January 9, 2004
WARNING:
Some of the subject matter discussed in this interview may not be appropriate for young readers.
View with discretion.
Ryan Howard Robin Artie? (not sure) Gary/Bababooey Callers
Before Ryan comes in, they are discussing an article which referred to Ryan as �the king of all media,� a phrase previously used to describe Howard.
Howard: You gotta have a movie made of you life. You gotta be on radio for over 20 years.
Robin: You gotta�ve been on the covers of magazines.
H: Yeah, and you don�t color your hair.
Caller: I couldn�t believe they said that.
Artie: And most of all, you gotta have Angie Everhart say you�re the best sex she ever had.
Rob: There ya go.
H: But let me just say something, then you gotta have the number one best selling Pay-Per-View specials, you got a lot to conquer there if you want to be the king of all media. People wanna say they�re the king of all media�
Rob: They wanna take that title.
H: Bring him in here.
Rob: I don�t know if HE decided on that plug for himself.
Gary: You�re leaving a couple things out� of course being on television for 8 years in a row and the #1 soundrack.
H: Of course.
Caller: Howard, you got anything for me?
H: Yes, goodbye. Where is Ryan Seacrest? Bring him in. What is he doing here?
Rob: He�s got a new tv show, they�re launching that talk show or whatever it�s supposed to be of his.
H: It�s not gonna work.
Rob: It sounds weird. It�s like, �Hey, come with me, I�m the ultimate fan, I�ll take you where a fan has never been before!� So it�s gonna be going to the sets of movies live and stuff like that.
H: Let me find out what he�s up to. Here�s Ryan Seacrest, who has toned down his hair. Good morning Ryan.
Rob: Oh look, you�re a little darker this time around.
H: Yeah, I was watching tv last night and Ryan Seacrest was on something, he�s on something every night, my girlfriend�s laying in bed, she goes, �Ya know he really is good looking.� And I went, �I don�t wanna hear that.�
Ryan: Yeah, that�s not a good thing to hear when you�re with your girlfriend.
Rob: Lying in bed and she�s talking about another guy.
H: She goes, �He really IS good looking.�
Ry: And she�s not giving you sex from what I heard earlier.
H: Well just for the night because� I was sick. I was pretty gross. I was sleeping all afternoon and then I wake up and my sweaty balls�
Rob: And say, �Do me.�
H: Like, �Ok I�m ready for sex.� Can you blame a girl for running out of the room?
Ry: I can understand why.
H: I pleasured myself though.
Rob: You made love to you.
Ry: This is an awkward conversation for me to have while sitting in a room with you.
H: Why?
Ry: It�s just weird to talk about you doing that.
H: Why? What do you care? You�re a man. You don�t pleasure yourself?
Ry: No, I do, but ya know, it�s just strange for two guys to sit on the radio and talk about it.
Rob: Can�t men open up and share?
H: I thought you were the ultimate fan?
Ry: I�m the ultimate fan.
H: What�s this �king of all media�? You�re not the king of all media.
Ry: Who said that?
H: Good Day New York is promoting you as king of all media.
Ry: From what I just heard, I have a lot to accomplish to be even considered to be the king of all media.
H: What are your credentials to be king of all media? Ok American Idol, but that�s not really your show. You�re the host.
Ry: Right, no, right, you�re absolutely right. I�m the presenter, like the guy that�s the fronter, ya know what I mean?
Rob: You�re the pointer.
Ry: It�s kinda like I just jump into the format. Yeah, I jump into a format and I do what I�m told on that show.
H: Yeah ok, I mean, you do a nice job with it, but uh� I�ll tell you you did get a compliment though.
Rob: From?
H: I read this in the paper. They called Dick Clark up. Did you read this?
Ry: In the, um, paper? They called Dick? What did they say?
H: They called Dick Clark up and they said, �We�re doing an article on Ryan Seacrest,� and you I guess have said that you would like to be the new Dick Clark or�
Ry: Well yeah, ya know the guy�s had longevity, he�s had a lot of success, he�s a powerful man.
H: So they said, �Do you have a comment?� And he goes, �Why would I comment on him? I consider him to be my competition.�
Ry: That�s ridiculous.
Rob: Oh that�s nice.
Ry: Come on.
H: Now here Dick Clark�s a billionaire.
Rob: But that�s how he�s maintained his�
Ry: And here I am hosting a talent competition. That�s crazy.
Rob: But he�s maintained his power by thinking EVERYBODY is competition.
H: Right.
Ry: Well ya have to figure when you�re at that stage, who�s competition? No one.
H: How is anybody a competition to him?
Rob: He wants to kill everybody and still does.
H: The old dude is still hungry, I�ll tell ya that. Unbelievable. What�s Ryan doing wrong?
Rob: He looks uncomfortable.
Ry: I�m a radio guy and I can�t even get the microphone to my mouth.
A: You guys wanted to put it on tv and it was in his face, we couldn�t see his face.
H: That�s good, who wants to see HIS face? Who wants to see his good looking face?
Rob: He�s good looking ya know.
H: We want to block his face.
Ry: I think I have a lot to do to even be close to the king of all media.
H: Yeah you�re not the king of all media.
Ry: No no, I�m young, I have not achieved, the word that I use�
Rob: Oh what are you saying the king of all media is OLD?
Ry: He has to be.
H: How dare you? I was king of all media by the time I was 30.
Ry: Didn�t you say you have to be in the business or on the radio for 20 years?
H: At least, right.
Ry: Well I�ve only done 12 or 13 so I�ve got a few more to go.
H: You started at 12 or 13?
Ry: I�ve got 12 or 13 under my belt.
H: When did you start on the radio?
Ry: 15, 15 and a half.
H & Rob: Really?
Ry: Yeah.
H: Where?
Ry: In Atlanta on a pop station. I did the deal where I had to sit behind the control panel and press the buttons and then I could open the mic and say JUST the call letters, JUST the call letters.
H: Was it an automated station?
Ry: No it wasn�t, it was a pop station, but I was just young and dumb so they could only trust me with the call letters.
H: So how did they run the rest of the radio show?
Ry: It was an overnight program so they really didn�t care. Ya know, no one listened at the time.
H: Wow.
Rob: Didn�t know he started at 15.
Ry: And then before that I drove the, uh, well it wasn�t before that, right about the same time I started driving the van, that was the real gig, that was the on-the-books gig, driving the radio station van around town.
H: I was the first guy to say you were a homo. Now everyone�s claiming to have said you were a homo. I don�t think you�re really a homo though.
Rob: I think he�s now being seen with women.
H: Yeah, who�s this you�re dating?
Ry: Finally.
Rob: They�ve spotted him with some women.
H: Yeah, who�s the girlfriend? I�ve got a picture of her here. Is that your girlfriend?
Ry: Yeah, that�s, that�s her.
H: Nice.
Ry: You like her?
H: Oh yeah.
Ry: She�s cute, right? Petite.
H: How old?
Ry: She�s 30.
H: What�s her name?
Rob: How old are you?
Ry: Her name is Shana. I�m 29.
H: What�s her name? Shana?
Ry: Yeah, Shana.
H: What is she, a Playboy Playmate?
Ry: No, she�s an actress and a back up singer.
H: Mmm, boy that looks good.
Ry: Sweet girl.
H: I bet. I�d bang her hard.
G: Ya know, there�s already problems, not problems, but there�s already a war started with his new show. MTV�s TRL said that if anybody goes on his show, they can�t come back on MTV.
Rob: Right, yeah I read that the other day.
Ry: Which is crazy.
H: Well you should have no guests.
Ry: Well I�ll tell you something, ya know, it�s not good for the music business to do things like that if you think about it.
H: You know what you oughtta do? Just have Shana on every day.
Ry: (laughing)
H: What is she? An acress?
Ry: Yeah.
Rob: And a singer.
H: *coughing* Waitress.
Ry: I don�t think she�s waiting right now, not tables. Um, yeah, so, ya know we haven�t had trouble booking musical guests so it�s worked out ok.
H: When does your new show start?
Ry: It starts Monday.
H: And that�s what you�re out promoting?
Ry: Yeah. Live 5 days a week.
H: Where does it air?
Ry: It airs in syndication nation wide so it depends, you have to check your local listings, mostly Fox and UPN stations.
Rob: Where�s your, your outlet is Fox here in New York?
Ry: Here, UPN, 5 o�clock on UPN, Los Angeles Fox at 5 o�clock.
H: And it�s a music show?
Ry: Yes, it�s a music show, but it�s also an entertainment show. It�s got entertainment news, it�s got live interviews, live music performance. Being in radio, I�m just more comfortable when we can do things live and you can screw it up and you just move on. You start on time and you end on time.
Rob: Are you doing a lot of location stuff? I keep hearing about backstage and�
H: What happened to your radio show?
Ry: I am doing, uh, taking over for Casey Kasem on the American Top 40 show.
H: That�s a big deal, right?
Ry: I�m excited about that.
H: What do you get paid for something like that? Over a million?
Ry: You get better money than I was getting doing the local show.
H: Why did they fire Casey Kasem? The guy was so successful.
Ry: They moved, he moved on to do American Top 20, which is an adult contemporary version, so I�m gonna take over the pop show, which is on all the pop stations across the country.
H: That�s the big money maker.
Ry: It�s the one I wanted to do. It�s the one that I listened to as a kid, the one I grew up listening to when I was younger.
H: Look at this guy getting all the good gigs.
Rob: Oh yeah, he�s given up that regular radio thing.
Ry: I have to tell you something though, I still don�t feel like I�ve made it. You get there and then�
H: If you screw up American Top 40, like Shadoe Stevens did, and if you screw up this syndicated show, you�re over.
Ry: I�m done, absolutely.
H: I mean, you�ll be just a radio guy.
Ry: Yeah, which is what I always was.
H: What happened to your radio show? You�re not doing that?
Ry: I�m not doing it right now to launch the tv show. The daily radio show, I do want to come back and do a daily show once I get this tv show off the ground.
H: If everything fails.
Ry: Not if everything fails. Once I get this thing off the ground.
H: Alright.
Ry: Ya know I�m executive producing the new tv show, I�m hosting the tv show�
H: Do you own the tv show?
Ry: Uh, I share in the ownership.
H: Wow. You better hope it takes off.
Rob: Yeah, really, that could be the mother load.
H: So who�s your guest on Monday? If MTV is blocking all your guests, who do you have coming up Monday?
Ry: In the music department coming up the first week, Monday we have Enrique Iglesias doing a live concert.
H: Now isn�t he nervous that MTV gonna ban him?
Ry: I haven�t spoken to him about it.
H: Could he possibly cancel?
Rob: Yeah, maybe everybody will cancel on you at the last minute.
Ry: I guess anything is possible.
H: Can I just say something? Enrique Iglesias, you better cancel cuz MTV�s gonna ban you.
Rob: (laughing) That�s right.
[playing a clip of Enrique performing live, and he sounds AWFUL]
Ry: I don�t know if that threat was real to be honest. I don�t think it was, I don�t think it was true. Can you imagine�
Rob: This guy�s gonna be on the show?
Ry: Oh God. (listening) That�s my guy from American Idol isn�t it?
H: That�s Enrique Iglesias.
Ry: That�s my guy from�
H: No.
Rob: That�s the real deal.
H: Ya know what that is? That�s his board feed.
Ry: Nah.
H: Swear to God. Swear on the life of my children.
Ry: Remember that, I don�t know if you guys remember that kid on American Idol that did that song.
H: Yeah, but this is, that�s Enrique Iglesias.
Rob: That�s the real dude.
Ry: Oh, alright, well, hopefully we have a better board.
H: (laughing) You don�t want that performance.
Rob: They can cover that up.
H: So Monday you have Enrique Iglesias.
Ry: Monday Enrique.
H: And then Tuesday whatta ya got?
Ry: We�ve got Adam Sandler on Monday as well.
H: Wow. Oh.
Ry: We�ve got Ben Stiller coming up, we�ve got Sting next week, we�ve got Sheryl Crow, we�ve got John Mayer�
H: Wow.
Ry: �we�ve got Bernie Mac�
H: So you got a lot of good people?
Ry: I�ll be honest though, we�re the new kid on the block, so, ya know, everybody says, �Show us what you got.� You gotta prove yourself, and you were talking about earlier�
H: What are you gonna wear?
Ry: Well that�s obviously a big decision in my mind.
H: You need to wear some hot clothes.
Ry: I� well�
H: You know what I�m afraid, you�ve got some good guests but I think by next Thursday he�s looking at Carrot Top. MTV�s gonna put the pressure on.
Ry: You know what though, this show can exist, the good thing about it, I think it would be na�ve of us, for us to say we can book every guest, we�re gonna be the show that books and A-list guest every day. This show, the beauty of it is, it IS entertainment news magazine as well, so we can do a show without having an A-list guest. It�s not a guest dependent program.
H: Sounds like you thought this through, my friend.
Ry: I tried, my friend.
H: Alright, Mike, you�re on the air.
Caller Mike: Hey now!
H: Hey now!
Ry: Hey Mike.
Caller Mike: Good morning Howard and those two bastards. Listen, Ryan Seacrest is such a lucky son of a bitch. I heard you banged Jillian Barberie, is that true?
Ry: I didn�t, no I didn�t bang her. I made out with her on the hood of a car at an LA club.
H: No kidding?!
Ry: Yeah.
Rob: What was that all about?
Ry: It was all about, uh, tongue and, and, uh, groping and�
H: Really? Wait, tell me that story.
Ry: Uh, we were at a concert and she�s a friend of mine and uh�
H: Right, when you say she�s a friend of yours, like a new friend?
Ry: No I�ve known her for a while. She�s done that program that they do nation wide in Los Angeles for quite a while.
H: Right.
Ry: So, we, uh, we were friends and we went to this club one night, watched a show, walked her to her car, and ended up, ya know those things�
H: Did she make the move on you?
Rob: What, you were drinking and�
Ry: I was probably drinking, but I don�t know that she was.
H: Right, well you�d know if she was or not.
Ry: I don�t think she was, I don�t think she, I know I was.
H: Well she�s on like medication right� cuz she�s mental. (laughing)
Ry: Well� she�s excited.
Rob: She had her pills with her.
H: She�s mentally ill.
Ry: She�s just excited, that�s what she is. And, uh, it was a combination, it was a collaborative move.
H: No kidding? Did you feel her up?
Ry: Uh� no, not re� no, I just, ya know, that really�
H: You just made out with her?
Ry: Yeah, and�
Rob: And why didn�t it go any further?
Ry: �ya know, that really like corny arm rub. Ya know when you do that corny arm rub?
H: Yeah but why wouldn�t you bang her? Honestly, be serious. I would bang her hard if I didn�t have a girlfriend.
Ry: I don�t know that I had the option to bang her.
H: Oh� she thought it was fun to make out.
Ry: I think she thought it was cute and I was like the little brother.
H: You popped the rod though, right?
Ry: Oh yeah� but I can do that just, ya know, staring at a poster.
H: So she wouldn�t take care of business?
Ry: She didn�t.
Rob: She wasn�t a good girl? (laughing)
H: She�s not a good girl is she?
Ry: I don�t think I pressured her enough, ya know? I was pretty content just making, dude, I mean, it�s Jillian so your pretty content just making out with her.
H: I wouldn�t be. That little slut needs to be banged hard. I would bang her so hard her head would hit through the wall.
Caller Mike: Hey Ryan, were you grabbin her or anything, up her shirt�
Ry: Nah, no, I�m not good. Ya know, I always think I�m gonna be good at everything and I�m just not good at it. I get to the gate�
H: You made out with her and then you guys like laughed it off and that was the end of it.
Ry: I�m not good at being aggres, I�m really not good at being aggressive.
Caller Mike: You�re not a homo or anything are ya?
Ry: No, no.
H: But it was a done deal, she wanted you.
Ry: Yeah, I don�t know that it was a done deal. Women will make out with you and they don�t necessarily always wanna bang you, I have to reveal that to you.
H: Really? I�ve never discovered that. Once they make out with you, you�re gonna get in their pants.
Ry: No, Robin, it�s true, it happens every once in a while.
Rob: You figure you�re in.
Ry: Just because your gonna make out doesn�t mean you�re gonna go to bed with them.
H: Would you be honest with me and tell me, was there something kinda wrong, like was her breath bad, or like did you get turned off to her smell?
Ry: I would be, I�d be totally candid with you about that. No, not at all.
H: Cuz I�m probably gonna end up banging her one day.
Ry: You should feel good about it, you should, there�s nothing wrong.
H: She�s already given me the green light.
Ry: Did she? Come on.
H: She said, �As soon as you break up with your girlfriend, I�ll come to New York and bang you.�
Ry: Why would you do that? Why would you break up?
H: She�ll probably break up with me at some point.
Ry: Everything�s good though, right? It�s great. It couldn�t be better.
H: Fantastic.
Rob: So far, so good.
H: So far, so good, but let�s say, if Beth breaks up with me, I�m calling Jillian and moving her right in and just letting her bang me a little bit.
Ry: That statement you made is a statement that I make a lot and that is, �I�ll just screw it up.� I�ll just screw it up. She�ll, ya know Shana? She�ll decide to go do something else cuz I�ll screw it up.
H: I don�t think Shana has anything else to do dude, no offense.
Rob: She has another guy to do maybe.
H: I think you�re the best thing that ever happened to Shana.
Ry: Oh come on.
H: Trust me. She ain�t going anywhere until you tell her to take a heave ho.
Rob: Wait, what�s wrong with Shana? How do you know what�s going on with Shana?
H: Cuz there�s tons of hot chicks in LA. She�s hot but�
Rob: Yeah?
H: Ya know, she�s gonna have to compete.
Rob: Maybe he�s a stepping-stone on to somebody else.
H: This dude�s good looking, he�s got a couple of million bucks, what chick�s gonna want to move on? Where�s she going?
Ry: There�s always bigger and better, isn�t there?
Rob: Bigger fish, that�s right.
Ry: Ya know what I mean, in Hollywood, there�s always bigger and better across the street.
H: She looks way happy dude.
Rob: Well what is this I read about you and Debbie Gibson?
Ry: Oh there�s nothing there. Debbie was, uh, she worked on a show that I did, that I hosted briefly, and�
H: You banged her?
Ry: No, didn�t even go out with her.
H: Well who did I read you banged? You were banging Casey Kasem�s daughter, weren�t you? Then you took his job.
Rob: No, really? You did his daughter and then took his job?
Ry: If that were true, that would be terrible, wouldn�t it?
H: You took the dude�s daughter and then you� be honest with me for a second and don�t give me like an answer like a show biz answer� Casey Kasem�s upset that you took his job.
Ry: I don�t think that he is.
Rob: Have you talked to him?
Ry: He�s left me a message, he�s left me a message.
H: And what did he say?
Ry: In the message he said�
H: �I�m gonna kill you.�
Ry: No, two things, I did speak to him and that�s how I got the opportunity to do it�
H: �Please read everything properly.�
Ry: He said nice things, I mean the guy, I think, ya know you mentioned the Dick Clark thing earlier and if that were to be true, then Casey would be the antithesis because I don�t think that he felt threatened, and I think that that guy said, �Ya know what, I�ve done this show in the pop world talking about Chingy and Snoop Dogg for 30+ years. Now maybe I�m better suited to continue doing it in the adult contemporary version.� That�s the honest, that�s the answer.
H: All I know is, I can�t tell you why, but replacing Casey Kasem seems to be near impossible.
Rob: Right, several people have tried.
H: The dude, for some reason people respond to him counting backwards more than anybody else.
Rob: I mean remember even Rick Dees tried a countdown show at one time. It wasn�t the Top 20 and then Shadoe Stevens got the Top 20 or Top 40�
Ry: But it�s not brain surgery.
H: As much as I despise Rick Dees, I gotta tell you something, he doesn�t sound all that different than Casey Kasem�
Rob: But it didn�t work.
H: It didn�t work! The retards who are listening to these Top 20 shows, they like Casey Kasem. You got big shoes to fill.
Ry: I know, oh I know, national syndication on tv, the American Top 40 counting backwards, a lot to do�
H: And how dumb is your partner Ryan Dunkleman? Brian Dunkleman�
Rob: (laughing) Who?
Ry: For the first year of American Idol?
H: Do you ever hear from him?
Ry: I haven�t heard from him, not since we parted after the first season of American Idol.
Rob: Did he not like you or something?
Ry: There are a lot of people, Robin, that don�t like me. Ya know, he could have been one of those guys.
H: Why didn�t he like you?
Ry: I don�t know, maybe I�m overly excited about everything. Ya know, maybe he thought I was attracted to him. Maybe he thought I was a bad dresser. There are a lot of problems I have.
H: The two guys in London who host American Idol kinda look like Ryan Seacrest and Brian Dunkleman.
Rob: Is that right?
H: I see why they hired these guys.
Ry: That WAS why, because the show was, ya know, it was brought over from the UK and I think basically they said, �Do the same thing.� Just do the same thing, don�t screw with the formula, so they put the two of us together. And then he and I were like, �Why two of us?� There are four words that we said per half hour. Why do you need two guys to do that? So, uh, I was educated enough to put a subject and a predicate together for the second season, ya know, read a prompter or two and stay on time, so I kept the gig. I mean, it�s not brain surgery, ya know, you introduce a contestant, you take some votes, you go to commercial, you stay on time�
H: It was reported that Oprah Winfrey is annoyed with you cuz you kept badgering her for career advice. Is that true?
Ry: That�s not true. I don�t even think I�ve ever called. I�ve�
H: Did you have sex with Casey Kasem�s daughter?
Ry: Did not have sex with Casey Kasem�s daughter.
H: You just went out with her.
Ry: Yeah, we did go out.
Rob: Did you make out with her?
Ry: Yeah, we went out. We dated for a little bit.
H: Holy mackerel, look at this guy.
Ry: Good or bad?
H: Well good for you, but Jesus�
Rob: How do YOU get to Casey Kasem�s daughter?
H: If I�m Casey Kasem, I gotta be thinking you�re like a stalker. You took his job and you took his daughter.
Ry: Nah, this was years ago that Carrie and I went out.
H: Did you touch her breasts?
Ry: No.
H: Liar.
Ry: I didn�t!
Rob: How old were you?
Ry: We went out, ya know, we dated, we went out, we dated, we went out twice, maybe three times. The first time you go out, nothing happens. The second time you think it�s going to and then not, it doesn�t. And then the third time you end up making out and you�re excited about it. I�m not a closer. I�m not a good closer.
H: No wonder everyone thinks you�re gay.
Ry: I know!
H: I think you�re gay now.
Ry: Oh see I started, you didn�t, and now I�ve condemned myself.
H: No the daughter said that you were a really nice guy but she thought you were effeminate.
Ry: Well I am.
H: Are you?
Ry: Sure. What�s wrong with that, huh?
Caller: Howard, way too much smoke for there not to be fire. Let�s� (muffled)
Rob: (laughing)
H: I don�t know what�s going on. Alright caller, you�re on the air, go ahead.
Caller (guy): Hi Ryan. How are you?
Ry: Good, how are you?
Caller: I�m fine. I think you are so wonderful. I would love to find you in a public restroom one day.
Ry: And then what would you do?
Caller: Oh I would take such good care of you.
Ry: Would you dim the lights?
Caller: I would treat you the way Beth would like to treat Bob O�Brien.
Ry: Oh, well dim the lights first.
H: Frank, you�re on the air. (pause) Yes, Frank, hi.
Ry: Frank?! (pause)
Rob: Frank is gone.
H: Brian, go ahead, you�re on the air.
Caller Brian: Hi, how ya doing Howard? I just want to ask Ryan why he gets Botox injected into his face.
Ry: I�ve never done it. If� look, come on, I�ve been honest about the highlights, about the hair, if I had done that, I would tell you.
H: You wax your eyebrows?
Ry: I did once or twice, I did probably three times, three times. Yeah, but ya know what�
Caller Brian: You should remember, Howard, back when Mike Walker actually told you guys this when you guys were doing the gossip game.
Rob: He did Botox?
Caller Brian: Yeah, that Ryan Seacrest did Botox.
Ry: I read that. I saw that in the tabloids.
H: Not true?
Ry: It�s not true. Look, ready? (Ryan demonstrates something)
Rob: You can wiggle your forehead.
Ry: Come close. I got wrinkles. I�ll tell you this though, the waxing and the eyebrows that I did a few times, I did it because I was with a girl, and when I was dating her she said, �Hey you gotta get rid of that crap between your eyebrows,� and I said, �What do you do?� and she said, �You gotta get it waxed.� And I got it waxed. There are things that we men do often that we wouldn�t normally stumble upon unless we had a woman in our life to direct us.
H: You�re a f� (laughing)
Rob: A fruit?
H: Your hairdresser, you travel with your hairdresser?
Ry: Dean Banowitz, Dean Banowitz.
H: You travel with your hairdresser. Why is that?
Rob: Is that the most important thing?
Ry: He does hair. He does make-up. Ya know, usually we�re�
H: And that�s your partner? You travel with him?
Ry: He�s not my partner.
Rob: You�re partner. (laughing)
Ry: Well set up by the way. I�m not falling into that trap. He�s, uh, not my partner�
H: Right.
Ry: �but he did travel with me on this trip.
H: That�s interesting.
Ry: He�s with me a lot. He does hair and make-up when we�re on television. He does it for the show.
H: Liberace traveled with his valet you know.
Ry: Should I be worried? (laughing) Should I be worried about Dean?
H: Alright, Maryanne from Brooklyn.
Caller Maryanne: Yeah Howard, how are you?
H: How are you?
Caller Maryanne: Listen Ryan, you lucked out because you were on American Idol. No body would even know you. You and that Brian Dinkleman were horrible. I don�t even know how you have a job.
Ry: Believe me, sometimes I say the same thing.
Caller Maryanne: And I wanna know this: how tall are you?
Ry: 5�9�
Caller Maryanne: I can�t believe Beth thinks he�s nice looking Howard. I�m in shock.
H: She does. She does.
Caller Maryanne: Get her glasses, would you please?
H: Will do.
Caller Maryanne: Howard, I love you!
H: Thank you Maryanne. George, go ahead, one more call.
Caller George: Hey Ryan, that�s really funny that they fired that other dork because he couldn�t read off the teleprompter. You screwed up the results off the card yourself, you dope.
Ry: Yeah, how �bout that, huh? That was rough, wasn�t it?
H: You� at the final of American Idol you screwed it up.
Ry: Yeah. Well, what are ya gonna do?
H: You showed the results to Clay Aiken.
Ry: It�s live, what are ya gonna do? It wasn�t like I walked up and said, �Here, take a peek.� Ya know, you�re standing back there, he walked up and saw, he THINKS he saw�
Caller George: Howard, this guy�s got �gay mafia� written all over him.
Ry: I feel pretty butch today, I don�t know about you guys, but�
H: He�s got a hot girlfriend, I�ll tell ya that.
Ry: Come on, listen to that voice. That sounds butch, doesn�t it?
Caller George: Two words: David Geffin.
H: Alright, so you� let�s sum up.
Ry: Alright, let�s sum up.
H: You�re the host of On Air.
Ry: On Air.
H: It starts Monday morning, Monday afternoon.
Ry: Monday afternoon live nationwide.
H: That premieres this Monday actually on Fox.
Ry: Fox, a lot of Fox stations, also UPN stations�
H: Ok.
Ry: � and a couple other stations across the country.
G: I don�t know if Ryan was joking around before, but you gotta be lying about your height by at least 3 inches.
Ry: Oh come on!
Rob: Wait a minute.
Ry: How tall are you?
G: Cuz he�s shorter than me. He�s gotta be 5�6� or 5�7�.
H: Oh really?
Rob: Stand up!
Ry: Come over here and put your ass against mine.
H: Hmm, now we�re talking.
Ry: Come on, see�
H: Oh wow.
Rob: Uh, he�s not, uh� he�s not any taller, wait a minute.
H: How tall are you, Bababooey?
G: 5�8�
H: 5�8�, yeah he�s about an inch taller than you.
Rob: I�d say he�s about an inch taller.
Ry: I got an inch!
H: He�s a hobbit. (laughing) Alright, how many weeks do we give Ryan Seacrest�s new show? Let�s be honest. Is it gonna last or is it gonna be off?
Rob: Hmm, they seem to be letting these daytime syndicated shows run for a while lately, so I say he�s got, uh, a season.
Ry: You think I�ve got a season to prove myself? Or a season overall?
Rob: You�ve got a season to prove yourself.
H: Will the show be successful is the question.
Ry: Ok, will the show be successful Robin?
Rob: Uhhh, I doubt it.
Ry: Ok, and why?
Rob: Because it�s a weird format.
Ry: Yeah?
Rob: Yeah.
Ry: You think it�s weird�
Rob: For early in the�
Ry: What do you think is weird?
Rob: It�s like the 7 o�clock slot with the news and all that stuff�
Ry: But ya know there�s a lot of news at 5 o�clock on other stations, so to me it�s kind of an alternative to local news. Less and less�
Rob: That�s what you�re thinking?
Ry: Fewer and fewer people are watching local news, so the younger, 16-36, 18-34�
Rob: So you thought this out?
Ry: This is, I do have a strategy.
H: Alright, well we�ll see.
Rob: What do YOU think?
H: Thinking it through, the� chicks dig him. They do, ya know, daytime tv has gone gay. Ellen and�
Rob: And Sharon�
H: Now Ryan�s show. (laughing)
Rob: (laughing) And Ryan.
H: The show could have a shot, and I�ll tell ya why. It sounds like it�s a variety show really, when it comes down to it, that has a lot of elements of news, like celeb news, like Us magazine type stuff. People like that. It�s on a time of day that might make sense. What time�s it go on?
Ry: 5 pm for the most part.
H: 5 pm.
Ry: Yeah.
H: You�re competing with local news, which is very hard to compete with, it�s a very strong element.
Ry: Well it�s hard to COMPETE with, but if you�re doing the alternative program, then you�re really not competing with it, ya know what I mean?
H: Those stations, anything over a 2 they�re thrilled with. I think you could be successful. I really do. I think there could be something there.
Rob: Really?
H: Yeah, I do. Sounds like you got some good guests, some good musical performances. Don�t have too much music cuz that turns people off.
Ry: That�s good, I�m writing this down. Talk about them but don�t play them too much.
H: Right. Only the hits. They come on with their new songs, people tune out.
Ry: But the lifestyle is interesting to people I think.
H: Yeah. Focus on that. It could have a shot.
Rob: Well let�s see it first. Why are we guessing?
H: Have you ever made out with a guy?
Ry: Never.
H: Alright.
Ry: Never. No desire. I�m totally comfortable with�
H: Ever give a guy a blemkin? (?)
R: No.
H: Alright.
Rob: No little thing? Towel snapping?
Ry: Not a towel snap.
Rob: Nope?
Ry: Nope, and I even played ball.
H: Yes Dr. Gonzo?
Caller Dr. Gonzo: Hey now.
H: Dr. Gonzo doesn�t believe you. He thinks you gave a guy a blemkin.
Ry: Doctor?
Caller Dr. Gonzo: I think you�ve used a mouth on a guy, yes.
(everyone laughing)
Ry: Come on, what would lead you to believe that?
Caller Dr. Gonzo: I�ve seen the pictures Ryan.
Ry: I didn�t even warm up? I went right to the anus?
Caller Dr. Gonzo: I�ve seen the pictures.
H: Alright, enough of that. I wish you luck with the new show. Ryan is also the host of American Idol premiering January 19th on Fox in its third season.
Ry: That�s right. I�m gonna ride that thing, huh?
H: That�s right. You never gave a man a rusty trombone? Never.
Ry: I gotta� no, never.
H: I can�t believe you didn�t bang Jillian Barberie.
Ry: Now I can�t believe it, after this program. Now I feel bad about it.
H: Sure. I would have done that. She�s very attractive.
Ry: Let�s just say that I�ve made plenty of mistakes in my life Howard. It�s just the beginning.
H: I wonder what they are.
Rob: Well Casey Kasem�s daughter, he didn�t get her either.
H: Casey Kasem�s daughter doesn�t do it that much for me.
Rob: But I mean, you�re there.
A: I thought she was hot when she was in here.
Ry: I think she�s hot.
A: Is that the same broad that was in here that we�re talking about?
Rob: Yeah.
A: Yeah, she was good looking.
Ry: She�s pretty hot.
H: Does she have hair on her belly?
Ry: (pause) Can�t tell ya. The happy trail? I don�t know, I didn�t do the happy trail inspection.
Rob: (laughing) Sideburns.
H: Who said sideburns?
A: She was showing her stomach in here.
H: She looked good.
Ry: She has a good stomach.
H: I know Casey has a hairy belly.
Ry: How do you know that?
Rob: But he�s a good kisser. (laughing)
H: Casey Kasem, I used to go out with him years ago.
Rob: (laughing)
H: Alright, listen, good luck to you.
Ry: Thank you.
H: Wish you luck with the new show. On Air. I�ll check it out� Monday on, whatever, Fox or UPN, look for it.
Rob: We�ll try to find it.
H: The biggest problem is you can�t find it.
Rob: (laughing)
H: Alright, we�ll be back right after these words.
Ry: Thanks for having me.
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