SCENE
(THE
SET OF OEDIPUS
AT THE BACK OF THE STAGE IS A LARGE
SIGN WHICH SAYS "OEDIPUS REX")
(HAMLET STANDS CENTRE STAGE. HE IS WEARING A GAS MASK
AROUND HIS NECK AND A LONG BLACK OVERCOAT. THE OVERCOAT IS OPEN AND UNDER IT
HE'S WEARING A WHITE T-SHIRT WHICH HAS GOT THE WORD "OEDIPUS" PRINTED
CLEARLY ON IT.)
(ENTER CLAUDIUS DISGUISED AS THE DIRECTOR, WITH AN
OBVIOUSLY FALSE MOUSTACHE AND WIG. HE’S WEARING THE SAME TRENCH COAT AS IN THE
PREVIOUS ACT, BUT BUTTONED NOW. UNDER THE COAT WE CAN SEE HIS STRIPED, FLANNEL
PYJAMAS. HE HAS A SIGN HANGING FROM HIS NECK WHICH SAYS “DIRECTOR”. HE
APPROACHES HAMLET AND INSTRUCTS HIM TO PUT ON HIS GAS MASK. HAMLET PUTS ON HIS
GAS MASK. CLAUDIUS/THE DIRECTOR THEN TELLS HIM TO TAKE OFF HIS GAS MASK. HAMLET
REMOVES HIS GAS MASK.)
CLAUDIUS/DIRECTOR: (TO HAMLET)
This is
our last rehearsal remember
Our
last chance to get it right
Are you
ready?
(HAMLET NODS)
(TO THE LIGHTING TECHNICIAN)
Let's
start
(LIGHTS DIM AND THEN FADE UP AGAIN)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
The sun
rises on Thebes
a weak
scattered
indecisive
light
filtering
through black clouds
So sad
this daybreak
that
must contemplate our desolate homes made vacant by the plague
and the
night's death toll
Every
night a new clump of bloated bodies
no
longer suffering
piled
and already stinking
skin
bursts open
gashes
revealing
putrefying interiors
oozing
fomenting
in the heat
bubbling
interiors
on the
corners of every street
the
only way to avoid it
is to
stay inside
(ENTER HORATIO DRESSED IN A LARGE OVERCOAT AND A GAS
MASK ON HIS FACE. HE HAS A SIGN TIED AROUND HIS NECK ANNOUNCING THAT HE IS
"THE CHORUS". HE'S CARRYING A STUFFED LIFE SIZE DUMMY OF A CHILD
HANGING LIMPLY IN HIS ARMS AND A LONG AND BULGING HESSIAN SACK STRAPPED TO HIS
WRIST WHICH DRAGS ALONG THE FLOOR. HE ENTERS BUT WHEN HE SEES OEDIPUS HE STOPS
DEAD IN HIS TRACKS THEN TAKES THE GAS MASK OFF HIS FACE)
HORATIO/CHORUS:(TO AUDIENCE)
There
he is
our
king
tormented
by his destiny
the
oracle of Delphi
which
warned that he
our
good king
would
murder his own father and lie with his mother
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (TO AUDIENCE)
The
Chorus!
Ha!
There
used to be a flock of them
a
chirping bevy of ‘em
Now
they’re reduced to a singularity
God
bless the plague!
HORATIO/CHORUS: (HE ROARS AT OEDIPUS WHO ROARS BACK.
THEN)
Good
morrow sire!
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Good
morrow
my good
wormwood reaking cuckold’s son
(OEDIPUS ROARS. HORATIO ROARS BACK AS IF RETURNING A
GREETING. OEDIPUS BEGINS A SOLEMN RELIGIOUS RITUAL WHILE HORATIO LOOKS ON.
HAMLET/OEDIPUS DRAGS A HUGE SACK FULL OF BONES SPREADING THEM ACROSS THE STAGE
WHILE HE MUMBLES AN UNINTELLIGIBLE PRAYER. HORATIO/CHORUS WAITS UNTIL OEDIPUS
HAS HIS BACK TURNED)
HORATIO/CHORUS:
Our
beloved king
See how
he prays for us
Oh
how he
suffers us!
Puts up
with us
wretched
as we are
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (ROARS)
What I
have to put up with from this oh so lovely
buggederly
pack
of
vermicular arse-lickers
HORATIO/CHOORUS:
Oh
Oedipus
King
of
Thebes
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Oh
the
whining
whinging
whinger
Constant
day in
day out
always
the same words of pathetic praise
Thinking
I am here because I love them
Ha!
When
the most important thing
for me
The
only important thing
for me
is to
be as far away from my father
Polibus
as
possible
Sounds
incredible
but
even
the life in this hell hole is better than confronting my fate
(OEDIPUS/HAMLET GETS DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND BEGINS
DIGGING UP A GRAVE WITH HIS BARE HANDS)
HORATIO/CHOORUS:
Oh
Oedipus
our
king!
The
gods have been kind to him here
sparing
him all the woes and sufferings of his subjects
He is
immune to it all
like an
Achilles
gifted
with genius and an invulnerable hide
(OEDIPUS FARTS AS HE DIGS)
We
the
people of Thebes
have
given him a wife
the
widow of our old sovereign
Laertes
murdered
on the highway by bandits
Or that
is the most probable thesis
no one
can be certain
because
the killer has never been found
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (COVERING HIS FACE WITH DIRT)
The
death of Laertes
ladies
and gentlemen
has
never been avenged
(HE ROARS)
(HORATIO/CHORUS OPENS THE SACK HE HAS BEEN DRAGGING AND
PULLS OUT A BROWN BAG WITH A LUNCH BOX IN IT. HE OPENS THE LUNCH BOX AND STARTS
TO EAT BITS OF CHICKEN BEGINNING WITH A DRUM-STICK)
It is
now six years since Oedipus came to us
five
since
the accident in the reactor
when
all of Thebes was contaminated
(THOUGHTFUL PAUSE)
Half
the city perished within a week
(HE TAKES A BROWN PAPER BAG WITH A DRINK BOTTLE IN IT
OUT OF THE SACK. HE OPENS THE BOTTLE AND DRINKS)
First
it was the sheep
meek
defenceless
innocent
ones
Within
a day they had lost all appetite for the grass
within
three days were on withered trembling legs
dying
poor
little baa-baas
now all
dead
(HE EXAMINES WHAT IS LEFT OF THE DRUM-STICK)
Which
is why we have to eat chicken
HAMLET/OEDIPUS (PAUSING FROM HIS WORK EXCAVATING THE
GRAVE):
So much
chicken is eaten
How and
why so much poultry survived is still a mystery
A
miracle some of them call it
Ha!
(ROARS)
HORATIO/CHORUS: (EATING)
Although
it’s not the same bird of course
not the
same poultry that we used to have before the accident
The
chicken today is almost tasteless
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (PAUSING FROM HIS WORK EXCAVATING THE
GRAVE. OBVIOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT THE IDEA OF CONTAMINATED CHICKENS)
Born
naked
without
feathers
pimpled
skin full of
red
pulsating
lumps with putrid yellow tips
that
explode
huge
boils eructing puss
Get
your fucking tongues out you pox-brained scum-bags!
(ROARS)
HORATIO/CHORUS: (DRINKS)
We
waste nothing now
The
entire bird is eaten
Offal
flapping
cox-combs
beaks
and bills
and
wrinkled clawed feet
everything
Even
bones
though
it has been said that plastic is tastier and often more tender
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
The
poultry-butchers
spend
hours
lancing
the birds’ boils
mixing
the puss and blood with their own urine
to be
sold as a drink
(HORATIO/CHORUS HOLDS UP HIS DRINK AND SMILES)
HORATIO/CHORUS:
You get
used to it
It’s
amazing what we can ingurgitate without dying
Like the frog in the boiling can of water
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
That’s
them
HORATIO/CHORUS:
that’s
us
The
frog in the water
You
know the story don’t you?
Put a
frog in a can of water
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
heat it
HORATIO/CHORUS:
heat
the water
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
and
wait
HORATIO/CHORUS:
wait
for the frog to jump
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
jump
out
which
would be the logical reaction when things are getting hot
HORATIO/CHORUS:
but the
frog doesn’t jump
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
It
defies all logic
HORATIO/CHORUS:
poo-poos
the rational
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
and
stays within
HORATIO/CHORUS:
inside
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
prefers
it
HORATIO/CHORUS:
it
prefers to stay inside
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
in the
slowly heating water
HORATIO/CHORUS:
on its
way to boiling point
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
slowly
but at
on an ever increasing rate of acceleration
HORATIO/CHORUS:
And the
frog
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
all the
time
HORATIO/CHORUS:
adapting
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
to the
heat
HORATIO/CHORUS:
until
the water boils
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
and
then its blood boils
HORATIO/CHORUS:
and it
dies
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
a
gruesome agonising death
HORATIO/CHORUS:
in the
end
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Exploding
boiling frogs
HORATIO/CHORUS:
and
exploding boiling us
(THEY ROAR)
(HORATIO TAKES OUT ANOTHER DRUM-STICK AND TAKES A BITE)
Ah
this is
not chicken by the way
in case
you thought it was
No
this is
the leg of a rodent
a kind
of rat
a
delicacy though
tastes
great I swear
There
are a lot around
but
hard to get
Sly
shrewd
and
swift
Lots of
things did survive
besides
the chickens and rats there are many kinds of insects and other creepy crawlies
Edible
ones
crunchy
coleopteras
tasty
vermicules and gourmet arachnids
we eat
them all
our
beasty diet
(EATS)
but
there are no vegetables
(EAT)
Oh the
rats are good
and
before
they are skinned
they
serve another purpose
(DRINKS)
Sliding
a hairy rodent down one’s throat induces vomiting
which
is necessary when there are no vegetables
for the
bowel does not move when there are no vegetables
and we
have to evacuate our stomachs somehow
(EATS)
Um
This
rat is very good
but
rats usually are
next to
poultry the best we can expect
cockroaches
are horrible
But our
doctors insist
You
cannot live on chicken alone
they
say
as if
they could not see the irony in it
Food is
only a temporary measure
it does
not really keep us alive
merely
fills our stomachs
We
still die
dozens
by the hour
We die
Our
children die
Our
children
poor
dear things
who
have known nothing but this contaminated life
All
they have ever eaten is the contaminated food
and
drunk the contaminated liquids
which
is all we can offer them
until
they get violently ill
HAMLET/OESIPUS:
Sickening
to watch how ill they become
so
quickly
HORATIO/CHORUS:
We are
used to it now
and
know that no baby will live long
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Within
a year
always
dead
within
a year
If the
radiation doesn't get them the plague will
HORATIO/CHORUS:(EATS)
The
plague
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
a
logical result of the woeful condition of the city's sanitation
HORATIO/CHORUS:
which
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
so
neglected
for so
long
HORATIO/CHORUS:
is now
beyond repair
Those
who have tried to clean have always been the first to die
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
so
nobody cleans any more
If I
were not here
no-one
would clean
But
what kind of king’s job is this!?
HORATIO/CHORUS:
Such is
the city's atrophy
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (BEGINS SORTING BONES AND PUTTING THEM
INTO THE GRAVE HE HAS DUG)
Patricide
matricide
fratricide
infanticide
HOTATIO/CHORUS:
all
quite common these days
So much
death
(EATS)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Pathetic
race
so much
wood has been used to fuel their cremations that they have exhausted the
forests
and the
surrounds are now the desert you see and feel here now
Now
their bodies are left in piles
They
dry and rot in the sun
HORATIO/CHORUS:
A sun
which hardly reaches us
through
the heavy shadowy fog
shrouding
this land
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Even on
a cloudless night
when
the sky is clear
HORATIO/CHORUS:
even
then
the
stars are invisible to us
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
We
never see stars any more
our
dreams have become
but
heavy
ruddy
shadows
Only
see wraiths
HORATIO/CHORUS:
are
becoming wraith-like ourselves
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
within
this humid
pneumonic
carcinogenic
atmosphere
HORATIO/CHORUS:(EATS)
Forever
ruined
say
some
(DRINKS)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
By the
politicians
say
some
They
blame the politicians
HORATIO/CHORUS:(EATS)
The
government
(DRINKS)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
It’s
always the government’s fault
HORATIO/CHORUS:(DRINKS)
Only
Oedipus can save us
say
some
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
the
ones that go for me
HORATIO/CHORUS:
His
strength
More
tyrannical than democratic
more
sensible
in
times of crisis
He has
always something to say in times of crisis
Always
something to say
because
there is always crisis
here in
Thebes
(HAMLET/OEDIPUS BEGINS FRANTICALLY WORKIN ON THE GRAVE
AND THE LAYING DOWN OF THE BONES)
(HORATIO/CHORUS WATCHES AND EATS)
Oedipus
Rex
we call
him
(DRINKS)
Oedipus
beloved
tyrant
(HE FINISHES THE FOOD AND CLOSES HIS LUNCH BOX)
His
sense of dignity
economic
frugality
(HE SCREWS UP THE BROWN PAPER BAG AND THROWS IT OVER HIS
SHOULDER)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS: (FROM THE GRAVE)
Give
nothing to the parasites
HORATIO/CHORUS:
he says
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
The
scum of the earth
HORATIO/CHORUS:
he
calls them
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
They
are our real bane
And the
workers who do not work
give
them nothing
Deny
them all
HORATIO/CHORUS:
he
preaches
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
But
nothing has changed
horripilation
It
makes me shiver
the
mere thought
that
nothing has changed
(PICKS UP A SKULL AND EXAMINES IT)
Alas
poor
Yorick
I knew
him
Horatio
HORATIO/CHORUS: (PENSIVE, SCRATCHING HIS TESTICLES)
Dare I
doubt the king
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
This
awful evil
A ruin
that persists
day in
day out
from
nine till five
and
afterwards
at home
HORATIO/CHORUS:
Our
foul
empty
homes
Terrible
awful
agony
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
And if
a stranger should approach
we
welcome them
to hell
HORATIO/CHORUS:
Oh
Thebes
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
cesspool
of the gods!
(HAMLET/OEDIPUS LOOKS INTO THE GRAVE HE HAS BEEN DIGGING
UP)
We must
sacrifice more
the
gods are less than happy with us
(HE JUMPS INTO THE GRAVE)
The
people must sacrifice more
(LOOKING UP AT HORATIO)
Prithee
Horatio
tell me
one thing
HORATIO/CHORUS:
What’s
that
my
lord?
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
What
have you got to sacrifice?
(PAUSE. HORATIO HANGS HIS HEAD IN SHAME)
Ah
as
always
the
vital question is evaded
(HE CLIMBS OUT)
There
is always silence
to
evade the vital question
(BEGINS TO MANIPULATE HORATIO/CHORUS’S HEAD LIKE A DOLL)
A
subtle turning away of the head
to
avoid the condemning glance of the benefactor
(HE STARTS TO REMOVE CLOTHING FROM HORATIO/CHORUS)
“I have
nothing more to give”
they
say
“Have
sacrificed everything m’lord
It is
you who must save us”
they
tell me
“You
who are
all powerful
Our
mighty king
you
will be our saviour”
(PAUSE. CONTEMPLATING HORATIO/CHORUS NAKED)
Well I
am sick of it
of all
this complaint
of all
this running to me for help
I have
given enough
My
personal fortune
squandered
on this
miserable people
You
don't deserve me!
None of
you
(ROARS)
And
in
whispers behind my back
you
condemn me
I've
heard you
as if
any of you had the right
And if
I were to leave you
what
then?
How
would you nourish your miserable stomachs then?
The
city would perish within a week
Thebes
can
only be saved
when
the rightful king can convince his people to believe in themselves
Thus
the oracle written by me
Yes
by me!
Now
I write oracles
because
the gods no longer send them
The
gods no longer send anything to anyone in Thebes
So we
have to make our own
I
as king
will
make my own
Times
are changing
things
are not as they were
even
Tiresius is dead
(PAUSE. HAMLET GLARES. HORATIO NODS. HAMLET KEEPS
GLARING)
HORATIO:
Yes
your highness
(LONG PAUSE UNTIL HAMLET SMILES)
Your
highness?
(PAUSE)
HAMLET:
Yes
HORATIO:
I'm
awaiting your instructions your highness
HAMLET:
No
instructions
(THEN AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT)
No
Stand
there until you die
(TO AUDIENCE)
Feeble
race
Cynical
They
hate me
Ever
since I became their king
which
they accepted well enough
my
election was democratic
HORATIO/CHORUS:
according
to the rules of the constitution
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
which
allows for governors lacking in total support
(HE SPITS)
If the
pre-requisite was for total support there would never be a ruler here
not
even forty per cent would vote for one individual
not
even thirty
but
they prefer me
Preferred
me to any other
More
people preferred me than any other
and so
I am their king
Married
to the wife of the old king
which
is not the custom here
HORATIO/CHORUS:
not
quite the custom
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
the new
king must marry the old king's daughter
HORATIO/CHORUS:
but the
old king had no daughter
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
so I
married his wife
A
dragon
twice
my age
Old
enough to be my mother
HORATIO/CHORUS:
which
disgusts him
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
There
is nothing I loathe more than lying down with the queen
my
wretched wife
HORATIO/CHORUS:
who
like all of us has been scarred by our wretched circumstances
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Oh
loveless
marriage
(HE SPITS)
What a
burden
this
thing
"power"
obliging
me to lie with such a hag
who
loves me no more than I love her
(HE SPITS)
Not
surprising
I
with my
limp
my
shrivelled polio stricken limb has never been a great turn on for any woman
but we
are forced to couple
HORATIO/CHORUS:
You
must
for our
heir
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
The
populace demand an heir
HORATIO/CHORUS:
The
Queen demands an heir
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Her
lust is so great that she is not content with her own crown
HORATIO/CHORUS:
Our
beloved Queen
seeks
prolongation
through
lineage
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
This
pressure is devastating
(HE SPITS)
Oh that
I were rid of her
The
plague brought hope
but she
resists
like a
fly resists the smell of the cow pad upon which it crawls
I am
desperate
(HE PACES UP AND DOWN THE STAGE THREE TIMES AND THEN
STOPS.)
And a
desperate man will take desperate steps
(PAUSE)
You
(BECKONING HORATIO. HORATIO GOES TO HIM)
Go to
my wife
make it
known to her that I would have her make herself ready in my royal bed chamber
Go
now!
(EXIT HORATIO)
While I
make a plan
(HE THINKS)
What if
I were to give her exactly what she wants?
My
royal semen
so
passionately delivered
that my
instrument
released
from its cod piece
(HE UNSHEATHES HIS SWORD)
would
rip her asunder
(HE SWIPES HIS SWORD IN THE AIR AND LAUGHS SARDONICALLY)
(EXIT HAMLET/OEDIPUS)
(ENTER GERTRUDE AS YOCASTA, OEDIPUS' WIFE AND MOTHER.
SHE ENTERS WITH CLAUDIUS DISGUISED AS THE DIRECTOR)
CLAUDIUS:
Have
you learned the script?
GERTRUDE:
It has
been such short notice
CLAUDIUS:
But you
have learned it?
GERTRUDE:
To have
to stand in for another actress who is suddenly forced to withdraw
for
circumstances which seem strange to all of us
and I
have never heard one decent reason to explain why
suddenly
the
principle actress stepped down
That is
strange
my task
is difficult
but I
approach it unflinchingly
even
though your play doesn't even have a title yet
and the
opening night is tomorrow
yet I
approach the task unflinchingly
because
I am a professional
It will
be perfect
CLAUDIUS:
Good
And you
have studied the notes explaining the psychological interpretation of the
tragedy
GERTRUDE:
All tragedy
has a psychological interpretation
CLAUDIUS:
True
but let
us not confuse one anguish with another
GERTRUDE:
All
anguish is confused
CLAUDIUS:
But
everything must be perfectly clear to the audience
at the
end
we are
working with archetypes
People
have already made up their minds
I would
hate to disappoint them
GERTRUDE:
I am a
professional
CLAUDIUS:
Of
course I trust you
Don't
let me down
(HE LEAVES THE STAGE TO HIS PLACE IN THE AUDIENCE FROM
WHERE HE SHOUTS INSTRUCTIONS)
Begin
please
Scene
Two
Your
first scene
That is
where you begin
Your
monologue
Establish
yourself
your
role
It is
important to convey the character
the
whole character
right
here
at the
beginning
Any
mistake and you will be misinterpreted
it will
be impossible to get back on the track
impossible
So I
suggest you begin strong
expressing
strength
Do you
understand?
GERTRUDE:
(NODS IN AFFIRMATION, THEN, UNDER HER BREATH...)
What
does he take me for, this fool?
Have I
been wise?
Should
I have come?
Accepted
a job from a nobody?
To work
with a nobody?
(TO CLAUDIUS/DIRECTOR)
But
er...
from
where do I enter?
Stage
right
or
stage left?
It is
not in the script.
CLAUDIUS:
There
will be a fade
fade up
You
already
there
already
in the centre
Waiting
ruminating
You
should be chewing bile
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA:
(SHE ASSUMES A DRAMATIC STANCE. FROM HIS PLACE IN THE
AUDIENCE CLAUDIUS SIGHS & SHAKES HIS HEAD. HE GIVES HER DRAMATIC GESTURES
TO FOLLOW. AFTER A WHILE OF TRYING DIFFERENT GESTURES HE CLIMBS BACK ON STAGE,
THEN GOES BACK STAGE TO FETCH A CHAIR. HE INDICATES TO HER TO SIT ON IT &
NOT TO MOVE. HE GOES BACK STAGE AGAIN AND FETCHES A LONG THICK ROPE. HE LEAVES
THIS BESIDES THE CHAIR. SHE LOOKS FED UP. HE SMILES & CLAPS HIS HANDS;
ACKNOWLEDGING HIS APPROVAL. FED UP SHE BEGINS YOCASTA’S SPEECH)
All men
hate all women some of the time
Some
men hate all women all of the time
Some
men hate some women all of the time
My
husband
the
king
is all
men and some men
He
hates me
but I
cannot bring myself to hate him
I
cannot bring myself to hate men
not all
of them
not all
of the time
If I
hated men I would have to hate my own son
now
dead
killed
by his father
but by
now my own dead son would have been a man
How
could I have hated him ?
The son
of the king
who I
have carried in my womb
how
could I have hated him ?
(PAUSE)
Men are
cruel pessimists
(PAUSE)
My
first husband
the one
before this one
my dear
Laertes
my dear
cruel and stupid Laertes
how I
hated him
though
I loved him once
When we
married
there
was some love then
a
pathetic fairy-tale kind
to have
loved someone so obviously stupid
And I
so
thick-headed to have fallen for him
for I
have never known a more feeble-minded halfwit than cruel Laertes
But he
was king
which
gave him certain airs
certain
romantic airs
Marrying
even the most stupid of kings has something romantic about it
If you
had the choice most of you would consider it
the
money
and
glamour
the
crown and all those other jewels
And the
idea of such absolute power has an innately
erotic
side to it
Even
the tragedy inherent in all power
has
something erotic about it
Yet
erotic he was not
Not
Laertes
Dull
brain
dull
body
Just a
stupid man
who
believed in the oracles
in fate
in
incurable destiny
who
believed the prophecy that said that I would marry my own son
the
murderer of my husband
And so
stupid that
while
never questioning its inevitability
he
decided to change it
Oh
the
tragedy
But how
was I to know?
How
could anyone have ever guessed what a monster he could be?
That a
king could be such a monster?
Made
monstrous by a pathetic
superstitious
nature
completely
lacking in will
in any
belief in his motives
Of
course I could never forgive him
his
cretinous nature does not absolve anything
not for
what he did
Such
crimes are unforgivable
especially
from a husband
How
could any mother
even
the most imbecile
cretinous
creature
forgive
the murderer of her own child?!
Especially
when the assassin is the father
Such
a cold and calculated crime
performed
out of illogical fear
of a
blindman’s prophecy!
Who
could forgive?!
(SHE WEEPS)
Poor cruel perverse bastard
Laertes
filled
my womb with his seed but couldn't cope with the consequences
that is
why he had the infant done away with
because
he couldn't cope
But did
he ask me!?
Did he
ever care what his wife thought!?
A jelly
fish king
without
backbone
(PAUSE)
Now it
is different
Now I
have a new husband
and we
have a tyrant
who
rose to the occasion at first
but is
now well and truly impotent
His
flagging sex does little justice to his youth
Incapable
of expressing the slightest affection
Spartan
cold
frigid
even
He has
no understanding of the concept of love
(ENTER HORATIO/CHORUS)
HORATIO/CHORUS:
By the
king's decree
the
queen to bed will be
(EXIT HORATTIO/CHORUS)
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA:
Ay
the king
would have them believe him randy
but
this means a beating for me
Unable
to use his penis he takes the lash
He will
force me to lick his shrivelled leg
smeared
with his own excrement
Oh
perverse
king
your
domain endures your blasphemy
He says
I enjoy it
that my
screams are orgasmic
He will
never understand me and meanwhile I suffer his sadism
(SHE VEILS HER HEAD)
He can
no longer bear the sight of my face
just as
I can no longer stomach his
(SHE PICKS UP THE ROPE THAT IS BESIDES THE CHAIR AND
BEGINS WRAPPING IT AROUND HER LEGS, TYING THE LOWER PART OF HER BODY TO THE
CHAIR)
Foil
him I will
He will
not open these legs
not
violate my body
that
part of my body he so much despises
I will
resist all impotent violations
all his
prodding and poking with plastic implements
Yes
metal
plastic
sometimes
pseudo-organic things
plastic
phallic shaped fruits and vegetables
That is
how his sick mind works
But I
have had enough
(ENTER HAMLET/OEDIPUS WEARING A GAS MASK)
HAMLET/OEDIIPUS:
Yocasta
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA:
(ASIDE)
Yocasta
that
rings a bell
So I am
Yocasta
but why
didn't the director tell me that
there
was never any name in the script I was given
(THOUGHTFUL)
Yocasta
(TO HAMLET)
Be kind
to me tonight my king
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
(ASIDE IN A WHISPER)
(TAKES OFF HIS MASK.)
Suffering
is a terrible thing
I will
make it short and sweet
I
suppose
at
least
I owe
her that
(HAMLET/OEDIPUS UNSHEATHES HIS SWORD AND, TURNING HIS
BACK TO GERTRUDE, TAKES OUT A VILE OF POISON. HE DIPS THE BLADE OF THE SWORD IN
THE POISON. HE THEN PUTS HIS MASK BACK ON, COVERS HIMSELF WITH A TRANSPARENT
CURTAIN AND BEGINS CUTTING THROUGH THE ROPE)
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA:
(PANTING)
You wouldn’t
dare
I am
Queen
Respect
my will
you
shit
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
The law
is with the King
After
all I wrote it
I do
what I like
(HE HACKS THROUGH MORE ROPES, MAKING HIS WAY UP TO HER
LAP)
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA:
You
enjoy it don’t you?
Watching
me tremble
A
sadist in a world in which the word were not invented yet
You are
sick!
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Then if
you like I will vomit over you
Infuse
the plague upon you
within
you
(HE MAKES AS IF TO LIFT HIS GAS MASK. GERTRUDE GASPS. HE
STOPS)
And
that sound
a gasp
a sigh
in your
tremendous fear
I see
excitement
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA:
All men
hate all women all the time
Why
must you torment me?!
Why not
just love me?
Make
love to me?!
(HAMLET CUTS THROUGH THE LAST STRANDS OF ROPE, THEN
LIFTS UP GERTRUDE/YOCASTA’S DRESS. THEN, LOWERING HIS TROUSERS HE PULLS HER TO
HIM, EMBRACES HER THEN LETS HER FALL TO THE FLOOR.)
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Is this
passion love then?
(HE SLAPS HER)
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA (SOBBING):
Shit...
Why?
Why
be...?
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Why?
You
tell me why
You
hate me
hate
this
as much
as I do
So you
tell me why!
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA (THROUGH HER SOBS):
Destiny
is cruel
God is
cruel
It is
not our fault
Perhaps
if you
were more gentle
kind
for once
perhaps
then we could
be
human for once
comprehend
happiness for once
make
love
real
love
for
once
Yet you
reject such a proposition
a
priori
That is
your problem
HAMLET/OEDIPUS (PAUSES, HE IS OBVIOUSLY MOVED BY
GERTRUDE’S WORDS - ASIDE):
She is
more intelligent
more
attractive than the script had led me to suppose
I feel
a desire
unnatural
nothing
in the script about...
or am I
discovering a subtext
an
actor should follow the impulse
a good
actor
shouldn’t
one?
shouldn’t
I?
(HE STROKES HER
BODY THROUGH HER DRESS)
This
feels so soft
impossibly
nice
soft
yet firm
Yet she
is supposed to be old
a hag
did the
script not say a hag
Yet I
could be so comfortable here
lying
here
Her
grip is so firm
yet at
the same time gentle
Her
voice so harsh
yet at
the same time tender
These
extremes
make me
shudder
To stop
here
and
explore
what
treasures will I find?
(HE RUNS HIS HANDS GENTLY OVER HER)
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA (ASIDE):
Where is
his lash?
In the
script he is supposed to beat me
he is
supposed to be beating me
Why
does the director say nothing?
Is he
asleep?
This is
strange
too
strange
HAMLET/OEDIPUS (TO GERTRUDE):
I love
you!
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA:
What?!
My God!
You...
HAMLET/OEDIPUS:
Don’t
ruin it...
GERTRUDE/YOOCASTA:
I...
HAMLET/OEDIIPUS:
You are
wonderful
Let me
love you
GERTRUDE/YOCASTA:
You’re
so young
I
could...
(HAMLET/OEDIPUS PUTS HIS HAND OVER HER VEILED MOUTH TO
MUFFLE HER WORDS. THEN HE SLOWLY LIFTS HER DRESS. SHE EMBRACES HIM. THEY MAKE
LOVE.)
(ENTER HORATIO/CHORUS: CREEPING CAUTIOUSLY IN):
HORATIO/CHORUS:(TO AUDIENCE)
Again
another
attempt to sow the seeds of dynasty
It will
fail
invariably
it
always fails
(PAUSE: HE WATCHES THEIR LOVE MAKING)
But now
with
what inspired passion our king and queen are on each other
This is
unusual
(HAMLET/OEDIPUS EXCITED BY THE MOMENT THROWS OFF HIS
JACKET )
Our
king is not himself today
(THE COUPLE REACH A CLIMAX IN THEIR LOVE MAKING AT WHICH
MOMENT GERTRUDE PULLS OFF HAMLET'S GAS MASK AND PULLING OFF HER OWN VEIL THEY
KISS WITH CLOSED EYES. A LONG DEEP KISS.)
The
kingdom is saved
(GRADUALLY THE KISS SUBSIDES AND THE COUPLE OPEN THEIR
EYES. HAMLET RECOGNISES HIS MOTHER, GERTRUDE RECOGNISES HER SON. REACTION.
HAMLET GATHERS HIS CLOTHES AND COVERING HIS PENIS HE RETIRES TREMBLING. HE IS
SO SHOCKED HE IS UNABLE TO SAY ANYTHING. GERTRUDE WATCHES HIM DEPART AND THEN
SCREAMS. SHE WRITHES ON THE FLOOR IN AGONY GRIPPING HER ABDOMEN. HORATIO
NERVOUSLY SCUTTLES AWAY OFF STAGE)
(ENTER CLAUDIUS. STRIPPING AWAY HIS DISGUISE)
CLAUDIUS:
Like
the heavens themselves
I stand
above you all
(PAUSE. HE WATCHES THE WEEPING GERTRUDE)
Enough
more
than enough
all of
this is enough even for me
Cruel
world
the
world is cruel
violent
Even
our love making is essentially a violent act
a cruel
act
with
the best intentions
but
nevertheless
cruel
(HORATIO SCREAMS FROM OFF STAGE AND THEN RUNS ONTO THE
STAGE WEEPING)
HORATIO:
A
doctor!
( CLAUDIUS RUNS BACK STAGE. HE RETURNS WITH HAMLET'S LIFELESS BODY IN HIS ARMS)
GERTRUDE: <
Ah
you
bastard
vicious
cruel bastard
(SHE RUNS TO THE BODY/EMBRACES IT)
How?!
to do
this
Why?
CLAUDIUS:
Too
much
too
much
this is
all too much
HORATIO:
Our
darling Hamlet
so
moved
by the
act
on the
floor
took
his poisoned sword
and
lodging
it carefully down his throat
as deep
as he could without choking himself
he
leaped
a
brilliant swallow dive
rising
up he kicked his legs out from under him
stretched
out his arms
and
fell
flat on
his face
(PAUSE)
The
deadly blade
pushed
forward and through our beloved friend's neck
the
hilt forced into his mouth
choking
him
a spurt
of blood
I
remember nothing else
CLAUDIUS: (PATTING HORATIO’S SHOULDER)
Thank
you Horatio
you
have remembered enough
As for
you Gertrude
may
your son's
my
nephew's
seed
grow
well within your womb
it will
be a winter's child
GERTRUDE (TO CLAUDIUS):
Hell is
murky
fuck
you
fuck
fuck
(LOOKING AT HAMLET IN HER ARMS. GENTLY STROKING HIS
HAIR)
What am
I to call you?
Hamlet?
Oedipus?
son?
I had a
son once
Speak
boy
Even if
only to insult me
speak
curse
Why so
much shame?
Look at
me
(SHE LIFTS HIS HEAD)
This
stark pale face
cast
thy nighted colour off
These
empty orbs
forever
seeking his father
in the
dust
Let
them look again my son
like a
friend on Denmark
( WHEN SHE LETS GO OF THE HEAD IT DROPS AWAY FROM HER,
AS IF LOOKING AWAY)
Why do
you shy away from me?
(HORATIO APPROACHES HER AND PUTS A HAND ON HER SHOULDER)
HORATIO:
You
know
it’s
common
we all
know
all of
us
all
that
lives
must
die
GERTRUDE (TO HORATIO- WEEPING):
Who
would have thought the poor boy to have had so much blood in him
The
Thane of Fife had a wife!
Hamlet
thou
art slain
CLAUDIUS:
This
scene needs a Creon or Fortinbras
but I
didn’t cast either
This
time no saviour
no
phoenix rising from the ashes
the
anarchy persists
Why
start again?
Why
dream again?
Enough
of dreams
this
agony can only go on so long
(CLAUDIUS SUDDENLY COLLAPSES ONTO HIS KNEES)
Ay
kippers
I die
but for
the first time I see the beauty of our world
I am
avenged
My
brother is avenged
(ROARS)
Kippers
(HE DIES)
(HORATIO GROANS THEN YELLS AND BEGINS TO RUN AROUND THE
SPACE - A FRANTIC, SPASTIC ESCAPE TO NOWHERE - GERTRUDE ALSO MOANS LONG AND
LOW. SHE LEAVES HAMLET’S CORPSE AND STAGGERS TO THAT OF CLAUDIUS. KNEELING OVER
HIM AND WEEPING SHE BEGINS TO PULL AT HIM, PULLING AT HIS CLOTHES, RIPPING
THINGS OUT OF HIS POCKETS: PENS, HANDKERCHIEFS, PACKETS OF SWEETS, A WALLET -
SHE RIPS THE MONEY OUT, THROWING BILLS IN THE AIR, A CASSETTE TAPE AND A KNIFE. SHE PULLS A SMALL TAPE-RECORDER OUT A
POCKET IN HIS JACKET. SHE REWINDS IT AND THEN LETS IT PLAY. CLAUDIUS’ VOICE,
HIS LAST SPEECH:
This time no saviour
no phoenix rising from the ashes
the anarchy persists
Why start again?
Why dream again?
Enough of dreams
this agony can only go on so long...
SHE STOPS THE TAPE. PULLS IT OUT OF THE MACHINE AND THEN
HURLS IT AWAY. SHE FUMBLES FOR THE OTHER TAPE SHE HAD FOUND AND PUTS IT INTO
THE MACHINE. MUSIC: CELLO, ADAGIO OR SLOW DIRGE. SHE GROANS. LIFTS HERSELF,
BEGINS TO DANCE, SWAYING TO THE MUSIC WHICH CONTINUES THROUGHOUT THE REMAINDER
OF THIS SCENE.
HORATIO RUNS TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE AND FALLS TO HIS
KNEES. HE YELLS AND BEGINS RIPPING OUT HIS EYES - LIKE OEDIPUS - GERTRUDE
SUDDENLY POUNCES ON THE KNIFE THAT HAD FALLEN OUT AND SHOUTING:
No more
I
couldn’t
can’t
bear it
not
that
no more
SHE SLICES AT
HER EAR, CARVING IT OFF. THEN RIPPING OFF A STRIP OF CLAUDIUS’ SHIRT SHE TIES
THE RAG AROUND HER HEAD AS A BANDAGE. HORATIO - EYES GORGED OUT, WITH BLOOD
STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE - GROANING AND MOANING:
HORATIO:
No
tears
no
tears
but
really
it’s
been so long since we shed any tears
(HE REACHES BLINDLY OUT FOR GERTRUDE. SHE EMBRACES HIM.
WIPES BLOOD OFF HIS FACE WITH HER OWN BANDAGE THEN SPINS AWAY TO CONTINUE HER
TORTURED DANCE)
If the
end of the world is nigh
let it
be tonight
lest we
should have to go home
to our
hellish homes
(ROARS)
GERTRUDE:
Oh no
don’t
go
stay
out in the streets
embrace
the miserable
the
heartache
lacrimae
rerum
melancholy
nostalgia for something that never was
dolour
anguish
angst
such a
bleeding broken heavy heart is intrinsically beautiful in its ugliness
(ROAR)
HORATIO:
No more
propagation
give us
hell-fire and brimstone
masturbate
on concrete
tar
asphalt
something
more creative
more
perfect
(GROANS)
GERTRUDE:
God!
Your
creation
abysmal
imperfection
Has
there ever been such a failed artist?
such a
vulgar parvenu?
Our
dear
loving
God
(SCREAMS)
pure
sadism
HORATIO:
And
you?
them?
what of
you and them?
What
you didn’t understand
is that
differences
are in
perfect accord with themselves
Harmony
consists in opposing tensions
like
the violin
and its
cat-gut bow
(WHINES)
GERTRUDE:
And we
now?
what of
us?
We have
no alternative
in a
deficient universe
but to
suffer
(GROANS)
HORATIO:
Insufferable
life
without
tears
(GROANS)
GERTRUDE:
Conflict
is common
justice
discordant
everything
is discordant necessity
insufferable
not
matter how stoic you are
(GERTRUDE FALLS DOWN AND EMPBRACES HORATIO, STROKES HIS
HAIR, BOTH WEEPING)
HORATIO:
Leave
us be
GERTRUDE:
please
HORATIO:
please
leave us
GERTRUDE:
it
really is
time
HORATIO:
time
ladies and gentlemen
GERTRUDE:
time
HORATIO:
to go
LIGHTS FADE. THE VOLUME OF THE MUSIC BUILDS TO A
DRAMATIC CRESCENDO.
END OF "HAMLET 2000"
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