Episode 6: The Beginnings of War
Days 10-12

"I'm not sure what to be more surprised by, Birdo's sacrifice to keep me in the game, or that she kissed me."

Yoshi seems rather excited, talking to the camera, even though part of him feels guilty that he isn't busy crying alone somewhere.  Immediately following the voting, everyone had gone their seperate ways quickly, hesitant to stick around and face the awkward task of talking with the rest of the house, which surely didn't all greet in unison and still wouldn't, even if a revote were taken.  There was clearly a widening-divide between the house members, and perhaps a new army was spawning up against Fox.

"Anyways, I'm still here, and I think Fox is slowly losing his grip on this place.  Judging by the voting, more people are now against him than working in conjuction with him.  Of course, you can't depend that now we'll be kept safe from being evicted--this game is just too twisted, and how one person feels about another on a specific day can change completely the next.  In this game, everything's a variable."


"Hey, Fox?  I think we're kind of in trouble..."

Fox doesn't bother to look up from the billiard table, and sinks a nasty shot with ease. 

"And when did you make this earth shattering discovery?" growls Fox, turning with his pool cue, unsatisfied with the shot somehow, and facing Captain Falcon, who grabs a cue, looking worried.

"I dunno...a little after voting today," responds Captain Falcon, nervously.

Fox knows Falcon is serious, but has learned to never expect any smart statements out of the Captain.

"All those people, you know....they might've listened to Birdo before she left," continues Captain Falcon, lining up a shot and letting loose. 

The ball bounces off the side barriers, missing the pocket, and doubling back past him.


"Bah.  She's just a dumb simpleton.  Like anyone would listen to her, anyways," guffaws Fox, only partially believing his own words.  "Yoshi just got lucky.  Besides, ANYONE would like him better than her!  It's just fact of nature."

"I dunno," responds Captain Falcon, as Fox lines up another shot.  "And I think there's some people who are switching sides now...."

Fox whiffs his shot completely, wildly jabbing the air upon hearing this distracting thought, and turns to glare at Captain Falcon.

"Yes, this is a situation," he snarles, grabbing the chalk cube and polishing the tip of his pool cue.  "Yes, there are some turncoats.  Yes, something should be done.  But, no, not while I'm playing pool...."

He extends and retracts the pool stick rapidly between his resting fingers, warming up for his shot, then knocks the cue ball straight across the table.  It delivers a harsh smacking sound and sends several balls flying into pockets around the table, each sinking with a certain air of decisiveness.  Almost as if by magic, a series of soft knocks come at the door, and Captain Falcon glances at Fox with a questioning look, and Fox hesitates before nodding, as the knocking grows a bit louder and more urgent-sounding.  Captain Falcon slowly opens the door, and Krystal enters, quickly pushing the door shut behind herself.

"Fox, we need to talk," she says, looking a bit angry as she totally ignores Captain Falcon, who doesn't seem to notice or even care.

"Krystal, darling, Falcon and I have been talking about this already, and I can safely say that-"

"I know who turned on us," she interupts, and Fox closes his mouth slowly, eyes widened a little with surprise.


"You did WHAT?!"

Bowser gapes at Ganondorf, in a mix of shock and disbelief.  Ganondorf shrugs casually, hopping on the bed.  He seems rather pleased of himself, partially because he has caused such outrage and surprise.

"I dunno," he answers, breaking a grin.  "I just felt like letting Fox know that his days of leading us around like some diety are over.  So, I voted for Birdo and kept Yoshi in the game."

Bowser is dumbfounded, but can't feel any anger towards Ganondorf for what he has done--it's just not possible, especially as they are best friends.

"Let me get this straight, then," blurts Bowser, stumbling over.  "We had the chance to take the plumber's pet out of this game and completely annhilate both my and YOUR enemies from this house completely, and you let it pass so that you could take out some whiney little pink elephant thing with a trunk deficiancy?"

Ganondorf's grin grows wider, and he shrugs before mumbling, "Yeah, I guess so."

".....and you didn't tell me so I could be part of it?" snarles Bowser, breaking something of a smile.  "You know, if you want to completely ruin this game for someone, you gotta include me in it, too!"

"Yeah, well, just keep it on the lowdown," replies Ganondorf, more seriously now.  "If it gets out that we turned on Fox, there could be some pretty bad consequences--it wouldn't take much to get rid of either of us.  What they don't know, can't hurt them."


When it comes time for the challenge, Toad arrives with a pair of keys--but nothing more.

"Hey, what's happening today?" asks Zelda, in rather high spirits.  "No challenge?"

"No, no, there'll be a challenge," answers Toad, as the residents gather around him.  "However, we're first going to take a little walk.  Please follow me."

He opens the doors to the hall and the little group follows him down the corridor, whispering in anticipation of what's going on.

"Maybe he's going to unlock a pantry or wine cellar," mumbles Donkey Kong, hopefully.

"How about thinking with something besides your stomach, stupid," snaps Samus.  "We don't need brain-rotting alcohol, and it sure doesn't look like any of us are exactly starving...especially you!"

Donkey Kong grows angry and tries to think of something to snap back, but he takes too long, and Peach interupts quickly with her own dreams.

"Maybe it's a chapel..." she muses, dreamily, "and we could be married there....with each other!"

She receives odd squints from most everyone, and Link blurts, "as opposed to getting married with yourself?"

"Ah, here we are," says Toad, stopping in front of a locked door and using the key.  "There we go.  You can all file in, this room is yours now and will stay unlocked."

The group enters and finds themselves in a finely-lit, very spacious gymnasium.  While it's obviously meant for merely working out on the machinary found around the room, the residents are nonetheless impressed and show it on their faces.

"This work-out room is now yours to enjoy," says Toad, "but please note that you didn't get it until today.  This is because of the particular challenge you'll be playing."

The looks of joy disperse quickly, and the group nervously glances around at one another.

"Today's game is simple," says Toad, "yet it will undoubtedly be one of the hardest yet.  All of you will start on this side of the room.  See these pulleys attatched to the ceiling?"

The group gaze upwards and notice, for the first time, a row of pulleys hooked into the ceiling.

"You will start by hauling up a lit torch.  When it reaches the top, it will set a candle on the chandelier on fire, and you may then move on to the second phase, in which you will move to the treadmills set up.  As soon as you reach it, you must start running--you may not move on to the final phase until you have run a full mile on the machine, which I will check to ensure no cheating takes place.  Once a mile has been run, you will begin on the final phase--I race to climb this rope to the ceiling and grab your flag hung at the top.  The first person to retrieve their flag and touch the ground, is the winner and Head of the Household!  Now everyone line up and wait for my go."

The group lines up and checks to ensure they are ready.  Toad finishes looking the course over, ensuring that everything is in its place, then steps away.

"Is everyone set?" he asks, and there come several nods.  Fox and Link lean far forwards over the line, and glance at each other, both resenting the other suddenly with more hatred than ever.  "On your mark.....get set.......GO!"

There is a wild dash to the ropes leading to the pulley and chandeliers.  Everyone grabs their ropes almost simultaneously, and begin to tug.  Donkey Kong is immediately out to a lead as he pulls his up, hand over fist, with Ganondorf, Bowser, and Captain Falcon close behind.  Link sees that he is losing, and strains to pull faster, but his hands slip repeately.

"Link trying hard to keep up," notices Toad, "and Donkey Kong is the first to raise his chandelier!"

DK drops the rope and rushes towards his treadmill, as Ganondorf thrusts his rope to the ground and flings it aside.

"Ganondorf, hot on his heels," calls Toad.  "Bowser, close behind!"

"Ugh!  This thing's STUCK!" complains Bowser, repeatedly snapping the rope down and smashing his chandelier against the ceiling, causing chunks of plaster to drop on him from above.

"Bowser, you're already at the top," says Toad, refraining from making any other comments or laughing.

"Oh......don't you even THINK of saying something, Chubby," snarles Bowser, dropping the rope and glaring at Toad as he stumbles by to his treadmill.

"Link's got his up, and he's off!" says Toad, as Link jerks his chandelier to the peak and sprints for his treadmill.  "Captain Falcon, you're blowing your lead!"

"Mmph!  This thing's STUBBORN!" blurts Captain Falcon, giving his line another hard tug.  The rope slides off the pulley, and gets stuck.

"Captain Falcon's rope looks like it's caught," announces Toad, as Captain Falcon looks up at his chandelier in disbelief.  "Big opportunity for everyone else to catch up!"

Samus draws her chandelier to the top and takes off, and Yoshi is quick to follow.  Fox, glaring at the sight of several of his enemies winning, musters some strength and snaps his chandelier right to the ceiling, then releases his rope.

"Samus, Yoshi, and Fox all going for their treadmills," says Toad, as Captain Falcon jumps up and down, trying to get his rope unstuck, "Peach, having some difficulty."

Peach pulls on the rope, raising the chandelier slightly, then lets go to get a better grip--and the rope slides back through her fingers, lowering the chandelier and negating her progress.  She rubs her sore hands and gives the rope another sharp tug--then lets go and yelps as it burns back through her fingers, slamming into the ground again.

"Gotta give it more power than that, Peach," says Toad, as Krystal jerks the rope hard and the chandelier stops just shy of the ceiling.  "Oh, Krystal, so close!  One more tug should do it!"

"Darn!" pipes Krystal, gritting her teeth as she tugs again--but loses her grip in doing so, and can only hold on after the chandelier has dropped a foot or so down.

"Zelda has her chandelier up," says Toad, as Zelda gives a final pull and her chandelier taps the ceiling gentley.  "Impa, get into the game!  You're falling behind!"

"Pull.......pull the rope......" she grumbles, looking oddly down at the rope.  "Ropes......make nooses........I must hang........the chandelier......"

"Everyone but Krystal, Captain Falcon, and Impa are running their treadmills!" shouts Toad.  "Donkey Kong, your lead is blown!  Ganondorf is ahead of you!"

"Crud," blurts Donkey Kong, trying to run faster, but his bulky body cannot scamper along much more quickly.

"Link is creeping up on you really fast, Ganon!" warns Toad.  "He's got a solid second place position, and he'll be taking first in a moment if you don't hurry along!"

"Aaargh!  Stupid elf," grunts Ganondorf, as Link strains and runs even faster.

"Link has the lead!" shouts Toad, as Link plods on past Ganondorf's current distance.  "Krystal finally has her chandelier up!"

"Come on, come on!" cries Captain Falcon, growing tired of jumping up and down and attempting to snag his rope loose.  "I hate this game!"

"LINK IS DONE WITH HIS MILE!" shouts Toad, as Link nearly drops off of his treadmill.  "He's going for the win!"

"Not if I can help it!" thinks Fox, as he storms on faster, quickly speeding past the opposition and gaining on Link.

"Fox is making a strong stride towards catching up!" says Toad, as Ganondorf staggers off his treadmill.  "Ganondorf is finished with his mile!"

Then, a moment later, Yoshi hops off his.

"Yoshi, you're still an eigth of a mile shy," says Toad, stopping Yoshi and pointing out the numbers.  "Hop back on and finish your mile!"

"Oh, crumbs," blurts Yoshi, jumping back on and breaking into a run as fast as he can.

"Fox finishes his mile!" shouts Toad, as Fox dives off his treadmill, rolling across the floor and leaping up onto his rope instantly, in hot pursuit of Ganondorf and Link.  "Samus is finished with her mile!"

"There!" wheezes Yoshi, stepping off his treadmill as Toad checks it.  "Can I go now?"

"Yes, go ahead," says Toad, and Yoshi dashes off to his rope, close behind Samus.  "It's a race to the top, and Ganondorf is right behind Link!"

"I'm coming for you, Big Ears," blurts Ganondorf, pulling even with Link as they both race up their ropes, dangling percariously above the ground.

"Whoa!" blurts Yoshi, nearly falling back off his rope as it swings suddenly and tips him over sideways.

"Careful!" warns Toad, as Donkey Kong finishes his mile.  "DK is out for the final challenge now, but he won't have enough time to make up for his lack of speed!"

Link reaches up for his flag, but is just a few inches shy.  He scrambles higher, and Ganondorf reaches up for his own.  His arms are longer, and he snags it immediately, then starts to climb down.  Link panics and snatches his flag, then begins to slide down the rope, burning his hands in the process and gritting his teeth.

"It's coming down to the final climb to the floor!" shouts Toad, as Ganondorf turns and sees Link passing him.  "Who will get to the ground first?"

Ganondorf lets go of his rope completely, and plummets the ten or so feet to the ground, hitting the floor with a sickening thud and tumbling to his stomach, clutching his flag.  Most everyone gapes in surprise, and Link silently curses himself for not having taken the same approach.  With a feeling of despair, he slowly lets go of his own rope and drops the remaining distance to the ground himself, landing neatly on his feet beside Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf is Head of the Household!" cries Toad, rushing over to investigate the Gerudo King's limp body.  ".............and Ganondorf is dead."


"Yeah, I really had everyone going there for a few minutes," Ganondorf says to the camera, a pure smile on his face, "and that fall looked so painful, everyone in there, even Toad, would've sworn I was paralyzed!  But it was nothing--I've taken a LOT worse than that, and, I mean, I'm Head of the Household--again!  What's not worth that?"

He leaves the camera room, and a somewhat-sheepish Link approaches him.

"Hey," says Link, looking away a little, "I just, you know, wanted to check and make sure that you were sure that you were okay....you know, after that fall and everything...."

"Like I said before, Little Man," sneers Ganondorf, "that drop was just a bit of whipped topping to a Mega Man-type like me!  I didn't feel a thing!"

"Well, congratulations," concedes Link, "you won it fair and square, and definately deserve it for that drop."


"So this is the way I see it, Samus," begins Zelda, quietly explaining her plan to the bounty hunter.  "It's you, me, Link, and Yoshi versus Fox, Krystal, and Peach.  I have no idea about everyone else, but it definately seems like Ganondorf and Bowser can't be trusted, and Donkey Kong appears to be totally clueless."

"I'm a warrior, not a stratagist," Samus informs her, a bit skeptically.  "You do the talking here.  I'll just follow you."

"Right, well, here's what I propose," responds Zelda, checking the doorways again to make sure no one is listening in.  "You and me, final two."

"Isn't it a bit early to be worrying about that type of thing?" asks Samus, feeling a bit grumpy.  "I mean, that's a LOT of people to be getting rid of!"

"Well, okay, let's think this through," says Zelda, putting our her fingers to count with.  "Ganondorf is Head of the Household, so somebody will be going today--it's my guess that it will be either Link or Peach."

"Why Peach?"

"Because I can tell that Ganondorf would rather see some quality work and effort being done, and Peach is just one huge weight on everyone's shoulders--she hasn't done anything worth mentioning during the course of this game, and she shows no signs of ever starting to, either."

"I'll agree to that."

"So, for the sake of odds, let's say Peach gets tonight's boot," says Zelda, putting down one of her fingers.  "That's one less person out of the way...and one less voting against our alliance."

Samus nods, a bit cryptically, and replies, "Go on."

"Okay, so since this challenge was physical, probably the next will be mental," says Zelda.  "Which gives me a good shot and winning it.  But if I don't, it'll either be Fox, Yoshi, or you who do, and the only person to worry about is Fox.  I think he'll be too busy plotting his way through the game to the winner's spot in the game to be worrying about preparing for the challenge, so we'll pretend he doesn't win.  If you or me win, we'll target Fox and Donkey Kong--DK could be trouble with his strength.  If Yoshi wins, he'll probably listen to whatever logic I offer up, so either way, it shouldn't be a problem."

She puts down another finger.

"That leaves in the game Link, Krystal, Fox, Impa, Yoshi, Ganondorf, Bowser, Captain Falcon, and you and me.  Out of all these people, Bowser and Captain Falcon are totally clueless, Link's got a lot of enemies, Impa scares the crap out of everyone, and Krystal and Fox are both way too arrogant and belittling of everyone else to be accepted by the rest of us.  So the only real competition we'd have is Yoshi, who hasn't really made himself a nuisance to anyone yet."

"But eventually, we'll have to get someone to help us take him out, then," replies Samus, a bit uneasily.  "Who could we get to side with us?"

"I think Krystal would make a good ally, after we get rid of Fox and most of his followers," responds Zelda, after a slight hesitation.  "She's greedy enough to take what she can get, and do whatever she has to in order to stay in the game.  She'll join us when we need her, but not a word of this to anyone until we've taken out the majority of competition!"


"We can't afford to have things squashed so early on, and possibly lose our teammates in the most crucial moment of the game."


"Well, here we are to vote again," sneers Ganondorf, very proud to be Head of the Household, "and I'm the leader again....obviously....."

He snickers at his own joke, but no one else does.

"Wow, tough crowd," he muses, looking around at apprehensive stares.  Everyone is concentrating on who they might vote for, and trying to remember the other faces well, in case one should leave suddenly and unexpectedly.  "Anyways, on with nominations.  My nominees today are..............LINK AND PEACH, COME ON DOWN!  YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANTS ON THE PRICE IS CRAP!"

Bowser immediately roars with laughter, and begins making his own game show music, as Ganondorf begins to sing and grunt along, snapping his fingers cheerfully.  Zelda gives a glance to Samus.

"Link hails from the beautiful land of Hyrule and works as a Hero of Time, defeating the nefarious forces of evil, such as myself," says Ganondorf, in an infinitely-happy tone, like a game show host introducing a new player, "his hobbies include foiling my plans, hacking my pets to bits, and generally making a nuisance of himself whenver possible.  That, and he's got a bad attitude in this game and should fix it or go home!  Please welcome this nominee!"

Bowser claps and whoops wildly, as everyone else looks on without much amusement in the presentation, but Ganondorf ignores the looks of disapproval and goes on.

"Our next contestant is a whiney, bratty princess from the Mushroom Kingdom.  She enjoys screaming for help from her boyfriend all the time, getting captured by villains, and flirting with every other guy who isn't her rescuer.  She brings no help to this game, and constantly complains about everything, and it's beyond being certain that she will do her best to do nothing whenever possible.  Please welcome Princess Peach!"

Peach is shocked to hear her name at the end of the tirade, and gasps in insult at such a negative description, but several of the other house members are actually somewhat entertained, and someone lets out a single clap amidst Bowser's whooping and cheering.

"You've heard our nominations, now let's vote for the winner of the PRICE IS CRAP!" shouts Ganondorf, standing up.  "Please excuse me for a moment, folks, as I go cast my vote!"

Several votes go by before Link enters the room and writes Peach's name.

"This wasn't much of a vote," he says to the camera, "and hopefully it won't be for anyone else, either."

He leaves, and Yoshi comes in, casting the same vote.

"About time you left, isn't it?" he asks the camera.  "After you helped do in Mario, I figured your time was coming right behind him.  How unfortunate that it got delayed a few times...."

Fox enters several votes later, and quickly scrawls "Link" on his vote.

"I've got a sneaky suspicion you'll be evading another close dance with death," he growls to the camera, "but an extra vote against you can't hurt in the long run, so eat with a sack of lemons, and wait for your time to come."

He leaves, and Peach casts the final vote:

"Link, you're pretty hot, and I wish I had gotten to know you a little bit better.  But if it's my butt or yours, it's gotta be yours--but maybe we can have dinner on the other side, after I'm a millionaire?  You're paying!"

She leaves, and Toad enters the parlor only a minute later, with the votes in hand.

"And now, the votes you've all been waiting for," he says, rather dramatically.  "Here they are."

"First vote: Peach."

The vote is Link's, so he is unsurprised.

"Second vote: Link."

Yoshi recognizes it as Fox's handwriting, though no one else does, and he silently curses himself for not having known enough never to trust him in the first place.

"Third vote: Peach.  Fourth vote: Link.   Fifth vote: Link.   Peach has two votes, Link has three."

The tension is a bit thick, but Link looks unphased.

"Sixth vote: Peach.    Seventh vote: Peach.    Eigth vote: Peach.    Nineth vote: Link.  The voting is Link with four votes, and Peach with five.  There are only three votes left to read....."

Peach looks shocked that so many people have voted for her, and the thought that not all the votes are read actually frightens her more.  Link looks pretty confident, reflecting how he feels.

"We have another tie," says Toad, turning a vote that reads, "Link".  "Five votes a piece, and two more to unveil.  And the first of them has Peach's name on it."

Sure enough, the next paper shows Peach's name written on it.  Peach clutches her mouth, horribly offended by such an awful act.

"The sixth person evicted from Luigi's Mansion," says Toad, flipping the final vote, "is Peach."

Peach gasps and jumps up in fury, abhorring the entire game and every person in it suddenly.  Her eyes fill with tears of both anger and sadness as Toad says to her, "Peach, it's Game Over for you."

She grabs her bags and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind her as Bowser begins to clap and shout, and Ganondorf bellows, "Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!  WE HAVE A WINNER!"

Link breaks a smile, and quickly covers it back up.

On the next episode of Nintendo Big Brother...
Every statement made in the camera room is suddenly somehow being made known to Fox through Krystal, who has obtained a mysterious omnipotent status in the game!  But all of her new-found knowledge, as well as every other aspect of the game, becomes of no use for the next eviction when one of the residents finally snaps and another becomes badly hurt and must be removed from the game!  How does Krystal know what goes on inside the Camera Room?   What affect might insanity cause on a single individual within the game?  Who will be removed from the game?  All will be revealed in the next episode!
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