The Healing Heart

The others were worried. Good, she thought. Let them worry. She screamed again and sparks flew out of the sky, across her body, across her tear-strained face. Her white hair twisted wild and free, as if part of the earth but not of it. She let the anger come. She wanted revenge. Rain pelted her skin, as she willed it. She could drown in it, and it wouldn't matter. Snow, hail, tornado-dare she call her dark sisters to join this death dance?

She road the winds faster, tasting the salt of her tears with the sharp winds.  Her voice roared into the dark clouds and she felt like Banshee splitting the earth. Good, she thought again. Come, Anger goddess. Come.

Ororo scanned the heavens and saw it. A large, ancient oak that weathered countless rains and needle-like hails stood tall and proud against her. Her face twisted. She laughed, and it was an awkward halting sound. If anyone heard it, they would have thought her mad. Always calm, always serene? No. Few saw the madness within. Perhaps the world should know this Storm.

She floated from the clouds softly, as if an angel. Her dark hands caressed the tree delicately, gently, and found the carved heart: Forge + Storm.

"Foolish woman!" She shouted. "Blinded by a fool's heart! Damn you and damn your arrogance, Forge!"

Lightning snaked from the sky in a long stream and struck the tip of the tree's leaves. The beam unnaturally looped around the trunk in a dozen lassos and wove itself through twigs and loose branches before leaping into the carved heart.  Ororo counted to five before an explosion cracked the tree into two cleaved pieces, and another shattered the pieces into slivers and kindling. Her ears rung from the noise, but it felt good. Very good.

"Feel any better, darlin'?"

Ororo whirled at the voice. Her hands glowed ominously. "Don't push me, Logan."

The short, hairy man wore a jacket but rain pelted his uncovered head. He held up his hands. "I ain't lookin' for a fight with you tonight, 'Ro. I'd sooner tangle with Magneto."

She knelt down and picked up a shattered piece of wood. It reminded her of a vampire's stake. Her lip curled. So much happened to her in so little time. It wasn't fair. "Perhaps you should find him, then. I'm in the mood to fight."

Logan folded his arms and said nothing. She squeezed the stick tighter and tighter in her fist until it broke into toothpicks.

"What do you want from me!"

The thunder echoed her pain, and Logan raised an eyebrow. "You gonna fry me like you fried that tree?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know! Leave me alone."

Logan shrugged and turned away. "Fine with me. Just thought you might wanna talk, 'cause we ain't got but a few really old trees out here. Be a shame for you to waste 'em all."

Ororo thought she only waited a minute but when she finally glanced up, Logan was a mile away and halfway to the mansion. Had he followed her all this way in the rain?

She frowned but took to the air and landed delicately next to him, marching in step with his measured footfalls.

"I hate him," she spat. "I have a right to hate him."

"And that gives you the right to act stupid, too?"

She put her hand on his shoulder and spun him around. "What right have you to condemn me?"

Logan stared at her, and his blank, knowing stare melted her icy heart. He started walking again, but his steps were slow and precise, as if each thought pained him. "No right at all. I've only been there. You really want that anger to eat'cha up? Go ahead, let it eat your heart out. But I don't think you wanna go there again."

Her body froze. She didn't want that dark place, but it hurt to go forward and hurt to go back. How could she go on? The ultimate insult, the ultimate humiliation and she was reliving it over, and over, and over, and--

Logan engulfed her like a cloak but she hadn't realized that her knees had buckled and she'd fallen to the ground, weeping, and she didn't realized how hard her body was shaking with grief and rage.

"How could he?" Logan rocked her tenderly. She pounded on his chest, but he didn't stop her.  "Bastard! Bastard..."

"I know, darlin'," Logan whispered. "Let it out. It's okay, I'm here."

He rocked her like a child in the rain and cradled her head within his soft jacket. She clung to him and sobbed until the clouds broke through the storm. 

II

His smell of woods and earth awakened her from her fugue. His warm, thick arms felt good; she inhaled deeply and shuddered, tasting his sweetness. But as clarity came, she shook the thought away.

"How long have I--?"

Logan swept her damp hair from her eyes. "Longer than the rain.  An hour."

Ororo struggled to rise, but her body was too weak; Logan guided her back down and helped her sit up.

"An hour? Goddess..."

He chuckled. "You're entitled. Hell, I get worried if one of us doesn't lose it once in a blue moon. Yer way overdue for yours, Windrider."

"No, I-I can't lose control."

"Can't, or won't?"

She glanced at him before rubbing her temples. "Both," she said honestly. "I would say the same applies to you."

"Touché," Logan said. "But at least I let it out. Sometimes I let loose when nobody's around, which works great. I just gotta make sure I give myself a road back."

Ororo glanced over the sky, and at the broken tree her lightning destroyed. A small tear welled in her eyes. Such wanton destruction, such severity--! The earth mourned, and she caused it.

"What if you don't want a road back?"

If it had been anyone else, her whisper would not have been heard. But Logan's sensitive ears caught her delicate voice. He touched her cheek and swiveled her chin to meet his eyes, but her gaze fell to the ground.

"What're you sayin'?"

"Nothing, Logan." She rose, and wrapped her cloak around her; it felt heavy and unnecessary, like an actor's costume. She tried smiling but her lips were cruelly twisted. "The others are waiting."

"Forget 'em. They can wait. Xavier may be the telepath, but I can smell it when things ain't right. I don't like what I'm smellin'."

She bit back her retort and started walking. "I'm fine, Logan."

"Like hell you are."

 She trembled when he grabbed her arm. He felt her tiredness; picked up on her thoughts. He could smell it. An aura of death swam through her, and he smelled it. So? Life was too damn hard. And if she couldn't control the destruction from her fear and anger, and no longer wished to control it, then what purpose did she serve? She had her mad times before. She killed before-wantonly killed. But what she felt now was a hollow emptiness that threatened to engulf her more than any foe. And she cared less for herself than the tree she destroyed.

"Logan--"

He shook her. "Stop it, 'Ro. Snap out of it."

Let me go...

"He's not worth it. You're worth more than that, and you know it."

"It's not just Forge," she snapped. She noticed that Logan's arms were still around her shoulders and her body's own warm reaction frightened her.

"Then what else?"

She turned to him. His eyes were genuinely frightened for her, and it touched her. When was the last time someone really, honestly asked how she was? How many times had they mistaken her serenity for true inner peace? How often had they left her alone because they feared awakening the demon within? Of all, it seemed only Logan understood. He, too, had two halves, with one under constant guard.

Her lips trembled. "I'm empty, Logan. I can't feel anymore, and it frightens me. I simply...do not care."

 "You've got to."

She ripped herself from his grasp. "Then give me a reason! I'm tired of fighting, tired of death, tired of our team ripping itself apart. I'm tired of the petty bickering. Tired of couples tearing one another to--"

Her voice stuck and Logan instantly came too close. His scent intoxicated her, and suddenly she knew that he found a good reason. His beard scratched the back of her neck but his lips were soft as tissue paper.

"No, we shouldn't. Mustn't..."

"Mustn't, or won't?"

She gulped and shivered as his lips caressed her neck.

"Mustn't," she whispered, but she let him continue. A good reason indeed, her mind said, and her body gave in to his kisses...

III

For the second time that night her knees betray her. She went down and his lips followed her. Her cloak magically slipped from her shoulders, tenderly slipped to the muddy ground. Leaves surrounded them. Irrationally she thought, here? In the mud? But the thought didn't stay.

"It's not right, what will--"

His fingers caressed her back and she swallowed.

"If this ain't what you want, I'll stop. But I already know."

She knew, too. She needed to fall, she needed to crumble, but the cost-how high the cost?

Storm motioned with her hands and a quiet fog swirled among them, covering their presence from the outside world. His eyes twinkled mischievously at her.

"Shy?"

She nodded. "The others--"

Logan covered his mouth on hers, stifling her words. His heady aroma blinded her.

"It's none," he said between kisses, "of their business."

Ororo nodded--she felt powerless to do anything else. Logan's gentle fingers looped around her top and guided the straps down her shoulders, revealing her undergarments. She was shaking but he treated her with a gentleness she'd never felt before.

Even Forge had not been so kind. He smelled her fear but treated her new nakedness with a virginal cautiousness.

As he removed his own clothes, she didn't dare look up. She felt too visible, too conscious of her own self. She wanted to laugh at her stupidity, to run away, to hide. She held her shoulders and turned her back, believing the act would give Logan enough time to rethink this situation. He could stop, put his clothes back on his body, and walk in the other direction and she would understand. No one had to know, and she would still thank him for the opportunity.

"'Ro," he said softly. He stood behind her, and his body felt hot against her chilled dark skin. "It's okay. Turn around."

She obeyed but she was trembling; she kept her arms crossed in front of her as if ashamed. Logan carefully removed each hand and kissed them softly. She started crying, and he kissed the tears from her face.

"We can still stop," he said, nuzzling her neck. "I'm not in control here. You are. I won't do anything you're not comfortable with right now."

She licked her lips. You can still say no...

"Please," she whispered. She still shook, but now from desire. "Don't stop."

He embraced her and she opened herself like a desert flower during the first rains.  Two of the earth-mother goddess and upright beast melded in a delicate union. Their moves paid homage to their friendship and their lovemaking echoed it. When he pushed, he pushed in tandem with her body's rhythms. When she rose, he cupped her body and cradled her to his chest. He had studied her and was tender with her-not rough, not like an animal. He had watched her grace in the air and on the ground, and now he danced with her in this new rhythm of gentle combat. He recognized her weaknesses and strengths and understood what she needed. He knew her.

But at the same time, she had watched him. Watched him rough, watched him tender. Her lips spoke to his compassion, as she tasted the hair on his body. Their friendship had been one of the longest, and the weaving of their legs and arms around each other's waists personified it. She raked her fingers through his hair and his warm face nuzzled the length of her body. 

Goddess, yes--!

She must have shouted it, but she hadn't realized it until his hands responded to her call. He buoyed her body and drew her so close, as if she couldn't be too near, as if any space

between them would weaken their bond. Their rhythm quickened and crested, and Ororo shouted again. She swore that Logan shouted with her but she wasn't sure. The joy she felt exploded hotly inside her and she couldn't think clearly. Her absent control created a rainstorm that burst from the sky and soaked them both, but the rain was warm and mimicked the beauty she felt.

Yes...yes.

IV

"Un-GLAU-Blich."

Ororo giggled after she used Kurt Wagner's expression. She and Logan were still very much naked, but their shared nudity delighted her now. She felt at ease with the man beside her and, as she stole a look at his hidden smile, it appeared he felt the same. She rolled onto her belly, lifted her slim legs so her ankles touched, and cradled her head on her forearms. A stray flower--one of the few untouched by the two of them rolling across the ground--caught her eye. She plucked it and twirled it under her chin.

Logan lay on his side and propped his head under his fist. He smirked and began rubbing her back with his opposite hand. "Liked it, huh?"

"Very much." She stroked the petals of the flower while enjoying the warmth of Logan's hand across her bare back. Although her body wanted to respond with more she was content with Logan's hand, for now.

"Nice ta hear you laugh, 'Ro."

"Mmm," she sighed. "I guess I don't laugh very often."

"Nope. A cryin' shame, too. You have a pretty laugh."

An embarrassing heat rose to her face, and he saw the blush through her chocolate features. His rough hand across her back became a single finger tracing the length of her spine and warmth spread through her again. Unconsciously, she began rubbing her legs together.

She shyly turned from his welcoming face. "No one's told me that before."

Logan's hand stopped; she felt strangely disappointed.

"Honest? C'mon."

She shrugged. "It's not important." 

"Sure it is."

He kissed her neck. Logan guided her frame into to his and wrapped his arms around her back, and she slid easily into the bends of his body. She almost fell asleep in his embrace, as their spooning effect was both real and comfortable. But on the edge of consciousness, a disturbing question woke her and forced her to see the truth.

Isn't it too comfortable?

She grimaced at her old, wary thoughts but as team leader, she had to listen: Would this new situation change them? How would the team respond? Where would this lead? Her mind traveled from one end of the puzzle to the other, searching for a solution, but she found none.

"What're you thinkin' about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Face me," he said quietly. She paused before turning, regretting how his heightened senses forced her to form her sentences before she was ready to speak. He knew when the chemistry changed and understood what she felt before she could form the feelings herself.

Ororo stared him full in the face but purposely hid her expression through her long strands of flowing hair. "What?"

Logan tapped his nose with his forefinger. "Doesn't do any good to lie to this. You havin' second thoughts 'bout what we did?"

Sighing, she flopped onto her back and stared into the sky. The moon was full and gleaming, and the last of her bewitching fog had lifted from the surface. A gentle wind blew across the ground, chilling her flesh.

 "No, I enjoyed it."

 "Me, too," he said, surprising her.

 "But you know we cannot continue, don't you?"

 He grunted and rolled onto his back. "Didn't say we had to."

"How do you think this will affect our working relationship?"

"What?"

"Our working--"

"I heard you the first time." Logan laughed darkly and shook his head. "God, 'Ro, you can be a real tight-ass."

She nodded, rose, and grabbed her clothes in one fluid motion.

"What d'you think you're doing?"

"Putting my clothes back on."

"Why?"

Why do you think, she thought, but she didn't say it. She hated the idea of dressing in front of him, but she had no choice. Each buckle seemed like a new problem for her shaking fingers.

Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose with a hairy thumb. "Why don'tcha give me a chance to explain, before you go off half-cocked."

"I'm not angry," she said, forcing a boot onto her calf. She jammed her toe in too far and stubbed it in the corner. Dammit, can't manufacturers make a comfortable pair of boots?

Logan laughed at her. "Oh, no, you're not upset. Yer just hoppin' around half-naked on one leg for kicks."

"Logan," she warned. Part of her did see the humor in the situation, but another half felt embarrassed and used. "I don't play the part of a fool well. Look to the tree in the garden, if you choose to test me."

"Dammit, get off yer high-horse for once in your life." Logan grabbed his jeans and put them on quickly. "That's part of your problem."

"My problem?"

"Yeah. Yours. You own it, and you like keepin' it. Otherwise you wouldn't be struttin' around with it so much."

"Oh, do enlighten me. I'd love to hear this."

A small rumble of thunder churned with the anger in her gut. She slept with this man? How dare he say such things, as if he knew her well enough from a few hours of passion.

"Never mind," he growled, "you ain't listenin'. You're a tight-ass, and you'll always be a tight--"

A bolt of lightning flared from the sky and struck the ground a foot from where Logan stood. The energy from it flung him backwards and slid his body across the grass.

"Goddess--!"

The man held his head delicately while blinking a few times from the bright flash. Ororo ran to his side and quickly examined his body and scalp for scorch marks and bruises.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. Are you all right?"

Logan rubbed his eyes. "Thought you said you weren't mad."

"Well...maybe a little bit."

He laughed. "Damn, if that's just a little mad, I'd hate to see you furious. I'd be a briquette by now."

She couldn't help the snort that came from her nose, which made Logan laugh harder. He laughed so hard that he belched, which made Ororo grasp her sides in helpless agony.

"Stop, Logan, I have to pee."

Water streamed down his cheeks. "I'd pay money for you to tell Xavier that during a Danger Room sesh. 'Hey, Chuck, couldja stop the Sentinel routine for a sec? I gotta take a whiz.'"

She crumpled to her knees, and her body convulsed. She couldn't catch her breath. "Stop, stop! I mean it!"

He crawled over to where she was and took a long breath. "Can'tcha see the Prof now: 'Hey, mutant piss shorts out Sentinel circuits!' 'Yeah? How'd ya find that out?' 'Well, y'see, that's the funny part...' "

Ororo keened loudly because she was on the ground, hugging her stomach. "Logan, I'm going to kill you if I wet myself."

"Hell, we're in the forest," he said, calming down. He breathed a few cleansing breaths and wiped the tears from his eyes. "We got free trees and free toilet paper, courtesy of all these leaves."

She made a face and sighed. "Not a pleasant thought."

"Ya can't really be choosy 'round here." Logan helped her to her feet while plucking the stray leaves from her hair.

"Logan, I--"

"Ro--"

"You first," they said in unison.

Ororo smiled slightly and put a hand on his shoulder. She nodded at a tree. "Give me a minute, all right? Then, I think we should talk."

Logan nodded. "Sounds good."

*     *     *

Ororo felt energized by the coming dawn. After they dressed, she took Logan's hand and led him to the highest hill on the eastern side of the property. She sat down and he sat behind her, wrapping his warm arms around her shoulders like a second skin. She smiled, watching the horizon weave the midnight black of night with the scarlet-gray of morning.

"It's going to be a beautiful sunrise," she whispered.

"Mm-hmm," Logan agreed. "Wasn't such a bad night, either."

She settled her head into his chest while he stroked her hair. "I'm sorry I'm such a...'tight-ass' sometimes. I'm in control so often that I often don't recognize it."

"I know, darlin'." He sighed, and the vibrations from his deep, rumbling voice reassured her. "We've all got it to some degree or another-comes with the mutant label. But it don't hurt to balance it off with some good ol' fashion fun. You can't be in control all the time, so you gotta learn to roll with the punches."

The corners of her mouth turned. "Then, what we did was simply 'old fashioned fun'?"

Logan paused for too long and she craned her neck to see his face. She couldn't read the odd look in his eyes. "I guess, in part. Can't say that I haven't thought about it for a while, though."

Me either, she thought, but she didn't say it.

Logan stopped stroking her hair. "How're you feelin' now?"

"Still a little angry," she admitted, "but I feel better. Thanks for the renewal."

"Anytime," he said. But as the sky began its measured fade to pink, she couldn't help thinking that his statement may have carried a deeper meaning.

*     *     *

Xavier's school was usually a quiet place on Saturdays, especially early in the morning. Students often slept in while others left to visit relatives or friends in New York. Every once in a while someone rose early-usually a young teenager missing his or her regular routine-and watched cartoons in the sitting room. Ororo was nervous when she and Logan entered the hallway holding hands, but to her relief she didn't see anyone.

"Thank you, Logan."

He smiled gruffly. "You already said that."

"Well, I'm saying it again." She kissed him on the cheek and he patted her rump. She blushed.

"Just don't go around cookin' trees without askin' me."

"I'll try not to."

She turned to ascend the grand hallway stairs, when Logan grabbed her arm and kissed her deeply and unexpectedly. It stunned her, but she couldn't help the smile on her lips.

"That's to getcha goin' today."

"In more ways than one." She covered her giggle with her hands and skipped up the stairs like a little girl. She didn't look back, and missed Logan's half-smile watching her until she disappeared around the stairwell.

…Fin...