Random Quotes from My Everyday Life
Inside Jokes
"Evil...eeeeviiiilll...honk."
"Will you tell your voices to SHUT UP?! I can't hear mine!"
"How would you like your mom to be a guinea pig?" "A guinea pig?" "Yeah." "I dunno...it would be rather amusing to see her run on one of those little wheels..." "No, I mean like a scientific test subject." "Well, that'd work too."
"Triscuit. An odd little name for an odd little cracker."
"Do your parents set ANY good examples for you?" "Nope." "Oh Lord..."
"Normal people scare me."
"Gone crazy, back soon"
"Your reasoning is silly, illogical, and irrational, and it's beginning to make sense."
"If at first you don't succeed, pay someone else to do it."
"Never let anyone make burritos against your will."
"Kilts and wind--a bad combination."
"I wouldn't have called you a moron if you weren't one of my favorites!"
"Nouns, curse words, verbs, prepositions...the parts of speech!"
"Dreams of Darth Vader are obviously signs of a repressed desire to own a leather clad Sith Lord with a large and deadly weapon."
"Ooooohhhhhh! It explodes!"
"A wise man once said, 'Go ask a woman!'"
"Hello! You have reached the Death Star. This is Darth Vader's office. The Dark Lord is out at the moment; please leave a message at the tone."
"Carpe cakem." (Seize the cake)
"Put...the...bunny...back...in...the...box..."
"Kickimus maximus buttimus."
"Life fears death, but life lives only to die."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
"POTATO!"
"You brave knights who doubt your courage or your strength, come no further for death awaits you with nasty big pointy teeth!"
"Believing is seeing."
"Fugitive squirrel!"
"While you were out...of your mind."
"They have sprinkled donuts...I love sprinkled donuts..."
"Never sniff salad dressing!"
"I'm sick of learning about this! I wanna learn about worms!"
"The High List!"
"I feel like a mushroom!" "Well, I feel like a shower curtain!"
"Evil spinning soup."
"I like omlettes."
"Omm...omm...Omlettes!"
"Helium is fun!"
"Omlettes 4 Ever"
"Roman moment!"
"Yellow sparkle smiles"
"When will people learn not to give me sugar?"
"Beware: Shower curtains on sugar highs"
"Caution: Dangerous when bored"
"True or False: Monkeys moo."
"Do cows bark? Yes, they go MOOF!"
"Never sniff anthrax. Don't sniff your mail, either."
"We'll do an experiment! Let's see if Chris can get high on markers!"
"Holy Mongolian!"
"Remember, you too were a freshman once."
"I don't need drugs. I'm bad enough on sugar."
"How did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken!"
"Come join us in our Travis worship!"
"All right, who put the sugar in my food?"
"Miso makes everything better."
"I'm not sleepwalking, I'm sleep-flying."
"Veronica, Goddess of Everything, owns all of you, along with the almighty Scuba Sarah. So join the Dark Side and rebel against all Austins!"
"My dad's going to kick your...Mr. Moore!"
"BT: Abandon hope all those who enter here." "There's truth in advertising." "Uh-oh."
"It wasn't like I tried to get in your pants or anything!"
"There's a giant chicken in the kitchen." "Ooohhh! Lemme see, lemme see! *thump thump thump...pause* You MURDERED it!"
"We have reached new levels of immaturity."
"There is no genetic fairy!"
"Santa, how do *you* eat your lollipops?"
"I hear voices in my head and they say they don't like you."
"Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study and be evil."
"Madness take its toll. Please have exact change."
"If you're happy and you know it, see a shrink!"
"You're just jealouse cause the voices talk to me!"
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I came from primordial ooze!"
"Mas ventanas!"
"Insert reindeer here, please."
"You really CAN die of boredom."
"My head is a point!"
"Vacuums are bad. So are water bottles."
"Gravity happens."
"The trampoline was NOT designed to provide the alternative to the duvet!"
"It's BLA! Blah!"
"The communal Tom"
"Salsa MUY caliente!"
"Detention is BAD. Suspension is WORSE."
"Voy a Mexico y bebe cerveza importada."
"Vicious Attack Canine Cat"
"Yellow Monkey, Inc."
"Jebus Crispie"
"I am a spork."
"Lightbulb!"
"The voices are my friends. You are not."
"The almighty snack cracker, Triscuit."
"I do what the voices tell me to. It depends on who yells the loudest."
"It's not my fault! My voices told me to do it."
"I am an evil poptart. I have been looking for sprinkles to complete my breakfasty self."
"Instead of saying, 'This is the happiest day of my life,' you'd say 'I'm an orange emu, pondering on a cold canyon in the dirty sun.'"
More coming soon, just as soon as I dig up the list I had of funny stuff my and my friends said.
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