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| Generic Headlines | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Want to sound like you know what's going on in the world? Here's all you need to know on any given day. | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Some Palestinians died. They were "casualties." Some Israelis died. They were "murder victims." | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Slodiers were killed in Iraq, but the main war has ended. We swear. | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Stock Market people fear the world is ending and we're all gonna diiiiie! But then it's all ok | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| Another country was added to the Axis of Evil. They have to account for all wepons of mass destruction that they don't have the capabilities to build | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Homeland Security Department ran out of colors for their alerts. They consider a shift to ice cream flavors | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| About 4 bloody civil wars that nobody hears about continue | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Hey, let's sue someone for something stupid that I did." | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| An American learns how to find the United States on a map, bringing up the % to a whopping 37%! | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| And, of course, The OSU football team wins again. | ||||||||||||||||||||||