Row, Row, Row Your Boat
by Bill Dodds
Row,
row, row your boat
gently down the stream,
until you hit the waterfall--
then you'll start to scream.
Mary's Dumb Lamb
by Anonymous
Forgetful
by Bruce Lansky
My sister woke up in the morning.
She had to go potty real bad.
I must have forgotten to put the seat down.
She fell in the toilet--how sad.
She yelled and she screamed and she hollered.
There's no doubt that she was upset.
Whenever my sister is nasty to me,
it seems that I always forget.
What You Were Like When
You Were Born
by Bruce Lansky
When you were born
you looked so cute
all dressed up in
your birthday suit.
Before you had
been home a week
we noticed that
you'd sprung a leak.
You slept all day
and cried all night--
as soon as we
turned off the light.
To keep you quiet
in your bed
we stuck a diaper
on your head.
Old
Mother Hubbard
by Bruce Lansky
Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone.
But the dog couldn't wait,
so when dinner was late,
he ordered a pizza by phone.
Birthday Advice
by Bruce Lansky
Today on your
birthday
I think you should know--
you're getting too old now
to suck on your toe.
And when you get hungry
I hope you won't spread
the jam that you find
'tween your toes on your bread.
Do not shine your shoes
with the wax from your ear.
Don't shampoo your hair
with your dad's favorite beer.
Do not chase your nose
when it's running--that's dumb.
When you go to church,
do not dress like a bum.
It's time you grew up
and stopped acting so bad.
It's time that you stopped
acting just like your dad.
Could Have Been Worse
by Bill Dodds
My friends have not
seen London,
They've never been to France,
But yesterday at recess
They saw my underpants.
I kicked the ball, my skirt flew up
And I know what they saw.
The girls all stared and blushed and laughed,
The boys said, "Oo-la-la!"
I've thought a lot about it.
This conclusion I have drawn:
I'm embarrassed that they saw them,
But I'm glad I had them on.
My Puppy Loves Flowers
by Bruce Lansky
My
puppy's in the garden.
He loves to smell the flowers.
To help them grow my puppy always
sprinkles them with showers
Happy Birthday to Me
by Mike Artell
Happy birthday to me.
I like what I see!
There's plenty of junk food,
and the presents are free
Oh, Woe Ith Me!
by Bruce Lansky
Ath I wath biking
down the thweet,
I hit a bump
and lotht my theat.
I cwathed my bike
into a twee,
I thcwathed my fathe,
oh, woe ith me.
My bike is wecked,
I've no excuthe.
And wortht of all,
my tooth ith looth.
Poorly Dressed
by Bruce Lansky
I have a friend who's not
well dressed.
He wears no hat. He wears no vest.
Upon his back he wears no shirt,
so you can see there's lots of dirt.
He wears no shoes upon his feet.
He wears no pants upon his seat.
In fact, he doesn't wear a stitch,
so he can scratch if there's an itch.
I hope that you don't find him rude--
my dog is happy in the nude.
Star Light, Star Bright
by Bruce Lansky
Star light, star
bright,
first star I see tonight,
I'm going to try with all my might,
to keep my jammies dry all night.
Poor Old Uncle Ted
by Bruce Lansky
I feel so bad
for Uncle Ted.
There's not much hair
upon his head.
And, what is worse,
he barely hears.
There's too much hair
inside his ear.
My Prayer
by Bruce Lansky
I pray my father finds
his keys.
I pray my sister doesn't tease.
I pray that baby has no rash.
But most of all, I pray for cash
Birthday Wishes
by Bruce Lansky
I
wish for peace.
I wish for knowledge.
I wish my (brother/sister)
would leave for college.
Big Mary
by Bill Dodds
Mary had a little lamb,
a little toast,
a little jam,
a little pizza
and some cake,
some French fries
and a chocolate shake,
a little burger
on a bun.
And that's why Mary
weighs a ton.
Swimming Ool
by Kenn Nesbitt
Swimming in the swimming pool
is where I like to "B,"
wearing underwater goggles
so that I can "C."
Yesterday, before I swam,
I drank a cup of "T."
Now the pool's a "swimming ool"
because I took a "P."
Help Wanted
by Timothy Tocher
Santa needs new
reindeer.
The first bunch has gotten old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet hates the cold.
Prancer's sick of staring
at Dancer's big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
and Donner lost his mind.
Dancer's mad at Vixen
for stepping on his toes.
Vixen's being thrown out--
she laughed at Rudolph's nose.
If you are a reindeer
we hope you will apply.
There is just one tricky part:
You must know how to fly.
There Was an Old Woman
by Larry Cohen and Steve Zweig
There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe,
which wasn't too bad when the winter winds blew.
But the strong summer sun was too hot to handle,
so she packed up her stuff and moved to a sandal
I'b God a Code
by Kenn Nesbitt
"I'b
sick," I pout ad blow my doze.
"I'b misseeg all by favorite shows.
I hab to stay id bed, you see.
My mob wode led me watch TB.
She breegs me chicked soup ad says
that I should try to get sub rest.
Bud I'b too bored ad icky feeleeg,
tired of stareeg ad the ceiling,
achy, cougheeg, stuffed up, too.
Bud thaks for askeeg. How are you?"
December
26
by Kenn Nesbitt
A BB gun.
A model plane.
A basketball.
A 'lectric train.
A bicycle.
A cowboy hat.
A comic book.
A baseball bat.
A deck of cards.
A science kit.
A racing car.
A catcher's mitt.
So that's my list
of everything
Santa Claus
forgot to bring