengi, and the females WILL be naked this time around. Everyone will eat Pop Tarts for energy and recite poetry that I wrote, and finish the episode with a moral, like, 'the bread always falls onto the floor on the buttered-side'. Nobody will wear boots, and every ninth episode the crew will enter the bridge in their underwear,no questions asked. And finally, instead of continuity with the other Trek series that I and that Roddenwhastsis guy created, we'll have a link with 'Rocky And Bullwinkle'! Gawd, I AM A FRIGGIN' GENIUS!!!
Any questions?"
Braga;"I love it!"
Menoski; "I love it more!"
Braga; "No,I love it more!"
Berman; "Don'tworry, guys; you're both producers!"
Braga and Menoski in unison; "Thank you, master!"

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 11:06 pm:

Okay, Will. With ideas like that you should be contributing to the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions board.

Troi: I've decided on a new uniform this year. I'll wear a bikini bottom and 2 slices of cheese.

Riker: I really like these skants. They really show off my legs.

Star Fleet Admiral: The new uniforms will be a pair of pajamas, with footies and a barn door.

By Anonymous on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 09:27 am:

Computer to Picard: You've got mail.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 03, 2000 - 01:12 pm:

Odo: Give me liberty or give me death.

Kurn: Don't tread on me.

By KAM, with apologies to Jack Benny on Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 01:25 am:

Crook: All right, Quark. Your latinum, or your life?
(Long pause)
Crook: I said, 'Your latinum, or your life?'
Quark: I'm thinking about it!

Kira: (in Ops monitoring ship traffic) Runabout Roanoke, now leaving for Bajor, Vulcan and Koooookamungaaaaaa.

Grand Nagus Zek: Oh, Mahurdu...
Mahurdu: Yes, sir, Mr. Zek, sir.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 02:42 am:

Uhura: 10-4, good buddy. You got your ears on.

Talaxian: Breaker, breaker, Voyager. You got a Kazon on your tail.

Sisko: (Leading that assault in What You Leave Behind) I think we got us a convoy.

By kerriem. on Tuesday, July 04, 2000 - 11:13 am:

KAM: Great stuff!

By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 05, 2000 - 02:31 pm:

Worf (singing): So bye, bye, Miss Bloodwine Pie... This will be a good day to die.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Thursday, July 06, 2000 - 03:18 am:

Any Klingon: It will be a... so-so battle.

Uhura: 10-4, good buddy. You got your ears on.
Ferengi: Of course.

Thanks for the compliment, kerriem

Songs you won't hear on Star Trek
Worf: Where Have All The Flowers Gone
Voyager Crew: Hard Travelling
Quark: (I don't give a d**n about a) Greenback Dollar
Morn: Temperance Union
Odo: The Ballad Of The Shape Of Things

OK, I was listening to The Kingston Trio earlier.

By KAM on Sunday, July 09, 2000 - 04:59 am:

Janeway: A holographic doctor that has sexual fantasies about flesh & blood women is sick! Now excuse me while I visit my boyfriend in Fair Haven.

Weyoun: There ain't no bones in Tapioca.

Worf: Pack of condoms, extra large, with thorns.

Spock: Vulcan has no moon.
Kirk: Then what's that large, round object near the planet?
Spock: The Death Star.

By Mirror Kirk on Sunday, July 09, 2000 - 09:46 pm:

Captain Ransom: The Prime Directive have you ever broken it.
Captain Janeway: Only about four or five times when it suited me.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 09:50 am:

Janeway: I'm a lifelong New York Knicks fan.

By ScottN on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 11:44 am:

Janeway: Neelix, I want you to open a bar in the mess hall, and I think you should call it "Cheers".

By ScottN on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 11:45 am:

DS9 -
[Morn walks into Quark's]
As Everybody in the bar: MORN!

By Will Spencer on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 12:27 pm:

Picard; "Hello?'
LaForge; "WWHHAAAASSSSSSUUUPP?!"
Picard; "WHASSSSSUUUUUUP??"
Worf; "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAASSUP??"
Picard; "WHAAAASSSUUP?"
Laforge; "WHAAAAAAAASSSSSSUUUUUUUUUP??"
Data; "What is up?"

By Anonymous on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 03:09 pm:

Picard steps off the turbilift to discover piles of uniforms scattered throughout the Bridge.

A noise comes from the Ops station. It is Data, operating a sewing machine (circa 1955). Beside him are also several bolts of fabric.

Picard moves to Data.

Picard: Mister Data, what are you doing?

Data: I have learned from Lieutenant Barclay at Starfleet Headquarters that the crew of the USS Voyager is unfamiliar with the current uniform specifications. I have decided to send a complete set of new uniforms to the crew as part of a care package.

Picard: But why use that... device? Why not send them the tailoring schematics?

Data: Apparently Voyager's replicator and energy stores are all being used to maintain a full complement of shuttlecraft and to run continuous holodeck programs. In addition, it seems that Voyager's crew has difficulty maintaining a rigid dietary regimen. Some of the crew, most notably the First Officer, have obviously, to use a euphemism, "let themselves go." I noticed that Commander Riker and yourself, Captain, have also "put on a little..."

Picard: I understand, Mister Data.

Data: This mid-twentieth century tailoring device allows me to create uniforms which the crew can adjust to their size. I have almost finished, Captain. May I continue?

Picard: Make it sew.

By Electron on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 10:39 pm:

Dark Frontier, pt.1:
The Voyager has beamed a photon torpedo aboard the Borg vessel and a Borg is trying to disarm it. He opens a hatch and sees the countdown indicator.
The Collective: "Oh-oh."

By X Man on Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 02:25 pm:

Picard: I want no mutants on my crew.

By KAM, who apologizes in advance for any offense on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 03:34 am:

Klingons
A good day to die? It could be worse.

Actually, we use the Mek'leth for circumcisms.

Is that Targ Kosher?

There I was stuck as a prisoner of war, and you never called, you never wrote, you never killed me to preserve your honor...

(to a Romulan) Goyisher Kop!

By Anonymous on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 02:08 pm:

Naomi: I see dead people.

By Will Spencer on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 12:25 pm:

Gilligan; "SKIPERRRRR!!!!"
Picard; "Yes, Commander Gilligan?"

LaForge; "Has anyone seen the Beaver?"

Kang; "No doubt you will reassemble after I have hacked you to bits!"
Captain Archie Bunker; "Aw, stifle yourself!"

Troi to Riker; "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?

McCoy to Bob Barker; "I'm a doctor, not a game show contestant!"

Picard: "Helloooo...Admiral Newman."

By Hans Thielman on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 02:40 pm:

Sisko: When you realize that dead end assignment on an abandoned Cardassian space station has become one of the the most important commands in Starfleet after that wormhole is discovered, that is an epiphany.

By ScottN on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 07:00 pm:

[With apologies to Padawan from "The Fight" board]

KAM: I have your puns, and shall leave you there.
Kirk: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

Please note, It's been a while since I've seen TWOK, so I can't remember Khan's exact dialog so I can abuse it here...

By Electron on Tuesday, July 18, 2000 - 08:18 pm:

McCoy: "He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder."

By A_gamer_and_a_Trekker on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 12:54 am:

I have two versions of this-

Picard: Computer, How Much Wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Computer: Not enough information to speculate

--------------------------------------------

Picard: Data, How Much Wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Data: I do not know sir, I will analyze.

By KAM Noonien Singh on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 03:09 am:

Space Seed
ScottyN: Of all those jokers, KAM was the one I most admired.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of KAM
Kirk: Mr. ScottyN, do you have any jokes as powerful as KAM's?
ScottyN: I'm sorry, cap'n. I don't have anything as strong.

;-)

By Will Spencer on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 12:32 pm:

McCoy; "He'sdead, Jim."
Kirk: "No, Elvis is ALIVE!"

Sisko with several cuts on his bald head; "Alright,who was it that replaced my shaving cream with CoolWhip???"

By Dogbert on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 02:23 pm:

EMH: Medical Log: I am relieving Captain Janeway of her her command. She is suffering from chronic conn syndrome, a variant of chronic cubicle syndrome.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 11:05 pm:

Dr. Crusher: I've had to relieve Ensign Janeway of duty because of Holodeck Addiction. It seems she created an elaborate holoprogram where she was captain of a ship that was permanently lost in the Delta Quadrant.

Now that's how Voyager should end. ;-)

By Anonymous on Friday, July 28, 2000 - 02:00 pm:

Quark: Let's get ready to rumble!

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 04:25 am:

Kirk: You'd make a splendid computer, Mr. Spock. Which is why I must now destroy you.

Kirk: I'm sorry Yeoman Rand, but you've been voted off the Enterprise.

Spock: Sensors indicate the hull is made of pure Plotonium. We can not destroy it.

Kor: Every Klingon is watched by other Klingons. We got the idea from MTV's Real World.

Khan: I want my MTV!

Khan: What do you mean Kathie Lee left Regis?

Khan: We go to all the trouble of conquering the Earth, and not one person even notices. It's so depressing.

Khan: (looking at a communicator) It's a cell phone!

Khan: Bill Gates was one of us.

Khan: Are we far enough out to pick up reruns of Fantasy Island?

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 10:54 am:

Khan: I only took the Reliant because I couldn't get a Volare with Rich Corinthian Leather™.

By John A. Lang on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 12:05 pm:

You mean a Cordoba, ScottN.

Khan: I also want a Reliant K automobile

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 12:18 pm:

Oops! You're right!

By Will S. on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 12:29 pm:

Khan; "I will leave you as you left me, as you left her; marrooned on adead planet with no Brtiney Spears CDs, no 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' videos; no half-caf decaf latte, buried alive...buried alive!"
Kirk; "KHAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!"

Khan; "I left to escape Y2K."
Kirk; 'You think that's bad? An entire GALAXY's worth of computers are going to fall back to the year 1900 in another 32 years!"

Kirk asks Khan who he is in sickbay;
"Fred is my name."
Kirk pauses. "'Fred'? Nothing else? Just 'Fred'?"
Khan; "Fred.."

Kirk; "Khan!"
Khan; "You still remember me, Admiral? I cannot help but be touched. I, of course, remember you, Kurt."
Kirk; "Kirk."
Khan; "Whatever. Talk to the hand, Admiral."
Kirk; "What is it you want?'
Khan; "One meellion dollars."

By Hans Thielman on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 02:32 pm:

Kahn (to Chekov): I know you. You were Bester on Babylon 5.

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 01, 2000 - 08:18 pm:

Khan (to Chekov): I know you. You were on the Enterprise.
[as Chekov]: No, you don't. I vasn't assigned to the Enterprise vhen you vere onboard.

By KAM on Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 05:24 am:

Khan (to Chekov) I know you. You were on the Enterprise.
[as Chekov] Shhh! Starfleet has a strict 'Don't ask, Don't tell' policy!

(Kirk Asks Khan who he is)
Khan: My name is Frank.
Kirk: Aha! You're part of a conspiracy!

Khan: There is an old Klingon saying, "Tacos are best served hot."
Chekov: Yo quero Taco Bell?

Khan (to Chekov) I know you. You are Don Diego, also known as Zorro!

Khan (to Chekov) I know you. You were on The Monkees! You're Davy Jones!

By Meg on Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 10:17 am:

I have something to add on to this one

Khan (to Chekov): I know you. You were on the Enterprise.
[as Chekov]: No, you don't. I vasn't assigned to the Enterprise vhen you vere onboard.

Khan: Well, it was the sixties and it's kind of a blur.

By Will Spencer on Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 12:25 pm:

Khan (to Chekov); "I know you. You're the rat that rear-eneded my Lexus in 1995!"

Khan (to Chekov); "I know you. You were my lifeline for 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and you BLEW IT!"

Picard; "Hot diggity-dog! There's a Pizza Hut on Risa!"

Beverly Crusher; "You use strange words. What is a 'band-aid'?"

Kirk; "Bones, I need to know which of these is a Klingon food; is it (a) bahgon, (b) gagh, (c) skoph, or (d) tuggah."
McCoy; "Dammit, Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a lifeline!"

Kirk to Charlie Evans; "Get out of my seat, Charlie; you're getting it all bent out of my proper shape."

By Will S. on Wednesday, August 02, 2000 - 01:53 pm:

Regis Philbin; "And now I'd like to introduce you to my new co-host. He's a former officer of the USS Enterprise and station Deep Space Nine, please welcome Liuetenant Commander Worf!"
Worf; "It is a good day to converse."

By Wannabe Trek Writer on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 12:54 am:

Regis: Captain Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Here is your one million dolar question... How many lights do you see? Is the answer A, 5... B, 5... C, 5... or is it D, 5?

Picard: There are FOUR lights!

Regis: Is that your final answer?

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 01:14 am:

Will S: I hate to nitpick your joke because I did think it was funny, but I don't think there were any Brittany Spears CDs in 1996, and if Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was on the air it was the English version, as the American version started last year.

Khan (to Chekov): I know you. Weren't you on Star Trek?

Khan: I helped take over the world to impress Jody Foster.

Khan: (flirting with Marla) In my day you could have been a supermodel.

Khan: Your records are wrong Mr. Spock. We didn't take over the world, we took over Planet Hollywood, and we left Earth to avoid the creditors.

By Wannabe Trek Writer on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 02:50 am:

Yours was equally funny. But her name is Jodie Foster.

:)

By KAM on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 03:13 am:

uhhhh... the Universal Translator misspelled it.

;-)

By KAM on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 03:40 am:

Star Trek kid answers to 'Where is your homework?'

Jake: The Pah-Wraiths burned it.

Molly: I left it in another time.

Wesley: I lost it in a transporter accident.

Naomi: The Borg assimilated it.

By Anonymous on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 09:27 am:

Cheney: It's time for them to go.
Picard: Make it so.

By Will S. on Thursday, August 03, 2000 - 12:22 pm:

As my hero, Homer Simpson, would say,"**D'OH!**" In the name of humor I jumped ahead to 1999, forgetting that Khan left in 1996. I just thought it was funny that Khan was into Britney Spears. Dagnabbit!
I suppose you'll have to substitute U2 CDs for Britney, and 'The Honeymooners' for his videos.

Picard; "I nominate Tasha Yar to be banished from the Big Brother house, uh, I mean, the Enterprise."

Picard; "Now that Tasha has been killedi n action, I must choose a successor to be Chief of Security. As her replacement I've selected Wesley Crusher!"

By Will Spencer on Tuesday, August 08, 2000 - 12:19 pm:

Lt. Marla McGivers writing in her diary;
"Mrs. Marla Nonian Singh", "Mr. and Mrs. Khan Noonian Singh", "Marla and Khan Noonian Singh", "Marla Noonian Singh and Khan Junior"...

Apollo; "What is your name?"
Palamas; "Lieutenant Palamas."
Apollo; "I mean your 'name'."
Palamas; "Bertha."
Apollo; "'Bertha'. What a...lovely...uh...I think we'll just call you 'Mrs. Apollo' from now on."

Apollo; "What is your name?"
Palamas; "Lieutenant Palamas."
Apollo;"I mean your 'name'."
Palamas; "Agnes."
Apollo; "'Agnes'. Oh,okay. So,anyway, Kirk,what were we talking about?"

Apollo; "What is your name?"
Chekov; "Ensign Chekov."
Apollo; "I mean your 'name'."
Chekov; 'Pavel."
Apollo; "'Pavel'. It's a lovely name. Tell me, Pavel, do you like Greek...food?"
Chekov (to Kirk); "Permission to return to the ship immediately, Keptin?"

Apollo; "You will beam down tomy planet, Captain. But do notbring that one-- the one with the ears. He is much like Pan, and Pan always bored me."
Kirk; "Really? Mr.Spock is quite entertaining to us, especially with all the sounds he can make with this armpit. He's also an outstanding caterer."
Apollo; "Oh, well, that's different. He may join us."

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 08, 2000 - 02:27 pm:

Lt. Marla McGivers writing in her diary:
Dear Diary. Today I met the infamous Khan. I sat and entertained him!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 08, 2000 - 07:08 pm:

Picard: Computer, Earl Grey tea, hot.
Data: Might I offer an alternative beverage choice, sir? Make Seven Up yours.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 01:58 am:

(Picard in restaurant)
Waiter: Hi. I'm Earl. I'll be your server tonight.
Picard: Earl, grey tea, hot.

Apollo: What is your name?
Palamas: Lieutenant Palamas.
Apollo: I mean your 'name'.
Palamas: Frank.

Apollo: You will beam down to my planet, Captain. But do not bring that one-- the one with the ears.
Kirk: But... we all... have ears. It's... how we hear.
Apollo: On second thought. You can go now.

Lt. Marla McGivers writing in her diary: Dear diary. After years of serving as a 20th century expert on a starship. I finally had something to do.

Khan: Cowabunga, dudes!

Khan: You are one far-out foxy mama.
Marla: Fer shure!

Khan: (when defeated) D'oh!

Kor: (to Organians) I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

Bela Oxmyx: Arr! Avast ye mateys! Surrender, or we'll make ye walk the plank!
Spock: Apparently the Iotians have taken the book 'Pirates Of The Carribean' as their bible.

McCoy: (on stage in front of audience) ...and I said, 'Call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!' and this young lovely said, 'Why? Are you hurt?' and I said, 'No, I just graduated from medical school.'
Kirk: (in audience) Dammit, Bones. You're a Doctor, not a Comedian!

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 02:10 am:

Uhura: Ringy-dingy to you too, sweetheart. (snort snort)

Uhura: Look it up yourself, I've got better things to do.

By KAM-In on Wednesday, August 09, 2000 - 03:19 am:

Spock: Veeeeeeeeeery interesting, but stup�d. (Would be especially appropriate in Patterns Of Force. ;-)

Any Redshirt: Sock it to me!

Nora Setee: Here come da judge. Here come da judge.

Ardra: The devil made me do it.

By kerriem. on Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 12:03 am:

Uhura: No, this is NOT Krazy Kor's House O' Gagh!
(jerks antenna out of ear and spins around) Captain, those Klingon frat boys are at it again.

La Forge: Uh, Data, what's with the map of California?
Data: In my attempt to understand humour, Geordi, I seem to have encountered an unresolvable paradox. Where, exactly, is 'beautiful downtown Burbank'?

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 01:22 am:

Kirk: This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. Is your warp engine running?
Alien Captain: Yes, it is.
Kirk: Then you'd better catch it before it gets away.

By John A. Lang on Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 02:30 am:

Kirk: (Crunching carrot) Eh, What's up, Doc?

Chekov: Vewy, vewy interesting

McCoy: Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting rabbits (Shore Leave)

By Derf on Thursday, August 10, 2000 - 10:00 pm:

"A tribble in the hand is worth two in the bush."

By KAM on Friday, August 11, 2000 - 12:19 am:

McCoy: Boy, ah say, boy. I am a doctor, not a chicken.

Ship's Sensors: I tawt I taw a Womulan ship. I did! I did!

Worf: (shouting) Goldarnit, ya good-fer-nuffing, two-bit, low-down, dirty varmint! Today iz a good day t'die!

Quark: The only Earthling I admire is Mickey Mouse. He really had the lobes to run that worldwide conglomerate.

By ScottN on Friday, August 11, 2000 - 11:07 am:

Worf: [spins through a few bulkheads] Worf Hungry!

Wesley: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wesley E. Crusher, Super Genius!

By Will Spencer on Friday, August 11, 2000 - 01:57 pm:

Worf; "Who wants to play Spin The Bottle with me?"

McCoy; "You have chills, excessive perspiring, feelings of anxiety and foreboding, your hands can't stop shaking, and you're hyperventalating."
Ensign; "So what should I do, Doc?"
McCoy; "Get out of that red shirt, boy,and transfer outta Security right this instant!"

Odo; "Left foot green! Right hand blue! Right foot yellow!"

Tuvok; "I do not have any 5's, Mr.Kim. You may 'go fish.'"

Spock; "YAHTZEE!"

Kirk; "What was it that the Klingon said that started the fight, Scotty?"
Scott; "Well, the Klingons called you a 'swaggering, overbearing dictator with delusions of god-hood."
Kirk; "Is that all?"
Scott; "No, sir. They also compared you with a Denebian Slime Devil."
Kirk; "I see."
Scott; "And then they said--"
Kirk; "I get the picture, Mr.Scott."
Scott; "If this is on the record, sir, I have to report every word, as per regulation 47A."
KIrk. "Oh. Continue."
Scott; "Well, he called you a Regulan Blood worm."
Kirk; "Very well."
Scott; "And they called you slave-driver, and a hero-wannabe and ruthless to your helpless enemies, kicking them in the,uh,private parts when they're down and laughing."
Kirk; "I see. Then--"
Scott;"I've got more, sir."
Kirk; "Uh..."
Scott; "Let's see...slave-driver, ruthless, oh, yes, terrible towards officers that haven't gotten a raise in 2 years, kind slutty around women, a little pudgy around the stomach; always burping at the breakfast table and not saying 'excuse me', farting at the conn and pretending it was someone else, always needing to be in the spotlight, always in..."

Dorothy; "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Odo."

Gary Seven; "Roberta Lincoln, may I introduce my brother and sister, Larry Eight, and Mary Five."
Roberta; "Mr.Seven, please don't take this the wrong way, but your family is weird!"

Professor Crater; "The Salt Vampire is the last of its kind, doomed to extinction, just as its close relative, the Pepper Vampire."

Kirk; "The fleet has been attacked in Sector 47, starbases across the Federation have been sabotaged, and important diplomats from a dozen planets have been kidnapped. I think we both know who's responsible, Mr.Spock."
Spock; "Indeed, Captain. It appears to be the work of KAOS."
Maxwell Smart; "Fortunately, I'm here to deal with them."
Kirk; "You? You're just one man, Mr.Smart. You're life would be in constant danger, a hunded enemy agents would be in on the bounty to kill you and you would be living on borrowed time."
Smart; "Aaand...loving it!"

Worf; "Jadzia, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

Worf; "This is a warrior's drink. What is it?"
Guinan; "HAHAHAHAHAHA! I just made you drink Liquid Paper!"

Wesley; "Today is a good day die!"

Voyager has been attacked by a dozen hostile
alien ships, half the crew is dead, and the bridge has been damaged and the hull breeched. With the ship spiralling down towards a blazing sun, Janeway makes a decision;
"Attention all hands...sound red alert. We might have a problem."

Chakotay; "For the last time, will you all stop mispronouncing my name?! It's not 'Chakotay', it's 'Chakakakaoyamaytay'!"

Ensign Kim; "Okay, it's true.My real name is 'Harry Kimberly. I just figured that 'Kim' was bad enough, but 'Kimberly' was ten-times worse!"

Guardian; "I'm the Guardian Of Forever."
Spock; Are you living or machine?"
Guardian; "I am both and neither. Iam my own beginning,and my own ending. I am...the most powerful giant doughnut in the universe."

By Hans Thielman on Monday, August 14, 2000 - 01:34 pm:

La Forge: I estimate a warp core breach in two minutes.
Picard: Failure is not an option.

By Derf on Monday, August 14, 2000 - 09:59 pm:

Nurse Chapel: Hey, lady! You call him Doctor McCoy!
Willie Scott: OK, OK! Wake up!
McCoy: Are we there already? Good.
Willie Scott: No, no. Look! There's no one flying the starship!
McCoy: Oh no ... Chapel, get our stuff.

By kerriem. on Monday, August 14, 2000 - 11:19 pm:

Okay...could somebody clue me in on that last one?

By Msmith (Msmith) on Tuesday, August 15, 2000 - 05:58 pm:

Yeah. What is that a reference to?

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 04:54 am:

Willie Scott is the woman from Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom.

Sarek: (to Spock) Now listen Junior...
McCoy: Junior?
Spock: I prefer to be called Spock.
Sarek: We called the dog Spock.

B'Elanna: Carey, why are you hiding in the bulkheads?
Carey: TPTB want to drive the Nitpickers crazy trying to figure out what happened to me.

Voyager by The Kazon Trio (sung to the tune of M.T.A)

Let me tell you the story of a man named Harry
on a tragic and fateful day
Clipped his ensign pip on,
kissed his mom & Libby
went to ride on the Voyager
Well, did he ever return?
No, he never returned,
and his fate is still unlearned.
He may ride forever in the Delta Quadrant,
He's the man who never returned.

By ScottN on Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 11:26 am:

Now that brings back some memories..

For those of you who don't understand KAM's wit... wait that's everyone... for those who don't understand his reference...

In Boston, to ride the subway (MTA), you used to have to pay on EXIT. So, the Kingston Trio wrote a song about a man named Charlie who got on the train, but couldn't pay to get off... so he "rides forever 'neath the streets of Boston. He's the man who never returned".

By Derf on Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 12:53 pm:

Now Harry's wife goes down to the Barzan wormhole every day at quarter past two.
And through the open wormhole she hands Harry a sandwich as the Voyager comes rumblin' through!
(Keep this up and we'll have the whole song written soon)

By John A. Lang on Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 01:16 pm:

Unwritten song from "Generations"

Hang down your head Jim Kirk,
Hang down your head and cry.
Hang down your head Jim Kirk,
Oh boy, you're bound to die.

(Sung to "Tom Dooley")

By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 16, 2000 - 02:24 pm:

Spock: What's up Doc?

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 01:16 am:

Didn't realize there were so many Kingston Trio fans here.

Maybe we'll get songs like Three Jolly Captains Sat In A Ferengi Tavern, Risa Jamboree, & When The Prophets Go Marching In.

Data: It is a conspiracy. C, O, N... Spiracy!

By Derf on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 03:42 pm:

Quark: Oh, I don't care ... just give me what
YOU think its worth.

By ScottN on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 04:28 pm:

This was supposed to go on the MiSTings board, but it's CLOSED!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ST IV: The Voyage Home

Kirk and Co. are on trial. The Klingon Ambassador has just demanded Kirk's head (figuratively, of course)

[As Federation President]: Kirk, ever since that Finney incident, you've been on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION! Well, you're not going to get away with it this time! You're through, Kirk! Do you hear me!?! THROUGH!!!!!

P.S. We need a new MST3K Moderator... FAST!

By ScottN on Friday, August 18, 2000 - 05:13 pm:

Kirk: Bones! This man needs medical attention!
McCoy: Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a... oh... never mind.

----
Ezri: Dammit, Ben! I had this great looking Jadzia host, and then they went and put me into this damned chipmunk body!

By Derf on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 01:28 pm:

Picard: Mr. Data, lock phasers on target and fire at will.
Data: Why, what did he do?

By Hans Thielman on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 02:16 pm:

Picard: Get your paws off me, you *****, dirty ape.

By Derf on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 10:08 pm:

Lwaxanna Troi: That Odo ... he pours himself into his work.

By Peter on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 11:53 pm:

Worf: Sir, they are firing upon us.
Picard: Mr Worf, do not try to hail them, do not take evasive maneuvers, do not try to go to warp, do not try to eject the core, do not separate the saucer section, just fire back.

Riker: I fold.

Troi: Does anyone think it might just be possible that this ship could manage without me?

Data: Perhaps I should not try to connect every single mission we complete with becoming more human.

Beverly Crusher: I'm not helping this Borg/Ferengi/Romulan/Evil Human, some people just deserve to die.

Wesley Crusher: Captain, may I put on a red shirt and be the away team security officer who beams down to this hostile planet?
Entire Enterprise Crew: YES! YES! YES!

Sisko: Perhaps I should show some emotion when reacting to this wonderful/terrible/amazing revelation.

Worf: Does anyone think it might just be possible that this station could manage without me?

Bashir: Does being genetically engineered ever turn you from an interesting, flawed, likeable and amusing character into a walking computer who never gets a decent story again?

Keiko: Why do I only appear when my husband's been tortured or his life is in danger?

Dax: Has anyone noticed that apart from pulling out a tricorder and occasionally firing a few phasers, I haven't done any science work in seven years.

Garak: To be honest . . .

Kim: Investigating this dust cluster will add another ten months to our trip.
Janeway: Well this journey is long enough as it is. Lets just head home.

Chakotay: We are flying a starship faster than light through the delta quandrant of our galaxy and encountering races and planets no one has ever seen. There just isn't a seven hundred year old Indian tale that is relevant to this week's situation.

Seven: Do you think this is too skimpy?

Tuvok: Anyone noticed that nothing strange that happens to the rest of the crew ever seems to happen to me?

Peter.

By Peter on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 12:13 am:

One more:

("Skin Of Evil", sickbay)

Crusher:Lieutenant Yar is dead.
Bill Clinton: That depends what the meaning of the word is is.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 12:47 am:

Khan: Captain Kirk? Are you anything like the Captain Kirk in the song 99 Luft Balloons?

Khan: I expected the future to look more like Captain Proton.

Khan (when he first sees Kirk): You're T.J. Hooker!

Klingon High Command: Maltz, because you were captured you will be punished by having your face altered to look human, then you will sent back to 20th century New York where you will become a District Attorney named Dan Fielding.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 09:34 am:

Kahn (to Kirk): Do you suppose you could get me Heather Locklear's autograph?

By Will Spencer on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 04:53 pm:

Kirk; "And what is your name?"
Khan; "Khan, is my name."
Kirk; "Liar! I happen to know your reall name is Mister Rourke!"

Tatoo; "Boss, what is your fantasy?"
Khan; "To get off this horrible planet of Ceti Alpha V!"

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 07:16 pm:

Khan: I really wanted to hijack the USS Cordoba, with its Rich Corinthian Leather™ captain's chair, but the Reliant will have to do.

By ScottN on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 09:05 pm:

VOY: Prototype

Head Robot [to Torres]: Hey, hot mama! Wanna kill all humans?

By KAM on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 09:44 pm:

B'Elanna: Like, fer shur!

Khan: My name is Techy Goldfish.
(Radio commercial ref)

By KAM on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 11:34 pm:

B'Elanna: Of course, I'm a Valley Girl! I used to live in Beverly Hills 90210! Like wow!

By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 02:19 pm:

Kahn: Stranded on Ceti Alpha V. That's my punishment for having booked my flight using Priceline and flying United.

By Derf on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 10:38 pm:

Wesley: How old do you have to be before you can say #@!$! on a starship?

By KAM on Thursday, August 24, 2000 - 04:13 am:

Worf (covertly to another Klingon): psst! Klingons don't whisper. Pass it on.

By Will Spencer on Friday, August 25, 2000 - 01:46 pm:

Worf; "This is a warrior's meal! What do you call it?"
Guinan; "A fried peanut butter and banana sandwich."
Worf; "Thankya, thankyaverramuch, Guinan."

Kirk to natives; "The first thing that's gotta change around here, gentlemen, now that Vaal is dead, is you've GOT to stop wearing that weird white eyeliner!"

Janeway; "My ship was lost for 7 years, totally cut off from Earth."
Doctor Smith; "You think that's bad,my dear? I'm still trying to get back home after 35 years! Ooh, the pain, the pain."

Kyra; "Mmmmm! That lime jello was delicious, Quark!"
Quark; "Thanks. Hey, I haven't seen Odo all day, have you?"

By KAM on Saturday, August 26, 2000 - 11:52 pm:

Jem'Hadar (played by Charlton Heston): Ketracel White is tapioca!!!

Picard's Fish: The crew must never know that I make all the real decision for Picard.

Borg Queen: From now on all cubes must be painted white with 1 to 6 black dots on each side and tumble through space.
Borg spheres will have the number 8 painted on them and communicate with answers such as Yes, No, & Answer Hazy Try Again.
Borg diamonds will be red, and travel with red Hearts, black Spades & Clubs.

By Hans Thielman on Monday, August 28, 2000 - 02:04 pm:

Lily: Actually, I read the Cliff Notes version of Moby Dick.

By Will S. on Monday, August 28, 2000 - 04:44 pm:

Worf; "Captain, I have a boo-boo on my elbow."
Picard; "Beverly, would you kiss Worf's boo-boo and make it all bettter?"

Spock; "Captain,may I introduce you to my pet rock, Fred."

By KAM on Tuesday, August 29, 2000 - 02:35 am:

Lily: I saw the old TV movie version of Moby Dick, and you look an awful lot like Captain Ahab.

By KAM on Tuesday, August 29, 2000 - 02:40 am:

Khan: I'm Mr. Rourke!
Soren: No, I'm Mr. Rourke!

Excalbian: I'm Mr. Rock and welcome to Fantasy Planet.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Wednesday, August 30, 2000 - 01:55 am:

Excalbian: Today on Celebrity Deathmatch, Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Abraham Lincoln & Surak in a tag team match against Kahless, Colonel Green, Genghis Khan & Zora!

Cut scene from Bar Association
(Bashir, Worf & O'Brien are spending the night in jail)
Bashir: Now what do we do?
O'Brien: You sure got a pretty mouth.
Worf: I'm gonna make you squeel like a targ, pretty boy.
Bashir: ODO! ODO!

Kira: If you think the Pah-Wraiths are bad, just wait till you meet the Ma-Wraiths.

By Hans Thielman on Wednesday, August 30, 2000 - 09:47 am:

Spock: Ship out of danger?
Kirk: I'm afraid not, Spock. Because of what you did, we have a warp core breach.

By KAM on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 03:07 am:

Spock: Ship out of danger?
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: Then I'll turn the shuttle around and reboard the ship.

By Derf on Monday, September 04, 2000 - 10:30 pm:

Kirk: (on Veridian III to Picard) When gone am I, the last of the Enterprise Captains will you be ...

By KAM on Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 02:18 am:

Kirk: (on Veridian III to Picard) Call 911!

Picard: Why don't I use my mutant psychic powers to stop Soran?

By ScottN on Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 11:35 am:

Picard: Why don't I use my mutant psychic powers to stop Soran?

Guinan's Echo: Because Soran will use his g-dlike powers to change your fantasy to a nightmare.

By Will S. on Tuesday, September 05, 2000 - 12:24 pm:

Picard; "Lassie! What's wrong?"
Lassie; "WOOF! WOOFWOOF! WOOF!"
Picard; "Cmdr. Riker's fallen down a well! Quick, girl! Let's go rescue him!"

George Jetson trapped in a turbolift; "Jane! How do you stop this crazy thing?!"

By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 06, 2000 - 09:28 am:

Janeway: Now it's time to get home, or die trying. Yeah, right.

By Derf on Wednesday, September 06, 2000 - 10:22 pm:

Martia: I only morphed into shapes YOU found pleasing, Kirk.

By Hans Thielman on Thursday, September 07, 2000 - 02:21 pm:

Bashir: I have to perform emergency [medical technobabble] surgery on Jadzia.
Sisko: Have you ever performed this procedure before, Doctor?
Bashir: No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

By Electron on Monday, September 11, 2000 - 02:28 pm:

Oh my...!!! I've found this interesting story in a newsgroup and tried to translate it...


Worf: Captain! A Romulan Warbird decloakes on starboard!

Romulan Captain: This is an official declaration of war against the UFP! We will destroy you now! Ready the torpedos!

Picard: Please wait a moment!
[He signals Worf to cut the audio channel.]

Worf (growls): Aye. When do we kill them? Those Romulans have even less honor than a turbolift!

Picard: Not yet. His wording was strange. Something is wrong there.

Riker: Right. Counselor, do you sense something?

Troi: Uhh, it's damned cold here.

Riker: Right. Geordi?

LaForge: I've reduced the temperature by two Kelvin. Otherwise Wesley starts to sweat again.

Wesley: That's not true!

LaForge: It is! Your last uniform stank so much we had to dispose it through airlock 9!

Wesley: I'm on strike.
[Stands up and goes to the turbolift. Data presses a few buttons on his console and the turbolift door opens but there is no lift there... Wesley falls down 15 meters.]

Data: Haha. (grins) An Emotion! Starting internal diagnostic program IV/Blue. Please wait.

Riker (via intercom): Medical emergency in turbolift shaft three, somewhere between decks 1 and 12.

[Ensign Riley assumes Wesley's position at the helm.]

Picard: Gentlemen! We hav...

Riley: Ladies and Gentlemen please.

Picard (sighs): Ladies and Gentlemen! We have still a romulan Warbird on starboard who wants to make space-junk of us. Mr. Data, your analysis?

Data: An error in my speech subroutine caused a reaction which could be interpreted as human laugh. Indeed...

Picard: Not this analysis! The romulan warbird! Why does the captain talk that strange? And why is his skin greener than normal?

Data: Oh well. The bridge crew of the Romulan warbird ate a large portion of tainted Urparian Pflamtsh yesterday according to my biospectral sensor data. that would explain their strange behaviour. The green color comes from bad lighting from the left side. A really bad example of interior architecture...

Picard: Thank you. (intercom) Bev...Dr. Crusher, do we have a cure against tainted Urparian Pflamtsh?

Dr. Crusher (in tears): WESLEY IS DEAD!

Picard, Riker, LaForge, Worf, Data, Troi: YEAH!!!

Picard: Congrat...err...my condolences. (giggles) Do we have a cure?

Dr. Crusher: Yes. But now that my only son is dead you own me something, Jean-luc. Today evening in my quarters?

Picard: Yesyes. Geordi?

LaForge: We could distribute the antiserum on the romulan ship but not with their shields raised.

Picard: And?

LaForge: Using an inverted tractor beam transmitted through the main deflector we could cause a radion reaction dropping theis shields to 74%. The transport has to be initiated precisely at the right moment, we have only one chance!

Picard: Make it so. Fast. The Romulaner are getting angry.

Data: That's because Cmdr. Riker makes funny faces.

Riker: D'oh! Old blab!

Picard: Are we ready?

LaForge: Ready.

Picard: And start!

[A few colorful clouds and light beams in yellow, red and green light the space, against all the laws of physics of course. After the fog goes by the warbird cloakes.]

Worf: They are withdrawing, Sir.

Riker: It did work.

Data: A lifeform floats in space. (turns to Picard) It's the romulan cook.

Troi: They are showing to be thankful.

Riker: Beam Wesley's corpse to the cook. He shouldn't be alone in his current state.

Picard: Great. Once again I saved the universe.

Riker: Uh, we also took part, Captain...

Picard: When I say it was me then it was me, only. No discussions. Otherwise brig.

By KAM on Tuesday, September 12, 2000 - 12:25 am:

Tuvok: Captain, sensors indicate that our inability to leave the Delta quadrant, the crew's sometimes inexplicable changes in personality & general amnesia about people & events are caused by an extra-dimensional race. Their leaders are named Rick Berman & Brannon Braga.
Janeway: Lock all weapons on them and shoot to kill!

By Pedantic Pearl on Wednesday, September 13, 2000 - 01:37 pm:

Riker: Do you ... have a significant other?
Object of Riker's Attention: No ... I all my others are bi-lateral.

By Derf on Wednesday, September 13, 2000 - 11:38 pm:

I liked your rantings, Electron. (it may have been a bit too much for one sitting, though. Break 'em up into 2 or 3 servings - might go down better for tHE Man and others like him)


Kirk: Rand, what are we doing?
Rand: It's really hard imagining us engaging in romance when we're in twin beds with a night stand between us, isn't it?

By Pedantic Pearl on Thursday, September 14, 2000 - 12:53 pm:

(Star Trek in a "Soap Opera" forum)
Carol Marcus: Jim, did you put up "the shields"?
Kirk: Shields have failed ... evasive maneuvers!

By Anonymous on Friday, September 15, 2000 - 01:31 pm:

Picard: Clear all moorings ... let the tide take her.

By ScottN on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 09:21 pm:

The Enterprise meets the USS Valiant

Kirk: Hail them.
Uhura: Hail to the Victors Valiant! Hail to the Victors Valiant! Hail! Hail!

Ed note - you need to be a Michigan fan to get this one

By John A. Lang on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 11:44 pm:

To ScottN:

Or Marian Central in Woodstock, Ill.
-------------------------------------------------

Kirk: Engage!

Rand: At last! When's the wedding?

By Anonymous on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 06:58 pm:

Kirk: Captain's Log Rats supplemental. The Enterprise Rats has entered orbit around Gamma Hydra II Rats. We are on a routine mission Rats...

By Derf on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:15 pm:

A hardy nyuk-nyuk to anonymous for the rats ...
(What we need is a subliminable Trek series ... yeah!)

By KAM on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 03:12 am:

Voyager's bumper sticker: Continuity is for sissies.

Voyager shuttle's bumper sticker: How's my exploding? Call 1-800-DONT-COUNT

or

Manufactured by Snap-Tite for easy reassembly.

Voyager shuttle's assembly instructions: 1 dehydrated shuttle. Just add water.

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 12:28 am:

Spock: It was as if all of NitCentral had winked out of existance...

By Anonymous on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 01:41 am:

Seven, B'Elanna, & Tom Paris are getting ready to play a game of strip poker.

Tom: OOPS, this is my deck of marked cards. I'll get a standard one; 'cause I wouldn't want to have an unfair advantage.

By John A. Lang on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 11:49 pm:

Sylvia (Catspaw)

"I hate Mondays!"
"I want some 9 Lives"
"Where's Odie?"
"Where's Pooky Bear?"
" 'Scuse me, I've got to use the litter box"

By Keith Alan Morgan (Kmorgan) on Sunday, September 24, 2000 - 12:18 am:

Spock: Having researched feline behavior, the way to defeat Sylvia is too scratch her behind her ears.
Kirk: Yes, but then she'll start poking my legs with her claws and she might hit 'little Jimmy' so the only alternative is to kill her.

Sylvia: Korob is a fool, he... *hack* *hack* *hack* (spits up a furball)

Sylvia: If the Old Ones are so great then why can't they invent a flea collar that works?

Kirk (to Sylvia): Are you a woman who becomes a cat, or a cat who becomes a woman?
Apologies to Iron Mike Grell ;-)

By Hans Thielman on Monday, September 25, 2000 - 02:08 pm:

Paris: Darn, the prisi squares gold medal game is not being shown live.

By ScottN on Monday, September 25, 2000 - 04:17 pm:

Barclay: This is Howlin' Mad Barclay of the Starship Enterprise.

By KAM on Tuesday, September 26, 2000 - 02:42 am:

Worf: Shut up, you crazy foo'. I pity you! You're not getting me into that shuttlecraft.

By SpottedKitty on Wednesday, September 27, 2000 - 06:12 pm:

I can't believe noones said this one....or is it too obvious?

Picard or Kirk during the titles - "Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space."

With apologies to Douglas Adams :)

By KAM on Thursday, September 28, 2000 - 12:28 am:

Sylvia (when transforming to a cat): Terrorize!

Sylvia (singing): Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads, Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!

Barclay (in Holodeck): This is the World War I flying ace...

Kirk or Picard: Space... Whoa, dude! It's all black with little teeny tiny twinkly bits all over the place! (Enterprise zooms by) Whoa! What was that? Oh, here it comes again! Wheeee!

By John A.Lang on Thursday, September 28, 2000 - 01:09 pm:

Kirk: "Space...it's big...real big"

(ala Priceline.Com)

By Spockania on Thursday, September 28, 2000 - 10:18 pm:

Kirk: "Space is big... real big. I wanted to take a trip across the galaxy, but when I saw the prices for not booking in advance I had to be revived by spaceport security..."

By Derf on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 02:23 pm:

"The first tally is tainted ... sterilize! ... sterilize! ... I shall effect repair"

By KAM on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 01:51 am:

Kirk: Spock! Did our phasers puncture the force field?
Spock: No, but it is dimpled.

By John Lang on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 03:51 am:

From "The Man Trap"

Uhura to crewman (aka salt vampire)

"Chad, I love your dimples"