Seven:Pass the twinkies!

Janeway:I think I'll try decaffe for a change!

Joseph Sisko:We're turning Sisko's into a Denny's!

Olga( 7 Days,and yeah I know it ain't Star Trek,
but this is DEFINITELY something she'd never say
unless she were delusional,on drugs,or not herself
or it was really Galena/Evil Olga who said it):
Kiss me Mr.Parker and make mad,wild love to me
all night long..I want you Mr.Parker,I need you
Mr.Parker,I love you Mr.Parker!

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 12:45 am:

7 of 9 Days
Kiss me Mr. Kim and make mad, wild love to me all night long... I want you Mr. Kim, I need you Mr. Kim, I love you Mr. Kim!

Deep Space 7 of 9
The power of the Pah-Wraiths is irrelevant, Gul Dukat. You will be imprisoned.

7-11 of 9
It is beef jerky. Taste is irrelevant.

By Keith Alan Morgan - Help, this started as a twist on Scott's joke and now I can't stop! on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 10:14 am:

7 of McBeal
My feelings for Billy are irrelevant. He has been assimilated by Georgia.

7 of 9icity
I followed Ben halfway across the galaxy and he doesn't even know my designation. I must have some kind of disease.

7 of 9, The Vampire Slayer
Bloodsucking is irreleportant. You will be stakesimilated.

The 7 of 9 Files
Your scientific proof is irrelevant, Scully. The Borg have encountered creatures like this before.

Sailor 7 of 9
So evil alien, you seek to destroy Voyager? Well that is irrelevant for I am SAILOR 7 OF 9!
BORG NANOPROBE ATTACK!
*a blast of light hits and destroys the alien, as well as magically repairing all the damage he did to Voyager*

By KAM on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 10:26 am:

7 of 9: Maybe it's just the synthahol talking, Mr. Kim, but you're pretty cute. (hic)

We'll Always Have Paris
Tom Paris: uhhh, Captain Picard, I'm not very comfortable with this holodeck program.

Spock: Captain, I've discovered why so many redshirts keep dying.
Kirk: Well, what is it Spock?
Spock: It seems some practical joker has been sticking 'Kill me' signs on their backs.

By M. Jenkins on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 - 11:26 pm:

Picard: Wes, I am your father.

Q: Luc, I am your father.

Riker: Deanna, I am your father...I married your mother.

Sarek: Amanda, I am your father...or at least old enough to be.

Ezri: Worf, I am your father.
Worf: As long as the host wasn't Jadzia.

Odo: Quark, I am your father.
Quark: You sure act like it! Or you would, if you were human.

Dukat: Ziyal, I am your father.
Ziyal: Father...I know that.

Weyoun: You are a member of the Rebel Alliance!
Damar: And...?

By KAM on Friday, July 02, 1999 - 05:54 am:

"For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky! Then the sky hired an attorney and sued me for sexual harrassment."

By Keith Alan Morgan on Friday, July 02, 1999 - 10:51 am:

A group of singing yeoman: We've got short shorts...

Ensign Picard: Alright, who replaced my shampoo with Nair?

Dr. Crusher: Wesley, when you were a baby, your father & I had you genetically enhanced.

Geordi: This isn't my VISOR! This is a hair barrette!

McCoy: Of course he's dead, Jim! How do you expect me to save lives with a collection of salt shakers?

Scotty: I canna give you anymore power! The squirrel is running as fast as it can in that little wheel.

Paris, in a space suit outside of Voyager: I was kidding about pushing the ship!

By Keith again on Friday, July 02, 1999 - 11:00 am:

Damar: My father wanted me to be a Gul, but my mother thought I'd make a good psychiatrist.

B'Elanna: We found a new fuel source, captain. This little animal poops dark matter.

Data: The odds are...
Riker: Never tell me the odds!

By M. Jenkins on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 - 02:35 am:

Q: There was a reason I wanted to make Riker a member of the continuum. I'm his mother! I took a female form for a change and seduced Kyle Riker and now I want to reclaim my son!

La Forge: I can see! I have those nifty inner eyelids that Vulcans have!

Troi: I once considered a career in engineering.

By Hans Thielman on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 - 03:51 pm:

Janeway: That Queen Amidala is sure a wimp.

By Anonymous on Thursday, July 08, 1999 - 05:33 pm:

Sisko: I wished I had stayed on Utopia Planetia.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Friday, July 09, 1999 - 03:20 am:

The Borg: It's wrong for us to assimilate other races without their permission.

Sloane of Section 31: You're right, Doctor. Section 31 does violate the principles that the Federation promotes. I'll dismantle Section 31 starting right now.

Pakled: We noticed that your warp engines are broken. We can make you go.

Geordi: Real eyes are nice, but I can't activate my zoom or split screen features.

Riker: That's Captain Riker. I accepted my promotion and am leaving the Enterprise.

Uhura: Hailing frequencies open, sir, but should I use 1-800-CALL ATT or 10-10-345?

By Keith Alan Morgan on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 08:57 am:

Counselor Troi: You've just suffered a traumatic experience. I want you you to contemplate what has happened, alone in your room, with none of your friends stopping by to see how you're doing.

Some Missed Opportunities after DS9's The Muse
Deanna (to Lwaxanna): Odo's my stepfather?

Odo (cleaning a phaser rifle): So Mr. Worf, I understand you want to date my stepdaughter...

Quark: Odo, I'll confess to anything you want, if you'll just make Lwaxanna stop talking to me

Lwaxanna: Mr. Homm, have you seen Odo? He was resting in this Chianti bottle.

By Von Trapp Family on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 06:17 pm:

General Chang: Adelweiss, Adelweiss, you look happy to see me.

By M. Jenkins on Monday, July 12, 1999 - 11:39 pm:

Crusher: Worf, have you ever considered a career as a midwife?

Ira Graves: Noonien Soong is my brother, not my student.

By Keith Alan Morgan strikes back on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 03:25 am:

Noonien Soong: Data. I am your father.

Lore: Data, come, join the Dark Side.

Ira Graves: Data, your father wanted you to have this. It was his lightsaber.

Data: We must destroy the Dyson Sphere.

Riker: The Enterprise has made the Kessel run in less than 3 parsecs.

Troi (to Stormtrooper): He is not the android you are looking for. You will let us go.
Stormtrooper: He is not the android we are looking for. You can go.
Data: Did you do that using a Betazoid mind trick?
Troi: No, I distracted him with my skin tight outfit.

By M. Jenkins on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 - 11:57 pm:

KAM: Wouldn't that be Seven's line, instead of Troi's? Troi's would be something like: No, I distracted him with a lot of nonsensical psycho-babble that basically told him he was hiding something, like his 'lightsaber'...

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, July 21, 1999 - 03:13 am:

Kirk: Mr. Sulu. Groove factor 5.
Sulu: All right, dude.

Spock: Captain. We be tripping.

Kirk: Uhura. Crank up the tunes on that thing and everybody dance.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Monday, July 26, 1999 - 08:40 am:

Captain Janeway: Oh, Mark! I just had the weirdest dream. My ship was pulled to the delta quadrant...

Harry Kim: Wow! I'm finally a Lieutenant!

7 of 9 (to Naomi): Shut up, you little brat!

In the basement of Klingon Intelligence
M'Lder: I've booked passage for Deep Space Nine in the Bajoran sector.
Sk'Lly: Tribbles are extinct! They were wiped out years ago! This story sounds like publicity for that Ferengi's bar!
M'Lder: The Tribbles are out there.

Vila: They say they're the Federation Starship Voyager.
Avon: Destroy them.

Voyager finally get home and Janeway rips off her shirt and runs around the Bridge in a black sports bra.

Announcer: This episode of Star Trek is brought to you by the number 47 & Q.

Dr. Chaotica: Captain Proton. I am your father.

Riker: Captain, I'm afraid that a member of this pre-warp civilization has seen the Away Team.
Picard: Well, the Prime directive is clear on this issue. We beam the alien up to the ship. Have Dr. Crusher give it an anal probe. Partially wipe it's memory and send it back down to the planet.

By M. Jenkins on Tuesday, July 27, 1999 - 12:37 am:

Hey Keith, wasn't that last done to Sarjenka (Data's little alien friend in whatever ep that was)? Well, to a degree...they wiped her memory and sent her back. And it was Pulaski who did that!

Paris' father (after finally getting back to Earth): Tom, B'Elanna is your sister. She's my daughter.

Paris: Actually, I hate B'Elanna. I think Chuckles is kinda cute, though...

Tuvok: Do I care if it's logical? I say we should just blast 'em and ask questions later!

By Keith Alan Morgan on Tuesday, July 27, 1999 - 05:02 am:

There was also a memory wipe (ineffective) in Who Watches The Watchers, done by Crusher. But the line is really a swipe at UFO abduction stories.

Q: This is my son, R.

Harry: Sensors detect a blue police box...

By KAM on Wednesday, July 28, 1999 - 04:32 am:

Penumbra (take 2)
Worf & Ezri are arguing, they kiss, they pull away, Ezri grabs Worf's head... and knees him in the groin.
Ezri: Nobody calls me a 'slebok' and gets away with it!

Although as much as Klingons like pain, that might actually be a turn on.

By Keith again on Wednesday, July 28, 1999 - 07:00 am:

Scotty: Don't worry captain. I rebuilt the entire warp core using coconuts and chewing gum.

Harry: Skipper!

7 of 9: So does that make me MaryAnne or Ginger?

By M. Jenkins on Thursday, July 29, 1999 - 01:25 am:

Yup, Keith, you DO have way too much time on your hands...

Picard: Q, I think you should know that I'm happy to have you aboard. Care to go horseback riding in the holodeck with me?

Gowron: Worf, you have dishonored my family name.
Worf: What are you talking about?
Gowron: Mogh was my father too! You are my brother, and you dishonored me!
Worf: Actually...I'm your sister.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, August 11, 1999 - 04:00 am:

Quark (singing): There was a Ferengi who had a dog and Tongo was his name oh, T, O, N, G, O...

Kira: Why do you have to go back to the Gamma Quadrant now?
Odo: I finally figured out what happens to all your boyfriends.

Bashir: The worst thing about the Gamma Quadrant is the radiation. Those Gamma Rays could turn you into the Hulk.
(OK, this line might show up in a Peter David story.) ;-)

Dukat (after What You Leave Behind): Is it me or is it hot in here?

By KAMbot on Wednesday, August 11, 1999 - 06:29 am:

Starfleet Medical: Frankly 'Doctor' McCoy, we can find no trace of your medical degree. So you may be a bricklayer, locksmith or a shuttle pilot, but you're not a doctor.

Tom Paris: All right, Dr. Forrester, I've loaded the Captain Proton movies into the holodeck and I'm going to start inviting members of the crew to join me.
Holodoc: Good and while they participate I'll monitor their minds.

By Chris Ashley on Wednesday, August 11, 1999 - 10:53 pm:

Talking rock [from The Savage Curtain]: Here are the enemies you will be fighting.
Kirk: KHANNN! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

Barclay [in The Nth Degree]: My mind is going, Geordi. I can feel it. I can feel it.

By mei on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 01:49 pm:

Actually, Keith again, somebody did show the Voyager crew as Gilligan's Island. (Don't remember offhand which one 7o9 was.) It's on a webpage called The Voyager Chronicle, don't have the URL. (But I'm looking.) It's great. They also showed Chakotay, Paris, Tuvok and Harry as the Monkees, as well as some other pictures. It's great! The Chronicle also has Miss Manners - answered by B'Elanna, rewrites of fairy tales, and lots of other things that my mind refuses to tell me right now! (I'm at work (lunch hour), who can think?) It's a really great site!

By KAM on Friday, August 20, 1999 - 11:10 am:

Janeway: There it is, Earth!
Crew (disappointed): Ohhh!
Neelix: You know captain, I'm awfully homesick for Talaxia.
Janeway: Okay, Mr. Paris, turn her around.
Crew: Yaaaaaaay!

By Keith Alan Morgan on Monday, August 23, 1999 - 10:27 am:

Not really a line, but a visual gag.
In Star Trek: First Contact, Lily shoots Data.
Data then drinks a glass of water and water pours out of the holes.

Picard: (reciting the alphabet) ...Q, R, S, T, Earl Grey, Hot, U, V...

Troi: (to a blonde Dr. Crusher) It looks like you had a warp core bleach.

By Steve McKinnon on Thursday, September 02, 1999 - 05:02 pm:

Picard; "Computer; Cup-A-Soup! Hot"

Picard; "Computer; beer!"

Harry Kim seeing 7 of 9 nude for the first time;
"They were just rolled-up socks?!"

Paris; "I have a confession to make, Captain, I never took flying lessons!"

Picard; "Number One, prepare a landing party that doesn't include yourself, Data, Worf, Geordi, Troi, Beverly, or Wesley."

Janeway; "Chakotay, prepare a landing party that doesn't include yourself, Paris, Tuvok, Torres, Kim, or Neelix."

Geordi; "I have no clue as to how to fix that. Do you mind if I read some technical jounals first to figure it out?"

Data; "That's it. I've no more memory capacity left."

Data; "Geordi, I just realized; you're a negro."

Data; "I'm not a grown-up, and I can do anything! YOU can't!"

Worf; "OOW! OWW! Paper cut, paper cut!"

Worf; "Observe while I play Russian Roulette with this phaser."

Worf to any Romulan; "I love you, maaan!"

Riker to Chakotay; "You really think this tattoo on my forehead is going to get me more women?"

Picard; "Don't fire the phasers; I think that might hurt someone."

Sisko; "Alright, who put the nameplate saying 'Cue-ball' outside my questers?"

By norman on Friday, September 03, 1999 - 01:23 am:

From "Life Support"

Odo: Major Kira, you better come down here. There's been an accident, and Vedek Bareil looked seriously injured!

Kira: Odo, have you forgotten about Starfleet Protocal? You're just supposed to just tell me to come down there. You're not to tell me what you've found. I'm supposed to see it for myself!

Odo: Well, excuse me, Major! Star Fleet rules and regulations have never made that much sense to me!

From "Year of Hell, Part II"

Paris (Chakotay): You're spending too much time listening to Captain Nemo!

Chakotay: Paris, Annorax may be terrible in many ways, but he's not a pedophile.

Paris: That's Captain NEMO! Not Captain E O!

By Steve M. on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 09:43 am:

Geordi; "I want to be helmsman! No, wait! I want to be Chief Engineer! No! I want to be in charge of Ten-Forward! Wait! I want to be..."

Chekov; "Left ees port, end right ees starboard? Ken you translate that eento Russian for me, please?"

Worf; "It is a good day to plant some flowers."

Janeway; "Mr.Paris, what do you mean we've been travelling in the WRONG direction for FIVE years?!"

Spock; "Stop me if you've heard this one; a man, a monkey, and a Tellarite walk into a bar..."

Picard; "Mr.Worf, inform Starfleet that we have engaged...the Cybermen."

Janeway; "This is Captain Janeway of the Federation starship, Voyager. Please identify yourselves."
On the main viewscreen; "We-are-the-Daleks. You-will-surrender-or-be-exterminated."

Tuvok; "YA-BA-DA-BA-DOOOO"

McCoy; "I'm a doctor, not a Changeling!"

Kirk to a beautiful woman; "I think it would be best if we just start off as friends, and work up from there>"

Geordi; "Aw, heck! My visor keeps falling off! Anybody got some velcro?"

Spock to T'Pring; "Having is not always so good a thing as wanting. For example; did you know that Stonn snores in his sleep, and also has the regretable tendancy to expel noxious gaseous anomalies if he eats spicy foods?"

By Tirel Tarrison on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 06:20 pm:

Weyoun to Damar: You know, Dukat was a hell of alot more manly than you

Kanar bottle to Damar: Dammit, put me down!

Odo to Weyoun in Treachery faith and the..:You know, I always wanted a son just like you.

Odo to Laas, his other changeling buddy: Let's link, we can't get humanoid diseases like aids or anything....I heard there's a disease going around in the link but I'm sure its not caused by linking....

Dukat to Sisko: Your like a Human brother to me (whacks him with a pole) Now tell me I'm a good man!

Kira to Dukat at any time: I find you irresistable. Lets go out on a date. I'll bring the whip

Damar to Dukat: You know that Weyoun is so...

Dukat to Damar: Yeah...Weyoun is...but who needs females when your toes curl up....

Weyoun to his Founder: I quit!

Weyoun to anyone: My real name is Brunt, you know, that Ferengi dude. I just look cool now.

Dukat to Weyoun: Do you remember that dream the pah-wraiths gave me and Sisko..lets go beat up some dark colored Bajorans..

Quark to anyone: You cant buy friendship with latinum...

Janeway to Picard and Sisko: U ••••! You dont know jack about exploration or coffee or battle! You'll wind up stuck behind some desk like that Admiral Ross!

Admiral Ross to Sisko: No, I dont think that idea will work

Admiral Ross to Sisko: I order you not to...

Admiral Ross to Bashir in front of everyone: Uh..remember that thing with Sloane and the Romulans.

Thats it for now, but I'll be back..

By FtAdm Dark on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 07:22 pm:

Lonely Ensign to Sisco:"I think that a captain should not spit when he or she talks!"

Federation President to a pomulan warlord: I think
the proble is that your ears are pointed and
we dont have polygons on our heads"Quote"

quark to kira: "Enjoying your milk?", I take Visa
or mastercard.

Picard&Madred: How many lights?"If I could see, maybe I would tell you!"

Seven of 9&Vic Vontane: Singing is fun and so is...Indulging our selves into toxicating beverages such as this vodka!

By CmdrVC on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 07:37 pm:

After wolf 1800-999-359 the daily federation civilian wasnt save from the borg! They needed help!Thats why Tank Camandoe Mr. Rogers was chossen for the job!He goes around the alpha quadrant blasting borg with his water POKEMON!
"But is the federation surwe he'll protect us?

sisco: Raise the sails
Kira:What about my femine fragiality?
Odo:Ill turn into a sail to prove that im a true
cardassian patriot!
Dukat 1000 miles away:Yippy Skippy Mr mail man!
All cardassian patriots galaxy wide:?
Sisco:All hands were going to have contact with a ruthles lethal person! So lets leave are quators unlocked and leave all are latnum an our night stand!
Mr Rogers; Its a beutiful day in the neighbor hood its a beutiful day for changing my whole out fit numorous times for the sake of entertainment-Pulls out double bareled chain rifle with replicator ammo magazine with x-treim zoom scoop extensions.
Everybody:?
Borg:AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Mr Rogers:Its a beutiful-Mr rogers opens fire at borg central collective-(TTTTTTTTT) The neigborhood Why not come and (TTTTTTTTT) play in my neighborhood (TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT) Good what did we learn today?
-Mr rogers pulls out grenade
borg:Ahhhhhhhhhh
-oblivion!

By Keith Alan Morgan on Friday, September 17, 1999 - 07:52 pm:

Janeway: It's the Omega Directive. Tom, set course for Gallifrey! We have to destroy the Time Lords' Eye Of Harmony before it's too late!

Any Klingon: All you need is love.
Have you hugged an enemy today?
Happiness is a warm tribble.

Spock: Hey sexy mama! Wanna kill Humans?

Picard: Well, we could explore that nebula, but I'm already in my pajamas.

Any Romulan: Why do we use so much starch on our uniforms?
You know, if our ships were black instead of bright green, we wouldn't need to use the cloaking device as much.
Do you think we should tell the Humans that we're reponsible for their Roman Empire?

Dukat after his vision from the Pah-Wraiths: I have a dream!

Damar: I had so much Kanar last night, I was seeing grey elephants.

Star Trek II, take 2
Spock in the reactor room: Ship... out of... danger?
Kirk: No. You fixed the wrong part.
Spock: Oh, [censored]!

Ezri and Bashir in bed
Ezri: I wish you were Kira.
Bashir: I wish you were Miles.

Admiral Ross: I helped Sloane because he knows I'm not really an Admiral. I'm actually Dennis the donut boy.

The Enterprise computer: Hey, dudes. How's it hanging?

Geordi: The best thing about my VISOR is the way they act like X-Ray specs. Looking good, Tasha.

Picard: Data, you're getting white makeup all over the place.

Ishmael to Captain Ahab: You're acting just like Picard with the Borg.

Kirk to the Mirror universe Chekov: 30 days in the cooler!

Kirk: We need to find some way to communicate with them.
Spock: Perhaps we should stick a Babel Fish in their ear?

Dr. Bashir to the Jack Pack: What the heck, we're genetically engineered, let's take over the Federation.

Ezri & Bashir in bed
Ezri: I guess they didn't enhance everything.

By Banana on Saturday, September 18, 1999 - 03:02 pm:

Sloane to Garak: Let's bag Bashir together!

Dukat to Kira: You know, I first learned about intimacy from Gul Madred....

Kirk to Sisko: Can I borrow Kira?
Sisko to Kirk: Can I borrow Spock?
Janeway to Picard: Can I borrow Deanna?
Garak to Janeway: Can I borrow Seska?

Jake to Nog: Lets go steal something
Nog to Jake: Shagadelic baby!

Garak to anyone: Now, everything I say is a lie. I am lying to you.

Bashir to Garak: Your lies are like banana's...they come in big yellow bunches!

By Steve M. on Monday, September 20, 1999 - 12:18 pm:

Data; "I'm starving!"

Guinan; "Would you like fries with that?"

Wesley; "Would you like fries with that?"

Beverly; "I'm not going in there! There's a dead body in there!"

Kirk; "There's no such things as space aliens."

Scotty; "I canna figure out this alien technology, Cap'n! The unit just keeps blinking '12:00', '12:00', '12:00'..."

Spock; "I'm having the worst friggin' day today, Jim."

The Gang at 'Cheers' as Scott walks in:"SCOTTY!"

Uhura; "This is the starship Enterprise; your call is important to us. Please hold the line for the next available bridge officer."

McCoy; "I'm a doctor, not a pepper!"

Spock; "You're my bestest friend, Jim."

McCoy; "Before I operate, Sarek, I need to know one thing...do you have insurance?"

Spock; "Are you talking to me? Are-you-talking-
to-ME?!"

Wesley; "WHOA! 8:30! It's past my bedtime!"

Wesley; "Guinan, another gin and tonic, please."

Spock; "Captain, the Romulans have illegally crossed the Neutral Zone and entered Federation space."
Kirk; "That's it! Somebody call the cops!"

What kind of car do the Borg drive?
A LamBORGhini Countach.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Monday, September 20, 1999 - 08:15 pm:

Dr. McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a mutant!

Hank "Beast" McCoy: I'm a mutant, not a doctor!

Troi: Captain, I sense the alien is feeling my leg.

Data: Okay, who hooked my off switch to the Clapper?

Kirk: The name is Kirk..., James Kirk. Licenced to break the Prime Directive.

Riker: Call me Billy

Guinan: I'm listening.
Morgan Batesman: Hey! That's my line!

Morgan Batesman: Now that I am captain of the Bozeman, nothing can stop me from finally destroying Bart Simpson.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 21, 1999 - 02:22 pm:

Paris: Sorry, Captain, but I have no idea what a Corvette is.

By ScottN on Tuesday, September 21, 1999 - 04:45 pm:

Data: There are 4000 definitions of that word in my database, but I assume that you do not wish to hear them.

By KAM on Tuesday, September 21, 1999 - 07:47 pm:

7 of 9: The problem with the Collective is they just Drone on and on and on....

By Tirel Tarrison on Tuesday, September 21, 1999 - 07:54 pm:

Data to Geordie: Being Human bytes! I wish I were an android again.

Picard to Troi: I'll pose our session with a careful question. Does Will know how to share?

Spock to anyone: That is the mostest logicalist thing I ever heard!

Tuvok to Seven of Nine: Borg are not logical
Seven of Nine to Tuvok: Logic is irrelevant.

Neelix to Naomi: You remind me of Kes

Flotter to Treevus: God, I hate that brat!
Treevus to Flotter: Tell me about it! Oh, here she comes, act pukey cute and all that rot!
Naomi: Hi!
F and T: Hi!

Janeway to Chakotay: Your fired!

Janeway to Paris: Your the most wonderfully responsible and dutiful officer I will ever have the privelage to meet.

Janeway to Neelix: I love your coffee!
Janeway to Neelix: This tastes wonderful!
Janeway to Neelix: I dont know what I'd do without you!

Tuvok to Neelix: I have decided to say something positive about you after all.
Neelix to Tuvok: I cant believe it! So Mr. Vulcan has a heart!
Tuvok to Neelix: I have just changed my mind.

Seven of Nine to Harry: Your such a little irrelevant man! Wimp! Couldn't even show me why Humanity is so much fun! I had to get the hologram to do that for me!

Kai Winn to Sisko: Emissary, I entirely trust in your good judgement and admit I've been a total power hungry fool.

Jake to Nog: I don't know how in the Fire Caves we got to be friends in the first place.
Nog to Jake: Shut up before I stuff my prosthetic leg in your mouth!

Vic to Quark: I think I'm falling in love with you.

Leeta to Rom: I'm pregnant.
::offstage, Startrek fans puke at the thought of Leeta and Rom's baby::
Rom to Leeta: Arrr.....your joking, right?

Janeway to Sisko: Sorry! I aint doing the bald thing!

Dukat to Dax: I don't care if you survived my Pah-Wraith glory.....your still a slimy little slug that I should have killed years ago!

Dax to Sisko: Curzon was wildly in love with you.
Dax to Bashir: Wanna see my other spots?
Dax to Worf: Jadzia did say you were....lacking some in bed.
Dax to O'Brien: Did Julian ever tell you that when hes in bed with someone he calls your name.
Dax to Sloane: ::slaps him:: How dare you make eyes at my man!
Dax to Garak: ::stabs him with his own sewing needle:: How dare you flirt with my man!
Dax to Damar: Hi, I dont know you even though I've seen your image for quite awhile on my viewscreen. Who are you and why are you leveling a disruptor at me....
Dax to Weyoun: Gods! I still remember catching you in bed with Dukat......::giggles::

By KAM on Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - 01:42 am:

Star Trek Insurrection, take 2
Riker: Smooth as an android's bottom.
Troi (feeling Riker's chin): Not even close.

Dr. Crusher: You and Will seem to be a lot closer.
Troi: Yes, we even shared a bath.
Crusher: That must have been fun.
Troi: It was until we started arguing about religion.

By Matthew Patterson (Mpatterson) on Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - 07:46 am:

Let us not start thatagain.

By Will Spencer on Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - 09:34 am:

Kirk; "How far will we be from the Klingons?"
Chekov; "One parsec, sir."
Spock; "That is illogical, Ensign. Odors cannot travel in the vacuum of space."
Chekov; "I vas making a little joke, sir."
Spock. "oh. I get it! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Sisko; "I hope Kassidy doesn't notice my bald spot!"

Jake; "Alright! 'Playboy' published my story!"

Jake; "Novelist? Nah, I gave that up, Dad. I wanna be a sitcom writer instead!"

Geordi; "Wesley...I'm your father."

Picard; "What you gotta ask yourself is, 'did I fire this phaser 5 times or 6 times. So...you feeling lucky...punk?"

Uhura; "Inside outside out! Livin' la vida loca! Lalala..."

Kirk to Odona; "I just have one question; DO I MAKE YOU HORNEY, BABY, DO I?!"

Dr.Evil; "We are going to hold the Federation ransom for...one meeelion bars of gold-pressed latinum!'

By Al Fix on Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - 01:54 pm:

(Voyager's helm console explodes in a shower of sparks)
Paris: "Warp drive is NOT offline!"

By KAM on Wednesday, September 22, 1999 - 08:32 pm:

(On Voyager's veiwscreen a picture of a giant dragonfly in space is seen)
Janeway: What is that?
Harry: They're hailing us
Lexx: I am the Lexx. The most powerful destructive force in the two universes.

Kai: I have been dead for two thousand and nine years.
7 of 9: I am Borg.
Kai: Almost as bad.

790: Zev is the love of my life! She's so beautiful and perfect! I worship the ground she walks on.
Harry: How pathetic.

Neelix: Welcome to the Mess Hall. What can I do for you?
Lyekka: I am Lyekka. I am hungry.

By Will Spencer on Friday, September 24, 1999 - 10:27 am:

O'Brien; "Hey! You spilled coffee on me!"
Maxwell Smart; "Sorry about that, Chief!"

Admiral Ross; "You'll be in constant danger from the Cardassians, and the Dominion. You'll be across enemy lines, probably living moment to moment. and you might even be caught. If you're captured, they could torture you for information. Your life will be in constant danger once you leave my office."
Maxwell Smart; "Aaaand...loving it!"

Maxwell Smart; "Before we discuss our attack plan against the Dominion, Captain Sisko, I believe regulations require us to discuss them under the Cone of Silence."

Quark; "You hew-muns dress your females in clothing?"
Sisko; "Always, with the exception of Woodstock."

Quark; "My name is not 'Quark'; that was a typo. Call me 'Quack'."

Quark at his family reunion;
"I'm Qaurk, How do you do, Quank. Quank, may I introduce my cousin, Qeulk. Quelk, Quank. Quank, Qeulk, this is your half-cousin, Qbeck. Qbeck, I'm Quark, that's Quelk and Quank. Quank, Quelk, that's Qbeck. Qbeck, Quelk, and Quank, this is Qwamk. Qwamk, I'm Quark, that's Qbeck, Quelk, and Quank. Who are you? Oh, hi, Queek, I'm Quark, and that's Qwamk, Qbeck, Quelk, and Quank, probably related to Uncle Jimbo..."

If Scotty were a Ferengi;
"I canna fix this problem, Cap'n. AT least, not for anything less than a promotion in rank and three bottles of Romulan ale."

Spock; "Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad."
Sarek; "My son...we need to talk."

Spock mindmelding with McCoy near the end of Star Trek II:
"Remember...remember you owe me ten bucks."

Picard as a little boy; "Je suis...nous...pardonez moi...Oh, forget it! I'll never learn French! I hate French! I hateitIhateitIhateit!"
Picard's Father; "Jean-Luc, so help me if you don't learn your French adverbs I'll send you to that boarding school in London, and then you'll wind up speaking like a Briton!"

Cut scene from the series finale of DS9; the camera pans out from the station and Kira, moves along to another window where we see Carol Burnett who breaks out in song;
"I'm so glad we had this time together; just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems like we just got started, and now's the time we have to say good-bye. Good night, everyone>"

By Jack Khan on Friday, September 24, 1999 - 03:15 pm:

Major Kira: I'm the Major!
Major Pain: You sit your sorry @$$ down, cause I'm the only Major round here.

Odo: Gee, life is so HARD. Whenever I try to relax, everything SOLIDIFIES. I try to be liquid cheer but I end up as TOUGH.

Kassidy to Sisko: I want you to change your last name to Yates when we get married.

Jake to Nog: Can I do a story on oo-mox?
Nog to Jake: ::sizes him up:: Your not really my type....oh well, come to my quarters around 0:800

Admiral Ross: For once in my life I've had a unique and exciting idea
Sloane: Okay, who are you and what have you done with Admiral Ross
Ross: You shouldnt talk, your supposed to be dead

Jack: The Universe is being invaded by Humans, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm....we should wipe them out.
Lauren: I want to toy with some of them first.
Patrick: I'm scared.
Sarina: ::sits there::
Jack: I'll just change my name to Khan..hmmm, hmmm,hmmm....

Khan: You insult me!

By ScottN on Friday, September 24, 1999 - 04:08 pm:

Worf: [shoots at bad guy]
Maxwell Smart: Missed him by THAT much!

By KAM on Sunday, September 26, 1999 - 04:59 pm:

Quark: Major, no! I won't have sex with you! And that goes for Dax and my Dabo girls as well.

Odo: I enjoy being a girl.

Kira: Emissary, the Bajoran people would do anything for you.
Sisko: Good. Go to my quarters and wear that French Maid costume.
Kira: Yes, Emissary.

Leeta: Ow! I keep cutting my tongue on your teeth Rom.

B'Elanna: Tom, I'm leaving you for my Sonic Shower.

Kirk: Sorry, but I plan to stay a virgin until I get married.

By Keith Alan Morgan on Wednesday, September 29, 1999 - 07:51 pm:

Kai Winn: Mind your manners, my child! I've got a tall, pointy hat! You can argue with me, but you can't argue with status!

Picard (as the ship is about to self-destruct): Number One, the captain always goes down with his ship.
Riker: You're staying on the ship?
Picard: No, I'm promoting you to captain. Goodbye Captain Riker. (climbs in escape pod and leaves)

7 of 9: Would you like to help me explore my sexuality, Ensign McClenny?

Anyone eating Neelix's food: It tastes like the Great Bird of the Galaxy.

Shots of Kirk fighting the cloud creature, Picard fighting the Borg, Sisko fighting Eddington, and Janeway fighting Ransom, then a shot of a perfume bottle, and a voiceover: Captain's Obsession... by Admiral Calvin Klein.

By KAM on Monday, October 11, 1999 - 01:33 am:

The Federation: Here comes Voyager! Hide!

Borg Queen: The problem with assimilating is that an hour later you want to assimilate again.

Klingon: Fight? But someone could get hurt.

Kazon: We all decided to shave our heads.

Jem'Hadar: And when you roll a Founder against the comics, the picture sticks to them.

Vorta: We wear robes because we enjoy doing that Marilyn Monroe thing over air vents.

Ferengi: Van Gogh did what!?!

Garak: If I'm lying may I be struck dead. (clutches chest, falls over)

Sisko: Bald has been done. I think I'll try dreadlocks!

Worf: My forehead can also double as a cheese grater.

B'Elanna: I'm not bored. I always look this way.

Seven: Doctor, there is a problem with your holoprojector. You are not wearing pants.

Paris: Ooops. That was our last shuttlecraft.

Naomi: I think I'll shut up now.

Any holodeck character: Don't you people have jobs to do? Get out of here! Leave us alone!

Seven & the Doctor singing the Hate song from Star Trek IV

Anyone recieving the Vulcan Nerve Pinch: Oh yeah. That's the spot. Keep rubbing.

By ScottN on Monday, October 11, 1999 - 11:53 pm:

Here's one for the Dr. Demento fans out there...

Kirk: Suggestions, Mr. Spock?
Spock: I suggest we wait for further plot complications.

By KAM on Tuesday, October 12, 1999 - 01:54 am:

Scotty: I'm sorry cap'n, but the Doubletalk Generator has burned out and the Technobabble Translator is shot! I'm afraid we're gonna have to speak usin' easy to understand words.

By Will Spencer on Tuesday, October 12, 1999 - 12:43 pm:

That should read 'Geordi', not 'Scotty', since ol' VISOR-eyes is the KING of technobabble.