�It�s Kaoru � open the door,� replied the voice on the other line; he sounded irritated.

�Mm� what?� Toshiya mumbled, sitting straighter on the couch and rubbing his eyes with his free hand. He yawned. �What d� you mean?�

�I�m outside, and I�ve been standing outside for the past ten minutes, knocking until my fist turned raw � open the door already!� There came a bang from the door, making Toshiya jump.

�Oh, I see,� said the bassist, chuckling lowly. �All right.� He hung up, just as Kaoru began imitating his nonchalant �I see�. Toshiya plugged the cell phone into its charger; taking his time getting to the door, and - once there - pretended to have trouble with the lock. �Ne, Kaoru � the lock is jammed. Sorry! Come back later!�

Kaoru mumbled something under his breath, and kicked the door, jolting Toshiya back. �Open the door!� the guitarist repeated.

Toshiya blinked, but opened the door slowly. �Honestly, some people have no sense of humor�� He paused, to check the weather beyond Kaoru � cloudy, and a bit windy � then to study said man: windblown hair, too-thin clothes, dark disposition, and two bags at his feet. Toshiya hiked a brow, nudging the bag nearest him with his toe, and sighed. �Come on in, then��

Kaoru exhaled noisily, pulling the two bags and set them near the door, shoulders slumping with the weight of his dejection, irritation replaced with melancholy.

Toshiya furrowed his eyebrows slightly again, but didn�t relax. �I never thought this would happen to you, Kaoru � of all people,� he stated, not insultingly but plainly. He took a last look outside � a light drizzle creating a thin sheet, swerved at an angle to fit the current of the wind � then closed the door.

---

He didn�t enjoy sharing his apartment with Kaoru � it was like an invasion of his privacy, and the fact that Toshiya had given permission for him to enter his apartment only made it worse.

Not that Kaoru was a bad roommate; that wasn�t the case at all. He used things and put them back where he�d found them; he took quick showers with lukewarm water to conserve most of the hot water for Toshiya, because he knew how much the bassist depended on that pruned, lobster-red look in the morning; he offered to help with everything � from washing dishes to food preparation, to mopping the floor to vacuuming the carpet. Kaoru was a considerate person, especially when he knew his company wasn�t necessarily wanted for such an extended period of time.

His actual presence wasn�t the problem; half the time, Toshiya only knew Kaoru was there was when they left for practice from the same doorway. His annoyance with sharing his apartment was more-so in the fact that every moment he was in his apartment, he knew he was sharing it with someone else � Kaoru left hardly a trace that he�d been anywhere, but that just made it creepier; Toshiya found it hard to sleep at night, knowing that someone was sleeping in the next room � the living room, to be precise � that didn�t belong there.

It wasn�t that he was afraid of Kaoru; he didn�t stay up tangling his sheets because he was frightened that Kaoru would steal something or would hurt him while sleeping. Sharing his apartment was just very inconvenient, when Kaoru was his roommate.

With Die or Kyo, Toshiya wouldn�t care � they knew how to have a good time. Shinya wouldn�t be so bad either, because the drummer made clear what he liked and didn�t like the band doing � to him, or his surroundings. At least with Shinya, he knew what boundaries he could and couldn�t cross, even if it were his own home.

But, when Kaoru was in his apartment, Toshiya thought twice before calling his friends � who tended to have lots to say, and who made Toshiya shout with amusement, or maybe even shock; there had been many occasions in which he�d been up until the wee hours of the morning � and then some � just laughing and having a good time catching up on what�d been going on recently in Nagano. Kaoru was an intimidating figure to disobey, or irritate; the band had learned that often, themselves; they all made it a point not to annoy him, because he was Leader-san, thus a potential �good god� or �bad god�. That must have been it � Kaoru intimidated him, and he didn�t want to make him angry; he wasn�t afraid � he just knew the consequences of being carelessly idiotic in his presence.

�I never, ever wanted this,� Toshiya said, slapping his palms of his eyes, groaning, as he lie in bed. �This was a mistake; he wasn�t supposed to be here this long.� Of course, he couldn�t tell him that; Kaoru needed a place to stay, and the others apartments were meant for one person � never mind that the second room in Toshiya�s apartment served as a closet and place for his pool table. Who cared? Just a pool table � just move it to the living room (which blocked the television) for the time being!

Still, despite the inconveniences of having Kaoru as a roommate, he found himself getting accustomed to the other man�s company � more than likely because he�d been there for just a few days below a month; the apartment he�d rented wouldn�t be ready for another week or two. Maybe he was allowing himself to believe he liked Kaoru�s company, because Toshiya knew he was going to be leaving soon. Either way, his reaction when Kaoru left would be something to anticipate.

---

Kaoru�s new apartment was bigger than his previous one, with more floor space, even though it had the same facilities: one bedroom, one bathroom, living room, kitchen, hall closet. Maybe it just seemed bigger to Toshiya, because there was no furniture in it yet. No trace that anyone had been in there previously � except for the little scuffmarks on the tile in the kitchen, and the indentations in the carpet where furniture had been. Knowing Kaoru and his decorum skills � or lack of them rather � he�d probably put his furniture in the same place the previous tenant�s had been, putting the legs of chairs and tables in the depressions on the carpet; there probably wouldn�t be any decoration except for the pictures of his family; the only thing that would change in the layout of the apartment would probably be the scuffmarks hidden by splatters of food, left just a bit too long, so they stained.

�It�s cold,� said Toshiya.

Kaoru moved, and gave him more of the bedcovers. �There�s nothing in here � nothing to collect the heat,� he explained.

Toshiya shrugged. �It�s still cold. Where are my clothes?�

�On the floor, where you left them.� He placed a cigarette on the familiar groove of his lips, lit it, and inhaled deeply. Smoke poured from his lips, twisting and curling up to the ceiling. The scent was comforting to Toshiya, and he craved a cigarette, but didn�t ask for one. The afterglow still hovered heavily around him, and he didn�t want to ruin the warmth coursing through his veins.

He averted his gaze to the window. �It�s raining,� he said.

Kaoru�s eyes flickered up to the wall opposite the balcony and the glass doors; the hollow shadows the raindrops created made the wall seem as if it were crying. He smiled, taking the cigarette from his lips and exhaling smoke, heavy with the scent of regret. It was ironic, that he � of all people � would smoke, when it created such a foul stench. He supposed it would make more sense to make his apartment smell sweet, with a light fragrance of flowers or the scent of a warm sunny day; but the smoke clung to everything, and only made the apartment smell like the spicy aroma that traveled on snowflakes on a black winter day. [1]

�You should go to sleep,� Kaoru told Toshiya, and the other man smirked and shifted so he was supporting himself with his elbows.

�You�ve been up as long as I have,� the other responded easily, taking the cigarette resting on Kaoru� fingers and taking a long drag before giving it back. He blew the smoke up above them, watching it linger for a moment before it disappeared in the shadows surrounding the room.

Kaoru studied the thin cylinder, where Toshiya�s lips had left a bit of moisture. He ran his finger over the tip, lifting it halfway to his mouth, then thought better of it and dug it into the ashtray by his bed until it was wrinkled, and there were not tiny orange embers thriving at the tip.

He settled into his bed, and noticed Toshiya looking at him. �What?�

Toshiya blinked, then looked away. �Mm? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.�

Kaoru didn�t question it further, though obviously there was something Toshiya was thinking about. �Go to sleep; I am,� he said, and sunk deeper into the bed, taking a few moments to get comfortable and finally lying still. The bed was small, so he could feel Toshiya�s skin; he was cold. He shifted closer, just slightly.

�We can�t do this again,� Toshiya said, as he settled into a good position, shoulder touching Kaoru�s. He tired moving so they didn�t touch, but there wasn�t enough room.

�Can�t we?� Kaoru asked, smirking, even though he knew as well as Toshiya � better even � that they couldn�t.

�No. Never.�

�Not ever?� He was playing with the bassist now, but it wasn�t evident in his voice, and Toshiya couldn�t see the amused look on his face.

Toshiya was silent, watching the rain streak the glass of the balcony doors, and the moon gliding like a ghost behind storm clouds.

�Never ever.�

End

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