Oct. 19, 1994
Ob La Di, Ob La Da
When Jimmy Johnson quit as the coach of the Cowboys, he knows there is life after football because life goes on as what people say.
Before he was hired as a TV analyst, he fulfilled his lifelong dream to help mankind. When Los Angeles was hit by the big earthquake earlier
this year, he was very instrumental in rebuilding the freeways because he was the chief consultant. CALTRANS know that if there is anything that
can withstand the worst weather condition known to man, it is Jimmy Johnson's hair.
When the 49ers demolished the Raiders in the Monday night game, the Raider fans cried and whined, but they somehow got over it because
life goes. In fact, some of the Raider fans have become sophisticated when they started going to ballets, classical concerts, and Broadway plays ever
since a program was started where you can exchange handguns for tickets with no questions asked. Also, some of the Raider fans have gone
in to politics. They are very strong-willed in fighting against the "Three Strikes You're Out" Law."
When the 49ers were embarassed by the Philadelphia Eagles, they had a lot of explaining to do with the so-called "Public People." The 49ers'
defense made a special guest appearance in "Unsolved Mysteries" to prove their existence and they are not just strange sightings like Bigfoot,
the Loch Ness Monster, aliens, Elvis, and a Raider fan with a high school diploma. It is not true, though, that NASA's powerful telescope discovered
that even after probing Uranus, there were evidence of bigger holes in the 49ers' offensive line. But it is true that the athletes from the Special
Olympics could've played better than the 49ers' special teams. Since the 49ers have won two in a row, all is forgiven and life goes on.
When my ex-girlfriend dumped me, I cried a little...OK, a lot! But I sure got over her and I still don't know why she can't tolerate my obsession with football.
I think what really ended it was when we were having an intimate moment when she asked what was my fantasy. I told her that my fantasy is Steve Young,
Emmit Smith, and Jerry Rice. She quickly slapped my porcelain face and gave me one long sick look. It was a misunderstanding, of course, because I thought
she was asking me about my players in the Fantasy Football League. I hate her anyway. I especially hate her love for foreign film. One time we were watching
one of those unpronounceable movies when she told me to turn up the volume because she's having trouble hearing the conversation in the film. BUT WHY?!!
Will turning up the volume make her understand Chinese, or will turning up the volume will make her read English a lot better? To my understanding, when
reading subtitles you need glasses instead of a hearing aid. Arrgh! At least she's not occupying the space for my remote control on my bed anymore so life goes on.
But life can never go on if I can't get a pair of tickets for the 49ers vs Cowboys game. Might as well shoot me now and put me out of my miseries if I can't get any
tickets because life is not worth living without the 49ers. So who will come to my rescue? Who will be my Prince Charming, Superman, or my Ross Perot?
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