| April 24,2003 Okay, so it has been nineteen days since I've updated my site. I guess you could say I had a bit of a computer overload--everything was built up to the big day that I decided to put a message board on my site, courtesy of bravenet.com, but unfortunately after hours of work I was unable to pull it off. This left me feeling estranged and confused, angry and impatient. I was tired of my site. But all that is better now...I've had my rest and now I'm back and ready for business as usual. I've been sick for the past week, and I am certainly not better today but I am determined to get on with life and ignore my unhealthy state. I am tired of the couch and I am tired of television, which, after reading a couple of my older entries, I apparently talk about a lot. Anyway I've been chugging Green Tea like a mother...hopefully it will work its magic. I am going to REALLY annoy myself and mention Freud. Today I learned that Freud believed our dreams reflected issues that we couldn't/wouldn't deal with during the daytime. This is a simple concept and I am amazed that I had never heard it however it really changes the way I view my dreams. I've been dreaming a lot lately. My pupils are so dialated it is scary. They are huge. HUGE. It seriously looks like I have brown eyes with thin blue borders. Paranoias a bitch, believe me. I've been extremely paranoid lately (lately as in the past six, seven months) and it is getting old. Imaginations: can't live with em, can't live without em. I mean, sure, I like a good scare every now and then, and I like the fact that I have an active imagination and concoct things that don't exist, but sometimes it is so drastic that even I wonder if it is surreal or not. (translation: sometimes I can't decipher between reality and imagination. Everyonce in awhile I honestly don't know the difference between whats real and whats not.) Usually the things I imagine are harmless. I'll think a carload of people are following me, yelling and talking about me. Or I'll see a cruise ship on the horizon and think it is on fire. Have I related those stories on the site yet? I can't remember. Actually both instances were in the same evening (imagine how anxious I was that night!). The stalking thing was weird, I believed a white car with four men in it were following me...hooting and hollering out the windows. It was dark and I was on my bike. Anyway needless to say it resulted in me repeatdly seeing, or thinking I saw, the same people in different places...and since I was going in a straight line they would have had to go out of there way to be parked in front of me at various points..anyway I never figured out if it was my imagination or not but I assume that it was. I also heard (or thought I heard) many different people talking about me while I went by them on my bike. I realize the world is not like that, people are not that perceptive and certainly wouldn't find me that interesting but it is odd that I HEARD them nontheless..the cruise ship thing was actually kind of funny. I was riding my bike and noticed so many people pulled along side the beach with their cameras, gawking at this cruise ship that I had my back to. Anyway I thought it was odd that so many people were doing this so I cranked around and saw the cruise ship had a ton of smoke coming out of it..I couldn't believe it! Clearly it was on fire..the entire island was watching, it would be front page news, and here I was riding around, oblivious, with my back to it. I knew I had to talk to someone about it so I stopped and asked a woman what was going on. She peeked around her camera and informed me that everyone was photographing the sunset. Guess the smoke was normal. Or in my imagination. Earlier that evening, on two different occasions, I had noted that the sky was smoky, but maybe that is a side effect to one's eyesight when walking around with dialated pupils. My niece Angie is coming to visit tomorrow. First time I've had company while living in this house. Many things planned. I will take her to a hip restauraunt I've always wanted to go to. I am thinking we will also take a ghost tour around town. It is a walking tour so not only will it be cool and creepy but also good exercise. The Film Institute is showing "Spider" this weekend and I've read that it is a very odd film. Maybe she'd be into it? I do not know. I know I would be..I feel bad because I have to work Friday and Saturday and she is only going to be here until Tuesday...hopefully she won't mind. Today in the Citizen's Voice (part of the newspaper where citizens are quoted) a tourist said "Now I see why Key West woman are so beautiful. They wear their hair long..that is rare in the North.. Hopefully they keep it long." That suprised me. Although there are many hippies here (and few conventional business people, most people have casual jobs and work for themselves) I have never noticed a lot of long hair. I don't understand why woman here would want it long, either, because it is so hot here. Then again everyone stays bundled up in their poisoned freon environments so I guess it doesn't effect them. That was scary. I had my door shut and it started jiggling, a lot. I thought it was odd since my Dad is asleep and my Mom is gone. I assumed it was my Dad, although he would knock, not jiggle, and said "Yeah?" No answer. So I opened it and nobody was there...I checked and my Dad is alseep. I wonder if if was a sonic boom. Back |