| Hey, Small Dick! |
| a new campaign by NM, Inc. |
| We know how hard it is for you. Sales are lagging, the profit margin is sinking, and yet your company remains a beast whose appetite grows daily, a monster who can only be sated on the blood of new consumers. You've tried everything: the happy-people-with-herpes ads, the clever singing puppets ads, the sentimental grandma ads--but, like an out of date antibiotic, they have lost their effectiveness. Where can you possibly go from there? We'll tell you! To the Ninja Monkeys' Hey Small Dick/Hey Ugly campaign! This campaign cuts through all the other bullshit to appeal directly to your customers' primary concern: getting laid. Everyone knows that the basis of every advertisement is to convince a customer that your product will somehow make them more desireable to the opposite (or same) sex; the Ninja Monkeys' Hey Small Dick/Hey Ugly campaign ditches the euphemistic slogans and goes right for the old one-two punch: you are inadequate POW! but our product will make you better BAM! With this approach, you can sell anything! Don't believe us? Check out some examples of our work and see how effective they really are. |
| Hey, Small Dick! for men Porsche One by Calvin Klein Wheaties Hummer |
| Hey Ugly! for women Pantene Pro V Colgate Simply White Oil of Olay Gucci Venus Razors |
| These companies understand the widespread appeal of the Ninja Monkeys' Hey Small Dick/Hey Ugly campaign, and they're reaping the benefits already. So what are you waiting for? Get on the bandwagon now! |
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| We know what you're thinking: alright, sure the Hey Small Dick/Hey Ugly campaign works for cars and beauty products, but what about other things--less sexually charged items? Well, take a look below and see that we can market anything! |
