WALLS, PART II

Author's Note: Disclaimer: Michael, Nikita, Operations, Madeline, Birkhoff and Walter are all characters that belong to USA Networks. All others are products of an imagination that has been given quite a work out lately. The song in Chapter II ("My Lover's Box) belongs to the group, Garbage from their self titled album, as well as the song in Chapter XIII ( "Stupid Girl). The song in Chapter IX ( "At This Point in My Life" ) belongs to Tracy Chapman from her album, New Beginning. The song snippet in Chapter XX ( "Barrel of a Gun") belongs to Depeche Mode from their album, Ultra. The French song can be found at http://www.momes.net/ (warning: It's all in French). I may have played a little loose with some of the characters but I thought in something like this we could dig a little deeper and fill in some blanks. If you want to send me comments, my e-mail address is [email protected]

Chapter XI

Feelings came back to Michael slowly. His skull felt like it was ready to split in two and his body ached worse then it ever had before. Painfully, he crawled from the middle of the floor where they had tossed him to the wall. As he leaned up against the wall, it suddenly dawned on him that he was starting to shiver. It had felt cool to him before but now the chill was combining with his soaked clothing to make it almost frosty. The cold metal of the chain around his wrists and ankles only made it worse. He tucked his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin on his knees in an effort to keep his teeth from chattering. He stared at the floor.

Despair was standing on the doorstep again, waving, but he refused to acknowledge it.

There was something he had to acknowledge though. Somewhere subconsciously he had come to a decision. Something in him demanded survival. He had to survive so that he could be more than alive. He wanted to survive to go on to living. He didn't raise his head as Elouette entered the room. He was too lost in his own thoughts. She stood by the door studying him. She had to admit she admired him for his toughness. She wanted to know from what well he was gathering his strength. She remembered how his resilience in the face of every situation had fascinated her.

Nothing has seemed to phase him. She was determined to figure out how he ticked. No matter what obstacles he placed in her way. She could break anyone, man or woman. He would not be the first.

There were five demons which tormented the stone figure on the floor in front of her. She had already invoked the first; the death of his parents by his own hand. Then there was Simone, his dead wife; Merle, the child they had together; the belief that the things he had done in life had made him soulless and finally Nikita. She was sure that they were more than just partners. While taping he had just uttered one name in his message And it had been hers.

She wondered though whether the 'let me go' was for Nikita or for the Section. Elouette decided to read up a little on the blonde and determine just how strong their bond was. Perhaps it could be a useful tool. Right now it was time to see how his next two demons messed with him.

She kicked backwards against the door.

"I know you're there. You..." Michael's voice trailed off as the sound filtered into the room.

Cries of a young child filled the air. He looked up at Elouette. She was smiling sweetly at him with her head tilted to the side. The sound of a woman whispering in French joined the child. She was begging for her life. The echo of flesh hitting flesh reverberated around Michael's head. He tried to ignore it by shifting his eyes to the cement. He filled his mind with images of Nikita. She was his angel and his soul and he needed her more than ever right now.

Elouette was striving for a complete mental meltdown for him. She came over and knelt down in front of him.

Softly she spoke, "Does this remind you of anything Michael? Do you think this is what Merle sounded like before the Section murdered him? He didn't know too many words yet. He was too little ,wasn't he? Maybe mama? Or was it papa? Do you think he was scared? Do you think he wondered where his daddy was? Was daddy going to come? Listen Michael do you hear the pain and terror in that baby's cries? What agony he must be feeling. What he must have felt. No mommy. No daddy. Why weren't you there Michael? Why weren't you with your son that day? You failed him. You abandoned him. You didn't even try to revenge his death. You just accepted it. It was just another death to you. Didn't you love him? Did the child you helped to create mean anything to you?

"How could you have been so heartless, so soulless? What kind of man are you? You're not a man though. You're just a machine. An unfeeling automaton that takes orders from the Section. No matter what, Michael does. You're a heartless bastard. Abandoning your child as if he was nothing more than a worm slithering around in the mud. Dominic said in his files that the Directory said that your greatest fear was failure. I have something to share with you on that conclusion. They pegged you wrong there.

"Your greatest fear is someone discovering what a failure you really are already. You have no fear of being a failure because you've been one for most of your life. You're a failure at being human. You have to have a soul and feelings to be human. And from the signs, handsome, I don't think you fit the description. Could someone who's human stand by while his wife is tortured and subjected to things we wouldn't dream of even subjecting an animal to. Could a human stand by and nonchalantly accept the demise of his child? Could a human stand by and condone the death of the person whom one supposedly loves? You're disgusting and despicable. "

Michael lifted his head and looked into her eyes. Unshed tears glimmered in his. Elouette almost had to clap her hands in delight. He was becoming unnerved! Cracks! She had found a way in.

She pressed on, switching from the baby to Simone. "No you can't get much worse than that. You let the woman you professed to love more than life itself; rot in a world of unspeakable torture for three years. In fact you tried to ignore her having ever existence. You tossed her memory aside and took up with another woman. And even when you found her alive again, you chose the other woman over her. You killed her too. Killing comes so easy to you. How do you live with yourself?

"She was suppose to be everything to you. She was your wife and the mother of your child. Was she just a job too Michael? Her getting pregnant was a mistake wasn't it? You were just suppose to seduce her or something like that and things got out of hand. Only way to clean up the mess was to kill them both. No wonder you don't have a soul. A son of a bitch like you doesn't deserve one. Let me ask you another question. Were you the one who planned Simone's capture and torture? And another question in the same vein, were you the one to give the order to kill the baby?"

Michael's head was reeling and his stomach was in his throat. He felt like he was going to explode into a million pieces. His heart was racing. Tears started to fall from his eyes. His ability to shield his emotions from the outside world were shattered. His self control was gone. His defenses had been breached and he laid naked to the outside world. He gritted his teeth and spat out at her,

"Va te faire foutre, salope! You don't know anything. You don't know my life. I won't let you use the past to hurt me! I'LL SEE YOU DEAD FIRST AND IN HELL WITH ME!!"

He wanted so much to just grab her throat and choke the life out of her but something held him back. Maybe its the fear that she's right, Michael? his inner voice jeered at him. No it was something else. That something was holding his hands back and whispering softly in his ear to hold back and that everything would be O.K. Michael thought it sounded like Nikita but he knew that his mind was just playing tricks on him. He curled himself tighter together, trying to block out the sounds.

Elouette stood, smiling and silently congratulating herself on a job that was going quite well. This might just prove easier than she had anticipated. Warning!! Her inner voice exclaimed. You were just warning all of them about underestimating him. How do you know that he isn't acting a part? Remember he is a master manipulator. Elouette frowned slightly but shrugged off the warning.

Her reasoning was sound. She had never been one for self doubt and she wasn't going to start now. She turned on her heel and left the room. She figured another 2 or 3 hours with the tape running would work out well for him. In the meantime it was a great opportunity for her to get to know this Nikita better. According to some recent intel they had retrieved Section One was working on making a mark at the French embassy right in her own front yard. It was time to have a little fun and to get some work done too.

Michael knew he was close to losing the battle for his mind. The tape had not stopped when she left the room. It just kept going and going. He had to lessen the effects of this "treatment" and fast. He was in deep water and couldn't tread much longer. Inside he snickered, he had been saying he couldn't do a lot of things lately. He tightened his hands over his ears. He began to rock back and forth as the tears started to fall.

He needed to retreat. He needed to find somewhere safe. But there wasn't one. No one was here to help him. No one to tell him it was alright. What is this? Did you always think you would be in control there, bud? Illusions of grandeur indeed. You better work on getting control of yourself instead of worrying about what's going on in the outside world. Gain control over yourself. Then you can expand that control else where.

Michael shuddered at his thoughts. A war was going on inside of him. He recognized it for what it was. The physical battle that his body had been fighting was now being waged in his mind. Where as he could control himself physically, mentally had been a challenge for him. He continually buried his emotions which bleed over into his dreams and then he wound up punishing himself from both ends. The events of the past few months had finally caught up with him. He was breaking down. He'd been on the toll road too long with out paying the price. But now he was. His fears, feelings of guilt and painful memories had joined forces to beat him backwards. He had no choice but to withdraw into himself. To use the walls he used to keep everyone out was where he went to hide.

As he drew his tattered defenses around him like a cloak, the sounds of the outside world dimmed. Images that had flashed before his eyes blurred as he willed them away. He had to shut it all down and pull away. Let them try and find him. He would be hidden, for how long he wasn't sure. He had to try this though, trying until he could figure a way out of this. Until he could find a weakness in one of them, instead of the ones that Elouette had been so careful to point out in himself.

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Chapter XII

Nikita was beginning to get a little frustrated. She could tell by the comments of the team that they were too. This was the third time they had been out trying to get a bead on Ramis Mariani.

He was just a low level Italian consulate employee. But he had a problem with loyalty, a habit of nosing into other people's business and a taste for French women. Through pillow talk or maybe some old fashioned snooping, he had managed to gain some damaging information regarding certain high ranking French officials and some Middle Eastern concerns. The agency felt that the connection was best left in the shadows as it currently was proofing to be useful. Ramis was ready to blow the whistle. It was their job to bring him and his little explosive tidbits in.

She squirmed on the park bench. Wood stayed comfortable under your butt for just so long.

Besides the book she was reading was boring and not keeping her occupied. She sipped slowly from her Styrofoam cup and surveyed the expansive of grass around here.

They were in an isolated part of the embassy grounds which at lunch time was open to the public. It wasn't really lunch time anymore but security wasn't exactly tight either. This was where Ramis was inclined to meet his latest conquest for a leisurely "nature walk". Nikita had smirked and chuckled softly at the euphemism that Birkoff has used. It had caused several snickers around the table which had been quickly silenced by a look from Operations. It was a "natural lay" she had informed Birkoff after the briefing. He had turned beat red and stalked back to Systems.

She had amazed herself with the comment. She had actually been teasing him. Madeline had noticed it also and had commented on it later as they had talked in her office. Madeline remarked that she was seeming happier, perhaps the healing had started and she was allowing herself to forget some of the pain. Nikita remembered smiling mockingly at her. She had told Madeline that if that was what she thought was going on then it must be so.

Madeline had then gently warned her that holding on to the past would only cause her pain to deepen and stall the ending of her grieving. Pointedly Nikita had replied that the past was her strength and if they were pleased with how she was performing then butt out. She had gotten up after that and walked out. She knew Madeline would not have been pleased with her retort and she was not in the mood to hear it. She closed the book on her lap and softly spoke to Birkoff.

"I think our window has closed again. I'm going to call things off. Let's work up something different. We're wasting time and effort this way."

Birkoff's voice came to her from a distance in her ear. "Gotcha Nikita. I'll call in the rest of the team and let Operations know."

As Nikita stood up, she heard a flurry of activity start up in her ear. Instantly she was fully alert and on her guard, demanding to know what the status of each operative was.

"Greg's been hit!" a voice shouted in her ear. She knew that the team had already left their locations and had been converging to the exit point. She didn't know who was where.

Momentary panic hit before she swallowed hard and started barking orders.

"I want everyone to take cover. Now! Switch channel B! We've been compromised! Birkhoff who's where?" Nikita ducked behind a small oak tree crouched and waited for Birkoff's answer.

When he didn't answer right away, she hissed his name again.

This time Walter replied. "He's getting telemetry now. There was a glitch in the satellite feed. Greg's north of you about 25 feet, Simon is northwest 72 and Lori is, is ....What? He can't track Lori, Sugar."

"Shit" she swore. "Switch to A. Simon converge with me to Greg. Switch to B to get location from Birkoff. I'm moving now!" So intent had she been on her transmission that she only sensed the figure behind her a split second before he slammed into her and smashed her up against the tree trunk. She had twisted enough so she was sideways as she hit and was able to get a hold of her attacker. He was medium height with red hair in a crew cut.

She caught a glimpse of hate filled brown eyes before he flung her to the ground.

Or at least he tried. Using the leverage her hold gave her, she kneed him in the crotch as he moved to throw her. His grip loosened just enough for her to thrust her arms away. She hit him with a full open palm to the face. Blood spurted across his face as his nose cracked from the power of her punch. His head snapped back, exposing his Adam's apple. She punched at him hard and he staggered backwards. Then she high kicked and struck him in the chin. He went down to his knees gasping for air, blood dripping down his face. She spun and caught him in the jaw with the side of her foot. He fell backwards and landed with an "ommphf". He moaned in pain as Nikita crushed her knee into his throat. She pulled out her gun and shoved it into his eye socket.

Only then did she hear Simon's worried voice in her ear. She assured him he was fine and to get Greg to the exit point. She needed to finish up. Twisting the barrel of the gun, she demanded of her attacker, "Who are you working for and how did you know where we were?"

In a thickened voice he said "Red Cell, you Section whore. Be warned the Dark Angel will be coming for you too. Make sure.."

"Dark Angel?" she snarled as she shoved the barrel of the gun deeper into the man's eye socket. "Who or what is Dark Angel? Tell me die easy. Keep quiet and die hard and painful." She felt him try to swallow under her knee but she refused to let up the pressure.

She pulled back slightly on the trigger, with a satisfying sound the bullet slid into the chamber.

"He's a former operative who has just returned to us. He'll make us strong again. He'll eradicate you all. Just as he is named after the Archangel, he will once again head us lesser angels of death." Suddenly his eyes rolled back in his head.

Nikita stood with a puzzled expression on her face. As she stood, his body jerked and he started to rise. She released the bullet in the chamber and he fell in a heap to the ground.

Worry and weariness popped up in lines around Nikita's eyes. Red Cell had never been religious in nature before. Their objectives were based in the political arena. What the hell was that crackpot talking about? She wondered. She moved cautiously back into the grassy area. The only sounds she could hear were the birds. She was shocked to hear someone speak to her, breaking the quiet.

"You are quite the piece of work, I must admit, Nikita. I don't know many a man that could have bested Ron at full tilt like that."

Nikita had turned in the direction of the voice, her weapon trained on where it was coming from.

She studied the small brunette woman who emerged from the trees. For a split second she thought Simone stood in front of her but the oriental cast to the facial features were not there and the French accent was very slight compared to Simone's.

"Excuse me, do I know you?"

The other woman chuckled in delight. "No not yet but soon you will. I must commend you. You're as quick as a cat and strong as a lion. Are you as brave and as smart?"

"Obviously not because I 'm standing here talking to you instead of shooting you,"Nikita replied sarcastically.

Elouette slowly walked around the edge of the grassy area. She kept her eyes at her feet watching the impressions she made in the soft grass. She know Nikita followed her with the gun pointed directly at her skull. There was no hints of fear in the tall blonde. No hints of anything really except an aura of danger. The blue eyes that glared at her were blank. Just blue, hard and cold.

What did Michael see in her, Elouette had to wonder.

She decided to do a little baiting. Clasping her hands behind her back, she kicked at a small stone and made her first inquiry. "Where is your partner? What's his name? Ahhh... that's right Michael. I've been told you two work as the pack leaders of your little wolf gang. Where's your mate? Did he decide to stay in the den today? Or perhaps he's found another female wolf to play with."

Elouette's words carved into Nikita's stomach like a sharp knife. She refused to let it show on her face even as she felt the still open wound in her heart start to ooze again. She was not going to answer the woman either. Nikita tried another tact,

"Since you seem to know me how about reciprocating?"

Elouette looked at her with a seemingly puzzled expression. In mock surprise she place her hand over her heart, "Oh you mean tell me your name? I mean my name. How could I have been so rude? Elouette."

Nikita watched her through narrowed eyes. There was something about this woman but she couldn't put a name to the feeling.

"So that's it? Just Elouette?"

Elouette raised an eyebrow at Nikita's question. "And I take it that you follow Nikita with something?"

Nikita's mouth formed a small cruel smile, "Usually bitch."

Elouette had to laugh at that. Self depreciation always amuse her. "Touche mon cherie. But you haven't answered my question. Please tell me where Michael is. I'm dying to meet him. He's almost a legend among the clandestine little groups we hang with. You're right up there too. Every woman wants him. They say it's those eyes of his. Something about 'getting lost for days in his gaze' or some kind of drivel like that. They say the bod's nothing to sneeze at either. Well you know how women talk. Something to pass the time by. As for you my dear, the men are not as poetic. In fact they're down right crude. They all think you'd be a pretty good fu... "

Nikita cut her off before she could finish. "And your point in this is what, Elouette? Maybe because I'm a little too blonde," she shrugged her shoulders inquisitively, "I missed it. You know 'over my head and under my feet.' Could you tell me again?" The gun never wavered from the line that stretched between Nikita and Elouette.

Elouette started walking in her slow circle again; Nikita followed her with the gun's muzzle. "I really haven't made one. I don't think I really intend to. Just girl talk. It gets kinda lonely working with walking blobs of testaterone. You know I've heard about the two of you!"

"What do you mean, Elouette?" Nikita was getting tired of the baiting game. Damn tired. She didn't want to talk about Michael especially in this terms. How she had felt about him and their relationship were forbidden topics.

Elouette rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me? Come on! What's he like? Some of the stuff I've heard about him. If only 1/4 of it is true, Holy Rollers, he must be a freaking sex god. Don't try and lie to me. Is he good inside? How many times did you.."

Nikita almost choked as her vision turned red. She fully believed that at that minute, a demon from hell was dancing in front of her.

She must have hit her head on the tree when that guy jumped her and was having some kind of hallucination. She figured that by firing her gun she would wake up. So she pulled the trigger as she closed her eyes tight.

The seconds passed as if time had slowed to an imperceptible creep. The bullet tore in Elouette's shoulder and exited out the rear. She was absolutely shocked. The bitch had shot her. This was not something she had planned on happening. She realized that Nikita's eyes were closed and that she was preparing to squeeze the trigger again. She spun and disappeared into the trees but not before she tossed a video tape to the ground.

Nikita opened her eyes as she heard Simon's voice to her left.

"Did you wing her Nikita?"

Nikita looked at the huge black operative with her eyes wide.

"What do you mean 'her'?" she asked slowly.

"Sweet child?" Simon stared at her in bewilderment. His Haitian accent thickening with worry as he spun her around, looking for injuries. He clicked his tongue as he inspected her. "Can't let anything happen to you, Frenchman would come back and haunt me forever."

She shoved at Simon's bulk, hardly budging him but getting his attention.

"Don't call him that! I hate that nickname! Don't use it again! You saw somebody? I was talking to someone?"

Simon sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes you were, then you shot her. When I first saw her I thought it was a ghost. She looked like Simone. But when I got closer I realized I was wrong. What were you two talking about?"

Nikita shoved her gun into the back waistband of her pants and then scratched the side of her face. She turned from Simon and motioned him to follow. "Just stuff, Simon, just stuff."

He followed her, shaking his head in exasperation. Neither of them noticed the tape on the ground.

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Chapter XIII

Nikita and her team debriefed back at the Section. Operations was basically pissed off as usual about the way the mission had gone. Madeline had interceded on her part.

She knew it was not Nikita's fault and the evidence was clear to her that there had been a compromise that none of them could have foretold. Birkoff's own comments had indicated that one minute the Section operatives had been alone and the next they weren't. There had been no poor preparation on Nikita's part. There had been two satellite snags during the mission. Both had occurred at inopportune times but it was the nature of the beast and it was something to be dealt with. Not something for which blame was to be placed. Operations had bluntly started to say that Michael would not have been taken so surprisingly but Madeline cut him off. Sharply she ordered him to leave her office. Shocked, he did as he was bid. Nikita watched him leave.

Madeline could sense that Nikita was on very shaky ground. She was still staring at the door when Madeline spoke.

"Something is bothering you, Nikita. What did that woman say to you?"

Nikita didn't respond , seemingly lost in thought. For the first time in almost three weeks. she could see emotions in Nikita's eyes. What troubled her was the variety and how fast they went by.

She knew the cracks in the new facade that Nikita had created to keep from dealing with Michael's death were starting to form. A small part of her feared when the wall came down and the pent up emotions were released. It would be like a fire storm and who was ever caught in it was going to be burned badly. Madeline knew she had to bring the wall down brick by brick; that way the only way to prevent a disaster.

"Nikita?" she queried again and saw the emotions flicked off in her eyes.

Nikita mentally brought herself back to Madeline's office. She blinked and turned to focus on Madeline.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?" Madeline took a sip of tea and tilted the cup in Nikita's direction.

She shook her head and Madeline placed the cup on desk, studying it intently for a moment before she looked up again.

"I asked if something was bothering you and was wondering if it was something that she may have said to you."

"Mainly she asked questions about the Section. Like she thought I was just going to answer them. It was almost like she wanted to have a regular conversation. How could that bother me?" She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible. Elouette had stirred up her carefully checked emotions. She knew if she didn't get out of Madeline's office soon she would explode. She had to work off what she was feeling.

"Are you sure?" Madeline knew Nikita was withholding the true content of the conversation that had taken place. What could have been said that Nikita would want to keep to herself.

Before she could take another tactical pathway, Nikita spoke. "I think she was just a diversion to keep me occupied while she was getting the rest of her team out of there. What is really puzzling me is the guy who attacked me. I can't figure out the religious stuff. What the heck was he talking about? Dark angel, Archangel. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me."

She sighed and stood up. "I feel like a workout. I'll see you later." She breezed out the door.

Madeline's mouth was set in a thin line. The words of the operative who Nikita had encountered bothered her. The comments could be indicating a connection with Michael. She sighed, no sense in wasting time with wishful thinking and fantasies.

Perhaps she had erred in allowing Nikita to return to active duty so soon after Michael's death.

She knew it had affected her deeply. She had cried alone in her office that evening. She hadn't cried in many years. Understanding how she felt herself, she could be certain of the state that Nikita was truly in. Michael and Nikita had shared a bond that went beyond teacher/student. They had connected emotionally, mentally and as much as she wanted to deny it and had heard it denied, physically too. They had superiorly adapted to each other in the roles of operatives. Many times she had seen them act as if one person. They complemented each other flawlessly. Michael of course always had gone by his head, but recently his heart had begun to show. Thanks in no small way to Nikita's own heart. She saw how they could have almost entire conversation with their eyes. Glances supplemented with subtle body language and gestures. Attributes invaluable in the field.

They were in other ways though like hot and cold fronts. And many times she had seen them come together creating a storm between them. She had to admit though, they fought well. Nikita made Michael reveal his emotions, made him deal with them. He in turn had taught her to control hers. Madeline knew that they were in love and had become lovers somewhere around the time Nikita had returned to the Section. Throwing Jurgen between them had not been the wisest move, she now felt in retrospect but at inception, the idea appeared to work to their advantage. The necessity of it had not been lost on Michael. But Madeline had sensed his bitter resentment towards them for having to have done it. She knew that with the resentment of his complexity in Nikita's "cancellation" in the first place was potent. The combination had to have rocked the foundation of his loyalty.

Hence his involvement in Nikita's survival and subsequent return. But once again, Section's actions had come between them. The results of it had created a great gulf between Michael and Nikita that had heighten an already tense situation. It had erupted just before their last mission together. Too often their "buttons" had been pushed and as a result they directed their anger at each other. Their confrontation had been violent and openly displayed.

Then Michael had died and now Nikita was unwilling to deal with the fallout. To do so would be to let go. To start over and begin anew, again. She wasn't ready. Madeline had to wonder if she would ever let herself be.

She looked up as the door open and Operations strode in. Madeline smiled warmly at him.

"I take it I am allowed back into the inner sanctum now that you are alone?", he asked mockingly.

Madeline shook her head at his question, still smiling. "There are times Oscar where you let your mouth work before you comprehend the full impact of your words. Think before you speak. Especially around Nikita about Michael."

Operations frowned. He didn't like first of all being told what to do and second he didn't like walking on egg shells around Nikita. And in frank terms he told Madeline so. Madeline acknowledged his comments saying,

"I realize that but until I can get her to deal with what has happened recently, we have to proceed somewhat cautiously. Too fast and she explodes. I don't think you would relish the consequences. Come let's go to your office and see what we can do about Mr. Mariani." She caught hold of his arm and pulled him out of her office.

Nikita was just stepping into the workout room as they walked by arm in arm. Her eyes narrowed as they followed the passing couple. Anger and bitter resentment glowed in them. O.K. for them but wrong for us. Damn hypocrites! Music was blaring from the loud speakers. Several others were working out but the punching bag was free. She swung in hatred at the punching bag and missed by a mile. She staggered, almost losing her balance and danced away from the bag.

Sounds were echoing in her skull. Elouette's questions were uttered over and over. Snippets of conversations with Michael and Madeline played along too. She was breathing heavily. Not from exertion but the physical effect her emotions were having on her.

She wiped her hand hard across her mouth.

"Hey Nikita!" She jumped at the sound of her name mixing with the roaring in her ears and the music. She turned to face one of the new operatives. She struggled to place a name with the face. Got it! Jimmy! With extreme concentration she was able to keep to keep her voice sounding fairly level, "Hey Jimmy."

Eagerly he asked, "Would you like to spar? I could use the pointers. They told me that Michael taught you and he was the best." Nikita felt like she was being throttled.

She shook her head, struggling to breathe.

"Please Nikita, look you're already to work out. Why not have a partner?"

Nikita backed away, she felt like everything was coming down on her.

Through clenched teeth she said, "Now is not a good time." Words from the song on the loud speakers began to seep into her brain...

"What drives you on can drive you mad....

A million lies to sell yourself....

Is all you ever had....

Don't believe in love....

Don't believe in hate....

Don't believe in pain....

Can't believe you faked it...

All you had you wasted...

Stupid girl."

Bile rose in Nikita's throat and the edge of her vision began to turn black. She blinked as she tried to clear her vision of the fog that her emotions filmed them with. She began to tremble from the effort she was making to retain her self control. Jimmy stepped closer to her, worry written across his face.

"Nikita are you alright?"

Walter had been watching the exchange from his shop, covering the space between his area and the door of the workout room and was about to step in when Nikita cracked.

Walter bolted into the room as she swung at Jimmy. Her fist caught his jaw and propelled him backwards and she was on him like a lioness on a gazelle. Jimmy defended himself by fending off her blows as best as he could. Nikita was oblivious to her surroundings. All she knew was that she had to stop the sounds that seemed to be coming from the object she beat.

The other operatives watched the altercation in shock, several started to step in to help Jimmy but stopped when Walter interceded. Walter grabbed her arm but she shook him off. Deciding that extreme action was necessary at this point he grabbed her ponytail and yanked backwards. With a scream of pain, she went at Walter. He slapped her across the face hard and then grabbed a fistful of her shirt front.

"Cool it now, Sugar and get back into control or I'll lay you flat."

Nikita stared into Walter's eyes as reason slowly returned. He released his hold as he saw her control returning. Breathing heavily and rapidly with the look of wildness still in her eyes, she helped Jimmy from the floor. His nose was bleeding, both lips were split and a large gash run under his right eye. His left eye was red and teary. A red welt had risen on his jaw.

"I'm sorry" she whispered before she ran from the room. All in the room watched her retreating form in shock. Walter stared stonily after her. This place was falling apart and he knew of only one way to stop it. But that would take a miracle and the last one in their allocation had been used on Nikita's return.

Nikita dashed across the Section's open area to the hallway that lead downstairs and eventually out. She was in a state of shock and total embarrassment over her "performance" in the workout room. Madeline had warned her and that warning was starting to come to its fruition. She couldn't keep her grief bottled up. As much as she wanted to feed on it for strength, in reality it was feeding on her. There was a black hole in her world and it was sucking her ever closer. Soon she would be inside of it. She burst into the outside. A strong wind was blowing and large raindrops splashed her in the face. It was cold and all she wore was her workout clothes. Her thin spandex tank top and bike shorts were not by any stretch of the imagination warm and she quickly began to shiver. All she could think of was to get to her apartment. She needed someplace to feel at least a bit safe.

She wandered amongst the vehicles, rain soaking her and the wind whipping her hair. She stopped beside a black Explorer. Biting her lip in indecision she looked around. There was no one on the lot. She knelt down by the front driver's side wheel well. Reaching under, she slide her hand around. Her fingers brushed what she hoped was a close latched door.

Wiggling her fingers around she managed to pop it and a small box fell out. She looked around again, rain dripping down into her eyes. There was still no one around. Withdrawing her arm, she opened the small metal box she had found. Nestled in the cotton batting was the key. So there could be something said about Section procedures. Quickly she got into the truck and within seconds sped off.

Operations and Madeline had watched her rapid exit. Madeline was the first to comment.

"I'm afraid that we might be seeing the advent of some problems with Nikita. Things are catching up with her. She is finding that repressing her emotions for a great length of time is beyond her ability."

Operations smirked and replied, "And problems with Nikita are something new? She has been a problem since she was recruited. Not only for the Section but for Michael as well. A problem and a distraction."

Madeline sighed. She had grown weary of the same line from Operations. She decided that a new tactic might be worth trying.

"I realize that you are disapprove of the relationship between the two of them. But they were one of the best teams we ever had. Did you ever watch the two of them during a briefing? While you are in your pedagogue routine, they're already plotting the mission course together. All in silence. In the field, they were the same way. Operatives have come to me, asking me how they do it. Wanting me to show them 'how it's done'. She kept him alive longer than I truthfully thought possible. He lived to protect her. If Michael hadn't died, we would be looking at the necessity of allowing them to maintain that relationship outside of the Section. A relationship that I'm sure you would feel a little jealous about."

Operation's jaw was set in steely anger. This was not her usual comeback. She was in totally new territory here and he didn't like her 'evaluation' of the situation. Not a damn bit. A relationship between the two of them would have been absolutely forbidden.

"Jealousy is not the problem here, Madeline. The loss of an excellent operative is the problem. He was distracted. When was the last time one of their missions went according to the parameters?"

"When was the objective of their mission not obtained? I know, the incident with Shays. We erred greatly in that. That was not a mission they should have been on. Nikita was not in the emotional position to be in the field at that point. We should not have forced the issue the way we did. Forcing Michael to take the actions you did caused him to question his loyalty to you and to the Section. His spirit, his strength and yes his heart were fueled by Nikita. She was making him a human; showing him that he wasn't just a shadow. Not just some angel of death as...." She stopped in mid-sentence as she recalled Nikita's words about what the counter operative who had attacked her had said.

"What did Nikita say he called the operative they had just brought back into the fold?"

"She referred to him or her as 'dark angel' or the 'archangel'. She said the guy said he was a lesser... angel... of..." Operations paused as he replayed the briefing in his head. " Archangel.. Michael is the name of the Archangel...Geoffrey never found Michael's body did he?"

Madeline shook her head. The implications of what was revealing itself were enormous. Operations uttered the question that Madeline feared the answer to,

"Could Michael still be alive? Could this just be a ruse on Michael's part for revenge and freedom? Or has he been taken by Red Cell? Madeline, if he has and if they succeed in retraining him.."

Madeline nodded in understanding. Michael had been angry, bitter and resentful before his "death". Nikita and he had clashed in the most violent way before they had departed for the mission. With brown eyes darkened with worry, she looked straight at Operations.

"We will all be dead."

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XIV

The bullet has passed through Elouette's shoulder cleanly. There had been no great damage but it had and still hurt like hell. She was amazed that Nikita had just shot at her. Elouette had expected a more physical encounter and had actually hope for it. She would have been able to drug Nikita in the struggle and then brought her back here. It would be much easier to break Michael if she had some leverage. Leverage in a blonde hair, blue eyed form would have been perfect. Now she had to think of an alternative plan. Perhaps zeroing in on their relationship. Maybe play up a little on the self doubt that all men in her experience had seemed to harbour, questioning his sexual prowess. From the "viewpoint" of or based on comments that "Nikita had made" might dig deeper into him. Deeper because the emotions and motivations of this relationship were still evolving. You couldn't change the one from the past. That was already set but something that was still being forged. Ahhh.. Perfect. It was time to visit her favorite patient again.

Elouette entered the room and received her second dose of amazement for the day. Michael was in the exact same position she had last seen him in on the monitor. He hadn't budged. His eyes stared straight ahead. There had been no recognition that she had even entered the room. She sat down in front of him, so close that their legs were touching.

Still there was not the slightest hint that he was aware of her presence. She tentatively reached out and waved her hand in front of his face. Michael offered no reaction at all. Elouette looked into his eyes.

There was nothing. It was as if he had pulled the plug. Worry was growing inside though. This was not the condition she should have found him in. He should have been reduced to tears, begging for it to stop. Or he should have been mad as hell and ready to rip her throat out. What the hell was he up to? Well let's see what we can get here.

"Michael, guess who I saw a little while ago. Do you see my shoulder? See the bandage. Your little bitch shot me. All we were doing was having a nice conversation and she put a bullet through my shoulder. She seems like such an unfeeling slut. She looked so cold and like dead inside. What do you see in her?" Elouette was meet with a long pause.

Slowly Michael became aware of Elouette's voice. He reached out and felt the wall he saw.

Damn it, where had this thing come from! He wasn't able to go up or around it. It felt solid to him. Michael had stopped and heard everything she had said and his heart had beat wildly in his chest. Nikita was still alive! Dieu merci. He felt a surge of hope. If she was alive then there was a chance. Maybe there was a way out of this yet. Then he remembered what he had said in the ill fated taping they had done earlier in the day..

Had that been today? I just can't seem to keep track of time. He had warned them away. For once he hoped that Nikita would stay true to form and fight Operations about what he had said.

Perhaps even take matters into her own hands. But then she would have no back up and he would be unable to protect her. He chided himself then. He had to stop this protecting her stuff. It made her mad because she preferred her stubborn "I can take care of myself" attitude. He shook his head. He reached up to touch the wall and try to find a crack or crevice to chip at.

Elouette watched carefully for a reaction from Michael. She backed away a little bit as his hand came up, his eyes following it. His expression was so empty. So void of anything. She repressed a shiver. He reminded her of a mime. Michael looked like he was studying something with the intent of figuring out what it was. She watched his fingers clench as if grabbing something.

Slowly he lowered his arms but not his eyes. He turned his head from side to side as if he was looking for the end of a long object. With a shake of his head he settled back against the wall in his original position. His stare once again fixed to the floor.

In his mind Michael leaned wearily on his heels as he crouched on the black floor. It has been such a physical effort to study the wall. He was puzzled as to what this wall represented. He had a vague idea that it was a defense mechanism. But the question that nagged him was whether or not it was to help him or to hurt him. He could hear everything but couldn't see. He stood and growled in frustration, all of his attention focused on the wall. He slammed a fist against a brick and it moved. He could see out to a bright light with a shadow in the middle. The pain in his hand though was excruciating. He needed to respond to Elouette's comments. He felt good that Nikita had shot her. But to only wound...Nikita only missed by design. Why would she have spared the mouth here? Had she said something to Nikita that had rattled her so much that she missed?

Maybe Nikita had been hurt and her aim was off. He had to know.

Eloutte jerked back as Michael's fist came up. He punched at the air between them and then cradled his fist. The he spoke, his voice seemed to come from far away and was in a monotone.

Elouette thought she was listening to an android.

"Probablement tu l'emmerdes."

Elouette's eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "Of course I pissed her off. I was trying to do that you idiot!" She pause for a minute to calm herself. She was getting irritable and knew that she was not really into playing with him at the moment. She got up and sat on the bed.

"She made some interesting comments. Remember when we first talked and I had asked you if you had slept with her or not. Well, she confirmed what I thought. But somehow she didn't seem as impressed with you as I thought she would have been. She felt, pardon the pun, that things were kinda anti-climatic. She figured that with you out of the way now and not looking over her shoulder all the time, she was free to do some sampling. I wonder if that's why there is a rather large man at her beck and call. So I guess that all those stories were just stories. And here I was so attracted to you because I thought you were some kind of sex god. I'm glad I found out the truth before I got disappointed and all that." She got back off the bed and crouched down in front of him again.

Elouette started as the android voice came out of Michael's mouth again.

"Why did she shoot you?" she shrugged at his question. She was puzzled about that too. Nikita hadn't given her much to go on for an answer either. It reminded Elouette as almost a gesture to shut up.

She wrinkled her nose as she spoke, " I really don't know. Maybe she didn't like my outfit. Can you give me an answer, Michael? Why did she shoot me in the shoulder instead of putting a bullet between my eyes?" Her questions were greeted with silence. She decided to try one more barb.

"Did you enjoy your tape Michael?" Still nothing, so she got up and walked from the room.

Michael leaned against his mental wall. He was exhausted. Trying to communicate through this thing was almost impossible. Though he did not want to admit it, her comments had jabbed at him. Nikita had said similar things during their argument. At the time he had been sure that she had said it just to provoke a reaction out of him. Now he had to wonder. It was then his inner voice spoke up. Think about it ....The two of you had been moving towards being lovers for 3 years. Remember how she acted afterwards and even after she came back to the Section. How had she reacted when you grabbed her during your fight? He had to admit as usual his inner voice was right. Elouette obviously had to be lying. Besides, Nikita was not the type to tell her business to an absolute stranger especially one who she would have recognized as an enemy.

Michael replayed Elouette's comments over in his mind. He immediately discounted her remark about sampling and the man with Nikita. Elouette's description only matched one operative in the Section and that was Simon. He had appointed himself Michael's bodyguard on every mission.

Michael always counted on Simon's steadfast loyalty and clear headedness in any situation.

Obviously Simon had appointed himself to Nikita now that Michael was unable to be there to do it. Something gnawed at Michael. Section had not done anything.

Was Operations just biding his time? Or were they waiting for Red Cell to contact them, perhaps hoping for an exchange. For who, Michael wasn't sure because they weren't holding anybody who was Red Cell affiliated.

Facts played through his mind. Nikita unfeeling and dead looking. Maybe in body language but her eyes never lied. And Elouette never mentioned her eyes. They were the key to Nikita and their unusual shade of blue always drew your attention to them. Then Simon acting as Nikita's protector, an unusual quick shift of loyalty for him and why did he feel he had to protect her anyway? Then the lack of activity from the Section. Suddenly he remembered Elouette's saying during the taping about "recycling" and "picnics". Michael felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. The "facts" he had been sorting out lead to just one conclusion. They thought he was dead.

Michael looked heavenward; "Mon ame, Je suis encore ici. Nikita, I haven't left you!" His words seemed to hang in the darkness, mocking him.

He had been so deep in self doubt that he had not realized that someone had come into the room.

It was one of the female operatives he had seen outside of the shower room.

She held a bowl in her hands. She quickly placed it next to him and jumped back. She had learned her lesson earlier.

She had three cracked ribs because of him and that was from a glancing blow. She watched him for a moment and then rushed from the room.

There was no response from Michael. All he knew was that he felt like he was melting into the cement and there was nothing he could do to keep himself solid.

His eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped sideways to the floor.

Elouette watched his unconscious form on the floor through the feed from the hidden camera in his room. What was happening had not been planned for. She had no contingencies to deal with this. What was going on with him? Had he been so fragile mental that he had shattered after only a couple of hours? Or was his will so strong it had a force of its own?

Perhaps his instinct of self preservation had kicked in. Shit! I didn't count on this happening. A catatonic idiot will do me no good. I can't get anything out of him. She slapped the top of the table with her hand. Total frustration showed in her angry pacing around the room.

Things were not going as she had hoped or had planned. He had killed 5 of her charges so far. 2 during his escape attempt and now he was thwarting her attempt at gaining info on Section One.

While they were not as invisible as they wanted to believe, they were good at protecting themselves. Almost as if they had shields that they turned on at will to keep out those who would do them harm. She also wondered if the fools had found the tape she had left at the meeting with Nikita. Maybe she should have given it to Blondie instead of leaving it on the bench. But if they did housecleaning anywhere as good as her crew was trained to do; they had it. When would they realize what it was and respond to it was another question. One which she hoped would be answered soon.

**************************************************************************** ****

Chapter XV

Birkhoff hit a button on the console with a loud exhale as he pushed himself backwards in his chair. He looked up at Simon with a shocked expression. Simon waited for him to speak, his lips set in a thin hard line and anger visible in his eyes. Carefully he asked ,

"Real or faked?"

Birkhoff frowned obviously unsure what to say. He studied his fingers for a moment before he returned his gaze to Simon.

"I think it's real. We've got major problems."

Simon nodded in agreement. "Who's going to bring it to Operations and Madeline? He's going to blow a gasket."

Birkhoff leaned back in his chair. He rubbed a finger across his lips as he thought through Simon's question.

"I guess I will. Have you shown this to anybody else?"

Simon shook his head. "I went looking for Nikita but she wasn't here. Walter said she blew out of here about 20 minutes ago."

Birkhoff sighed loudly, "Good.....Yeah right after she beat the shit out of one of the new full status operatives. It's good she's not here though. I don't want to be around when she gets wind of this. If I were Operations, I'd handle this real quietly. Find him, bring him back and then tell Nikita. She's going to go ballistic." He popped a video tape out of the player on the console and studied it carefully.

Simon asked quietly, "Do you think they'll try to extract even though he said not to?"

With a shake of his head Birkhoff took a deep breath. "No I think we're looking at a clean sweep. The risk of compromise at this point is pretty high. Operations will want closure. I hope though that Madeline has other ideas. Michael's just about they best they've ever had. This place is reeling without him. Don't get me wrong. I trust Nikita with my life. She's damn good but she's not Michael and Operations doesn't trust her."

Simon snorted in agreement. "You're right. Whatever is decided I'm there. Got me?"

Birkhoff stood up and looked over at the loft. "Yeah. Wish me luck." Simon punched Birkhoff lightly in the arm and walked away.

Going up to Operations loft was one of the longest trips Birkhoff had ever taken. He knocked on the door and Operations sharply ordered him to come in. Birkhoff opened the door and faced both Operations and Madeline. She smiled in greeting. Birkhoff nodded in her direction but didn't return the smile. It wasn't in him. He took a deep breath and started to speak.

"When they cleaned at the embassy, they found this tape. I think you better see it."

Operations pointed to his desk. "Fine put it there. I'll view it later."

Birkhoff bit the bullet and shoved the tape into the player on Operations' desk. P>"No, Operations, I think you better watch this now." Madeline raised an eyebrow at this while Operations started to open his mouth. Elouette's voice filled the room as the tape's images flashed in Operations' and Madeline's eyes. As Michael's image came up, Madeline's mouth dropped open.

Birkhoff had never seen her give such an open reaction to anything. Operations shoved one hand in his pocket and the other tore through his hair.

"Jesus Christ, Madeline.."

She looked over at him. "We had agreed that this was a possibility. You heard him though. He wants a sweep."

Operations looked around the room, clearly unsure about how to pursue the matter. On one hand he was thankful that Michael at this at the point the tape had been was alive. But he was obviously in deep pain. Michael usually did not let you know anything was going on with him.

This time though he let it all out in the open. On the other hand though, security to the Section was at prime risk. He had to figure out a way to bring closure. The Section could not be compromised. And damn it, why the hell did he use the minute window of opportunity he had to speak to them as a way to get a message to Nikita too. Maybe he should trade her for Michael. A lot of trouble could be gotten rid of that way but what would the fall out from that be.

Operations' next words surprised Birkhoff, "I need time to consider the options here. How many people know about this tape?"

Birkhoff eyed Operations, trying to figure out what he was up to. "Right now just the two of you, Simon and me."

Satisfied, Operations nodded, "Keep it that way! Gather up what intel we have on their known safe houses as well as other suspected hubs."

The expression on Birkhoff's face indicated his reluctance to go along with at least part of Operations' directive but he realized he did not have much of a choice.

Somehow he'd have to let Nikita know without Operations' finding it was his doing. He owed Nikita and Michael at least that much. With a tightening of his mouth, Birkhoff turned on his heel and left the room. He knew that they wouldn't discuss it with him there and he wanted Operations to decide to extract Michael as soon as possible. Now to figure out where the bastards were holding Michael.

Operations looked over at the deep in thought Madeline. "Are you going to play devil's advocate for me, my dear?" he queried.

She didn't look at him but continued to stare at the snowy video screen.

"Do you want me to tell you what you should do or tell you what is right thing to do?"

Operations smiled thinly. "Oh they aren't the same?" Madeline brought her head up to look directly into Operations' face. Her expression was bland but her eyes were deeply troubled.

"Right now is not the time for sarcasm and displays of temper. We have a very important decision to come to. Don't we? We have to choose between Michael living or dying. It's a decision that has been thrust on us in the most destructive way. The future of the Section is very much at stake here. What we should do it put the safety of the Section first and do as Michael says. Do a clean sweep. What is right is to put his life first and try to extract him. Michael is a very special part of what the future of the Section is, Oscar. Dare we chance the future? The existence of this tape will become known. We can not keep it a secret forever. Consider the repercussions of doing nothing. Consider other operatives finding out we had in it our grasp to take him back and we didn't use it. We had the means to the end and left it to wither away."

He had stood and listened to her. Each sentence stacking up on the other.

She was right. As much as he hated to admit it, but now that she was mentioning the "feelings of other operatives, as if that really was a point he was to consider..

"The feelings of operatives should not have weight in this Madeline."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Loyalty and trust don't account for anything? They are two of the most important ingredients in what makes it work around here. Too often we test those emotions in our operatives and wind up damaging what we were trying to strengthen and preserve. Too often we seek to destroy a bond that might be forming between operatives because the notion prevails that by being separate we are stronger. But that is not true. The friendships and other emotional bonds that are forged by the time spent in these walls together and the working together on the outside are a glue to keep us together. Why do we see so many of these tactical groups spring on Monday and are gone by Thursday? There is nothing to hold most of them together. Everything can not be held together with terror and manipulation. For years I have thought that is was the way to do it. The only way to do it. But lately I'm coming around to see things in a different way. A clearer and more healthy way."

Operations walked away from her a little bit, turning so that his back was to her so he could peruse the area below the loft.

"I think you've either been spending too much time around operatives who are emoting excessively or you've been reading pop psychology books. Things will proceed around here as they always have. As the cliche goes, 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.' We will always put the Section first."

" It is broken! The Section is people. Flesh, blood and emotions make it up! We can not escape that essential fact. Something that we have been for too long. Look where it has gotten us. We've got a bunch of emotional cripples around here. And you're looking at the king and queen of the kingdom right here. And you know what, the prince is in danger and we working on destroying the one bit of hope we've got."

Her words were greeted with a snort from Operations that smacked of contempt. "And I guess now that we're talking about Nikita again? What is it about her? Why have all the best operatives here but contaminated by her? What is making all of you pay so much attention to her?"

Madeline shook her head. Obviously he was missing the whole scenario she was creating for him.

"Have you ever truly watched her with another operative or with a mark? She is alive inside and out! That is what pulls Michael so close to her! She pulled him out of that damn hole he's been digging for himself for the past 14 years."

"She destroyed the best operative we've ever had. He was superior in everything! Then she was given to him and took him. He became the material and she became the one in control. That's not how it was suppose to work. It got screwed up and every time I have tried to fix it and show the right way, I have been thwarted. I am in charge here and things will be done my way."

Madeline frowned. Objectivity and long range planning were in jeopardy. She had to bring it back into focus. She pulled one of her trump cards.

"You know what the real problem is here. As I said before -jealousy. Jealousy over the fact that Michael no longer is at your beck and call. He has something else to focus on in his life. His emotions have surfaced after being partial or completely restrained for most of his life. Have you watched him lately? Ever catch the way he looks at you when that damn mask of his slips. He hates you. He connects the evil in him with the evil in you. You're practically the biggest demon in his personal hell. Everything that haunts him is attached to you somehow.

"And it has gotten much worse in the past year. You've created a chasm as big as the Pacific Ocean between him and Nikita. He hates you for that. I hate myself for letting you talk me into it. For the good of the Section." Anger exploded in Madeline at this point. Michael was not the only one who bottled things up. She slammed her hand down on the desk.

"Where has it gotten us, Oscar? Denial of personal feelings and our emotions. We were just like Michael and Nikita. Young, partners, friends and as much as you seem to want to forget in love too. We let our world push us apart because neither of us had the guts to say no. Now we circle each other, always looking for the advantage. Always trying to bait the other and get the upper hand. Enjoying your life?"

Madeline stopped for a brief pause. Everything started to tumble out. She needed to get it out. Everyone was figured out and healed by Madeline. But who helped her? She rushed on again.

"Well, they both have said no over and over again. We have ignored them, tried to silence them, abused them and tried to kill them to get rid of this plague you seem so worried about. I won't stand for it anymore. I'm disgusted by it. I can't do it anymore. I'm starting to hate myself and I'm starting to feel the same way about you. I don't want to do that! We're becoming a forest of dead and dying trees. We need to seek life again. We need to learn to feel again. Do you remember what that's like? I do and I want to experience some of that again. I'm tired of existing Oscar, I want to live. I want to think that we're doing something important and worth-while here with our lives. Not destroying life and the wonderful possibilities it has to offer but helping to preserve it and maybe make it a little bit better for everyone concerned. Michael and Nikita are the future of the Section. It's up to the present to make sure that the future survives."

Her words stopped and an awkward silence followed. Operations stood at the window, his whole frame stiff. Bluntly he said,

"You sound like a first year psych student who wants to be a marriage counselor." He regretted the words as soon as they came out. He could see her reflection in the glass and saw how his words had wounded her.

"You son of a bitch! Don't you belittle me! Michael is someone who I think very highly of. He is an extraordinary person who I have pulled apart and build up many times over the years. I've seen him through a lot since we took him from L'Araigne. He's taken Stephen's place in this life we got to live here. I know you feel almost like he's a son to you. You saw him at a very low point with losing Simone and the baby but we pounded that out of him. Then he allows himself to open up again with Nikita. He becomes alive again. Then you rip the world out from under him again. I had never seen he so distraught. How do you really think she survived? He somehow got her the means to get out of that building. At least he had hoped. For 6 months he was dead and I know you could tell. He was a shell and then he finds her and they're back in here and you do it to him again. How much more do you think he'll be able to handle? How long before that gun he fires so accurately is placed at the base of your skull?"

"And I know you're close to ecstatic over Nikita's transformation. It's not real. She will crack and when she does, look out. She will explode all over the place. She's close to the edge now. I don't know how she's holding herself together. If she finds out about this. God help us. She will be looking for revenge. We will have a major problem on our hands. You know what will have to be done then and how do you think the Section will react then. You can avoid it! You can make up for a lot of what you've shattered in him and in her. Extract him! Allow him and Nikita to work on their relationship. Allow the Section to be human."

Operations turned to get a better view of Madeline than just her reflection in the glass. He looked at her, worry clearly etched in the lines on his face.

"I can't even begin to understand where all of this is coming from. I've never seen you like this or heard you say anything remotely similar to what I've been listening to; not only now but earlier. You're being much too emotional when you are referring to this "relationship" you seem to feel was so right between a pair of operatives. Relationships are not condoned. In any form. I think you might be losing your objectivity. In light of that, I suggest you go back to your office and think about regaining it."

He lit a cigarette and turned from her, losing sight of her shocked expression in his exhale of smoke. Madeline pivoted on her heel and slammed the door shut behind her.

Objectivity!! We'll see who has objectivity and who hasn't. You're not going to completely dehumanize this place. I will not play by those rules anymore. This place will not survive that way!

She rapidly descended the stairs and found Birkhoff in Systems skimming intel. He looked up at her expectantly as she approaching, the only question on his mind clearly on his face. Madeline shook her head and Birkhoff quickly lowered his head to glower at the computer screen. In a lowered voice she asked,

"Do you know where Nikita is?"

He snapped his head up and shrugged. "I have an idea but I can't be sure. She took the Explorer Michael's been using lately."

Madeline chewed over this for a moment. "Why would she take the Explorer, Seymour? Where would she be headed?"

Birkhoff took a deep breath before he dropped the next bombshell. He knew it would immediately raise her suspicions. "She's probably on her way to Michael's."

Madeline's forehead wrinkled in thought. "Michael's? Is there something going on that I should be aware of before I get any deeper into this than I already am?"

He smirked and replied sarcastically, "I wish." He noticed her frown and swallowed hard. "Sorry to be such a smart mouth. I'll stop it. No there is nothing going on. I think she's going there to get herself together again. It's like she's drawing strength by being there. I think she's trying to find answers to things she never got answers to in the first place. Nikita's in love with someone who she knows nothing about and now he's "dead". I'd be close to a basket case too. I'd want answers anyway I could get them. Besides I think she feels close to him there."

She thought for a moment. She knew her next actions were taking her own life and Birkhoff's into hell but it had to be done. "Is the old table camera still operating in his office?"

Birkhoff nodded yes and a small smile crossed Madeline's lips. "Good, show me what he's doing." The image popped up on the computer screen. Operations at his desk, reviewing the tape. His expression was unreadable, they could only see the back of his head. But the images of the tape were fairly clear.

"Can you record the images from the tape unto another one?" Hesitantly Birkhoff nodded yes and she replied "Do it."

His fingers danced across the keyboard. He popped a CD into the recording deck and waited several seconds. After Operations finished rewinding the tape, he played it again. Birkhoff loaded the feed unto the disk and when finished placed it in Madeline's outstretched hand. She let a genuine smile light her face.

"Thank you and I 'll try my hardest to not let him find out that you helped me with this."

Birkhoff managed a weak smile. "Thanks. Are you going to find Nikita?"

Madeline took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. "Though I may in a small way be jeopardizing the Section in the short run, in the long run I will make it stronger. I've got to find her. Together, we'll get this taken care of."

As she started to move away, he placed a hand lightly on her arm. "You're O.K. Madeline?"

She incline her head to him. "Is that a statement or a question?"

He shrugged again. "Both I guess."

"Well I guess I'll have to say thank you and I think so." With that she left him at his computer, wishing her all the luck he could muster at the moment.

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XVI

Somehow she had found her way here again. The storm was raging across the lake, churning the water into enormous white caps. The water sucked hungrily at the sand, dragging it back down into the depths only to spit it out later. Nikita stood on the shore, seemingly frozen on the spot.

The wind howled through the trees and whipped her hair around her. She still only wore her workout clothes. Water dripped from her hair down her face and little eddies from the water of the lake whirled around her feet. Her lips were mottled purple and pink and her skin almost as pale as alabaster. The rain drummed on the ground and against its sister water in the lake, as if trying to drown it. The havoc of the storm matched Nikita's thoughts.

Images of Michael whirled through her mind along with parts of words and sentences. Something didn't feel right.

It was different from the loss and grief that she was in the grip of, all together different. It was an uncertainness. Pieces suddenly were not fitting together. The story wasn't working. But what was creating this feeling she couldn't figure out either. So much screamed that he was gone but there were things that whispered he wasn't. That he was still there.

Why this feeling all of a sudden? Was this another stage of grief? This gnawing sensation of ambiguity that resided in her heart.

Her brain was demanding she faced the facts and move on . But her heart and soul had joined forces to keep acceptance at bay. That thing that sparked in her, hope, was trying to stay lit. It was dimmed because almost everything said it was true. But ....

An image of an angel popped into her mind as a gust of wind tore around the cabin and almost knocked her into the water. She staggered and her fingers dug into the wet sand to help regain her balance. She swayed in the wind as it whirled around her in its anger.

She remembered the hoarse words of the Red Cell operative. Dark Angel...Archangel...

Then Elouette questioning Michael's absence, his loyalty to her. A voice from the past... Whose the head angel? ...and then answering child like voices... Michael, the Archangel. Snippets of other conversations crowded in too. A weight began to sink onto her and she found it harder to breathe. Her heart was shouting that somehow the Section was involved while her brain was shouting just as loud that he had finally gotten his wish to be let go.

The same words kept pounding on her again and again just as the gusts of wind did. Another furious whorl of wind came around the cabin and struck Nikita in the back. She fell to her knees, gasping for air. Water splash into her face as her hands slapped into the sand. Nikita was beginning to get a vague sense of hope getting brighter. She swallowed hard, trying to slow the frantic beating of her heart. God could I be right or am I just grasping at straws? Am I just going through denial? Is he still alive somewhere out there? Out there with Red Cell. No no no. I saw him at the warehouse. He was dead. He had no pulse. He's gone. I....am....alone... She felt a cry of rage building in her throat. None of this was fair. Nothing in her whole life had been fair. If he had just let her use that gun a year ago this wouldn't be happening. She knew things would be different.

You don't have all the facts. You don't know that. His voice mixed with the noise of the wind in her ears. It would just be easier at this point to let go. To let the water wash it all away. She could sense the battle was going to end here. To let go of everything would be the best way to end the pain and the uncertainty of her life. No more threats of being canceled. No more of choosing who lives and who dies. No more finding that grey spots ruled in a world that should have been black and white. She heard him again..Focus! On what was the question.

You're the only part of me that isn't dead...isn't dead....isn't dead. It was impossible. How could it have happened.

Madeline reached the trail that lead to the stairs of the deck and saw Nikita at the shore of the lake. Fearing what she thought she was about to witness, she broke into a run. Through the onslaught of the rain, she saw Nikita struggle to her feet and turn in the direction of the cabin.

Her head lifted to the rain and her eyes looked to the sky. Slowly she pushed against the wind to get to the stairs of the deck. Nikita had lowered her head to make it up the slope from the shore and had not noticed Madeline's approach. She grabbed for the railing at the same instant as Madeline. Her head shot up at the touch of another hand. Hope flared brilliantly as Nikita looked to see Michael. It flickered back to its dull ember when she saw Madeline returning her expectant look.

"What do you want? Going to cancel me for being here?" she demanded of Madeline. A shake of the head was her answer.

"Can we go inside? You need to get into something dry and something warm in you. We need to talk and we need to do it now!" Madeline propelled Nikita up the steps.

She had rapidly assessed Nikita's condition and knew that hypothermia was not far off. She watched as Nikita tapped in the alarm code and tried unsuccessfully to use the key in the lock.

She took the key from the blonde trembling hands and did it herself. Nikita walked in, hitting lights as she walked through the main floor of the cabin to a spiral staircase at the other end.

Unable to quell her curiosity raised by Nikita's familiarity with the layout of the cabin, Madeline asked;

"How many times have you been here?"

A violent shiver hit Nikita as she stepped onto the staircase. She grabbed the railing for balance, swaying slightly.

"Once. A day or two ago. Why? Have I committed some transgression?"

Madeline felt somewhat shamed by Nikita's flippant question. In many ways they were making an already hellish life for operatives more difficult. She resolved to somehow take a bit of the edge off the Damocles sword that hung over everyone's head.

"No", she said to Nikita's retreating back. Feeling the need for something to drink, something strong; she went in search of the kitchen. She found it back the way she had come but to the right of the entrance. After a brief search of the cabinets, she was able to locate some clear glasses and a bottle of amber liquid. She pulled the top and sniffed at the contents. Good, brandy. It will warm her up inside a little.

Maybe shore the both of us up a bit.

Nikita watched Madeline from the doorway. Upstairs she had found a black turtleneck sweater of Michael's that fit fairly well and a pair of white warmup pants. Her hair still hung damply down her back. She wanted to give it a good brushing but now wasn't the time.

She had to know why Madeline had come here. Nikita felt a little angry that her "refuge" had been "invaded". But she was going to give her the benefit of explaining her arrival first. Before she ordered her to leave; Well maybe not that. I need to talk to her. I need to set a few things straight.

Madeline started to pour the brandy into the glasses. She watched the liquid spill into the glass, appreciating the swirls of color. This cabin feels very much like Michael. Very neat and in order but somehow lacking feeling on the surface. She took each glass in hand and turned. She started a little as she saw Nikita standing in the doorway, she hadn't made a noise.

She was immediately struck by how tense and uncertain the young woman in front of her seemed. Confidence had never been a problem for Nikita until now. It was almost as if a part was missing or at least in a deep sleep. She took the glass that Madeline offered to her and turned from the doorway. She followed Nikita to the living room.

Nikita tapped the on button of the stereo system. Heavy sensual blues wafted lazily from the speakers hidden around the room. Madeline had not expected to hear such deep feeling provoking music. Just like Michael kept things hidden, things were not as they seemed here either.

Here in this place some of the real man shows Madeline thought.

Nikita curled up in the maroon leather chair tucking her feet under her. She took a long drink of the brandy. With a little gagging noise, she wiped her mouth.

"Did you know he painted?" Nikita asked softly.

"He had mentioned it once. Do you think he did these landscapes?" Madeline answered as she sat on the edge of the sofa. She needed to tell Nikita of the recent happenings but sensed the need of the woman across from her to talk.

"Yes...he painted us, too. I took it home after I found it here the other day."

Madeline could see the exhaustion in Nikita as the liquor began to have some effects. She could see Nikita fighting the effects, trying to keep her edge. It was pulled around the girl like a shield.

Not only holding things out but keeping things inside.

Nikita held up her hand and Madeline noticed the gleam of a silver band on her ring finger.

"I found these, too. The wedding rings from when we were Peter and Sage. He keep them in a box upstairs with another pair. I think they belonged to him and Simone. There was a locket with them. Merle was his son." She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. "I never paid attention. I was too caught up in what I thought was always lies and manipulations. I never looked for truth when it was in my face. He ran so deep. I never had the courage to look into the depths that were under that hard surface of his. And every time I saw a crack in it I was thrilled but repelled at the same time because I couldn't be sure if it was real or not. I felt he wasn't being loyal to me. That he was always betraying me. He never did. Never would, I think. He had shown me some of the heart I had healed and I threw it on the floor and kicked it back at him. I didn't trust in him and I think he lost his trust in me. Love can't make it without trust. We didn't have the courage to face what we were feeling. To tell each other that we loved each other...." She paused, Madeline opened her mouth to speak and was shocked by Nikita's next words. "He's not dead. I think Red Cell has him."

Madeline felt her blood rush to her head. She swallowed hard and had to tighten her grip on the glass as the feeling left her body for an instant.

"The pieces don't fit, Madeline. The feeling isn't right either. I can still feel him in here." She poked her finger into her chest near her heart. What's the Section up to now? Why are you doing this to him? What did he do that was so wrong?"

Madeline licked her dry lips and started to speak. "You're right." She flinched as the glass in Nikita's hand hit the floor and shattered.

Nikita sat forward and looked at Madeline with wide eyes of stormy blue.

"What did you say?"

Madeline placed her glass on the table in front of her not trusting her hand to hold on to it.

"You're right about him being alive. Elouette left a tape at the embassy. As of when the tape was made, he was still alive."

Tears started to roll down Nikita's face. With a voice heavy with anger and bitterness, Nikita asked;

"How long have you bastards known about this?"

Madeline didn't flinch from the emotions that were surfacing in the other woman.

" This isn't our doing. We only found out about the tape less than 2 hours ago. I think Operations' thoughts are to do what Michael says on the tape. I don't agree with it and since my comments fell on deaf ears, I'm here looking for some back up."

"Why do you care, Madeline? You've been just as aggressive as Operations in keeping us apart. Why turn over a new leaf now? What's so special about this? Where is this tenderheartedness coming from?"

"It was on my recommendation that Michael was brought into the Section. In a sense I created him. He is very special to me. I don't want to see him die. I don't want to see you die either. At one time I was very much like you were and believe it or not very much in the same situation as you and Michael have been. I know what it's like to be kept from your lover when he is so close. And don't deny your relationship. I can see the signs. Life was back in his eyes. His emotions were surfacing. He was becoming a person again instead of a shadow. I could see it in your eyes every time you looked at him. You have a very special bond with him. Ah...Do you realize how much the two of you communicate with just your eyes. Whole conversations I would swear at times. I was telling Oscar how other operatives come to me asking to be trained to communicate the way you two do. But how can I train them in something that comes from the connection; yes the love that is there. I no longer want to sit back and watch your lives hammered to pieces."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a crystal case. "I think you ought to see the copy of the tape that was left. I don't know how good the resolution will be. Birkhoff helped me get it by rather unscrupulous means." She got up and went over to the computer that sat in the corner.

After turning on the monitor, she inserted the disk and motioned for Nikita to come over.

Nikita rose on shaky limbs and went to the screen. She watched the actions play out. Madeline heard her sharp intake of breath as Michael could first be seen on the tape, then the whisper of his name as he spoke and then the deep moan of pain as Elouette attacked him.

Through clinched teeth Nikita spoke, "I want the truth and I want it now Madeline. What is she talking about? What is her connection to Michael and his past? Where the hell did he come from?"

"Michael was taken from his parents in a violent kidnaping when he was 6. It was in retaliation for his father's activities for the U.S. government. His father was a United States secret service agent who had infiltrated the original Red Cell. Michael's mother was from France but they lived in the country near Montreal. She kept the boys there while Chancier worked in the States. Michael's sister was taken at the same time. By a man in grey, Michael once told me. By the time Chancier could return to the home, there was no trace of Michael. He was raised for almost 11 years in the faction. L'Araigne, their leader, was grooming him to one day head Red Cell. Michael was an accomplished operative. He inflicted a lot of damage on the Section. But he had been effectively brainwashed and seduced by the world that L'Araigne had submerged him into. He never really knew what he was doing. He did everything to please or prove his undying loyalty to that animal. So much so that Michael was responsible for murdering his own parents. To please L'Araigne he shot then both. He didn't know who they were, his memory of them had been wiped away. It was about 9 months after that when he was captured during an altercation between our organizations. I saw the potential in him and wanted to bring him to our side. I was able to come up with the intel about his part in his parents' death. I used it to break L'Araigne's programming. I was still new at the job. I didn't know it would shatter him. I had to rebuild him. It was a tough job. When he broke there was a lot of water and debris behind the dam in his mind. He had repressed a lot of the anger, guilt and repulsion. It was as close to insanity as I've ever seen in a person. It was hard to get him past it. As it was emotionally he has never been completely 'repaired'. That was how he and Simone came together. She helped me to get him to 'whole' again. It was not the original intention of the Section for them to fall in love. But it was decided that Michael's effectiveness as an operative and his potential outweighed that problem. They were allowed to pursue the relationship as they wished. The outcome was not as they wanted. In a way we were the cause of the baby's death. With his and Simone's death so close together Michael shut down as you have probably been told a number of times. Michael came to the conclusion that he was worthless as a human and was in many ways just a machine void of feelings. It was his only way to deal with the guilt over his past actions and his part in what was happening in his world. It is very much the reason why he is the way he seems to be. The real Michael is buried under this image he has of himself. He has split himself in two so he can survive. You were recruited and I thought it would be good for the two of you to form a partnership. As it has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions, it is believed that I erred here as well. I had only thought of you keeping Michael alive during a time he was healing from that relapse. I honestly didn't think he would fall in love with you or you with him. I believed he really was incapable of that emotion. I was wrong there too."

She stopped as she ran out of words.

A spot began to burn in the pit of Nikita's stomach. It oozed from there to spread over her whole body. Her hand flashed out and ran the disk thru again. She stood ramrod stiff, except for her hands which clenched and unclenched at her side.

"No letting go this time, Michael. Operations wants to follow Michael's lead on this? Let him make himself the sacrificial lamb?"

Madeline nodded and said; "I have always seen the wisdom, for the most part, in the way Oscar handles things. But right now I believe he is allowing a desire for revenge to control his actions. We need to get him..."

She stopped as she heard the front door bang open. Nikita was no longer beside her but was sprinting down the stairs to where she has parked the Explorer.

Madeline followed her but could not catch her before Nikita had the vehicle started. She had it in gear and was spinning the tires in the mud when Madeline reached her. She grabbed the door handle shouting;

"Nikita! No! This isn't going to get it fixed!" Her voice fought for acknowledgment over the wind, rain and the racing engine. Nikita slammed it into another gear. The engine screamed in protest and the truck rocked forward in its spot. The back tires whipped across the slick mud, causing it to fishtail.

Madeline jumped away from the vehicle as it slid. The engine screamed again as the gears were ripped from one level to another.

Nikita fought for control over the fishtailing truck. As she hit gravel she was able to right the Explorer and increase her speed without losing traction. As she sped down the road some of the panic that had risen up in her dissipated. A look of grim determination settled onto her face. With one hand she reached under the seat and groped for the gun she knew was hidden there, just as it was in every Section vehicle. Her fingers closed around the cold hard metal and she pulled it out.

With one eye on the road and a hand on the wheel, she checked to make sure it was loaded.

Satisfied that she had at least two bullets, she laid it in her lap. She wasn't going to let Operations allow Michael to get his death wish to make a point with Red Cell. Michael was too valuable to them all. But especially to me. I'm not going to let it go, let him go, let him or it die. I'm going to fight it every inch of the way. Even if I die doing it! she thought. She pressed down more on the accelerator and the tires ate up the miles.

Madeline ran to her car after Nikita blasted from the mud onto the gravel road. She grabbed her cell phone and frantically punched in a number. Though she knew that her instructions were going to fall on deaf ears, she decided to try it anyway. There was always a chance. She started speaking as soon as it was answered.

"Seymour's Nest."

"Birkhoff, it's Madeline. Nikita's on her way there. She's coming for Operations. You better call up Security and have them meet her. We'll go to him together. Don't let her get close to him, I'm not entirely sure of what she's capable of right now. I'm on my way."

She threw the phone back into the car and raced back to close up the cabin. Birkhoff hung up his phone and calmly went back to working on his keyboard. He wasn't about to call anyone. Let Nikita come for Operations. It was time for her to get a measure of justice.

Within 30 minutes, Nikita made it back to Section One. She had flipped off the safety of the gun before she entered the building. No emotion showed on her face and her eyes were cold and hard.

Her demeanor spoke of danger and no nonsense. As she opened the door, the "receptionist" stood.

He noticed her weapon and drew his own, putting himself between her and the elevator. He hesitated as she pointed her at his head.

"Phil, stay out of this and sit down."

He shook his head, "You know you can't go in there with a drawn weapon, Nikita." A cold sarcastic smile curved her lips.

"You can't live with a bullet in your brain." Just as quickly as the smile appeared, it was gone. "I'm serious. Don't push me."

Phil didn't holster his weapon and continued to stand in her path. Silently he regarded her.

"Phil if you trust me, you'll stand aside. You don't know what's going on and right now you're endangering the Section."

He brought up his gun and leveled it at her face. Nikita didn't flinch but clenched her teeth together as she spoke again. "Don't make me do this. Let me through."

His answer was the cocking of his weapon. Nikita gave a short exasperated snort and in smooth rapid movement dislodged a bullet into Phil's upper thigh and round kicked him to the ground. With a flick of her foot she sent his pistol skittering across the room. "I'm sorry" she whispered as she stepped over the man with-ering in agony on the floor. His wound wasn't serious but she thought she might have broken his jaw. She didn't have time for regrets right now though. She had to get to Operations and make him extract Michael.

Nikita encountered no more opposition as she approached Systems. She stalked out of the hallway, the gun pressed against her thigh. She locked eyes with Birkhoff who motioned with his head to the loft. Operations' head could just be seen from his seated position at his desk. Silently she climbed the stairs to the long hallway. Her blood pounded in her ears and she felt that she skin was ready to melt right off her bones. She didn't hesitate though she had every reason to. She knew that she was risking everything right here but Michael had already done that for her. Now it was her chance to return his sacrifice.

Operations sat at the desk deep in thought. He turned the tape over and over in his hands. Indecision weighed down heavy on him. Should he follow Michael's lead and sweep the hub or attempt to rescue the young operative that helped make the Section the class example it had become. He had to admit that his operatives were the envy of other substations. He even had to admit that there had been those who asked how he managed to create a team like Michael and Nikita. Now he had the decision in his hands to end that admiration. And to end the life of someone he thought of almost like a son.

Guilt tugged at him too. He had done a great many things to Michael over the years and there had never been any repercussions. At least none that has really affected him. Now he had to question Michael's loyalties and where they laid. He actually didn't really need to do that though because he saw what Michael had been struggling with. The loyalty he felt that he owed to the Section and the loyalty that in all rights did belong to Nikita. After all she was the one, and Operations hated the truth of this, that Michael was in love with and would do just about anything for. He had to wonder if the young blonde realized the control she exerted over the best operative in the organization. More than he had over thought possible, more than he had ever been able to accomplish. His meanderings stopped as he felt cold hard metal touch the base of his neck.

Nikita held the gun lightly at the back of Operations' neck. She wanted to pull the trigger badly but restrained herself for Michael's sake. Killing Operations wouldn't bring back Michael. Her voice dripping with unconcealed hatred filled Operations' ears.

"How long did you think you would keep it a secret?" She leaned into him and whispered close to his ear; "How long did you think it would take before I found out?"

He cleared his throat but didn't speak. Madeline had warned him earlier that Nikita had become a new piece on the board and even though he had encountered her recently he didn't trust his impressions.

Nikita's other hand reached over his shoulder and knock the tape from his fingers. "We're going to get him out."

Operations frowned and replied, "That's not what he wanted. He understands as well as I do that the integrity of the Section must be maintained." He felt the gun move off the back of his neck but he didn't relax. He knew better than that; no weakness could be shown.

The barrel of the gun appeared before his eyes as Nikita sat on the edge of the desk next to him. The aura of danger and determination was heavy around her. For a brief instant, Operations understood the attraction Michael felt for the woman. Strength, determination, intelligence, vitality, compassion...she's drop dead gorgeous as well as... Not a great turn of words there, Oscar! He deliberately lifted his eyes from the gun to stare up into the blue fires he knew were staring down at him.

She was curious about what was going through his mind. He was as usual holding his cards very close to his chest. Nikita was not sure what his course of action was going to be. She needed to know.

"How do you think the integrity of the Section is going to hold up if one you leave him there and they turn him or two you send in a team to do a clean sweep. The operatives around here are "loyal" to you out of fear and necessity. They don't want to be cancelled. Loyalty to Michael is given freely because he earns it at every turn with them. No matter what has gone on. I want a team to go in and extract him. We owe him that. I owe him especially."

Operations smirked and then snickered. "Funny you should mention loyalty and him in the same sentence. When has he ever been loyal to you Nikita?"

Her jaw tensed at this snide remark and then a cold smile curved her lips.

"Don't confuse truthful and loyal, Operations. They work side by side but are not the same thing. If it's one thing he's always been it's loyal no matter what you've tried to make him do. Any betrayal of that has been my own doing. Not his." She snarled her next words. "I want him back where he belongs."

Operations lifted an eyebrow, "And that would be with you?"

Nikita almost said yes but knew that was what he would expect from. "No, that would be running the Section as it should be run. With efficiency and integrity and might I say respect instead of fear."

A tick had started in the hollow of his cheek as he stared at Nikita. She was maturing before his eyes. Madeline's prediction that eventually she would become a woman whose power would have to be recognized was becoming true. He could feel the force of will both behind the cold steel of her blue eyes that unflinchingly held him and the cold steel of the gun in his face. He weighed the decision careful in his mind again. Before she had even gotten there, he had determined that they were going to get Michael out. The only question in his mind had been who was coming to go in.

Well that had now been answered, she was going in for him. What Michael had been subjected to at this point was only a guess but Nikita might be the only one he would trust. Operations knew that with that mental admission he had acknowledged the emotional bond between two operatives. A thing he had forbidden after the fiasco between Michael and Simone and his own regret over his and Madeline's ill fated past. Now he was back at the starting point.

But as he been told and shown, the future was rapidly approaching him and he needed to plan for it. Besides Walter, he was the oldest and because he didn't know where the foundation of youth was that Walter drank from, he was on his own. It was his responsibility to insure the continuation of Section One and that rested on Michael's shoulders and the woman who now held the gun to his face.

His other alternative was to let her pull the trigger when he told her that there would be no extraction just a clean sweep. Michael had been labelled "acceptable collateral". He wondered what the bullet would feel like sliding thru his head. Would it feel like getting shot in the body like had happened so many times in Nam? Inwardly he grimaced, that was not what he wanted to experience anytime soon. He leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head. He was ready to play with her a little bit. Slowly he smiled at her...

"And who would you like to take with you on this little seek and find?"

Nikita had to stop her jaw from dropping to the floor. She also resisted the temptation to lower the gun. He was toying with her and she knew it. This angered her but she didn't want to jeopardize her chance to rescue Michael. Give what he wants, babe. Gratitude would be good here and a good list of operatives which show you're using brain of yours for something other than a ... She shut down her inner voice, sometime it got on her nerves.

"Simon and the rest on red team. Yeng from green and Calrienne from medical."

Operations made a scoffing noise. He wasn't about to admit to her face that he approved of her picks even though he was curious about her pick of one of the new operatives from Medlab.

"Someone from Medlab?", he asked with an eyebrow cocked toward his hairline.

Nikita lowered the gun and walked to the window. None of the tension left her body but it loosen somewhat from around her insides. "I don't know what I'll find when we find him. I want to be prepared for any scenario. Besides she's still willing to take chances and think on her own without Section directives. I might need that. I guess that describes just about everyone on red team. One of the things you hate the most is what makes us the best."

She looked down into Systems. Birkhoff, Walter and Simon all looked up at her. Somehow she knew that they were waiting for a signal from her. A small nod of her head was all that was needed to spur them into action. Both Walter and Simon hurried away and

Birkhoff bent to his station again. She could see him ordering his crew to different screens. He must be running intel like a mad man. She turned to face Operations again. He leaned forward in his chair resting his elbows on the desk.

"When do you propose to start this little safari?"

A small smile flickered across her face, "It all ready has. As soon as Birkhoff gets a lead we're on it. I would hope that we can put this behind us."

A cold smile spread over Operations face. "Of course my dear. But let me know something. How did you find out? Who came to you?"

Nikita shook her head.

He shrugged, "No matter. I have my own ideas. Just keep this in mind Nikita. And this is not an idle threat but a promise. Everything that happens in Section has a consequence. And it is usually not the one we hope or want it to be. Do we understand one another?"

She was inspecting the gun. Slowly she put the safety on it. As she expelled the clip she replied,

"For the moment." She walked past his desk and flipped the clip at him.

Operations caught it neatly and placed it on top of the cassette tape. They remained silent.

Madeline almost knocked Nikita over in the hallway. They locked eyes.

Madeline looking for evidence of what Nikita had done in Operations' office and Nikita looking for the motivation behind Madeline's actions. Madeline was the one who got satisfaction.

"He knows it was you who came to me." Madeline didn't reply as Nikita walked past her. No words were needed. With her back straight and her head level and clear, she reached for the office door.

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XVII

It didn't take long to locate 6 Red Cell operatives. However after a thorough interrogation from Madeline and assistance from Nikita and the twins or as Walter affectionately called them, "Frick" and "Frack", they were still no closer. Nikita felt herself getting frustrated after the fourth and ready to pull the skin from their skull by the sixth. There was no way to know what kind of window they had or even if they had it any longer. Panic was starting to nip at her.

Madeline could sense the quiet desperation growing in Nikita. When she had tried to offer some words of encouragement to the agitated young woman, Nikita had strode away from her, almost in tears. Madeline knew that her own reserve was wearing thin and threatening to slip. She could only imagine how close Nikita's emotions were to the surface. But she could only partially emphasize because she did not deal with her feelings in the same way that Nikita did. Only she could find a way to deal with the turbulence inside herself.

For a while Madeline had sat in her office reviewing the tapes made of her interviews with the counter operatives but nothing caught her attention. They had been at it for almost 12 hours straight now. They had yet to gleam a bit of a lead. With a sigh, she got up and went to Systems in search of Nikita. She had expected to see her standing and watching over Birkhoff's shoulder as he reviewed incoming info from various cold ops. Madeline knew that the longer Michael was out the greater the risk to the Section became. As always the safety and survival of the Section was paramount in her mind.

However she knew that for Nikita the length of time he was out was not the fear of the risk but the fear that he would truly die. Madeline had to admire Nikita in some respects. She loved a man who might not be capable of returning the emotion but she kept trying.

There had been a momentary slip but Madeline felt that Nikita had faced down her fear and decided to deal with the choice her heart had made. Madeline on the other hand had quietly accepted the decision that time and place had forced on her. She sighed inwardly, just another regret in a roomful of them.

When she reached Systems, she was surprised to find Simon working with Birkhoff.

"Where 's Nikita? I thought she would be here." Simon pointed with his fingers towards the hallway just to the other side of the fencing room.

Birkhoff had looked up as she had approached but let Simon take the responsibility of answering her.

"I think she went for a walk. I saw her go that way. She said she had to think."

Madeline nodded and asked pointing the way that he had, "That way?"

Simon shrugged, "Sorry Madeline but I was concentrating on the screen and only caught which way she was going out of the corner of my eye."

She sighed and turned. Where would she go to think? Her quarters probably, with the music blaring. Rapidly she went to Nikita's quarters and found them empty. She searched the SIMs sphere room, Medlab, Walter's area, the egress hallway and several of the transport docks.

Puzzled she started back to Systems and was almost there when she passed the door to Michael's office. The door was slightly ajar. She pushed it open and looked inside. The only light was what was bleeding through the closed blind and the opening in the doorway. She noticed that the chair was turned with the back towards the door.

"Nikita?"

In a husky voice, Nikita answered her, "Yes, Madeline?"

Madeline opened the door more and flicked on the light as Nikita turned the chair towards the door. She blinked in the bright light. Madeline expected red rimmed eyes to greet her judging by Nikita's voice and was pleased to see clear blue and white.

She smiled at the her and asked, "Are you alright?"

Her answer was a smirk and Nikita's sarcastic "Just ducky!"

Nikita leaned forward and put her elbows on the desk. She rubbed her hands over her face and spoke thru her fingers as she did. "Did you find anything on the tapes? I guess I can answer that myself. I'd be able to tell if you did." She ran both hands up and thru her hair. They met at the nape of her neck where she interlaced the fingers. "I'm scared, Madeline. I can feel him. Like he's screaming for me or something. He's got this thing about souls. That I'm the only one here with one. Well, he's wrong. He's got one too and I feel it begging me to find him."

Her voice broke as tears gathered in her eyes and started to fall. She quickly brushed at them and stood up. Madeline remained silent, letting Nikita talk. While words could wound, they could also heal and that was what she needed. In a way, Nikita was still grieving even though everything pointed to Michael being alive. No matter what, as the saying goes, all things were possible.

"I keep running over things Elouette said when we were at the embassy and what she said on the tape. And things that some of the operatives said when we were questioning them. The part of the faction seems to be an elite one. They're part of the whole but somehow detached too. Like the mother ship and all others are on their own but eventually answer up to it somehow."

She had started to pace but stopped and draw a deep breathe. Her mind was racing and a headache was starting to pound at her temples. She rubbed her forehead, forcing her attention away from the pain and back to the problem at hand. Suddenly she looked at Madeline with wide eyes.

"The video tape!"

Madeline knitted her eyebrows together in puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

"Has anyone ran the tape all the way thru?"

"What was on the tape was only a few minutes, Nikita. You saw the whole thing."

"No, did anyone run the tape to the end? Passed what was recorded? Don't you reuse your tapes?"

Madeline realized what Nikita was getting at. But before she could open he mouth to reply, Nikita was already out the door and running down the hall. She followed the girl hoping that her moment of inspiration would prove to be the lead they needed. As she got to systems she watched Nikita causing commotion with her agitation. Obviously she got her way because her whoop of triumph filled the nearby hallways.

"We passed that place on the way to the warehouse we blew up. I remember it from the surveillance SIMMs we used before the mission. Get a cold team on this. I want the works!" Operatives scrambled at her orders.

Madeline had to admit she was impressed. They usually only moved like that in response to fear from Operations' wrath. Nikita's urgency and excitement was contagious. She could almost feel the pallor that had permeated the Section beginning to lift. She could only pray that they weren't too late.

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Chapter XVIII

Elouette watched the human statue through the monitor. She had finally reached the end of her obsession with the man in black her father had called "Angel". He was a bastard in reality, just as she had thought he really would be in the end. But she had convinced herself otherwise and was now facing the fallout. She had not succeeded in her endeavor to return Michael to the operative he was when he was taken from Red Cell by Section One. Where the missing of his identity by Dominic had irritated her before, now it infuriated her. The chance to work on him earlier had been lost. Michael possessed a well of strength to draw on just long enough for his mental defenses to take over. And take over they had with a hold that unbreakable.

He had been in that statue state for 5 days now. There was movement, sleeping and waking. On occasion they had been able to get some broth and water down him. And while sleeping he had been observed to react to his nightmares but that had been it. Nothing else! She had used his parents again, the baby, Simone and finally a mocked up tape of torturing Nikita. There had been nothing. She wanted to make him hurt. Just like her failure was making her hurt. And it would just not hurt emotionally. Pride was an ugly thing sometimes and it didn't like to be drop kicked like hers had been. She had been proud of her abilities and within only about 4 weeks Michael had thrown them up in her face, torn into little bits like confetti.

She watched on, sitting in the hard wooden chair, contemplating her next move. Hatred glittered in her eyes. She knew a lot of his strength came from his own guilt. No one and nothing was as wrong or as bad as he was. The rest was fueled by his self will and the insane bond he had with his Section partner. Nikita had a hold over him that was unfathomable to her. How had she been able to get her hooks so firmly embedded in him? I wish I had been able to get you too Nikita.

What a time the three of us would have had! I want to know your methods, girl because if they worked on him, imagine on somebody who really feels. Not a pretender like Michael!

There was a brief flicker across Michael's face and for a moment Elouette had hope. But then she realized it was only her imagination or an involuntary muscle spasm on him. Well a person only allowed themselves to be kicked so many times before they got pissed off and she had reached that point. She slammed her open palm down on the table. Attention from around the room riveted on her.

"Who thinks they have balls enough to get a reaction, a movement, anything out of the son of a bitch down the hall?" She was gratified as two stood. She pursed her lips as she looked them over. "Young, Riogos. Good. Some guts. You two realize that if he does react, I will not intercede to save either of your lives." She was gratified again by their nods. She jerked her head towards the monitor. "He's all yours."

His head and body felt so heavy. Michael wished he could shrug them off somehow. He knew that soon Elouette would get the idea to kill him. He only hoped that she picked something quick and easy. He just wanted to be put out of his misery. He was a shell, not worth anything. Not even the space he was occupying at the moment. He knew soon that Section would come and sweep out the debris. He just hoped that they wouldn't send Nikita to help out.

He had accepted the fact that he would never see her in the flesh again because he was going to die within the walls of this prison. Not just the physical prison represented by the room he was in but the prison of his mind. He had been unable to break thru. In fact, it only seemed to get bigger and thicker. He had started to feel like he was being smothered. The wall had kept his mind safe but in the same fell swoop had cut him off from the outside world. He had become increasingly depressed in the past several days and just wished for it all to end.

When Young and Riogos appeared Michael felt relieved. At last the end was coming. He hoped it would be merciful. However with the first blow he knew it wasn't going to be. He resolved to die in pain. Just as he had lived....

Elouette couldn't believe the way her world was crumbling. But she had to as the first operative burst in the door. Blood gushed from 6 bullet holes and his last words were garbled. He was plain enough for Elouette though. Section One had arrived and were bent on extracting now only revenge but their prized Michael as well. He'll be a prized corpse when they reach him. I'll make sure of that! She ran for Michael's room. On the way she met Young and Riogos and ordered them to help with defenses. She would deal with Michael. When she got to the room, he was slumped on the bed. Apparently he had not given them any resistance and had suffered tremendously for it. They were very good with their fists. But those compliments would have to wait until later. She grabbed him by the back of the shirt, pulling upwards. Screaming at him she said,

"GET UP! STAND GOD DAMN IT!." When he didn't respond she grabbed the hair on the back of his head. The body on the bed moved but was very slow.

She got him upright. Looking into his eyes, she couldn't tell if he was dead or alive. At the moment his body was alive but in that instant she can to truly believe that he was dead inside.

She raised the gun in hand and placed it against his temple.

Michael swayed on his feet. He could feel the pain that his body was experiencing and the cold metal against his head. Slowly his eyelids closed, he didn't have the courage to see what happened next. Instead of the report of a gun and the acrid smell of gun powder he heard a voice he thought was lost to him forever. One knew would be his torment in hell for all he had done to her.

Nikita had found the room easily and knew how close she was to not finding him in time.

Elouette had already pulled back the hammer, the muzzle pressed into the side of Michael's head.

Nikita had her own gun ready as she aimed it at Elouette as she approached them. She had never seen Michael look so bad. How he was standing she couldn't even begin to figure out. Right now she had to get him out of here and back to the Section.

"Put the gun down and back away Elouette." Her voice was low and hard.

Elouette laughed deeply. "You seem to be mistaken as to who is in control here, Nikita. This is my turf and you're intruding. My turf...my rules. My game...my rules." Her lips curled as she snarled at Nikita, "my game...my pawn. Disposal of worthless junk like him is what I do best. Just like others who have stood in my way. My father would be proud of me. I've broken Michael just like he broke my father. I hope when they meet each other in what ever God forsaken place this bastard ends up in, he enjoys eternity just like my dad has been."

Nikita was worried. There was no way to get Michael out from in between them without Elouette firing. There wouldn't be enough time and Nikita knew she couldn't outmanuover a bullet at point blank range. She needed back up but they were still in the middle of the engagement. Once they had breached defenses, she had left Simon in charge of the teams with Madeline at Section One and Birkhoff running tactical from the van. She had no comm unit. Michael was in no shape to help. She was on her own

"Let it go Elouette. You've play with him as your pawn long enough. It's not his place and you know it. He belongs on this side of the board. He's mine. I want him back! So stand aside or I'll blow you aside bitch!" Nikita cocked her own gun. She could see the slight shake to Elouette 's hand and knew that the girl was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check. She was giving into her anger and that was of an advantage to Nikita. She hoped her words made her worse.

Nikita got her wish. Elouette's temper flared out and her hand began to shake violently.

"Fuck you!" Elouette snarled at her. "You want him back? Take a fucking corpse!"

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Nikita grabbed at Michael's arm, dragging downward with all her strength as she kicked his legs out from under him. She tried to cover him as best she could and fire at the same time. She felt the first bullet graze her neck. As she hit the floor, rolling over Michael, she felt the second slam thru the top of her shoulder and race down.

Her last sight was a splotch red on Elouette's forehead and her falling backwards. Nikita's last thought before she blacked out was that she had him back and in reaction dug her fingers deeply into the material of his shirt and held tight.

She fought her way back to consciousness. She knew he couldn't protect himself in the condition he was. She was the one in the protector role now. She willed her eyelids open as she felt her fingers being pried from Michael's shirt. They didn't obey. She tugged at her arm under Michael's limp body. She raised the gun to where she sensed the person was. Gritting her teeth and struggling to maintain her grip, she murmured menacingly;

"Leave go or go to hell!"

She finally got her eyes to open and looked into Simon's which were clouded with worry.

"You seem to forget princess we live in hell." A smile spread across his face as he easily picked up Michael and laid him on the bed. Nikita struggled into a sitting position.

Her whole right side was on fire and she could feel the blood oozing down underneath her mission jumpsuit. The feeling of it and the dead body that laid inches from her made Nikita's skin crawl. And it was hard to breathe too. Then there was the burning in her chest. Gasping for air, she tried to get to her feet but couldn't.

"Simon, help," she managed to say as she tried to catch her breath. He turned from his examination of Michael when he heard the tone of her voice. The smile left his face as he realized she was hurt worse than he had thought. Gently he picked her up and leaned her against the table.

"Top, off" Nikita managed to get out in between gulping air.

Gingerly he unzipped the jacket that was skin tight over her body armour. Elouette had managed to shoot Nikita twice in a spot left open by the equipment.

"We have to get Walter to do some improvement on the equipment when we get back," he said lightly. "Do you feel any burning?"

Weakly Nikita nodded yes. She was fighting passing out with every shred of self control and will that she had.

She reached out and steadied the world by digging her fingers into Simon's massive shoulder. He was the rock holding her at the top of the cliff and keeping her from falling to the waves below.

Foggily she wondered where that image had come from. Must be from the ocean surf pounding in my head she thought foggily.

"I think she punctured one of your lungs. And I think you've got some internal bleeding. I'm going to get Michael to the van first and then come back for you. Can you hold on til I come back?" Simon asked.

Nikita shook her head and pushed herself off the edge of the table. Black flecks and purple dots flew across her line of vision. She spoke thru the breaks between heavy breaths, "No.. we.. take.. him. Us. Now." Stumbling she went to the bed and swayed in place as Simon carefully lifted Michael into a standing position. Nikita slipped up between his free arm and side. She muffled a cry of pain as his weight settled onto her injured shoulder. He had carried her in worse condition so she was determined to fight through the pain for him.

She also squelched the sobs of pain that gathered in her throat over the sight of him. He had been recently beat, blood still damp on many cuts that covered him.

She slide her arm around his waist and her hand up under his shirt. He felt so thin, she could feel his ribs. His skin felt clammy and his bruises stood out in stark relief on the pallor of his skin.

Guilt washed over her as she realized this was her fault. His behaviour of late had been because of the stress and distance in their relationship. Elements she had let in and allowed to grow. If he had only been the way he was before that last mission together last year. God it's been almost a year!

Her knees started to buckle as they exited the building. She blinked her eyes trying to get rid of the black spots that covered her vision, blocking out objects.

Simon felt the shift in weight and position from the other side of Michael. "Ralph! Jake!", he yelled at the two operatives standing guard at the van. They ran to meet the trio and grabbed Nikita as she started to collapse to the ground. "Careful with her! I'm not sure what been injured in her turso. Get her to the van!"

Jake started to bark clipped bits of information to Birkhoff.

Back at the Section, everyone in Systems had listened intently to the mission as it had unfolded. Early on transmissions from Simon and the rest of the team had been jammed by Madeline's command. All felt a wave of relief as Madeline broke the silence in the Section with Jake's confirmation that they had Michael and he was alive. A shout went up in the area as the news was heard. Operations looked down on the activities from his perch.

So she succeeded. Good for her.

She proved adequate to the task. So maybe this bond of theirs is not only a strength for them but a weakness too. One that can be manipulated for the Section. O.K. we'll go with it for now. I'll milk it for everything it's worth.

The smiles faded when Jake announced that Michael had been badly beaten and was unconscious too. Nikita had been shot twice and Simon had expressed worry over both having internal injuries and bleeding. Jake told them to have medical teams on standby at the transport arrival bay. Madeline's mouth formed a thin line as she looked up to Operations' office. He tipped the glass in his hand in her direction and bowed his head. She knew his gesture meant that she was going to be allowed to have things her way for now. Nikita had proven herself and now she and Michael would be given a chance. If they made it back to Section alive. She turned her face away from Operations' watch and closed her eyes in silent prayer along with a soundless mouthing of "Thank you."

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XIX

As she opened her eyes, all she saw was whiteness. It hurt to look up to the ceiling and for the first time she realized that this place had a smell to it. Maybe that was why Michael doesn't like to spend any time here Nikita thought. Slowly she turned her head, feeling the pulling of the stitches and the adhesive of the bandages. Surprise filled her face as she found Operations standing by her bed. She was even more surprised when he said,

"You've done a good job. You've earned some space for now....Thank you."

He then turned on his heel and left. Nikita laid there for a minute, absorbing what had just happened. Operations had not only praised her but said thank you.

She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again. Then she managed to get into a sitting position. The pain of the maneuver let her know that she hadn't been dreaming. She knew too that Operations would never admit to having been there; let alone having said anything to her.

Carefully she wiggled off the bed and put her bare feet on the cold floor.

It felt good. Her knees felt a little wobbly but that was easy to deal with. All she cared about at the moment was seeing Michael and touching him to make sure it wasn't a dream either.

She peeked out of her room and saw no one in the hall. Silently she padded down the corridor peeking in each doorway. She hoped she wouldn't come face to face with Christine because she knew there would to be hell to pay if she was found out of bed. In the last room in the hall, she found him.

He leaned back against the pillows that were propped up before his back. His eyes appeared to be closed. Nikita hoped that he was sleeping because he looked like he needed it. The monitors he was attached to emitted soft reassuring blips. She took in the IV that he was attached to hoping that it was why his color looked better than it had when she found him.

Dark circles under his eyes made his face appear thinner than she had ever imagined it could. The bruises still stood out on Michael's face as well as various cuts. Nikita reached out to grasp his hand that laid on the bed. She curled her fingers through his and squeezed. His hand was warm and she could feel the latent strength in it.

Relief flooded through her and she sunk to her knees besides the bed, no longer sure if her legs could hold her up. He was real and he was alive. She wrapped her other hand around their intertwined fingers and rested her forehead against them. She closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer. As crazy as it seemed she actually felt a measure of happiness.

There was a lot of work to repair their relationship ahead but she was willing and yes even eager to do it. Overcoming the prohibition of operative relationships was another subject. But that was something they could worry about later.

Michael felt her presence as soon as she entered the room. He struggled to get the shell he was trapped in to obey him but it was becoming harder and harder. He threw himself against the wall in his mind again. Trying to get even a shudder out of it, but nothing happened. He let out an almost inhuman scream of rage and frustration and hammered at it with both fists.

"Nikita! Help me! Help me find a way out of here! I can't do it alone!" His rage triggered something in his body and slowly his eyelids opened and his eyes stared out into the room.

In his prison he moaned as she stood and slowly lifted his hand to kiss his fingers.

"Mon ame`" he whispered. He wanted to reach out and touch her but his force of will was just not strong enough to make his body do it.

Nikita looked at him again and smiled as she realized his eyes were open. A smile lit up her face as she said softly,

"Hey there, welcome back." Her words were greeted with silence. "Michael?"

Still no response, she was beginning to get puzzled. With her free hand, she took his chin in her hand and tilted his face to hers. Nikita sucked air in through her teeth.

There was no recognition or light in Michael's eyes. Two empty orbs of dark quiet green stared back at her. "Michael, you're scaring me. What are you doing? What game are you playing?"

"He's not playing a game at all, Nikita."

She turned her head at the spoken words. "What do you mean, Madeline?" , she asked as she looked back at Michael's eyes. They continued to stare unknowingly at her.

Madeline stopped next to Nikita and sighed softly then she spoke. "He's been like this ever since you brought him in. I've been trying to reach him for four days."

Nikita let go of his chin and Michael's head sagged down. His gaze returning to the space in front of him. Nikita felt a shiver slither down her spine like a snake. Fear was wrapping itself around her insides. He'd been like this for 4 days. Maybe longer. She was scared to hear what Madeline was going to say but she forced herself to listen.

"He's in a withdrawn state as a result of whatever she's put him through. It's a response to mental trauma. I've seen him do this before but not for this long. We were able to reach him last time. I wish I knew what she's done. But I certainly can't ask her. Simon saw to that."

Nikita stood limply by the bed. Her mood darken by Madeline's words. Her mother had been like this before the last boyfriend had kicked her out onto the streets. Drug induced catatonia they had told her it was. No hope of recovery. They didn't have insurance and so the state had stepped in to institutionalize her mother. Nikita could feel the hair standing up on the back of her neck as she broke out in a sweat. Her heart began to beat wildly and her eyes grew wide. Madeline saw the change in her and knew that Nikita was remembering her mother. She reached out and place her hand on Nikita's shoulder. Her skin was cold and slick. A tremour ran down her body. Nikita looked over at her, terror was plain in her eyes.

"He can't go into a place like that Madeline. Not like they did to my mother. Jesus.." She turned from the bed, running her hand over her head and hair. She leaned against the wall, rubbing her slick palms up and down her thighs. "Do you know what that pit was like Madeline? How it terrified me? I was almost 13 years old and totally alone. The guy who made her get that way threw me out of the house. Put me on the streets. I lived that way for almost 12 years. On and off. Going from place to place. Finding work as I could. But how can you stay in a job with no where to call home. No place to put your stuff. Just a statistic in the newspaper.

"I saw her a couple of times. They moved her from place to place. I last saw her when I was about 16. She was only 32 but looked like 70. I never looked back or tried to find out what became of her. I just wanted to survive." She pushed herself away from the wall and slowly backed out of the room, her hands in front of her in a defense position. "I can't deal with this!" She turned and stalked from the room.

Madeline sighed loudly and grabbed Michael's hand. She squeezed his hand tightly.

"Fight back, Michael. We want you back among us. She needs you. She loves you. You owe each other. Don't make this a one sided deal." She squeezed his hand again and went to find Nikita.

Michael had listened intently to Nikita and Madeline's conversation. Now he knew more about what made Nikita fight everything so much. It was the only way she knew. She had received the worst of life for a long time and wasn't able to just accept things. For so long she had just focused on her own survival that to see how she fit into the bigger picture was almost impossible. She was learning but still just didn't have an instinctive knack for it. Now he understand why when he had insisted she look at the 'bigger picture' and not just herself, she would fix him with a painful look. She was only doing what she had always done. Finding a way to survive.

As Madeline turned from the bed, she found Nikita standing against the door jamb. There was a look of determination on her face that had replaced the one of terror.

Nikita took a deep breath and asked, "How do we reach him? What do we have to do?" Madeline smiled. Nikita was coming right back to tackle a problem she was very fearful of. But because her bond with Michael was stronger, she was willing to face down the fear to help him. She had climbed up another rung on her ladder of emotional maturity.

"We've started on the way already. Healing him physically is the first step. Hand in hand with that is healing him mentally. That is where you come in Nikita. You were doing it before. You need to do it again. You reached his heart when no one else could. Reach for it again. It belongs to you anyway. Whether he can admit it or not."

"But will he Madeline? Will he let me in this time? He was responsive and alert then. Not a shell like this."

"He was a talking shell of a man before. He's just not talking now. I know you have the strength and determination to do it. You have the feelings to go with it too." She patted Nikita on the shoulder as she left the room. Nikita waited til she felt Madeline was out of earshot and then went to Michael.

She sat on the bed and gently placed his arm around her. Then she laid her head lightly on his chest. Quietly she stayed listening to the beating of his heart and the slow steady rhythm of his breathing. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. With great control, she gradually exhaled. She moved her head back to look up at him. She followed the direction of his stare with her own, trying to figure out what he was seeing. Softly she began to speak.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I only wanted to get a reaction out of you. I wanted you to tell me you loved me or something like that. I couldn't stand the silence but even worse I couldn't stand the distance you were putting between us. I know now why you were doing it but I didn't understand it then. I couldn't have gone through with making love to Jurgen. I was just playing a part like I had seen you do so many times. I didn't think he'd actually fall for it. I just wanted to make you mad enough to fight with me and let me see the feeling Michael.

"I don't like.. I don't love the machine you become. I love the man behind the defensive wall. The one who stopped me from killing myself. The one who let me go even though it almost killed him. The one who make love to me on the boat. Where is he?" Tears started to fall down Nikita's face. She lowered her head and let the sobs come out.

Michael hung his head in pain. She was pouring her heart out and he couldn't respond to her. He wanted to so much but he still could get past the wall in front of him. He glowered at it. He could feel her out there. Leaning against his chest and sobbing the way she was.

He wanted to wrap his arms tight around her and make her hurt go away.

"Nikita I'm here. I'm trying but I can't figure this out. I can't break the silence. This wall won't go away. Don't give up on me and please don't leave me."

Madeline and Christine found Nikita curled around Michael in the bed about an hour later. Her right arm and leg protectively laid across him.

"She looks more at peace than she has in weeks" Christine commented.

Madeline nodded in agreement. Michael's eyes were likewise closed and he appeared to be sleeping. "What did the toxicology tests show Christine?"

Christine scratched her chin as she considered her answer.

"Lots. Everything was shot to hell. I can't tell you the last time he had a proper meal. She'd been giving different opiate derivatives. I don't think there are any addiction worries or that this catatonic state is drug induced. I don't know all of Michael's history but I know most of his life has not be easy. I've only known him since Simone had the baby. He has hidden a lot that eats at him. He keeps it walled away but I think this time the wall got him. Eloise..I mean Elouette was using the drugs to keep him off balance and susceptible to the mind games she was probably playing with him.

"If she was the daughter of the man who originally messed with Michael's mind, she knew exactly where to hit him. Exactly where, with what and how hard. People like that are dangerous. I have no trouble thanking God she's dead. Anyone who can do this to another human being ought to be.

"At least Michael was in fantastic shape before this all started. Most people would make a pact with the devil to be have as healthy as he was. Yeah he's got lots of old injuries from the physical punishment he heaps on himself. But they haven't take a toll on him. Physically he can come back from this just as he was before. I'm a little worried about his right arm. The shoulder was dislocated and it was manually reset. Not by the gentlest of ways either. There might be some residual nerve damage. We'll have to see."

Madeline gave a small laugh. "You are something. We will have to take more time to talk in the future. I'd like to know what made you the way you are."

Now it was Christine's turn to laugh. "Clareinne thinks the same thing. Only she wants to know so I don't yell at her all the time. Let's leave them alone. They both need the rest."

For the next week, Nikita and Madeline worked diligently with Michael. Nikita had decided that she was just going to camp out in his room until he looked at her with recognition in his eyes. Her intense focus began to affect her by the end of the week. She was wearing down but refused to admit it to herself or give in to it. He needed her right now.

An orderly checked on Michael and gave a small nod to Nikita who leaned against the wall across the room from his bed. She gave a small smile to him as he left and dimmed the lights. She slide down the wall and rested her forehead in her folded arms. She was being to feel hopeless again there had been no response at all from him. Not even a flicker across his eyes or an involuntary spasm of a muscle; except when he was asleep. Then she could see the effect the dreams or more accurately his nightmares were having on him.

Madeline and Christine had warned her that this would happen. Just because he wasn't reacting didn't mean that he wasn't still thinking or trying to interact. She looked up as she sensed movement in the room.

Madeline had entered and after briefly checking on Michael, came over and sat next to Nikita. They both gazed blankly across the room for several moments before Madeline broke the silence. In the soft light of the room, the dark circles under her eyes and the drawn texture to Nikita's face only seemed more apparent.

"You must not lose sight of your own needs while trying to fulfill his, Nikita. Exhausting yourself to the point of collapse does not help either of you. Sleep is a great way to rejuvenate yourself. And I know that you have not been getting much lately. When was the last night you slept all the way through?"

Nikita shrugged. She tried to remember the last time she had slept that long. "I guess that night I went to his cabin. I cried myself to sleep. Didn't wake up til dawn. Probably could have slept longer if.." Suddenly she was on her feet in one fluid movement as Michael respond to something in his sleep. His one hand dug at the sheet and one leg moved slightly under the covers. Nikita leaned over him, brushing a lock of hair off of his forehead and tucking another behind his ear.

"This is why I don't sleep. I wake every time he moves. No words just the digging with his hands and this swimming like movement of his legs. I wish I knew what he was seeing in there."

Madeline had gotten up and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Don't give in to hopelessness Nikita. It will sap your soul when you're not expecting it to."

Nikita gave a wan smile and looked at her with a sideways glance. "I don't have to worry about it sneaking up on me. It's been sitting in the waiting room for a while now. Just patiently passing the time til it gets what it wants."

Madeline squeezed her shoulder and then said, "Just keep in mind how you feel about him. That will make your visitor staying in that waiting room."

While Madeline and Nikita talked, Michael was having the same nightmare he had been experiencing since his capture. His father held Merle and Nikita was on her knees with her head hung down next to him. His mother held a gun to Nikita's head, the trigger cocked. Simone stalked around the group. Bitter curses and incriminations were hurled at him. His father called him worthless, soulless, murderer. His mother the same but also about abandoning Paige. Simone cursed him for leaving her and allowing her torture to go on for so long.

Then when she released him he had the audacity to push away everything that could be good in his life. Where was his heart? He attempted to block them out but there just wasn't any way to do it. He tried to pound at the wall, to break it down and get away from them. He couldn't wake up! He had always been able to before and now he couldn't. He dug at the wall with his fingers and kicked it with his feet.

It never moved. But something was different tonight. Elouette was here and she was pushing against the wall too, showing him how she could move it. She showed him how she could step through it . He could because he wasn't human. He wasn't real.

He could hear Nikita crying and then a shot rang out. He couldn't turn to see the aftermath. He knew the answer. A scream broke from his throat as he begged it to stop....

Michael sat bolt upright in bed. His eyes were wide open and his fingers tore at the sheets.

"Arretez-le! No! Lachez-me!" Tears pour down his face and he tried to get up from the bed.

Nikita grabbed his shoulders saying his name over and over again. He struggled with her as Madeline dashed from the room shouting for Christine. Michael was in a panic and his state was pushing Nikita close to the same thing. She couldn't control his movements and they both fell to the floor. His strength still amazed her, as immobile as he had been he still was a match for her.

He could hear her saying his name over and over again. He turned and saw Nikita on the floor, blood spreading away from her. Simone stood there watching the widening spot. She looked up at Michael and smiled.

"Kinda the way you left me wasn't it? Couldn't take what had been given you. Why did you waste it? Not pure enough for you. Can't love with blinders on Michael. Humans can't do that." Elouette had started to laugh hysterically at that,

"He's not real remember! Heartless means can't love!" Simone grabbed the baby from his grandfather and set him down in the puddle. Vomit rose in Michael's throat at her next words.

"What a fitting baptism for my precious little one. Just as your father and I lived in blood, so you will always be. Fitting don't you think my love. Blood red is just his color." He flinched as he felt his mother's hand on his cheek. It was cold and leathery. "It's your time to join us. You're just as good as dead anyway. Soulless little bastard." He closed his eyes tight and screamed again as he heard another gunshot. This one ripped through him and slammed him into the wall behind him. He felt it give as he hit it and then blackness.

Nikita tried to keep Michael from hurting himself with his violent movements. He had struck out at one point and caught her in the side of the face by her eye. She could feel it swelling and knew she was going to have a black eye. She jerked away as he screamed again.

Suddenly he convulsed as if hit in the chest and then fell backwards to the floor. His breath came in ragged gasps much like Nikita's own. Parts of his body twitched involuntarily. Nikita stayed on her hands and knees, ready to react if he started again. She shook from head to toe, having not expected a reaction like that from him. Slowly she made her way to him and reached out to touch him.

He was slick with sweat and absolutely ice cold. She looked up wide eyed as Christine burst into the room with two orderlies. Following close behind was Madeline

"What the hell was this, Christine?!!!" she screamed at the doctor as she helped the orderlies place Michael's limp form back into bed.

Christine shook her head, "I don't know. First get a hold of yourself and then tell me what happened. Maybe he's coming out of this finally."

Nikita slowly got to her feet. She was still shaking hard. Michael's actions had been a shock to her. She had been caught off guard and being so physically and mentally exhausted, she couldn't get control of herself again. She swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around herself. She staggered to the bed and looked down on his now peaceful figure.

"He just went crazy. Madeline and I were talking when he started those movements that you and I had figured were from him acting out his nightmares. But this time he opened his eyes and was screaming in French and crying. I tried to keep him in bed but he was too strong. He was in a panic like he was trying to get away. We fell to the floor. Somehow he managed to hit me."

Gingerly she reached up to her cheekbone which was already bruising as well as swollen. "He screamed again and then he had like a convulsion and fell away from to where you picked him up. His eyes were so wide. Christine, I never seen him so terrified. He didn't respond to me at all, just what was in the dream I guess. He just wanted to get away from whatever was happening in his mind."

Christine frowned and looked at the figures that one of the orderlies had written down.

"His vitals are fair. Pulse and blood pressure are elevated but that's from what just happened. I'm going to run a new set of CAT scans. See if anything has changed from the last ones." She pointed at Nikita, her expression and tone indicating that she was not open to compromises or begging.

Nikita was still shaking but was now trying not to cry. Tears shimmered in her eyes.

With sternness Christine said, "You are going to be given a sedative. No arguments. You will go to another room and get some rest. You are about ready to snap yourself."

Nikita opened her mouth but was cut off by Christine's words. "I will not take any refusals. If you fight me, I will call in help and have them restrain you. Do I mean myself clear Nikita?"

Silently Nikita nodded.

Christine addressed herself to Madeline next. "I'm pulling rank here so to speak. Madeline you take Nikita to a room and you will wait with her until she lets the sedative take effect. You will report to me if she does not cooperate. Understand?"

Madeline blinked and then a smile slightly curved her lips.

"Perfectly." she replied.

Sensing defeat, she allowed Madeline to guide her from Michael's room. As they past thru the door, Nikita turned to look once again at Michael. She groaned and squeezed herself tighter. She was scared silly at the moment and didn't know what to expect next.

There was silence, he could detect no movement. Carefully Michael opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. He wasn't in the room Elouette had imprisoned him in. But he wasn't sure where here was anyway. The room vaguely reminded him of a Medlab room at the Section. But he didn't remember being extracted or having been able to escape. And he knew that Elouette would not just have let him go. The only thing he was sure of though was getting out of where ever "here" was. He shook his head, trying to clear it. His thoughts were still a little shaky and convoluted.

Michael eased himself down off the bed. With practiced fingers he removed the IV from his arm and applied pressure til the flow of blood stopped. Nonchalantly he wiped his fingers on the sheets while he continued his investigation of the bed. He tensed as he heard a sound. Someone was coming up the hall. He melted into the shadows against the wall. Whoever was coming in was going down.

Wearily Christine rubbed the back of her neck as she went to check on Michael again. She had not wanted to tell Nikita but she was worried that he may have suffered the first of many psychotic events. There had been no witnesses to everything that he had been put through so she had no way of being sure on how to deal with any of the aftermath.

Especially with the catatonic state he was in. Madeline has expressed the concern that he might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and the tense therapy she would have to have with him to elevate its effects.

Christine had allowed herself to feel anger at that; he wasn't even healed yet and Madeline was thinking about putting him back in the field. Damn them! These operatives weren't machines! Sometimes she resented the Section for the way they treated everyone. Someday she was going to remind Madeline and Operations what being human meant. She wouldn't have to give Michael that lesson though; he was probably well aware of it now. With a sigh, she entered the room and barely had it register that his bed was empty before she was slammed face first into the wall.

Michael watched with satisfaction as the intruder slid to the floor unconscious. He was not about to let anyone stop him from escaping this time. Moving with the silence and stealth that were among his best weapons, he made his way from the medical rooms to an open hallway. He moved slowly down the length of it until he came to an open alcove. He ducked in and found himself in a roomful of weapons. He grabbed one from the bench in the center of the room. Palming some ammo from the table, he slipped out and using the shadows that rested everywhere, he left the Section. He decided to head to the one place he could feel safe and figure out how to get back to Section One.

Nikita's eyes snapped open in the empty room. Everything was quiet but something didn't feel right. She knew she was alone, Madeline had obviously gone back to her own room. She sensed that there was an awful lot of activity outside. Puzzled, she climbed out of bed and opened the door. She was just in time to see Operations and Birkhoff hurry into Michael's room. Dreading the worse possible scenario, she ran to the room down the hall, her heart beating madly in her throat. Birkhoff was talking and Christine was laying on Michael's bed; another doctor checking her eyes with a pen light.

"...no intruders. He was acting on his own. He's up and on the move. The cameras caught him."

Birkhoff waved a disk in the air as he spoke to Operations, Walter, Madeline and Christine.

Nikita knew that this was not a good development but she had a difficult time suppressing the giggles that surfaced when she took in Birkhoff's red plaid flannel pajamas. All she could think of was Radar from M*A*S*H. She sincerely wondered whether or not he had a teddy bear. One giggle was able to escape and caught everyone's attention.

Birkhoff was the first to turn.

Pointing at her, he yelled, "Don't !" A full laugh erupted from Nikita at his angry expression.

Operations and Madeline both suppressed their reactions but their eyes belied what they really wanted to do.

Nikita composed her lips to stop her giggles and shook her head. "Sorry, Birky but I can't...it must be the sedative." The humour of the situation helped to relieve some of the tension.

However when Nikita looked at Walter, it was plain to see that he hadn't gotten the joke. He still appeared very serious. The gravity of the situation came back to her.

"Michael came to and took off, didn't he?" She fixed Operations with a stony look. With his mouth thinning into a thin frown, he nodded. Nikita turned to Walter next. She didn't even have to ask him before he answered.

"Set out on the bench for you. Take a unit too. Just in case."

"Do you remember the alarm code, Nikita?" Birkhoff asked.

Wordlessly she nodded and then quickly exited. She knew where he was headed. He was going to the one place where he would feel safe and at peace; the only place she had felt the same way recently. He was headed home.

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XX

He entered the cabin and leaned up against the door. He finally felt like he could breathe. Michael had taken a long time to get there, taking as many side roads as he could to lose anyone who might have been following him. He was fairly certain that no one had.

Moonlight poured in from the windows and was enough to let him see his way around. He noticed the two glasses on the coffee table instantly. Michael knew they weren't from him.

Someone has been here. I don't leave dishes in the living room.

Wordlessly in one smooth motion he pulled the gun he stole from the back of his pants and cocked it. The sound of the bullet sliding into the chamber seemed to echo around the room. He stopped, holding his breathe and listening for the most minute of noises.

After several moments, he was on the move again. With the grace and furtiveness of a cat, he crossed the remaining part of the room to the spiral staircase.

With the barrel of the gun leading the way in front of him, he ascended the staircase. He crouched at the top, slowing pivoting in a circle with the weapon pointing out from him. Still holding the gun but now directing it at the floor, he checked out the room.

It was obvious to him that someone had slept in his bed other than him. It just didn't look the way he would normally leave it. He was beginning to feel like one of the three bears and Goldilocks had been there.

Michael was starting to get angry. Someone has been in his home and not with his permission.

That bitch was here. She was in my private things....Merde..the painting! He hurried over to the empty easel on the other end of the room. In shock he stared at the space.

She took the painting!

She knows! His jaw tensed with this knowledge; he knew that some how she would use it against him. He knew that it would become another tool in her arsenal to use in order to return him to Red Cell. It was evidence of a weakness. One that could be used against him and Nikita too.

Fool! She tosses you aside and you still fais les yeux doux a elle! Forget about her! Concentrate on the problem at hand. Elouette has been here. This place is no longer safe. She will use what she has found here to ruin you! Michael blinked rapidly as he looked around the room. In the back of his mind he knew he wasn't thinking clearly or rationally. Nor was he behaving that way. Elouette was the cause of it. She was out to make him the downfall of Section One . One of us will die before I let that happen! I will not be used against the Section. Even if maybe they deserve it for what they've done to me and to Nikita.

Michael swallowed hard at the thought of her again. She had made her feelings clear enough to him before this mess had all started. He had pined like a schoolboy for weeks. For the second time in as many minutes he had reminded himself of that fact. He had known the folly of it but still allowed himself to keep at it. It had to stop; he had to make a decision.

He mentally and physically shook himself. He was not willing to forgive and forget her last betrayal or the bitter words she had thrown at him. He'd given her a part of him that he had kept hidden from everyone for a long time. She had smacked him down for the last time. Both literally and figuratively. He knew he would have a hell of a time fighting the feelings she had awakened in him. But he had closed them off before, he could do it again.

To him it was the only they both could survive.

Nikita approached the cabin carefully. She knew he was there, a Section car was parked right out front. When she reached the door, she pulled the gun she had taken from Walter's alcove. She took a deep breathe and reached for the doorknob. It wasn't closed tightly. Softly she swung it open. As it moved to the wall, it squeaked. Michael stiffened at the faint squeak from downstairs. Someone was entering the cabin. He readied his weapon again. He positioned himself by the top of the staircase. Who ever Elouette has sent for him, they were in for a surprise. He wasn't going back. And if he did, it would be as a corpse this time. Come on Elouette. I'm all set for you. We'll see who's in control now....

Stealthily Nikita approached the staircase. Something told her that he was up there. With her weapon pointed up and ahead of her, she climbed the stairs. About 6 steps from the top, she felt Michael's foot connect with the side of her head. It caught her off guard and slammed her back against the railing. She slipped down about halfway before her jacket caught on part of the wrought iron decorations. Before she was in complete command of her senses and body she was aware of hands digging into the front of her jacket and hauling her up the stairs.

Michael dragged the intruder up the stairs and threw the limp form on the bed. He pinned it there with his knee in its chest and the gun to its forehead. Nikita blinked several times, attempting to clear the cobwebs from her head. Black spots raced from side to side before her eyes. It was difficult to get any air in her lungs too. Focusing she found herself staring at the barrel of a gun and the dead machine man eyes of Michael. Eerily the words of a song popped into her head

"Whatever I've done

I've been staring down the barrel of a gun"

Still acting foggy, she whispered in response to her thoughts spinning in her head,

"I know I forgive."

Michael pulled back a little in response to her whispers.

"What did you say? Repete, salope!"

The bit of space he gave her was all she needed. One arm swung up and knocked the gun away.

The other she used to grab at his waistband and pull sideways towards the side of the bed. She heaved herself up violently and rolled to her right at the same time.

Michael was surprised by her movement. He slipped on the bedclothes tangled on the floor and fought for his balance. He thought of going for the gun but changed his mind as he saw the woman roll back to her feet. He went at her as she came out of her crouch.

Nikita came up fighting. She knew Michael was still caught up in whatever streak of madness or dream was going on in his head. He was a madman and she was in real danger. Michael has always protect her from the worst before but now he was it and there was no protection from him.

She struck at his face with a closed fist. He pulled away at the last second but still caught some of her punch. She wasn't able to dodge his backslap slipping on the smooth tiles and caught the full blow. Nikita felt her lip split and taste blood as she staggered back. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she danced away from him.

She keep her eyes on him trying to judge his next move. He studied her as well. There was no recognition in his eyes. Nikita suppressed a shudder and attempted to break through whatever was holding him under its spell.

"Michael. Can you hear me? Do you know who I am? It's Nikita. Don't make me hurt you." Be serious girl! You hurt him!? Don't be so damn blonde! She dismissed her inner voice. Doubt or showing her fear of him was going to get her killed. She dodged him as he lunged at her.

Michael was becoming enraged. She was teasing him and egging him on. He didn't like that. He was not in the mood for this cat and mouse game this girl was playing. She had circled around so that her back was to the bed. Her stance was defensive and yeah she was good and strong but not really a match for him. A slow lazy smile came to his lips and his eyes drooped half shut.

Elouette would have sent her best after him. It would be fun to watch another one of her pets die.

This time Nikita couldn't stop her tremour of fear. He intended to kill her. She could tell by his expression. She moved slowly towards the stairs. If she could make those she could make it outside and maybe get a tranq from the car. She cursed herself for not bringing one in with her.

She tried to gage the distance without taking her eyes from him. Suddenly her foot hit something hard. Automatically she looked down to see what is was and knew in that split second she had made her worst mistake. Michael saw her attention diverted for that precious second and sprang at her. He grabbed her by the throat and with an animal like noise drove her back onto the bed.

A loud "No!!" burst from her lips as he drove her backwards. She tried to stop their backward momentum by planting her feet and shoving up against his chest.

She felt the hard muscles beneath the material of his shirt and knew she could stop him that way.

Her voice shook with fear as she said, "Michael! Stop it's me Nikita!" He didn't listen and kept pushing. She tried to break his hold by thrusting her hands up between his forearms and pushing.

He's so god damn strong! Where do you get it from? She kicked at his knee viciously. He gave a small noise of pain but didn't release his hold.

Then she tried to sweep a leg out from under him. She only succeeded in unbalancing herself.

Michael felt her lack of purchase and twisted towards the bed. Nikita felt the movement sideways of his upper body and next thing felt her feet leave the floor. He threw her and himself back to the bed. Michael straddled her hips and started to squeeze. I'm going to die in his bed before I ever get he chance ... Her thought went uncompleted as she felt him begin to close off her windpipe.

Nikita tried to twist but couldn't because both his knees had caught the edges of her jacket. She grabbed at both his wrists and pulled as hard as she could. She locked eyes with him trying to get him to recognize her.

"Micha, it's kita. Plea..se you're ..urting me."

Nikita let go of one of his wrists and swung at his face again. She hit his jaw with all the force she could but he didn't flinch. She smacked at him again. His head moved sideways but there was still no reaction, no giving of ground. She was starting to get desperate.

Panic was setting in as she struggled under him. He was going to strangle her. She could feel the chain holding the wedding band around her neck begin to dig into the skin. Nikita could feel the area around her wounded shoulder begin to get warm and sticky. She knew she was bleeding again, heavily. The wounds were no where close to being well healed. It has to be getting on his hands by now.

Doesn't he see it? MICHAEL!!!!

"An't ....eathe. Stop..Mi..."

"What did you do with it?" He demanded as he applied more pressure.

"Wha..?" Things were starting to swim before her eyes.

"My painting!"

"Mi.." Very little light was left. Everything was blurred. His heavy breathing echoed in her ears.

Weakly she hit at his forearms. Both arms flopped down as the last wisps of consciousness started to leave her.

"Why? What gave you the right , Elouette?"

Nikita gave a faint gurgle and a convulsion wrecked her body, then she was still. Michael growled and let go. He grabbed a handful of her jacket near her throat with his fist and jerked upwards. The chain she had been wearing around her neck snapped and fell out from around her neck and against his hand. The ring rolled onto the bed next to Nikita's hair which hung down to the sheets. A small trickle of blood slide down the collar of her jacket and soaked into the sheet, joining with the blood that had already seeped from her clothes, surrounding the ring.

Still holding a handful of her jacket, he grabbed the ring from the bed and held it up. Then he noticed the blood on the ring and on his hands. Memories flashed before him like lightening bolts and voices like peals of rolling thunder. He released his hold on Nikita and she limply fell back to the wet sheets. Putting the ring on his finger in Madeline's office. Then on her finger. The rings in a box on his dresser. Cages. An explosion. Seeing Nikita through flames.

Making love to her on the boat. Nikita smacking him in the face with his gun. Another explosion. Elouette with a knife. Elouette talking about his parents. About Nikita. The wall. He staggered off the bed and to the center of the room. He trembled from head to toe. He put the finger on his ring still experiencing memory flashes and half remembered conversations. Two of Elouette's operatives beating him and being unable to respond.

Nikita and Elouette holding guns on each other. Elouette firing at Nikita and the sensation of falling. The room at Medlab. Nikita laying against his chest and telling him why she had betrayed him. He stood transfixed, staring slack jawed at the ring. He swayed slightly on his feet, still breathing heavily.

Michael didn't hear Nikita groan as she came to. He didn't hear her roll to the floor and crawl to the railing on the staircase. She grabbed a part of the metal and pulled herself up hand over hand.

She leaned against the cold metal trying to get air to flow into her lungs. She was dizzy and pain hammered relentlessly against the inside of her head and her shoulder. She couldn't focus and all she could hear was a roaring rushing wind. Tears rolled down her face. She had to get away.

Nikita pitched forwards as she tried to walk. Trying to balance in vain she swung around the support that went to the ceiling. Her foot slide off the top step, her momentum carried her forward. Losing her grip on the support she fell down the staircase.

That dream. Crashing through the wall. Hurting Christine and then here and attacking.... He turned at the sound of Nikita crying out and her body hitting the curve of the railing. He turned shouting,

"Nikita!" In a panic, he followed her. She laid on her back, partially on the staircase and the rest of her on the tile in the room below. Reaching her, he pulled her up against him. His hands moved rapidly up and down her, feeling for a pulse, her breathe and anything broken. She whimpered and flinched at his touch, fearful he was going to attack her again. In relief, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to him, burying his face in her hair.

Nikita tried to push him away. She just wanted to get away from him before he could hurt her again. In a voice barely above a whisper and hoarse with pain, she said

"Let me go." She tried to push his face away from her head but he pushed her hand away and struggled to get them both to their feet. This time, with Michael off balance she was able to pull away from him. She only managed a couple of steps before she sank to her hands and knees.

Michael grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to her feet. Nikita protested weakly as he propelled to the stairs. She tried to grab part of the railing and go dead weight at the same time.

"Nikita, stop fighting me. I'm not going to hurt you. I opened up your shoulder wound again. Let me take care of it." Holding onto her waist, he pried her fingers from the railing. He succeeded in making her let go and started up a step but she grabbed on again.

Her strength was returning and she started to struggle more strongly in his arms. He managed to get half way up before he stumbled against the railing, pinning her against it.

"No!!!" She screamed as she realized the position she was in. He could throw her over the railing.

She started to flail wildly in his grasp. Michael let go of her waist and wrapped her in a bear hug.

"Ma coeur. Arrete! It is just me, Michael. The madman is gone. I won't hurt you. I want to look at your shoulder. It is bleeding badly. Please let me get you upstairs. I promise you can leave and not look back after that. Just let me make sure you will be o.k."

Michael exhaled deeply as she quieted in his arms. He let go of her and together they climbed the rest of the steps. Each supporting the other.

When they got upstairs Michael guided Nikita to the bed and set her down on the edge of it. He turned on the small light over the bed, dimly lighting the area right around it. She was quiet and offered no protest as he knelt down in front of her. Slowly and carefully he unzipped her jacket.

She wore a black short sleeve t-shirt. Blood clung to the exposed skin of her arm and to her neck.

Michael looked up into her pain filled eyes with his own. He reached out to touch her cheek only to have her turn away from him. Tears spilled down her face as she bit her lower lip to keep her raw sobs from being too loud.

Michael got up and went in the bathroom. Nikita heard running water.

Staring down at the ring, she thought of getting up and running from the cabin. Running far enough away so that she didn't have to face him for a long while. With her other hand to began to play with the ring rocking slightly back and forth on the edge of the bed. But that would be the child's way out. Running from what you were afraid of. No, she was going to stay here and face it.

She wasn't going to be that scared little girl anymore. Too many things had happened and she had experienced too many emotions in the past few weeks to go back to that point again. Michael started to exit the bathroom but stopped and watched her for a moment. She was deep in thought, playing with the ring she wore on her finger. He glanced down on the one that he had place on his own a little earlier. He was unsure about how and why she had them, he was going to ask her though. He wondered if she realized how the rings were what saved her life. It had only been the distraction that his ring falling from her neck had caused that had stopped him. He felt guilt and shame for what he had done. Silently he cursed life for the turns it had taken and the ride he had been forced to endure. With a sigh, he pushed a few strands of hair out of his face and went back to her.

She started as he got close to her again. He reached down and pulled the hem of her t-shirt out f her waist band. She looked up at him with wide troubled eyes. Nikita saw no malice only pain guilt and concern. She forced herself to relax as he tugged the shirt over her head and off. She winced at his sharp intake of breath as he took in the wounds and other bruises that she knew showed on her torso. Carefully he sat down on the bed next to her and used the wet cloth from the bathroom to wipe the blood from her arm, neck and around the areas on her shoulder.

"I have it at my place," Nikita offered softly. She turned her head to face him.

Michael looked up at her, trying to think what she meant by her statement.

He put the cloth on the bed and using both hands smoothed her hair back off her face. He slide his hands over her head to the nape of her neck and then gently touched the bruise that had begun to dark along her temple where he had first hit her. He deeply regretted everything he had done to her. He knew this had happened because of the raging emotions he had held for too long within himself. Each bruise and cut on her was the result of it. He cursed himself.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry. What do you have at your place?" He picked up the cloth again and lightly worked at her shoulder. He closed his eyes, praying silently for there to be some way to make the pain they both were feeling go away.

Nikita lifted a hand and brought his face level with hers again. His eyes were closed but he opened them to look at her.

"I have the painting. I found it here and brought it home so that's I'd at least have something of you. Some evidence of the way I hoped you felt about me and not the show that you were putting on. At least that's what I thought then."

He took a deep breathe and wrapped his own fingers around the ones holding his chin. He brought them up to his lips and gently kissed them; the whole time keeping his gaze on her.

"Is that why you have the rings too?"

She nodded yes and then said, "I needed to feel close to you and to find out the real you." She suddenly pulled her hand away from him and got up from the bed. She walked out into the center of the room, her arms wrapped around her. Darkness deepening around her the further into the room she went.

She swallowed hard and roughly went on. "I came here because I thought that maybe here I could find some answers. Fill in the blanks so to say. I'm in love with you but I don't know 'you'. Some many unanswered things. I loved a man who I didn't know and now wouldn't get to know because he was dead. I'd never felt that way before. I never want to feel that way again. I had pushed you away because I was hurt and scared. But death had pushed you away so far I didn't have a chance to make it up to you, to explain it to you. On the boat, I knew the real you. That was the man I was in love with. Not the cold aloof but jealous guy I was seeing in the Section."

Michael stood up and went into the bathroom. He came out again with gauze and tape. He went over to her and quickly bandaged her shoulder. Then he went over to the dresser and pulled out a long sleeved shirt. Silently he handed it to her and then went back to sit on the bed. He leaned over and placed his head in his hands. Quietly they stayed where they were.

She pulled on the shirt he had given her.

"You're not the same as you were 3 years ago. You're different. You've changed. And that's my fault. But you didn't fight it either. You let yourself change. I need to know if I can deal with that change. The things I've seen you do lately are not the things the Nikita of then would have done. I guess I need a why." He didn't look up as he talked. He was afraid to meet her eyes. Right now he was scared of what he was feeling. For the first time in many years, he was completely unsure of himself and the situation. He couldn't predict what her reaction would be so he waited.

"No I'm not. Not the same in my eyes. Not the same in yours. And yes you are responsible for some of that change. You put me on a pedestal and expected me to stay there. I'm not perfect. I don't belong there." She paused and painfully swallowed then went on.

"Yeah maybe I looked self confident and fearless on the outside but I was just a scared little girl on the inside. Coming to Section One and meeting you, I was an immature child faced with being an adult in a very dark adult world where death was the only constant thing."

Michael looked up, shaking his head. "No not immature, just untried in many ways. You were shown the world but the wrong side. I should have let you show me instead."

"I wasn't ready to do that, Michael. I don't think I'm even ready now. Not ready for this 'adult relationship' of ours. All my life I felt abused and abandoned. I didn't know what a healthy functional relationship was. I still don't. What we've had going on certainly can't be called that."

She gave a bitter laugh and went back to sit down next to him.

"I don't understand why you have such a hard time understanding me and my motives. I have not made it very secretive to you about my caring very much for you Nikita. At least I don't see it that way. I have opened myself up to you unlike I have ever done before. Even with Simone. She and I never talked about our childhoods, our feelings or why we were the way we were. It was just us and then."

It was his turn to get up and pace. He pushed his hair out of his face again. "After I lost her and our son, I closed myself off. It was the only way I could survive. Just push everything behind that wall in my head and not think about any of those things. I had lost my soul long before that because of what I had done to my parents and God knows how many other innocent people. I could not live with the man I was. I learned that emotions, feelings relationships. Anything of a personal nature like that made you vulnerable. Vulnerabilities were and are weaknesses. They can be used to manipulate you and allow others to have control over you and those you care about. Those weaknesses can kill or get you killed."

"I understand all about survival. I spent too long on my own not to know about it. For years there was only myself to rely on. At 13 I was completely alone with my catatonic stoned out mother in a state run institution and no family I could think of. I don't even remember what my father looked like. My mother always said she was an orphan. I didn't know anything different than that. So the streets became my home. Place to place and so many faces that I can't remember them all."

She coughed a little and rubbed her throat. Marks from Michael's hands were beginning to show.

"And then here. I've been treading water in a strange place for 3 years. Be a team member. Follow the rules. Don't question. Just do the job. And damn it, I fall in love with you. The machine man without a soul, without a heart. Somebody who can't say he loves me. I've never heard those words with any real meaning behind them, without strings attached to them. I thought I had a chance with you. I thought we had a chance. But you only let me so close. I could reach out right now and touch you and you'd flinch or pull away. You want to initiate everything. Always on your terms. Maybe that's why I turned to him."

"Because you want to be in control? Control is the issue here? You want to be on..."

Nikita stood, she was ready to bolt from the room if he was going to start yelling. "Don't turn this into an argument Michael! Your violence pushed me away too. I couldn't believe the vibes of hate that came from you when Jurgen was around. You were so jealous. You didn't want me but you didn't want me to be near anyone else either."

"I've never stopped wanting you. I can't. You've made me as close to whole as I think I can get. But, maybe you haven't learned this yet and if you haven't you better get the lesson now! Words around here are weapons too! You stay away from them. Better to show by actions because they can be explained away. Words can't! I have had the other half of me turned off for so long that I'm not sure of what is happening in here." He pounded himself in the chest. "What do you think it is like to have had a hand in destroying everything you've ever loved?" " Well? It makes you terrified to feel that way or to say the word. You shove it aside. When we were held by Red Cell, I told you that. I don't know if I can love anymore. I need you to show me. Don't force me into it though! Can't you be content with knowing you are my heart and my soul? Are you not satisfied with the knowledge that you've woken up the sleeping part of me? I've never felt so unsure of myself or a situation. I 'm not use to the person I'm starting to be. I don't know who I am! Zut! I don't even know which of me is real!"

Nikita winced. She was unsure of how to respond. He had expressed some of her own mis-givings and fears. They had both grown but not entirely together. Their bond had been tattered and she was afraid that they were not strong enough to sew it back together again.

She realized at that point that she needed space. He needed it too. They both needed to heal.

She could do it on her own. She knew he couldn't. He was going to need more help than even her loving him could provide. Not having her around would probably be even better. She grabbed the jacket from the bed and started to pull it on.

Michael started to get a terrible feeling. He could feel her pulling away from him. She was going to leave and he feared she wouldn't be back. He reached out towards her.

"Nikita, don't leave. We're not done."

She looked at him with her eyes glittering with tears. "You just admitted you don't know who you are anymore. If you don't know, how can I? Hell, Michael, I don't even know about myself. I need to know me before... We can't do this together. We have to do it on our time in our own way. I need space. I need to be away from you."

Michael moved fast. She was going to walk out on him and he didn't want her to go. He grabbed her and pulled her close by wrapping one arm around her and the other tilted her mouth to his. He kissed her hard. At first she started to return the kiss but as the kiss deepened she pulled away.

Nikita looked at him, her eyes reflecting the longing in his. "I love you."

She turned and ran down the stairs.

He stood there for a long while. When he looked up, he could see the dawn breaking across the lake. And even though the world outside was getting brighter, Michael felt his darkening again.

**************************************************************************** *****

Chapter XXI

Operations looked at her with red rimmed eyes. "What is so important that you had to pull me here this time of the morning?"

Nikita stood as still and cold as a statue. While it looked like she was acting selfishly she wanted to do this because she felt it was in Michael's best interest. "I want a temporary transfer. I need to be away from here for a while. I want to leave now."

He looked at her with surprise. After everything that had happened in the past few weeks he was amazed at her request. At first he thought that she was kidding, then he realized she was completely serious. He needed to confirm it though.

"You're not kidding?"

She fixed him with her icy blue stare. Operations could see a lot of pain and uncertainty in them.

He knew something big had happened between her and Michael. What ever it had been, it had been physical. The marks on her throat and face bore that out.

She had reassured him Michael was fine when she had called him. He would probably turn up at the Section on his own.

He knew what Nikita was seeking. She was looking for time and space to let things cool down.

She was seeking herself too perhaps. He had to respect her for that decision. Madeline had already asked for one of them to be moved temporarily. Nikita had just made it easy on him.

"How does Israel sound?"

A little while later, Michael entered Section One and the first person he encountered was Operations. Operations knew by the lost and painful look in Michael's eyes that the assumptions he had made when he talked to Nikita were correct. She was distancing herself, to give Michael room and time to heal.

Michael was the first to speak. "Has she been here?"

Operations nodded. "She left about a half an hour ago."

"Did she go home?"

"No."

Anger rose up in Michael. He wasn't interested in playing any games at the moment. "Then where did she go, damn it?!"

"I've transferred her. On her request and temporarily before you even ask."

He watched the fight that Michael had tensed up with go out of him like a drain opened on a sink. He put his arm around the shoulders of the younger man.

"Madeline wants to see you. You two have some talking to do."

Michael allowed Operations to steer him down the hallway. There wasn't any reason to say no now.

THE END

written by Tammy

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