The Policy of Truth V

written by Tammy

Chapter 9

"It's completely secured?" Michael inquired. He wanted to make sure they were going somewhere that for a while at least was going to be stable. "What are my guarantees?....so what happens it there is a problem? What's my recourse?......That's exactly what I'll do. I promise you that.... Yes, he knows how to reach me.....Ah Mac......pardon the harshness....Yes I know. Thank you...I will...Good bye."

Slowly he put his head back and exhaled. Operations had made good. They were going to be moved in a little while. He looked at his watch. An hour to go...actually 45 more minutes till landing, then 15 minutes to the hotel where she was staying.. He hoped she hadn't done anything too irreparable to herself or someone else. That breathy plea in her voice on his answering machine at the cabin had only increased his anxiety.

The ringing of the cell phone jolted him from his reverie. "Yes?"

"What makes what they do to me any different that what he did? I say no and it just happens again and again. I have to do what they say or they can cancel me. Or they hurt you or they threat Katie and Reese. What makes it different? Answer me!"

He closed his eyes at the sound of her voice. It was bordering on the edge of hysteria. He could hear the way she said her words that she wasn't sober either. She was running away from the thing chasing her. He hoped it hadn't caught her. "Kita, tell me where you are." He kept his voice calm, hope she would try to do the same. And maybe he could convince himself he felt the same way. The knuckle that relentlessly tapped the window belied that.

"Who ever said you could always go home was A GOD DAMN LIAR."

"Are you ok?"

"DO I SOUND OK TO YOU? You know I ask for truth but they just shove more filthy stinking lies into my face. This was a bullshit assignment! They wanted me to see him. They wanted him near me. They wanted to see what would happen. I hope they enjoyed it!"

That told Michael she had at least seen him. He desperately hoped that was it. His head hurt with the thought of Taylor going after her again. Yes, she could take care of herself but this was different. "What happened?" There was silence. "Kita?" Then he could hear she had started crying. He closed his eyes, dreading what she was going to say if anything. He softened his voice, hearing her agony. "Kita, talk to me. Tell me what has happened. Please."

"I went to see Grandma Tessie's grave ...they were there....he was there...he came back and found my mother....he married her...the bastard found her and married her!!" There was an ugly squeal that made him pull the phone away from his ear. When it stopped, he brought it back.

"Nikita!" But the line was dead. He had heard the rage grow stronger with each word. He could only guess that she had destroyed the phone. "Please Kita. Just a while longer." There was no way she had been serious about what she said. He must have gotten to her, said things to her. The man would suffer more if he had touched her. More than he already had coming to him. Michael anxiously tapped the phone against his leg. Time was moving too fast and he couldn't catch it.

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The phone laid in several pieces on the floor. He had probably gotten an earful when she slammed her boot heel into it. Nikita kicked the largest piece across the floor and watched it ricochet off the balcony door. Spinning around, she grabbed the lamp from the dresser and hurled that against the glass door. Being metal, it only bounced off and fell to the floor.

Remembering the packets on the desk, she swayed over to it. It took her a couple of tries to pick

up several of them. Blearily she looked at them and smiled. She opened the ones in her hand and sprinkled them on the wood. She tried to ignore the voices in her head. It was stupid to be paying attention to her conscience now. Nobody else seemed to. She pushed some of it around with her finger as she had done with the packets earlier.

Nikita closed her eyes, remembering how it used to feel. She recalled feeling like walking on air, nothing mattered. Hungry, oh well. Cold, hot, wet, dry didn't matter. Utterly alone and had no one in the world who cared whether you lived or died held no meaning either. Nothing could touch her there.

Only thing different would be the damn voices. No, they were really ghosts that wouldn't be quiet. Whispering in her ears, why did there have to be so many of them? Michael, Katie and Reese were the loudest. Others that meant a lot were talking at her too. Martina and Walter.... Simon and Chris....Darcie and Birkoff. Why couldn't everybody just leave her alone? Hadn't they in the past? Hadn't she been all alone before to take care of herself? Why did they have to torment her now? Even covering her ears didn't keep them away. They found a way around her hands to keep the whispering up.

A wave of dizziness came over her and propelled her to the bathroom. Her stomach felt like she was going to get sick. Hitting the light, she blinked to clear her vision to stare in the mirror. Tear stained face, red rimmed eyes, tangled hair, face swollen, the bruise that seemed to never go away ....not a pleasant sight. But she could look worse, she had at one point before Section One.

A hand went up to the area on her face that was bruised. It disappeared as she touched it. A scream of "NO" flashed through her head so loudly she flinched from the sound of it. She could hear whimpers and pleading. It was her own voice. But her lips weren't moving. Nikita reached out a hand and touched the mirror. It was cold and smooth. Her hand made a squeaking sound as she slid it down. A faint line of brown powder hung there. "Momma on a binge...I look just like her...just like I did at Greg's....just like after that first time..." With a faint cry she backed away from the mirror and back out towards the bed. 'I let it all happen ...all my fault....no damn good."

Kicking the smaller pieces of the phone out of her way, she bent over and staggered as she picked up the overnight bag. A video tape fell out and thudded on the rug. Tossing the bag aside and other things forgotten, she snatched it up. Swiping the glass from the edge of the dresser, she took a gulp. With an annoyed gesture, she wiped the back of her hand across her cheek.

"Well, what's this? Could this be a present for me from loveable Maddie or maybe dear old Operations. They work so hard on trying to make MY LIFE MISERABLE!!!! This must be a wonder to behold. What glorious scenes do you show...." She took a long drink from the glass she had in her hand and then looked from it to the tape. "First we refill you and then we review this. Two thumbs up or two thumbs down? Maybe one of each?"

After topping off the glass, she shoved the tape into the VCR bolted to the top of the TV. Nikita stuck the glass between her knees as she brought the remote close up to her eyes. The sun had finally set and that meant there wasn't much light in the room. She wasn't sure if there wasn't a working lamp either but that was beside the point. Frowning in the light of the TV she had somehow managed to turn on, she looked towards the bathroom. She didn't remember turning the light off in there. With a sigh, she shrugged and starting hitting buttons on the remote.

Nikita made a sound of triumph as the VCR whirled into action. The remote dropped from numb fingers as the face appeared on the screen. Stunned, she fell to her knees from the corner of the bed. The glass tumbled to the rug, the liquid soaking into it. "Martina...." As she heard Martina's words, tears began to trickle down her face. She began to rock back and forth.

"I imagine as you watch this I have been out of your life for a pretty long time. And you are probably wondering who this person is talking to you. I am your mother. My name is Martina. My last name is not important. I left that behind a long time ago. Perhaps you know of me already. If you do, thank the couple that raised you. They are both very special to me."

"Martina, what are you talking about? You can't be ...." Nikita clutched at the front of her shirt, tugging on it. Her head was screaming and her heart felt like it was breaking into pieces inside of her.

"You may even wonder why you grew up with them as your parents. I picked who I thought would give you the most meaningful life in which you would be loved as much as I could love you. Please I hope that you have never thought this happened because I didn't love you. You were the most important thing in the world to me and that was why I made the decisions I did. I am going to try and explain my world in the hopes you will be able to understand why I had to make them.

I should probably begin with who your real father was but maybe it is best that you know me first. You may remember me as tall with short light colored, sometimes blonde or brown hair and eyes the color of yours. Most of the world knew me with brown eyes and chin length brown hair as you see me here. Let me show you who you might remember."

As Martina transformed into Margeaux Linsdon in front of her eyes, a mew of agony came out of Nikita. What had she done for Section One now? What kind of hideous crime? "Nooooo.."

"You might probably also recall that when you were small I left you with a man named Greg a lot. I had to. My duties left me with no choice. My job was why I was away so much. You came to be because of that. I grew to resent this existence, not because it gave me you but because it took me away from your side and eventually your entire life. I am sorry that things with him were not the best. He resented you and who your father was. I had to be so callous with Greg. S o uncaring. It was wrong but I had no other choice. He had to believe in order to be left alive. If you still have contact with him, please, Reese tell him of my deep regret for the way I blighted his soul. And that in my own way I really did love him. But on with my life..."

"Reese, Greg, you're ....oh my God...." Her scream was one of grief and rage. In that instant, all she wanted to do was die. Just crawl away and die.

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Annie carefully gathered the wrappings from the table and placed them in the trash. This all angered her, it shouldn't have to be this way. Seeing Oscar had unnerved her. Madeline coming to see them was bad enough. She knew it but never acknowledged Jerrod at all. But how could the man not see the resemblance? The eyes, the shape of his face, the way he was built? She wanted to scream at Claude who sat quietly in a chair, his fingers laced together and head bowed. It wasn't going to do any good. They were powerless.

"Are you going to remain tight lipped for the rest of tonight?" Claude lifted his head but all he could see was her back to him. She had said nothing to him except that there was a sandwich left for him. And that has sounded so cold that if had made him shiver. He had spoken so softly to Oscar. Could she have been listening? It would have been difficult with Willie in the room.

"Yes," was her tense reply.

"Tomorrow as well, perhaps the next day? And what about the day after that and the day after that?"

She turned to look at him and her eyes blazed at him. "Don't get me to argue with you Claude," Annie hissed at him.

"At least I would know what is going through your head then, woman! I am not psychic!"

"No, you're just his yes man!"

Claude brought a palm down on the edge of the table. "You seem to forget that any trouble to visit those two young ones will affect Jerrod in the same way. Eventually Willie too!"

"She doesn't want him back! She could not care less about a run in her pantyhose. She never did. He doesn't even know! He didn't even sense it. Damn Willie's parents for their inaction too! I am sick and tired of this! I am fed up with running."

"This is the last time! You knew the new place was not permanent. We'll all be safe. Jerrod and Willie included!"

"You can't guarantee that!"

"Annie, please...."

"There should have never been a 'new place' to begin with."

"So you wanted to stay on the farm where the bad could have come to us and take everything away?"

Annie cupped her hands over her mouth and looked up towards the ceiling. Tears started gathering in her eyes. "We have lived in that house for 8 years. It felt like home finally. Your goings were so infrequent. His visits were too. I felt settled." Claude opened his mouth to speak but she held out a hand. "Wait. I have nothing against Michael. I love him like a brother. He is a wonderful man. But his life is hell. And he brings it on us and our family."

Taking a deep breath, he replied, "Our lives were hell long before I met you Annie. The day after Section took him, we talked. I told you about my real life. I told you about Michael's. You said it didn't matter. You said you loved me, 'the idiot that climbed snowy trees just to say good night to you.' When I came to you with Jerrod and asked you to marry me, I gave you all the possibilities then. I told you that someday it might come to something like this. He's made sure we have been taken care of over the years. Maybe you don't realize this but there were many times where Section One forgot about us unless I could do her a favor. It was Michael making sure that there was food in those cabinets and anything else we needed."

"That doesn't mean we owe him. Everyone said it would be a problem. I didn't listen...10 years.. too much difference they said."

"Too much! Since when? He gave me my life! He was why I was at the mall that day! I owe him!"

"How much? As much as we've had to sacrifice?"

"As I look around us, yes right now it seems like a sacrifice. But everything else, where was the sacrifice?"

"A normal life, a family...."

"Annie, you know as well as I do that normal for us is all relative. Normal for us means living."

"This is LIVING???" She shoved a chair hard into the table.

Claude stood, hands braced on the table. "WOULD YOU PREFER A WOODEN BOX IN THE GROUND?"

"Quiet down! Now!"

"You started this!" Claude spun away, a hand raking through his hair. "Yes maybe I'm a little obsessed with doing what he asks. But he became my only family, my only way to survive. Do you know how many times either Philippe or Jon almost discovered me? And he covered it. Usually by doing something that distracted them which lead to anger. And you want to know what happened after that? I'd be looking at my only friend in the world bruised, withdrawn and deadly angry for weeks."

"As I've said before, you could have walked away."

"Then why have you stayed if our life is so bad? Then why if you bemoan the fact that we don't have a child of our own but we have two boys who are handsome, strong, resilient, intelligent and everything else good. Who I see as my sons! And what about that girl who is the daughter you have always wanted. You'll be raising a girl! Think about that baby! He is a delight! Doesn't he make you feel young again? Are you seeing the world through his eyes or are you too stubborn and have decided to look at it just through yours?"

Annie wiped at the tears which were spilling down her face. "Don't use my heart against my anger. You know why I stay. I stay because I love you and I love those boys."

"Then maybe I feel obligated because I love him like that too. God, Annie he is a brother to me, too. Do you have any concept at all of the guilt I feel inside every time I think of what I did to him?"

"What you did to him? Good lord! Look at us!"

"I feel we have paradise. We have each other. We have our children. What about him!? I gave him to them on a silver platter. Both him and Simone. She died because of that place. He lost Merle because of that place. I put him there! Whatever I have to do to accomplish what he asks... By what I'm doing for him, I'm giving back some of what I was responsible for taking away!! "

"But none of this is fair to those children. This havoc has to stop."

"That's what this is going to do. It's going to stop it. Things will be stable. Things will be safe." He watched as she lowered her head, shaking it as if she didn't believe him. Slowly he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her. "Ma lumiere, I promise to you. This is it. I want the same as you. But to get that wish, we must, just one more time. Mac should be here soon. We need to listen to him. See what we need to do."

She pushed him away and started for the kitchen door. Hesitating a moment, she turned. "Believe me when I say this, Claude. I have never been more serious. One more time and you will be doing it without me and without your 'sons'. No more!" The door swung back and forth with her departure.

Claude took a deep breath and lowered his head. "Michael, toujours is wearing thin....."

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Brennan stood testing his leg. "It hurts like a bastard." He touched the torn fabric in the upper thigh of his pants. "She came damn close to ending my marriage and family plans."

"You were lucky you turned to talk to me. For once your constant yakking saved your life. I vote to jump ship now and head back. If we're in trouble, so be it." She reached over and pulled off her wig. "I've had it. I'm not protecting anybody. So I'm not participating in target practice." She started picking at the skin on her neck. "Besides I am getting a rash from this damn thing."

"You want some ice to put in the water for your face?"

"God, yes"

"At your service madam. After your wonderful patch job, I can repay you with no less. Be right back," Brennan said to her back as she went in the bathroom. He grabbed the passcard from the TV top along with the ice bucket and limped out the door. Halfway down the hall, he heard the elevator doors open. Brennan looked up and his mouth dropped open. There was no mistaking the man coming off. Turning he headed back to Sibby as fast as possible.

Michael saw him as he turned. "Foller!!" He moved up the corridor, weapon out but held close. What the hell was he doing in this hotel, let alone the same floor as Nikita. Taylor slammed the door closed behind him.

Brennan threw the ice bucket across the room and yanked his bag out of the closet. Sibby leaned out, "What in the wo..."

"We got big ass trouble. That Section level 5 op she's linked with the brief mentioned." There was a thud as a fist or foot hit the door. It shook hard. Brennan checked the ammo in his gun and jerked at the safety.

"Yeah..."

"It's that guy Michael. I told you I thought Nic was short for Nikita. There aren't many active blonde Aussie......." There was a whiffing noise like a arrow hitting wood and a whine as the lock on the door shorted out. It flew open and Michael entered the room. Brennan aimed at him.

"Try." Michael said maliciously. Brennan swallowed and readied the trigger. He blinked once and that was a mistake. He hit the wall so hard, it felt like it cracked behind him. The gun was jammed against his chin. A hard forearm was across his throat and fingers had dug into his collarbone. His head screamed at him that if he moved he was going to hear a loud crack. Either from his jaw or his neck. "Where is...?" He had never heard such loathing in someone's voice before. Who the hell was this guy he had been impersonating?

"Agency...S679. Secret Service...." Brennan closed his eyes and waited. He only hoped Sibby had been able to get away.

"What did you say?" The sharp edge was still in the voice but the pressure from the gun had let up a little.

"Brennan Lincoln. Agency, Code Sigma 679. Assigned to Secret Service. On loan to Section One to assist in operative evaluation for promotion. Michael, I haven't done anything. Nobody has been hurt but me. She shot me. Nothing else. Nothing else was done."

"Who is in the bathroom?" Michael demanded. Brennan's heart sunk. She had gone back and was probably waiting for his signal to fire.

"My partner, Sibby ... get out here .....now!" The door opened and a woman with traces of a white creme on her face came out, weapon at ready. She had short cropped black hair and skin that was usually a yellow tone but was seriously irritated and red. "No, id only."

"Sibby Kalides, T432, Secret Service loaner too...he's telling the truth. Only allow her to see and hear us. No physical contact." She held up a lump of shriveled rubber. "Latex." She threw it against the wall. "Which has given me the rash from hell. I have olive skin...not pink! This is not by choice I assure you. No one does this to themselves for fun."

Michael looked back to Brennan. He scraped the barrel of the gun along the man's jawline and saw the skin crack and peel. "Son of a bitch." He backed away, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. He looked over at Sibby. "I know who he is suppose to be. Who were you suppose to be? Her mother, Mara?"

She nodded, "We were given sketchy details as to identity. Mainly just background and names to use. Basically we knew her name was 'Nic'. I thought it was short for maybe Nicole. He had other ideas. He's a floater, backs up for Section if the request is placed. Dreams of being an operative. Brennan thought it was might have been short for Nikita since he thought he recognized her description and some of the background details.... blonde, blue eyes, tall, Aussie accent and somehow linked to a level 5 op. Who wasn't suppose to be a factor in the operation. You were suppose to be occupied elsewhere. And you!" She made a gesture at Brennan. "Get another dream now buddy!"

"Things changed. Only you weren't informed. Where is she?" Michael still felt uneasy but he had a clearance code and for some insane reason the guy's name was ringing a bell.

Brennan sat on a bed and pointed out the door. "Down the hall. You can't miss the two holes in the door. "

Taking in the height of the bullet holes in Brennan's pants, Michael said softly. "You're lucky she was drunk. She rarely misses when she shoots. You know what she was aiming for don't you?" Brennan weakly gestured. He was only too aware. "I'm going to go check on her. I will be calling you down there. Leave the get-up on. You'll take it off so she can see you aren't real. Am I understood?" Seeing the affirmative nods, he left the room, making note of the room number.

Brennan tossed himself back on the bed and Sibby sagged against the closet door. "I'm handing in my resignation when we get back. You joining me?"

"Yeah." Sibby answered back.

"It ain't worth it anymore...." he sighed loudly. "I do need a new dream...."

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First he knocked on the door but there was no answer. "Kita? It's Michael? Are you in there?" Once again he was greeted with silence. He tried the handle and discovered it was not properly latched. Turning it slightly, he pushed it open and waited. There was still nothing except the sound of a TV's white noise. From what he could see from the light the door poured into the room, he was not going to like what he found.

The door closed behind him. Michael tried the light switch but no light came on. "Nikita?" The room looked wrecked and it smelled like liquor. He picked up the chair from the desk and put it upright. He hit a glass with his foot, stooping he retrieved it from the floor and put it on the desk. As his fingers glanced the desk surface, he felt grittiness. It looked grayish brown in the light from the TV. He raised his hand, sniffed lightly without detecting a scent then he took a small taste. Michael wiped his mouth quickly with his other hand. The opiate had a bitter taste to him.

Going into the bathroom, he put on the light, wanting to wash his hands. The light brightened the room more than the TV and Michael could just see her huddled form reflected in the mirror. He turned, concern written on his face. Her knees were drawn up to her chin and her arms were around them. She was unmoving, staring straight ahead and breathing shallowly. Raymond's words from the cabin echoed in his head. * "The next time something triggers her, she could regress self destructively. She'll be violent and self abusive. You could see the drugs come back worse than they were before. She could even turn on you or the children. You have to be ready to deal with it. It will affect you as deeply as it affects her."*

Michael crouched in front of her, cautiously reaching out to her. He would have no trouble admitting to someone that he was shaken and afraid of her condition. "Kita, can you hear me? Do you know who I am?" He touched her cheek with a finger. He was surprised to find it warm. He was even more surprised by the sudden movement she made, almost falling backwards as she brandished her gun in his face. The eyes that met his were full of mute fury.

"Play the tape." Her voice was raw and full of hate.

"What tape?" He asked gently. He wasn't sure where she was going with this. And he was gravely concerned over the look in her eyes.

"In the VCR. Now." She waved the gun in his face again. "Move." He stood cautiously as she followed him with eyes and gun barrel. She made another movement and something hit him against the stomach. He grabbed and felt the remote. "Do it!"

He looked at the remote and found the button. Still keeping his eyes on her, he pointed it at the TV. As he heard the voice, he brought his attention to the screen. He swallowed and closed his eyes. The words were hauntingly familiar. They were almost the same as had been in that letter. She knew the truth now. He damned himself for forgetting the tape Martina mentioned in the letter. Nikita wouldn't understand this.

Heavily he sat on the corner of the bed, his head hung down. He listened to the words, it was not nearly as vague as the letter had been. He lifted his head to look at the screen as he heard Nikita's name.

"Her name was Nikita. I grew to be extremely fond of her in a very short time. And to find that she was in love with a man to whom I owed a debt greater than I could ever have hoped to repay was a gift from heaven. Just as she was.

That man I refer to is Michael. He lost his young son due to a tragic sets of circumstances. Because of my error in judging a situation, he was away when he should have been with his wife and son. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life, Reese. I will go to my grave with its weight on my head. He was so far into the operation that it took Section days to get him home. He was unable to see and hold his son one last time before he died. I hope in some small way you redeemed me with him."

Michael fought the urge to get up and walk out of the room. He would never forget the look on Simon's face. Telling him the mission could go to hell, he was needed back at Section. Then Simone's voice on the head set in the helicopter. The news and the way she had said it. As if it had just been something that had happened in the normal course of the day. Merle was very sick. And then to get there and it had been a lie. He was already gone.

"Michael and Nikita, I hope you are seeing this with him. I know you both can understand the circumstances and can explain our pasts to him so that he can understand why we did what we did. Nikita, the burdens I put on you were inexcusable and horrendous. But in turn I gave you my heart, my little boy. I hope he healed yours. I know there are things that have happened to you that you only hinted at. Things that are so horrible to relive that you wish to keep them buried so that you don't have to relive them.

Let them out, my friend. Share them with Michael. No matter what they may be ...he will understand . He loves you. Inside they eat at you. I heard them in your dreams. I saw it in your eyes when you woke up. Do not let someone have that kind of power over you. I will be honest here since I seem to have been that way through this so far. I know you were young when it happened. I know it revolves around a man and a child. Do not let the violence of it poison your life anymore than it has already. I know you can do it. You gained Oscar's trust as I've seen few do and conquered Michael's defenses where no one else could. Taking power from the past will be simple compared to them.

Michael, I don't know what you knew of the mission that happened at the time of Merle's death and why you were the only one who could handle it. Oscar only trusted you at that point to care for me and protect my life. To thank you for a sacrifice you should not have had to face, to try and put that great heart of yours back together which has been so shattered by the events of your life... I hope the demands I made of Oscar to make sure you had a life with Nikita and Reese will bring most of it back together. I can't replace the part Simone callously threw away or the part you lost when she died but perhaps...

I watch over and love you all. Think of me kindly.....by the way...many of these words I have written in a letter as well. It should be here with this tape, your birth certificate and hopefully enough money that none of you ever want for anything. I've done my best...I can only hope for the best."

Michael closed his eyes again, memories and feelings swirling through his head. He didn't open them as he heard her move and stop in front of him. Nikita watched his profile. He had his eyes closed and she could see the pinched look to his face. "You knew." He shook his head. "Don't lie to me!! You knew I killed her."

He knew she was going to strike out before she did it. He grabbed her hands and stood in the same motion. "Alright. I knew but I didn't want you to know it. Because I knew how you would react." Nikita ripped her hands away and swayed to the dresser. She placed her palms on it for balance. There was no way to cope anymore. Nothing was going to make the hurt any less or make it go away.

"You couldn't trust me to understand?"

Swiping his arm around the room, he almost screamed at her. "YOU CALL THIS UNDERSTANDING?"

'This is.."

"YOU GOT DRUNK, YOU BOUGHT DRUGS, YOU TRASHED THE ROOM!!" He was right behind her. "THIS IS A CHILD'S TEMPER TANTRUM!!!"

She whirled and his eye saw the flash of silver. He'd forgotten about the gun. He took a deep breath as she held it to his forehead. "You want a tantrum?"

"Just make sure you do the job right. Clean through Nikita. Just make sure you have the guts to carry through this time and not smack me in the face with it. Make sure you end our miseries so theirs can begin." He heard the trigger click. "Russian Roulette?" he added sarcastically.

"You got the guts?" she remarked with the same inflection. He slapped the gun away and stepped back.

Moving away from her, he popped the tape out of the machine. He tapped it up and down on the VCR. "You thought you saw something but it wasn't real. She was alive when you walked away from her."

"She was dead! I felt for a pulse."

"I'm dead, you're dead, Katie's dead. What the hell are we doing still walking and talking then? It was an trick, Nikita. To give her time to get away. She was alive until George caught her. The only thing you did was give her the chance she wanted, she needed."

She jumped as he rammed the tape down with tremendous force on the VCR. "So do you feel better? Did getting drunk help? Did getting a hard fix help? Why were they better than me? What kept you from asking me for the help?"

"You weren't there," she whispered. "So lost...so far away and I don't know where...so far..."

"I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"

"YOU WEREN'T THERE! I WAS ALONE AGAIN! ON MY OWN!" She pushed away the sudden hand that he shoved in her face. "I WANT THEM BACK!! THEY'RE MINE!!"

"So this was what you turned to instead? This will find them? Better than I can? You couldn't try and find me first?" Nikita pushed him away. Buying the stuff had been stupid. Thinking she could do that to herself had been not thinking at all. He made a grabbed for her arm but she slapped his hand away. Another grab was smacked away too.

"Find you? I don't know who or where you are half the time. Are you Michael or are you Section One? Are you in the present or are you drowning in the past? The other half I don't know who or what I am! You asked me to share. I reached out to explain to you what I was feeling. To tell you what was chasing me. To show you my demons. I deal with yours so much that I can forget mine! Yours are easier than mine. They aren't inside, not part of me! But for once you asked! I need to share the crap inside!"

Her fists clenched, nails digging into her palms. The euphoria of the alcohol burning away with her anger. "So I showed you. I let some of the worst out. And you exploded at me! I'm facing something I've kept buried for 11 years! And you couldn't listen to me! You smothered me again! 11 years of self hate that I've shared with no one! And that doesn't count all the good times with my mother! I shared and you brushed it aside! I'm always brushed aside. He's done that again too. Brushed me aside.... the son of a bitch married my mother! As if I don't exist!"

"Maybe you better look again."

"At what? Me? No I'm sick of looking at me Michael! I'm not a cool young professional woman! I'm not the level headed expertly trained unfeeling anti terrorist automaton that you are! Or that you at least show people you are. And that's a crock! No, you're looking at a scared 17 year old girl that just found out that the guy....the one who was suppose to take care of her....the one who had forced her to ...."

"You can't say it. You're afraid."

"If I say it, then it's real! It's true!!! I don't want it to be true!!!"

"Did you listen to a thing she said to you? Did it get through at all? You can't deny it! It festers! Like an infection. It poisons you! It's doing it now! Do you know what it is like to see you like this?"

"Yeah, right! I heard her! Happy?"

"I asked if you listened!" He grabbed the bedside phone and dialed a number. "Now," was all Michael said before he banged the receiver back down. "Your refusal to embrace the truth is why this all happened. You let it control you! You give this the power to happen. Madeline sensed the weakness and used it on you! Do you think she evens deals in the truth? She tries to negate the existence of it!"

The door opened and light shined in from the hallway. He grabbed her as she let out a howl and fumbled for the light he had seen on the table behind the phone. It switched on and bathed the room in light. The next noise out of her was a scream of rage and he could hear how dark with terror it was.

"Brennan now!"

"Let...me...go!!" The arm around her waist was like steel. Nikita could not even think coherently. Taylor was in the room and this man she thought was Michael had gotten her guard down. He must have been hired to do this. A hand grabbed her jaw from behind forcing her head up and forward.

"Watch the truth, Nikita!" The voice was a snarl in her ear. She closed her eyes as the fingers tighten into her skin. "Damn it! Look! This is the truth you got drunk over. This is the truth you bought that stuff over. This is the truth you're ready to give me and the children up over! I won't accept it! I won't let you accept it! LOOK NIKITA!" He shook her head hard and she opened her eyes. Whatever was coming next she had to at least see it before it hit.

She wasn't ready to see Taylor ripping his face off. The pieces of skin shredding as he pulled it off. There were other features under the skin. Parts of a face that in no way resembled Taylor. The skin underneath was a little darker than Simon's. Taylor pulled down a lower lid and popped out a contact to revealed almost golden brown eye. He popped out the other to show another eye the same color as the lens. "Part husky my mom always says. Two different color eyes." The voice was completely different. There wasn't even a hint of an accent.

There was no laughter or comment. Brennan looked at the girl they had been tailing for the past few days. She had stopped struggling in Michael's arms. He could see that the only thing keeping her from crumbling to the floor was the arm wrapped around her waist and the hand on her jaw. He watched as the hand let go and caressed the cheek. What they had been doing had been wrong. There was pain in her eyes that he had never seen in a person's eyes before.

Laying his cheek against the side of her head as he pulled her up tighter to him, Michael whispered in her ear. "This wasn't the truth. It was the past being used against you. This you let Madeline do. You gave her the power to do this." He lifted his head. "Tell her what you told me."

"I'm sorry...I didn't know exactly what we were doing. My name is Brennan Lincoln. The one who was doing Mara is my partner Sibby Kalides. We work for the Agency through the Secret Service. We're loaners to Section One. We were told we were helping with an evaluation for one of their level 3 ops named Nic for a upgrade. We were to impersonate Taylor Foller and Mara Rowen. We had some sketchy details and some scripted things to say to you. We had a physical description of you. And we knew you were involved with a level 5 op who was suppose to be occupied but to be cautious if he showed up. We could have a problem. There was suppose to be no physical contact with you. If you confronted us, we had things to do and say. Revealing ourselves was not one of them. Look, I'm sorry."

"I'm going to be sick." Michael let go of her and she dashed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

He took a deep breath and shook his head at Brennan. Michael didn't bother to hide the way he felt. "Personally right now, you disgust me. And I don't think I'll be changing my mind. Leave while I'm still feeling generous."

"Look I'm sorry."

"I've heard that too many times lately to believe it. Get out." He heard the shower start as he followed Brennan to the door and closed it behind him. He put his head against the wood for a moment before turning around to look at the room. It was not as bad as he had thought. Slowly and mechanically he started to pick up. Straightening things, picking up objects from the floor. Doing the same thing as if he was wiping Section presence from a scene. He worked from the room door to the balcony door. He smoothed the bed spread as he moved around the bed. Getting to the other side, he grabbed the few things from the floor there and dropped them into her overnight bag. He checked under the bed, felt under the bedside stand. The last thing in his hand was the tape.

Retrieving the remote from the dresser, Michael sat down on the corner of the bed after inserting the tape. Stone faced he watched it again. The shower still hadn't gone off so he rewound it and watched again. "He was unable to see and hold his son one last time before he died. I hope in some small way you redeemed me with him." He paused the tape, staring at the screen. "Though you could never replace Merle in Michael's heart, I can only hope that you removed some the sadness and grief with that smile of yours." The words echoed in his head. He didn't need the tape. It hurt to think of the baby. So much of the future that ended without his permission or even so much as a hint. So much pain and so many dreams needing to be folded away. Packed up as if they were no longer wanted or needed.

"Michael, I don't know what you knew of the mission that happened at the time of Merle's death and why you were the only one who could handle it. Oscar only trusted you at that point to care for me and protect my life. To thank you for a sacrifice you should not have had to face, to try and put that great heart of yours back together which has been so shattered by the events of your life... I hope the demands I made of Oscar to make sure you had a life with Nikita and Reese will bring most of it back together. I can't replace the part Simone callously threw away or the part you lost when she died but perhaps...

He gave a choked sigh. For so long he had held so much hurt and undeserved hate inside. Christine didn't deserve any of it. He had denied for a long time the things he had heard from the other medical staff. How hard she had tried, how hard she had cried and how loudly she and Simone had fought. In fact blame didn't need to be placed at all. He had screamed at Nikita about truth and here he refused to accept a degree of it in his life. It had happened. No one could have done anything. No one could have changed the outcome and thus there was no blame to lay. Not a single person involved deserved any of it. "I don't either." He looked up to the ceiling and took a deep breath. "Au revoir, Merle." Nothing felt different but maybe it just needed time to take. "Step three..." he breathed

Nikita sat on the edge of the tub, the thick terry robe pulled around her. "Where do I go from here? How can I go back there?" Then she heard Martina's voice in her head.

"Do not let someone have that kind of power over you...... Do not let the violence of it poison your life anymore than it has already." Had she been that transparent those months in Israel or had Martina just been that perceptive? No one in Section had known about it and she knew she had a tendency of talking in her sleep. In fact that was how Litta ...

Taking a big deep breath, Nikita stood. She looked in the mirror. "Yeah he raped you ok....a couple of times. Killing him won't make it better. Won't make it go away. It just lets him take more away. Take away from him, Nikita. You're better than this. You don't need to wallow in self pity. You don't need to let Madeline know what she pushed you towards. She doesn't need to know a damn thing except you are not her punching bag. Let her use Operations for that pleasure. Use my anger for strength. Just like Chrissy said. Just like she draws it from her secret. Remember you have the joy of Katie...he'll never know it"

Many things that had gone through her head as she sat in the corner of the room replayed in her head. She had been able to resist the pull of the drugs. She was still alive even though the first time the tape had ended she had made a furious hunt for the gun. Ending the guilt the only thing she could think of then. So many trusted her. So many depended on her. How could she let any of them down by letting this take her over? "Embrace it and use it, Nikita.'

She tried to smile but it looked fake. "Try confident instead." She shrugged at the mirror. That wasn't quite right either. "No more hate. No more tears. I'm not giving you anything again Taylor. Good-bye." She snapped off the light and stood in the darkness. "Momma you're for later. That takes more than I have right now, " she whispered into the blackness around her. She stood in the dark, letting the pain find a place to settle.

Quietly she opened the door. Michael sat on the edge of the bed, heading hanging down. The balcony doors were open and a hard wind was blowing in. She shivered in the air as he brought his head up. Michael gave her a half smile and got up to close the door. "I think we're going to get a storm." She said as he closed them gently. "You cleaned up."

"Thinking makes me want to do things sometimes. The head is full of activity so the body goes with it. Sorry about the door, I forgot it was open. I was cleaning off the desk. Better wipe it down. I laid an outfit out for you." There was a hesitancy and nervousness she hadn't seen in him before. Michael started past her and she put out a hand. He jerked back and stopped dead in his tracks.

Nikita bit back on a snappish response. "It's ok. It's gone. I washed it away. Like Martina said, no power." She touched his lower lip with her finger.

"I'm still hurt. I wasn't good enough for you to come to. You turned to something else. I tried.."

She kissed him firmly. "That was the little girl. The woman is here now and she wants to feel your love and support because she needs it."

Still unsure, he put his arms around her. He drew in a shaky breath. Gradually he tightened them, relishing the way hers felt around him. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"There wasn't us then. You couldn't have been" She took a shaky breath of her own. "We need to let this go."

"You can't stop me from wanting to protect you." He gave a little laugh. "But I meant the other night when you called. I was in the middle of something."

She pulled back a little. "Michael, it doesn't matter."

"It does." He pulled away completely and wearily sat down. "Madeline is not exactly happy with either of us right now. But I'm higher on the list. And it was because of what I was doing when you called."

Nikita gave him a puzzled expression. "What are you trying to explain?"

"I decided I had enough of the treatment. I chose the same for you. I figured out how to beat her at her own game. Only I really hadn't intended to but that was how it got after I heard her talk to Claude. When I understood how bad it was getting."

"You saw Claude?" She was on her knees in front of him. "Tell me you saw them. Tell me they're ok."

"They miss us a lot. It has not been good in particular for Katie. Not sleeping, not eating, refusing to talk to anyone but Reese. She cries almost every night. What made me so mad was when he told Madeline that Katie said she losing the feel of us. And she didn't care. It was a phase for attention. I wanted to throttle her. She refused to let Claude contact us. And then she walked. He was so mad at her. Threatened to tell the truth about everything. She dared him."

"You saw them?"

"Yes, Katie said to tell you she loves you. She misses you a lot too and wanted to know when you were going to come see her and Reese. You ought to hear him. The words he's picked up since they left the farmhouse. I couldn't quiet him down. And she goes on and on like you do." He gave a quick laugh. "I finally understood why the rooster stays away. He wants peace and quiet"

"I wish I could see them....even just talk to them on the phone. God even a picture..."

"Claude took her dare. Told me everything that he knew. I took what I had and went to Operations."

"WHAT?" Nikita struggled to her feet, tripping on the robe. "YOU WHAT?!?!"

"Lesser of two evils, Kita. He made the offer. I took it. I couldn't be in two places at once. I couldn't come to you and get them moved into hiding. So he helped with the hiding and I came for you. He was to warn Madeline off too."

"How can you trust him?"

"Martina did."

"But he knows where they are. What is stopping...." He grabbed one of her hands and brought the palm of it to his mouth.

"There are only two people who know where they are right now. Me and Mac."

"Mac?"

"Very high up in the Agency, I've heard of him. Very upright man. Never met him but Operations put me in contact and we talked."

Nikita sat on the bed, playing with the tie of the robe. Nothing was making sense to her. He was trusting a stranger. Just like he had trusted Raymond. He had made a choice of trusting Operations who had tried.... "What's going on with you? You make a deal with Operations. You let Raymond, a complete stranger know everything about yourself in one afternoon where it took me years to get through, at times I'm still fighting my way to you. And now you take the hand of someone else and put their lives in it. Where is the Michael who mistrusted everyone and everything till he could prove the trustworthiness to himself?"

He could hear the slight note of panic in her voice. "Operations' one goal since this started was to protect Reese and give him what Martina asked for. He admits he did things wrong. He wants to make up for it. Mac is his way of doing it. I have guarantees and I believe in them." Michael got up from the bed and made his way out the room. The wind still whipped on the balcony . Nikita followed him, he wasn't done explaining yet. She wasn't going to let it end here. He was going to keep talking. Pushing his hair back out of his face, he folded his arms tight across his chest.

"You're right. I've mistrust a lot of things and people for a long time. I fully admit that some of that mistrust was unwarranted and destructive. I even subjected you to it. But you pushed back and kept hammering at me. You refused to give up, you were always...like you say so well, in my face. I gave in. I guess maybe trusting is part of finding my way back. You trusted me for the most part to keep you safe in this world. I trusted you to give me back myself. If you really want to know, I trusted Raymond because he looked me in the eye and said he felt he had to help us. For the first time in my life, I hear my father in my head and it wasn't a nightmare. He said to trust. So I did and I knew I'd have to do it some more to get things right. But it was only going to work with you there"

She slipped her hands up under his arms and into his. Nikita propped her chin on his shoulder and they looked out at the city together. "Where do we go from here?"

"How's the Isle of Skye sound?"

********************************************************************************

Chapter 10

Operations frowned at Birkoff, Doyle and Darcie as they stood in front of his desk. "Why?"

"I don't know." Birkoff said, his voice restrained. He stood shoulder to shoulder with Darcie, both of them stiff as boards. Operations began to wonder if they were velcroed together at the joint. Doyle stood a little apart from them but he was just as rigid.

"How did you find this out?" He looked down at the PDA again. The facts on it were not pleasant. He handed it over his shoulder to Madeline who read it with a thin lipped expression.

Doyle swallowed and then cleared his throat. "After Darcie and I got all the readings, we started trying to trace the monitoring signals. They all were from the inside. That's why Birkoff thought it was maybe Oversight or Investigations. While Birkoff and I cracked Oversight and DOD, Darcie managed to tunnel into Investigations. We didn't find anything."

Birkoff started talking hollowly. "I realized then that there had to be a transmitter of some sort and that it was in Section someplace. There was nothing to link the missions together except that they were done by Section with Section people. On an idea Doyle suggested testing every terminal. It was in the computer outlet panel for Caroline's headquarters. We've dismantled it."

Madeline set down the PDA. "Who was Caroline feeding the information too?"

Darcie felt Birkoff's shoulder drooped and she adjusted hers, trying to keep him straight. She reached up and scratched her chin. Doyle saw the move out of the corner of his eye. She said she would make that gesture if she felt Birkoff slipping. He started talking, "Without a live transmission, we can't be more sure than Asia at large."

Operations looked over at Madeline. He read the same look in her eyes. He brought his head back around to observe all three of them. "Supposition on possible Red Cell involvement?"

"Unknown and unprovable at the moment." Doyle said

"I want locations for all operatives. Active or not." Operations demanded.

"We did." Birkoff said, his voice still hollow. "All but 4 are accountable."

Stepping up even with Operations' desk, Madeline asked, "Those would be?"

"Michael, Nikita..."

A hand in the air from Operations stopped Birkoff's reply. "They are accounted for. I have them out on something that is a rather high priority. Who are the other two?"

Darcie threw a sideways glance as Doyle as she saw the glower Madeline tried to keep from showing. It told her that Michael had gotten to Nikita and they were either with or going to see the kids. She suppressed a shout. Doyle looked away up to the ceiling quick. *That's two you owe me Iceman.*

Hesitantly Birkoff answered. "Christine and Simon."

Operations stood. He knew he was jumping to a conclusion here. "Search both their places. And find out where Jon Jae was last reported as being. We might have a problem. Move." All three quickly left the office.

"Call them in, Oscar." Madeline said, her voice brittle.

"I can't. I don't know where they are."

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The hood was finally pulled off her head. Christine closed her eyes in the sudden light. Darkness was gone, and so was the panic with it. It had been so hard to keep it away. The fingers of it touching her briefly before running away. The tape was pulled from her mouth, taking hair with it from her scalp. She gave a small yelp. "Take it easy on my skin and hair. That hurt!!!" She glared up at the man who stood arms akimbo and legs parted over her. She tried to sit up but he pushed her back over hard with his foot. "You're looking for trouble. I'm not thrilled with your intrusion into my home or my treatment."

He regarded her passively and then crouched down. The man grabbed her chin but Christine twisted away. She tried to scuttle backwards but he held onto the shackles around her ankles and pulled her back. He dug fingers into the back of her head and yanked her closer to his face. "Just enough to blur the resemblance." He twisted her face from side to side and then backwards.

"If you don't get your hands off of me now, I'm going to hurt you real bad." She had tried to see around where ever she was but his rough handling of her head kept her from checking it out for Simon.

"You have been treated with kid gloves compared to the wild man we found at your home. I believe his name is Simon. And judging by the performance before the bell rang, you two are lovers. How does your brother feel about that? You and another operative? Rules say that's grounds for cancellation as they call it. And do you enjoy the same immunity from it that he seems to?" Christine answered him with silence, hard cold scorn in her eyes. With a smile, he released his grip on her head and stood.

"They may have used plastic surgery to blur the features. Coaching to lose the accent but you share the same look. The look that dares me to try and beat the defiance out of you. Warning, I helped do it regularly to your brother. I don't think you'll be that hard."

"Bring on your best. I'm not scared." Christine rapidly tried to sort out the stuff Claude had told her about Jon Jae and Michael. None of it was good. Jon Jae had hated him then, by the looks of her situation, it had only gotten worse.

"Perhaps not for yourself. But perhaps for someone you care for. Jorge was my best man. I had him guarding Simon. I don't have Jorge anymore. I resent that Paige. I underestimated Simon. I won't do that again. I might extract some payment from you for his crime."

"I can afford the bail, Sheriff."

"I can tell you do spend time with the blonde. From what I've been heard, she's got quite the mouth too. She is the cause of other resentment I carry. Her nearness to my son. Her audacity to act as if she was his mother. And it's because he chose her over Simone... "

"Over Simone? Simone is dead. Has been has been for over 5 years!" Christine gave a harsh laugh. "And as for your son? Maybe the DNA says so but that's it. Bio ain't everything."

"That isn't your determination."

"I know. But Reese already placed his vote. You lost. In fact, you weren't even a write in. Make your concession speech."

Jon Jae swung around. Reaching down, he grabbed her jacket and hauled her to her feet. Pivoting he shoved her against the wall. Snarling he said "You are annoying me with the remarks. I don't appreciate them."

Christine gave him a cocky look. "Life's a bitch and so am I." She gave him a sarcastic smirk "Deal with it, tough man. You think you're all that because you've got me shackled. Take 'em off and show me how tough you really are. I know you can take me down with them on to shut my mouth. Doesn't say much for you though. A real man leaves the hands and feet free. Only asses like yourself are afraid of a woman...."

Jon Jae backed away. Disgust evident on his face. Christine kept her eyes on him, steeling herself for the blow she knew was coming. Jon Jae's foot connected with the side of her knee and pulled forward. She pitched to the side and came down on her shoulder heavily. Opening her eyes against he pain that snapped them closed she looked up. He was gone. With a moan of hurt, she rolled on her stomach. There was going to be no easy way out of this.

------------------------------------------ -----------------------------------------------------------

The sound of the helicopter was loud. "I can't believe how beautiful this is. What the name of the town again?" Michael looked over at her and saw she was talking. He pulled off his headset and leaned into her ear. He pulled hers away.

"I couldn't hear you. Try it again." Nikita gave him a miffed look. He jerked his thumb upwards. "Blades! Remember?" He moved his head so he could hear her. Feeling devilish, she nipped his earlobe. "Ow!" He caught her chin. "That hurt." He kissed her quick. "What did you want to ask me? Be nice." He said with a warning tone in his voice which didn't match his eyes.

Nikita grinned at him. "What the name of the town again?"

"Glen Brittle. We'll be there in about 5 minutes." He put his headset back on as the pilot signaled to him. Nikita leaned back as she went back to looking out the window. The story was still strange feeling. Mac owed Operations a couple of favors. He gave a payback of one to Michael. For years he had taken care of a special friend at a secluded estate in Scotland on the Isle of Skye. It was the largest island, not more than 50 miles long in the Scottish Hebrides.

The friend had proved valuable to Mac on a number of occasions. Not only as a resource but confidante and protector. However he or she had recently died and Mac had been trying to keep up appearances in the secluded residence. The comings and goings there had been happening for years. So according to Michael, moving them in had not been a problem. It worked for Mac and it was the best place for them.

Michael was comfortable with the arrangements and by the sounds of the security measures. He planned to inspect everything after they spent some time with Katie and Reese. Nikita looked at her watch. It said almost 4pm and the sun was already dipping in the sky. She felt excited, wary and tired at the same time. It had been almost 2 days since she had any real sleep. The quick naps just weren't doing it. The helicopter suddenly dropped towards the strip like a stone. Something had to be done about the landing, it was almost too much for her stomach.

It didn't take long for them to reach the house. It was huge, gorgeous but what was the term...unassuming?. Two floors if the front was any indication and made of stone. The roof outlined against the sky had three chimneys which to Nikita said three fireplaces. It was a gray stone with the roof in a patchwork of grays and maroons.

Five windows ran along the front on the second floor. There was two huge picture windows on the first. One the living room and the other the dining room she imagined. The front door looked just plain white from a distance but when one got closer the intricate carvings of ropes tied into knots was amazing. A 10 foot wall encompassed the house and the four smaller buildings that sat to the side and back of the main house. It was a good distance from the buildings in most places. She could hardly wait to see what the inside looked like.

Annie with Katie, Reese, Willie and Jerrod were in the kitchen. Nikita and Michael could see them through the window. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Let's go," he mouthed at her. He nodded to the guard who acknowledged him in the same matter. They slipped up to the back door and could hear Jerrod pleading his case.

"I don't like it that way. I want the box mac and cheese."

"Jerrod, that stuff is gross. Mac and cheese isn't suppose to be orange. The box turns all the dishes orange, it turns your teeth yellow. Imagine what it does to your insides." Katie said as she pushed more cheese into the food processor.

Looking over, Annie warned, "It's a bit full, you have to empty that, Katie."

"OK." She carefully unplugged the processor before she started trying to take off the bowl section. Annie smiled and went back to her task.

Jerrod threw himself into a chair with his back to Katie. "I liked you better when you were quiet. Look at Reese, he knows how to keep his mouth shut." Reese had been watching Katie, a sippy cup firmly between his lips, from his position on the floor across near the refrigerator. He pulled the cup out and grinned at Jerrod. He looked like he was contemplating something. "Don't even think about it, dude." Jerrod went on, " When I become a lawyer, I'm suing you for pain and suffering for depriving me of the proper mac and cheese and everything else I want that I don't get.. This is not fair."

Willie got up and helped Katie pull the bowl from the food processor. "Everything to you isn't fair, Jerrod. It isn't fair that you're so miserable all the time. I'm sick of listening to you. This place is neat. I think we're all gonna like it here. Give it a chance."

"Oh so the great brain has to put in his halfpenny's worth! Go groan to somebody who cares. None of this is fair!"

"This is not fair." Katie said in a sing song voice. "Na...Na...." She kept repeating the singsong with Reese picking it up. Jerrod gave an exasperated moan, wrapping his arms over his head and ears. Willie tried to smother his laughter, glad somebody was standing up to Jerrod. He didn't dare, cause he'd get it later and it wouldn't be fun. Katie and Reese were still too young to worry about it. Even though he knew Katie might dare Jerrod to try if he pushed her enough. He liked having Katie around, she was gutsy and really smart for a girl. And she was almost as much fun as having a younger brother.

Annie shook her head and continued on the bread she was putting in the bread machine. She was going to let them get it out of their systems for about 2 more minutes. Then it was separation time. Weariness still hung around her shoulders. The past three days had been so chaotic and she was looking forward to a good night's sleep. Michael's brief visit had done a world of good for both Katie and Reese. They were both almost back to normal except for that occasional look of loneliness in Katie's eyes if you caught her in an unawares moment. In fact out of all of them, the one who seemed to be most bothered by the move was Jerrod.

Claude has seemed to regain his old self within an hour of arriving here. For a while, he and Mac had slipped outside. When he came back in, the smile on his face had been so big, she thought it was going to split his head in two. Mac had offered him responsibility for Cala. There was to be a transitional period but the job was his. He had to just say yes. The pay wasn't bad either. For the first time since they had gotten married he was going to be paid like a regular job. He hadn't even finished telling her the details before she was pushing him out the door. Saying yes meant a home for good, stability for the kids. He was not going to waste another second describing any of it to her. She smile to herself as she looked up to see how Jerrod was handling himself.

The teasing had gone on long enough to have hopefully made an impression if his red face was an indication.. Annie broke in over the din. "Guys, enough please. We don't have the corner store any more, Jer," she said. "We're not going to have so much processed stuff any more." She turned her head to place the tub in the machine when she heard a loud exclamation from Jerrod preceded by a thunk. She turned as Willie, Reese and Katie exploded into loud laughter. Jerrod was on his feet, chocolate milk dripping down the front of his white sweater. Part of the sippy cup rocked gently on the table.

"Pieces, this is the only sweater I have right now. God.....Mom!!!"

Annie was trying to keep a straight face. Jerrod was Reese's favorite target. If he had something devilish to do, Jerrod was always somehow involved. Or it could have been Reese's subtle way of saying that he thought Jerrod was all wet. She was beginning to discover anything was possible with this little guy. It made her sad to think what both Michael and Nikita were missing out being with him. And for that matter Katie as well. "Reese, that was bad. Say you're sorry."

Nikita elbowed Michael. "He's a little devil in disguise. Did you see that look?"

"Yeah I've seen it before. He had to have gotten it from you." She looked down at the ground as he said it. It felt weird to hear it. Michael slid a finger down her cheek. "You ready?"

"I want to see what else happens. They're having fun." She looked back through the curtain.

Reese looked pitifully at Jerrod who scooped him up off the floor. "Olly Red." Giggles burst out of him again as Jerrod used him to start drying up the milk from his sweater. With a squeal, Jerrod flipped him upside down.

"I'm taking my towel to the dryer. It's kinda wet." Reese was giggling hysterically and begging to be put down. Jerrod looked seriously from one to another at the three in the kitchen. "Do you guys hear anything? Sounds like a cow or something? Owm... Owm... it must be sick. "

"Come on chicken, before they leave the kitchen." Michael grabbed her hand and pulled her forward as he opened the door.

Annie started to walk towards Jerrod and Reese, wiping her hands off. It was getting too rough. "You are going to hurt him. Now put...." The kitchen door opened and she spun, her nerves still rattled regardless of how safe Claude said they were. The yell of joy out of Katie said everything was all right.

"Mom! Dad!" A smile spread over Annie's face as she saw the two blonde heads side by side. Nikita had Katie in a tight hug, tears falling from her closed eyes. Reese struggled in Jerrod's arms as he saw who it was.

"Mama... Dada... Red down... down!!" he yelled. Jerrod handed him over to Michael and shook his head while both Reese and Katie talked loudly at Michael and Nikita. Willie watched from the background for a moment. His expression sad as he slipped out of the kitchen. *You had to wish for them to leave, didn't you Jerrod. Thanks a bunch big brother. Idiot!*

Annie caught Michael's eye. There was a look of annoyance and warning in her eyes. He grinned at her, looking as if he didn't have a care in the world. "Two weeks, Annie." He said with a happy laugh as he and Nikita traded. "Feel like company?"

THE END (December 1998)

written by Tammy

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