Barbara Carson

Baby Steps

Dear sweet child your journey awaits
Such a beautiful creation of God
Unique and perfect in only the way he intended
Why so fearful of the unexpected
Why do you refuse to go beyond the door of which man built
Why do you listen to those unfriendly voices of doubt
He knows your pain, yet he smiles and looks ahead
Do not close your mind in anger as he smiles upon you
He knows your journey and he waits for you at the end
The doubt, the pain, and confusion surpassed
For his arms extend till infinity
Anger, restlessness, self doubt easily erased
The door disappears as the light shines the way
The step taken can only come from within you
So dear sweet child take his hand
Beautiful creation of God walk to your destiny
and smile with you Father
AMEN

Death of A Love

The cold set in
temperature changed
the heat that once ignited
senders inside a little flame
the coldness has overwhelmed
energy burned out
forgot from where we once burned
we blew our own flame out

Your eyes from which I yearned
now leave me froze
and the time that lasted forever
has taken its toll

The passions of golden, orange, and red
some how turned blue, with touches of saddened gray
my heart that yearned to be near you
is now frustrated and feels estray
you stand near my side
yet i feel a thousand miles away
and your touch that burned my flesh
has left ice in its place

Sadden

Independently stricken by choice
Forces of nature beating on my back
Thirst for growth in a place of disease
Hatred from the weak
Wanting to pour salt on my wounds
Out of gratitude for caring I comply (yield)
Distaste for my diversity in will
Points a finger at their noses
But I hold no hand here

We Did And Always Will

Through good times
Through bad times
For richer
For poorer
In sickness
and in health
We did & always will
In times of need
In times to give
In times of selfishness
In times of long suffering
We did and always will
Through tears
Through hate
In fears
and when we had the shakes
We did & always will
You held me tight
then I let go
I held you tight
then you let go
We grasped each other until we couldn't breath
We ran apart just to run into each other Yet Again
You tossed
I turned
You yelled
I screamed
You fell
I picked you up
You dusted me off
I held you down
TOGETHER WE VIEWED THE STARS
SHARED OUR IDEAS
TOOK THAT ELEVATOR RIDE
AND PUSHED STOP JUST TO HAVE ONE MOMENT IN TIME
JUST TO BE TOGETHER
Then pushed emergency when our systems shut down
You drank
I drowned
I walked away
So you could be found
You got lost
and I came around
does it feel like we are chasing our own tails
but we did it together
and when we were and are apart
it still feels like we did it together
because we did and always will
LOVE ONE ANOTHER

~Hunter~(my son)

When I look into your eyes I can see
A beautiful sweet soul emerging

With tiny fingers only you can mend
To where hardship and losses cracks were formed
and my soul had worn thin

And when I've become weak and want no more
I see your cherub chubby little angelic face wanting me
and nothing more

Every where I go you are constantly on my mind
Consumed with ways to keep you near me an extra moment in time

`~`~LOVE~`~`

Is it in a smile
or a gentle kiss

Is it in the way two hands fit

Is it when a person wants no more
or can't wait for the other to walk through the door

Is it a tear
or a bruised heart

Is it till death do they part

Is it in birth and or rejoice

Is it with cuts and bruises bandages do heal
and if left unattended a scar appears

Is it needing or wanting to be near
and if taken away would mean total despair

Is it leaving or walking away
Knowing the other has to stay

In order to obtain true love can it be
It comes from within ones own heart independently

Byself alone one does learn
That with growth and nurture and with kindness and care

A successful love is created
and has time to share

Prism of Love

The years have come and passed us by.
The memories remain and have colored our days.
Whatever path we decide to take,
my love walks beside you
forever and a day.

Hope

When the sky is at its grayest
When the darkness blankets all that of which we know
The cold sets in as does despair
All is lost
Then a golden beam of light reaches down and peirces through the darkness
Blinds all that is dark as hope is reborn

Infinite

The dreams once drept are now just memories
Living in a separate dimension of the mind
The gray matter that never rest
Constantly thirsting for more
Creating from which we do not understand
Beyond our very own selves we are
Incapable of realizing our own selves potential
In fear of what lies their in

To Love OR Not To Love

Painfully aching heart
Strings tugging as a puppeteer would
Uncontrollable desires
Coincide purity of walking the straight line
Fear of interring yet another downfall
The passions burning inside driving me crazy
Delight of feeling alive

Peering

Looking in the mirror waiting for an explanation
No response, only a single sigh
Foggy mirror and destorted views
Loneliness and distraught
Viewing the eyes of a stranger
Yet my only true friend

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~OCEAN~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

These words cannot express clearly my inner most feelings. So many night I tossed and turned and so many days of tearful fear of the days to come. The love and protection for my prince. I carried my heart as a warrior Queen could only pull off. No man nor woman could come between us. Riding the ocean in a raft as the waves come crashing down throwing me and holding my breath waiting for the exact moment to breath while sheltering my only reason for living. Sheltering the treasure while I blister in the blazing sun. My only nutrient was the hate that fed me and kept me alive.

The hate had taken over as black cancer invaded my heart. I began to loose sight of my treasure, my reason for this journey as the land we reached. I knew the better way, the hardest of all ways, forgiveness. Forgiveness for myself, for all the ways I chose the wrong path and the pain I inflected on my only reason for living. Forgiveness to all of those that tried to rip me apart and smile to my face just hoping that I would let my defenses down for the attack as my treasure was tucked under my arm and against my heart. The greedy thieves salivating over an unworthy bounty, just waiting for an open weakness in my defense. Sleep was only a dream and to live I had to die first and then I could be reborn. Washing away the tears of the ocean and cleansing my reflections was to relearn everything I thought I once knew. As I tiredly pull off my armor and lay my sword and shield to the ground with my face towards the sun I understand now. The ocean was leading me to my new destination as the lessons are in itself. I need not to wear my armor nor hold my shield and sword in hand for I know to where I placed them.

^A^��FEAR OF THE UNFAMILIAR��^A^

As is sit here pondering
wandering through memories

I catch a glimpse of your face
trying to trace it
memorize it
and keep it in place
In fear of loosing sight

The soft way you purse your lips tight
The glistening gentle glow of your eyes

The way you held a smile
Even though I didn't know how

Such a man with so much pain
Not for yourself

But that of others who remain
Selfish and who are always detained and Lost in an apathetic slot

Yet you donated such precious time
When your heart and eyes grew weary
and sleep was on your mind

Afraid to look inside and step out
Even though your shell had grown to small
a new awaited

But...your sheltered precious soul
needed a place to feel safe

MAY GOD REST YOUR SOUL
& MAY YOU SLEEP IN PEACE!

Time Unknown by the Mirrored Pool

Time Unknown By The Mirrored Pool The mirror images on the water duplicates as i touch ever so gently. If only we could sit and watch the clouds unfold and smell the sweetness of the grass as it sways in the wind and to feel the warmth of the sun touch our souls and giggle once again. To view the birds up high sway with the wind so elegantly, gracefully drifting. I can hear you whisper my name through the grass and I can still see your face looking down at me. Smiling with a slight tease as you tickle my heart and to hear your voice once more for real is just an intangible thought. I am in this place alone again, I feel. We were separated, a promise unkept that we made to never stray. I know that I will meet you again, time unknown. Until then I will sit here and feel you and wait here by the mirrored pool. Touching the water ever so soft duplicates with mirrored images is where I can see you drifting off. The wetness of the water drips from my tips as I taste you again in hopes of another kiss. Your face I see in the rippling waves and your laughter drifts in the silence of the breeze. This moment is and was ours to behold and no one else could touch my soul in this way that love binds another I am yours. But until that time that I can only be with you by the mirrored pool. Your sent, your smile, your sensitive touch, your laugh, your kiss, your endless love. I missed you in this life, but I know we will reunite/Time Unknown/until then I sit here waiting for you by the mirrored pool.

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