December 1, 1995
The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, what's smelly in the house?
It could be my in-laws or maybe just a dead mouse
My filthy stockings were hung by the chimney I dare
In hopes that 49er tickets maybe somebody will spare
The 49ers have battled, the Cowboys they have shed
While visions of another Superbowl danced in their heads
Miami, Raiders, and the Chiefs are just full of crap
By season's end, they'll settle for a long winter's nap
Woke up this morning, felt my feet filled with water
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away my pesky Weiner dogs ran like a flash
Mistaken my foot as fire hydrant and it needed a wash
Thought about Moon and the Vikings coming for a Monday night show
The 49ers will surely crush them and make them eat crow
At good ol' 3Com Park, this game I want to appear
But still no tickets, come on, I'll buy you a beer
With li'l old Jerry Rice so lively and quick
DB's are chasing him, but boy he's still slick
More rapid than Eagles, he put other teams to shame
He wiggled and sprinted, all receiving records under his name
Now JJ! Now Dana! Now Elvis and Merton!
Number one defense! Watch out! They're blitzin'!
To the top of the NFL and stronger than a brick wall
Not bad for a team that Deion said is in denial
As I leave for work, forgot to zip my fly
What an ugly spectacle, made my neighbors cry
So up the zipper goes, good thing my underwear was new
If it was yesterday, I'd be wearing my Superman Underoos
Behind my car was twinkling I saw on a car roof
I was alone in a car pool lane...what a goof!
I knew I'm dead, I didn't want to turn around
I heard St. Nicholas with his "Ho! Ho!" sound
He was dressed in blue, just a fat cop ready to shoot
I gave him some doughnuts instead of a healthy fruit
A bundle of joy filled his face and I made him crack
He issued no tickets! On the road again I'm back
Got to work and was met by a Raider fan who's not merry
He's suffering from Insomnia, his eyes were like red-cherry
I told him to count sheeps, but he's still upset at me
It didn't work because he can only count up to three
A Cowboy was staring while grinding his teeth
It's almost Christmas, still can't accept defeat
He had a pimpled face and a little round belly
His team choked against the Niners, was soft as jelly
Sell me a pair of tickets, and I'll be your servant elf
I'm so desperate, OK, I don't mind going by myself
If my wife hears this then I might as well be dead
When I come home, outside the house will be my bed
I am out of words I better get back to work
A Raider fan is harassing me...what a jerk!
Extending his middle finger then picking his nose
Smiling with a nod, what a disgusting pose
The Vikings will lose as soon as the ref blows his whistle
The 49ers' offensive power is like a nuclear missile
On December 18th at six will be an awesome sight
Happy Christmas to all, the 49ers will have a good night!
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