May 13, 1994
POP QUIZ
1) WATCHING THE RAIDERS PLAY IS AS FUN AS:
A) Having a root canal
B) Reading the obituaries
C) Cleaning my grandma's dentures
D) Getting an enema
2) THE CHANCES OF THE RAIDERS MOVING BACK TO OAKLAND IS THE SAME AS:
A) Jeffrey Dahmer becoming a vegetarian
B) Madonna becoming a nun
C) Hair will grow back on my expanding forehead
D) Elvis is still alive
This question really backfired on me : )
3) ONLY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS TRUE. WHICH ONE IS IT?
A) The Raiders will win a Superbowl
B) Ted Kennedy is an honest man
C) Bill Clinton didn't inhale it
D) One plus one is two
4) THE RAIDERS' MOTTO "COMMITMENT TO EXCELENCE" WAS FIRST QUOTED FROM:
A) The engineer who designed the Ford Pinto
B) Saddam Hussein
C) Neil Bush
D) Michael Jackson's dermatologist
5) AL DAVIS HAS A BRAIN OF:
A) A doorknob
B) The dirt at the bottom af a farmer's shoe
C) The gooey stuff stuck in your sink
D) Like Dan Quayle's
6) WHEN THE RAIDERS ARE NOT PLAYING, THEIR FANS CAN BE FOUND:
A) In an AA meeting
B) Relaxing at Agnew State Hospital
C) Doing time in San Quentin
D) In a drive-by shooting
E) Working disgruntledly in the Post Office
7) IF THE RAIDERS ARE NOT TELEVISED, THEIR FANS ARE WATCHING:
A) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
B) Taxi Driver
C) Psycho
D) The Sound of Music
8) WHO WILL GET THE MOST HATE MAIL FROM RAIDER FANS BY TOMORROW?
A) Satan
B) The drunk Captain of the Exxon tanker
C) Tonya Harding
D) Me
9) NOW THAT I HAVE OFFENDED ALL THE RAIDER FANS, SHOULD I:
A) Make sure my car alarm is working
B) Start writing my will
C) Wear a bullet-proof vest
D) Even care
10) I KNOW IT'S ONLY MAY, BUT MY CHANCES OF GETTING A PAIR OF TICKETS BETWEEN NOW AND SEPT. 5TH FOR THE 49ERS
VS. RAIDERS GAME IS VERY SLIM. WHICH EVENT WILL LIKELY TAKE PLACE BEFORE SOMEBODY WILL SELL ME THEIR TICKETS?
A) Dr. Kevorkian will be our next Surgeon General
B) Soccer will catch on in the US
C) Lorena Bobbitt will be the Head Chef at Benihana's
D) Raider fans will finally graduate from remedial or reform school
OK, put down your pencils and turn in your papers! If you want to find out the right answers, you have to sell me your pair of tickets.
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page