COOL JOKES

One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends." It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. "Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead." "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too." There is a long pause. "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?" A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too." What if people bought cars like they buy Computers? The car companies don't have help lines for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, imagine if they did..... Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you ? Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened! Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it? Customer: What's an ignition? Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine. Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms to use my car. Helpline: Toyota Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere! Helpline: Is the gas tank empty? Customer: Huh? How do I know?" Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings of 'E' and 'F'. Where is the needle pointing? Customer: It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean? Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you. Customer: What? I paid $18,000 for this car! And your telling me I to keep buying more components? This is outrageous! I want a car that comes with everything built in! Helpline: Ford Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: Your cars suck! Helpline: What's wrong?" Customer: It crashed, that's what's wrong! Helpline: What were you doing? Customer: Well I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor, It worked for a while and then it when off the road at a corner and crashed and it won't start now! Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it? Customer: I expect you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash! Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you? Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, power door locks, power seats, power.." Helpline: Well,.. thanks for buying one of our top of line cars. So how can I help you? Customer: Well, how do I work it? Helpline: Do you know how to drive? Customer: Do I know how to what? Helpline: Do you know how to drive? Customer: Look, I'm not a mechanic. I'm not even very technical. I just want to go places in my new car! One night a young boy walks in on his mom and dad while they are having sex. He asks, "What are you doing dad?". The boys dad says "Son I am playing poker and your mom is my wild card!". The young boy understands fully and goes on to bed that night. The next night the young boy walks in on his grandparents having sex and asks, "Grandpa what are you doing with grandma?". his grandpa raise up and says "I am playing poker and your grandma is my wild card." The boy understands again and goes to bed. The next night the boys father walks in the bathroom and sees his son jacking off. The father shockingly asks "Son, what are you doing?". The son replies to his father "I am playing poker." The father then asks, "Where is your wild card". The son replies "Who needs a wild card when you got a hand like this!" God made man. Then said, "I can do better than that." And made woman. Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times." What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing...you already told the bitch twice People have one thing in common: they are all different. If a lawyer and a full can of beer both fell off the top of the Empire State Building at the same time, which one would hit the ground first? Who cares? A truck driver is driving down the road, when he sees a large sign that says CLOCKS. He pulls over to the side of the road, runs into the store, and whips his dick out and slams it on the counter. Calmly, the store attendent explains, 'Sorry, sir, the sign outside says CLOCKS, not COCKS.' The truck driver says, 'Yea. I know - just put two hands and a face on it, and I'll be happy!' So this German couple have a baby, but when it's born it doesn't cry like a normal baby. In fact it doesn't make any noises - no gurgles, burps, crying - nothing. The couple let it pass and think nothing more of it, but after a year, the child still hasn't made a noise. The couple are a little worried, but decide to leave it a while and see if anything changes. After 2 years the child still isn't talking or making any noises so they take it to a doctor. The doctor discovers that there is nothing wrong with the child's vocal cords, and that if it wanted to it could talk. The couple are obviously upset, but they love the child nonetheless and it grows up without talking for the beginning of its life. One day, when the child is seven, the German mother gives him a glass of orange juice. "Mother," says the child "this orange is quite bitter." The mother is amazed and exclaims "Heinreich! You spoke! Why have you never spoke until now?" "Well mother," the child answers, "up until now everything has been satisfactory." Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up! "The Titanic," she answered and St. Peter motioned her into heaven. The thief was next. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked. "Gee, that's tough," the man replied. "But luckily I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500." St. Peter let him through. Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them." A young boy asks his Priest if God is a man or a woman. The Priest decides to tease the boy and answers that God is both. The boy then asks if God is black or white. Again the answer is both. Next question, is God gay or straight. Once more the answer is both. The boy then asks "Father, is Michael Jackson God?" A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it. A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger. Suddenly, the young man felt the urge to fart and didn't know what to do, however, since the dog was nearby, he decided to squeak it out and feign innocence. "Brrroough," went the fart! Dad peered over his newspaper and said, "Rover! Get off that couch!" The young man was relieved. Obviously, Dad thought Rover had done the deed. Soon, another fart rumbled in the young man's guts, and he let it rip, assured that Rover would once again be blamed. Sure enough, Dad peered over his newspaper and said more sharply, "Rover! I said get off the couch!" Happily, the young man decided that he could fart whenever the urge arose and he let yet another one fly. Finally, Dad threw down his newspaper in disgust and bellowed, "Rover! FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OFF THAT COUCH BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!" Bill Gates dies in a car accident, He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So bill went to Hell. It was beautiful, clean , sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???" "Oh, that was a demo" replied St. Peter. There was a businessman who was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, 'Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- ' and he stopped. 'Except what?' the man asked. 'Nothing, nothing.' 'C'mon, tell me! I need something!' 'Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'' 'So what's this voodoo dick?' he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, 'Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!' The old man replied, 'But you haven't seen what it'll do yet.' He pointed to a door and said, 'Voodoo dick, the door.' The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, 'Voodoo dick, get back in your box!' The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. 'I'll take it!' said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say 'Voodoo dick, my pussy.' He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, 'Voodoo dick, my pussy!' The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said: 'Yeah, right......... Voodoo dick, my ass!' The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of her favorite fairy tales. "Mommy," asked the child, "do all the fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time'...?" "No, sweetheart," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight'." Mother and young child are walking down the street. They come to an alley and see two dogs fucking. Child: Mama! look at those dogs. Mother (thinking fast): The dog on the top ran into the street and was hit by a car. His legs are broken. The dog on the bottom is helping him to get to the doggie hospital because he can't walk. Child: Oh! Mother: Now what do you learn from that? Child: Uhh... Mother: Never... Child: Never try to help anybody out because they will just stick it right in your ass. One day little Annie was at the park with her mother. "Gee... my hands are cold." Said little Annie. "Well, just put your hands in between your legs, and they'll be all warm." Replied her mother. "Gee... that works!" Said little Annie. Later on that night, little Annie was at little Johny's house. "Gee my hands are cold." Said little Johny. "Well," little Annie thought, "If you put your hands in between my legs, then they'll be warm...if it worked for me, then it should work for you." So little Johny did that. Now little Johny started thinking. "Man...my head's cold." Said little Johny. "Well, put you're head in between my legs. If it worked for your hands, then it'll work for your head." Said little Annie. Now little Johny really started thinking. "Man... my penis is freezing!" Said little Johny. "Well, put your penis in my legs...if it worked for your hands and your head, then it'll work for your penis." Said little Annie. Later on that night, little Annie was in the shower. "What are you in the shower for?" Asked little Annies mother. "Well, when that penis unthaws, it sure does make a hell of a mess." Replied little Annie. One day, a man came home to find his wife hysterically crying. He said, "Honey, whats the matter?" She said, "Oh it was terrible. This black man broke in the house. He raped me, made me suck his cock and made me sing the star spangled banner". "Thats terrible," the man replied. "I know. I dont know how to sing." There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp. The genie came out and said, "Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, whatever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said, "Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish. "Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah,yeah. I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says "I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!" A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, 'I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one.' The man thought for a while and finally said, 'I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii. The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, 'No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask.' The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, 'There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick.' The genie considered for a few minutes and said, 'So, do you want two lanes or four?' 2 guys go into a bar. One guy said to the other, why is that monkey over there? He answer "Well watch this." He went and slapped the monkey across the head and the monkey went and sucked his dong. So he said to the other guy, "Wanna try that?" He answered "Sure. Just don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey." 3 women was in a buliding. They saw cum on the wall. The brunet goes "ewww is that cum?" The old lady went "ewww, it is." Then a blonde comes up licks its and tastes it and she went "no one from this buliding." A man was screwing his wife and wasn’t enjoying it, nor was she, their sex life has been horrible for a while. After sex he leaves and goes for a walk, on his walk he ponders by the park and sits on the bench. While he is sitting a guy comes over and sits down beside him. He looks at this guy who just sat down by him and asks him curiously, "Not to be rude, but are you a leprechaun?" he asked. The guy said "Well don’t I look like one?" He replies with "Well if you are, then that means you have to grant me a wish." The leprechaun says "Yes I do, what is your wish?" "Well me and my wife are having a horrible sex life, how about you make my dick bigger so it could be better?" The leprechaun says "Sure, but for this to happen you must butt fuck me" "Okay, I’m okay with that" He butt fucks him for a while and finishes up he looks at the man and says "Well when am I gonna get my bigger dick, a year, a month, a day, when?" The leprechaun says "Well sir, how old are you? He replies "I’m 38" The little man says "And you still believe in leprechauns?" A man goes out with this woman on a few dates, finally they end up in her apartment. She says, "Fuck me with your twelve inches and make me hurt." The man thought to himself, it's not twelve inches it's only four. So he fucked her three times and punched her in the face. Why Beer's Better Than Women ?? 1. You can enjoy a beer all month. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. 4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. 5. When beer goes flat you toss it out. 6. Beer is never late. 7. hangovers eventually go away. 8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. 9. Beer labels come off without a fight. 10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer. 11. Beer never has a headache. 12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime. 13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath. 14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head. 15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty. 16. A beer always goes down gently. 17. You can share a beer with your friends and enemies. 18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer. 19. A beer is always wet. 20. Beer doesn't demand equality. 21. A beer doesn't care when you come. 22. You can have a beer in public. 23. A frigid beer is a good beer. 24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good. 25. Beer always comes in multiples of six. 26. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left. 27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer. 28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle. 29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty. 30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another. 31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod. 32. Beer looks the same in the morning. 33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month. 34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in. 35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids. 36. Beer doesn't get cramps. 37. Beer doesn't have a mother. 38. Beer doesn't have morals. 39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month. 40. Beer always listens and never argues. 41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year. 42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles. 43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet. 44. Beer doesn't demand legality. 45. Beer is never overweight. 46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony. 47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards. 48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer. 49. Beer doesn't need much closet space. 50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things. 51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive. 52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch. 53. Beer never changes its mind. 54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get. 55. Beer never asks you to change the station. 56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping. 57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass. 58. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie. 59. Beer is always easy to pick up. 60. Big, fat beers are nice to have. 61. Beer doesn't pout or play games. 62. Beer NEVER says no. 63. Beer is easy to get into. 64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere. 65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers. 66. Beer doesn't wear a bra. 67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty. 68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity. 69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper. 70. Beer doesn't live with its mother. * 71. Beer doesn't blow you off. 72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners. 73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry. 74. Beer doesn't mind football season. 75. A beer won't make you go to church. 76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman. 77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit. 78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose". 79. A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around. 80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute". 81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while. 82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig 83. A beer will never make you see its parents 84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads. 85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up. 86. A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy. 87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt. 88. A beer won't smoke in your car. 89. A beer never watchs opera. 90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission. 91. A beer will never complain when you disobey nature. 92. A beer is always ready to leave on time. 93. A beer never fishes for compliments. 94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits. 95. Beer tastes good. 96. A beer will never accuse you of rape. 97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin. 98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it. 99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.