The sun fell through Tim's open window, casting a pale amber glow across his sleeping features. Jesse's dark eyes flickered across his cheekbones and chiseled jawline as the other man's shallow breathing ran across his chest. Letting his fingers dance over Tim's arms, Jesse released a small sigh, wondering why he'd ever left in the first place. This was heaven, it was perfect. This was home.

Unfortunately, the more pressing matter of pissing was drawing Jesse away from home right now. He crawled out of Tim's bed and retrieved his shirt from where it was discarded on the floor, then headed to the bathroom. As he relieved himself, Jesse pondered the reality of having Tim back in his life.

He wanted to stay, of course. Everything last night had only convinced him that he'd lost more than he could ever gain back when he left eight years ago. Through all the searching he'd done, both inside of himself and among other people, he'd never found anything that would fill the place of the exhuberant boy he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. There were, of course, other obstacles he'd have to face before things could get back to 'normal'.

Jesse had clicked the light off and taken a few steps back towards Tim's bedroom before obstacle number one presented itself in the form of a chilling, throaty rumble of a voice.

"Jesse."

Jesse somehow managed not to jump in surprise and slowly turned around. The obstacle was seated on a couch, his arms crossed over his chest and his formidable dark eyes focused on Jesse as if he could see right through him.

"Matt," he replied neutrally, nodding a greeting. Matt didn't take his eyes off Jesse's form as he stood up and strode towards the hallway. "Been a long time," Jesse continued.

"Yeah. You have no idea," Matt told him.

Jesse shrugged. "You're right. I can find out, though."

"If you stick around."

"Which I plan to."

Matt shook his head and gave Jesse a look of pure disgust. "You think you can just come back now, and it makes everything okay. You think you can skip out on all the bad shit and come back as soon as Tim's life is getting good again. What if shit turns sour again? You going to take off?"

"No," Jesse told him, trying to remain placid. "If I'm here, I'm here to stay."

"You don't even know how much you fucked him up, do you? Or how much the fact that you are here is fucking stuff up right now."

"Look, I know...I made a mistake," Jesse began, to be cut off by Matt.

"No, fuck you. You don't know. You didn't have to put the peices back together. You didn't have to deal with him when he was crying and shaking because his body couldn't deal with itself when he wasn't shooting heroin into his arm, and his mind couldn't deal with life without you around. You didn't have to fucking pick him up out of the gutter and take him home and stay with him, praying to God that he wouldn't die of alcohol poisoning overnight," Matt's acerbic tone grew in volume as he continued to chastise Jesse, who had unknowingly backed himself up against the wall. "You don't fucking know, Michaels, because you weren't here!"

Jesse's eyes widened and he tried to back further into the wall he was pressed against. Tim hadn't told him about this, about the herion or the massive drinking. He'd assumed it had been bad, but now that he knew just how bad, he found himself speechless.

"Nothing to say?," Matt asked mockingly. "Not surprising. I could never find the words to tell him everything would be all right, either. I've known him since I was five, Jesse. I've never seen him as broken as that before. And now you're back. So what now?"

Jesse cleared his throat and forced himself to speak, as calmly as possible with Matt standing over him. He felt about six inches tall. "What now?," he mimiced the larger man. It was, in it's own way, a plea for forgiveness and faith.

Matt shook his head and stepped back, recrossing his arms. "It's not okay, Jesse. You can't come back and expect it all to be easy."

"I didn't expect it to be easy."

Matt was about to respond, but his attention was diverted when the door to Tim's room clicked open. Tim scampered out, wrapped in a gray comforter with his blue mohawk askew on his head. He looked groggily between Matt and Jesse, then shook his head.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Matt? Did you really have to show up at stupid o'clock in the morning to yell at him, or what?," he asked, his scratchy voice thick with sleep.

Matt looked at Tim evenly, his eyes still flashing anger. "I could have waited, but I didn't."

Tim yawned and rubbed his face with a blanket-covered hand. "Christ. It's way too early for this shit. You're gunna wake Lars up, for fuck's sake."

"Lars is gone," Matt informed him shortly.

Tim blinked at him, his eyes becoming a bit cleared. "Gone? What do you...why?"

Matt raised an eyebrow and snorted derisively. "I think you know why, Tim."

"Don't do that. Don't fucking do that, Matt," Tim grumbled. Jesse looked from one to the other, glad not to be the center of attention anymore but becoming more confused by the second. Tim pushed past both of them and headed for the kitchen, retrieving a glass. Matt followed him, and Jesse, consumed by curiosity, followed behind Matt.

"You expected him to do what, Tim? Pretend everything was cool, even though there was another guy sleeping in your bed?," Matt continued.

Tim filled his glass with orange juice, and sighed. "Matt, would you cut it out? You don't have to fix everyone's problems."

"You said you weren't with him," Jesse finally decided to speak up, leaning against the doorframe. His tone wasn't accusatory, merely wondering.

Tim watched him from over the rim of his glass as he took a long drink of juice. "Yeah, that is what I said," he agreed after swallowing, wiping a bit of orange juice from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "Because I'm not with him. And I never have been."

Matt growled his disbelief. "Yeah, you might want to inform him of that," he muttered, pulling a chair out from the rarely-used kitchen table and sitting down.

Tim spun to face him. "Why do you have to do this?"

"Do what?," Matt looked up curiously.

"Make this out to be like some fucking soap opera," Tim clarified, his voice rising.

Looking back at him coolly, Matt smirked. "Don't bitch at me. You wrote the fucking script, Tim."

Jesse made his way into the room, looking sincerely at Tim. "I meant it when I told you I didn't want to cause any conflicts in your life. I didn't come down here expecting to be accepted back just like nothing ever happened, I didn't even expect you to forgive me. I'm really glad that you have, but...if there's things you need to work out with Lars, it's okay. You aren't going to hurt my feelings by having moved on."

Tim set his juice down on the corner and threw his hands into the air helplessly, the comforter falling from around his shoulders onto the floor and leaving him in a pair of red plaid boxers. "Jesus fucking Christ! I am not with Lars! I fucked him a few times, okay? That's it." He turned to look at Matt now. "He knew we weren't together, it didn't even need to be discussed. It wasn't that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal, when you tell him last week that you don't want a relationship...then this week, bring home Jesse and sleep with him," Matt stated coolly. "That what you mean?"

"I didn't sleep with Jesse!," Tim exclaimed, and Matt raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "No, okay, I slept with Jesse but I didn't sleep with Jesse and regardless this is none of your fucking business anyway so what the fuck are you doing here?!"

Matt stood up again. "If I didn't work all this shit out for you, you people would be running around like fucking chickens with your heads cut off, and you know it. Besides that, I don't want to see you broken again. I'm just looking out for your interests," he told Tim calmly, then stepped carefully over the comforter on the floor and headed towards the front door.

"So where the fuck are you going now?," Tim asked, exasperated.

"Home. I'm going to see how Lars is doing," Matt clarified, pulling the door open. Then he paused, and looked back. "I really do hope you can work this out, guys. It would be nice having you around again."

Jesse's face was classically lost as Matt closed the door. He turned to Tim slowly. Tim looked down at the floor, sighing.

"Was this...a bad time?," Jesse asked, his voice underlaced with irony. Tim looked back up at him and laughed bitterly.

"Why is everything always so fucked up for me?," he wondered aloud.

"Hey, I'm still trying to figure out why I'm so fucked up, I'll work on everyone else later," Jesse told him.

Tim shook his head and retrieved his blanket from the floor, wrapping it around his shoulders again. "You don't hate me?," he asked Jesse cautiously.

Jesse smiled at him reassuringly. "Never could."

"I really didn't mean for this to be...so fucking crazy. It shouldn't have happened like this," Tim went on, collecting his glass from the counter.

"It'll pass, Lint. Everything does," Jesse said quietly, moving towards Tim.

"And you'll still be here when it does?," Tim sounded hopeful as he watched the other man.

Jesse nodded, wrapping his arms around Tim's blanket-covered form. "Provided another ex-band member doesn't show up and try to kill me."

"Last I heard Dave was somewhere playing country and western music, so I think you're safe."

Tim layed his head on Jesse's shoulder, content for now with being close to him. After a few moments, he pulled away.

"I should...go talk to Lars, I guess," he said, looking at the ground.

Jesse nodded. "Yeah, you should."

"This isn't your fault, Jesse," Tim told him seriously. "I know Matt would probably want you to think so, but Lars and I never would have worked out anyway."

Jesse smiled. "Maybe, maybe not. I know I shouldn't have left, and I regret doing it...but I'm here, now, whether you want me or not."

"Don't ever question it," Tim said, pulling Jesse close again and kissing him to make his point clear. He released him and scampered in the general direction of his room to get dressed. Jesse settled onto the couch, lost in thought.

"I'll be back in, probably a couple hours," Tim told him before leaving. "Just...yeah, well, you know. Make yourself at home." Jesse stood up to hug him and nuzzled his neck.

"Don't worry about that. I am home," he said quietly, and Tim squeezed him a bit tighter.

Jesse sat with his back to a waterlogged post, staring out at the ocean front. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, it had to have been a few hours at least. What he was contemplating wasn't hard for anyone to figure out. He was trying to decide if his presence would make Tim's life easier, or more complicated. He was trying to decide if he should go home.

The beach was pretty crowded for so late in the season, but still a brisk September breeze kept lots of people away. Jesse had been watching two young girls play at the water's edge, screeching and laughing, but they had left along with most of the others as the clouds started to cover the sun.

From behind him, on the boardwalk, a rough voice called out. "Hey, aren't you that guy that used to be in that really good band with the guys from Rancid?"

Jesse smirked. "Used to be is all I am."

Matt walked down onto the beach, joining him. "Doesn't have to be that way," he told him. "You thinking of leaving again?"

Jesse shrugged. "Thinking of it. Did you come out here to kick my ass?"

"No, actually, I came out here to avoid the angst that was taking over my apartment," he clarified, settling onto the sand next to Jesse.

"Tim and Lars talked, then."

"Yeah...they talked. And talked, and talked, and talked. They're probably still talking."

"Anything resolved?," Jesse asked hesitantly, making a small pile of sand between his feet.

"Lars isn't stupid. He knows there isn't a chance in hell for him to be with Tim if you're around," Matt said.

"And if I'm not around...?"

"And if you're not around I'm going to hunt you down and slaughter you," he answered gruffly. Jesse nodded silently, having expected nothing less. "It'll kill him if you leave again," Matt went on after a moment. "That isn't a colorful expression, either. He'll fucking die."

"And what about Lars?," Jesse queried.

Matt shrugged. "Like I said, he's not stupid. He's not overly dramatic either, thank God. And he respects you. Everything will work out, I'm sure, as long as you give it time and don't run off like a fucking pansy."

"Right...," Jesse muttered thoughtfully. "And...what about you?" He glanced up at Matt.

Matt seemed to weigh the question for a second, staring out at the ocean. Then he grinned widely, and stood up, extending a hand to Jesse. Jesse took it and was surprised when the bassist pulled him into a friendly hug.

"Fuckin' missed you, man," Matt told him.

"Oi, Jesse, I'm home," Tim called out about three hours later as he came through the front door. The house was silent. Too silent, Tim thought as he tossed his leather jacket over the back of the couch. He moved from one room to the next, checking each for a sign of Jesse's presence. But there was none. He was gone. I should have seen it coming...

Tim collapsed onto the couch resignedly, trying to keep his cool despite the fact that no one was around. Jesse hadn't even been around a whole day, and he'd already managed to make his way back into Tim's heart. But then again, he never really left it. Looking around the vacant apartment, Tim attempted to find something that would keep his mind off of Jesse for now. TV wouldn't cut it, despite it's usual brain-numbing qualities. He couldn't play guitar, because that always reminded him of Jesse anyway. After a moment, he rose off the couch and moved to the kitchen.

Tim pulled open the fridge and surveyed Lars' collection of beer, then changed his mind and opened the freezer. His gaze scanned over the various types of hard liquor his roommate kept, and he started to reach for a bottle of scotch when he heard the front door open.

Matt's voice filled his ears, laughingly relaying a tale from the road. "And I thought, you know, he'd grown up since then and maybe he'd be able to drive a little better now...fuuuck no. I think he was behind the wheel for a maximum of ten minutes, and we probably nearly died twice that many times."

Jesse's laughter cut through the air, and Tim closed the freezer door, turning around in disbelief.

"I remember...oh, fuck," Jesse was telling Matt. "Wasn't rule number one 'Never let Tim drive the van'?" The two of them walked into the kitchen, grinning at the memories they were sharing. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Tim, who was watching Jesse with a look of mixed disbelief and confusion.

"I thought...you left," Tim said in a small voice. It had been so easy to jump to conclusions, that he didn't think for a second that maybe Jesse was just out when he didn't find him here.

Jesse looked back at Tim apprehensively, unsure of what to tell him. 'Well, I thought about leaving but then Matt threatened me with death and I decided it wasn't such a good idea after all,' probably wasn't the response Tim was looking for.

"He did leave," Matt broke the silence. "We went to get something to eat."

Not entirely a lie, but Jesse was grateful that he didn't tell Tim about the conversation they'd had before going to get something to eat. Jesse glanced at Matt, who's eyes told him plainly that Tim didn't need anymore reasons not to trust him that he already had, and Jesse smiled.

"Fuck," Tim laughed, looking down at the ground. "I feel really stupid now."

Jesse shook his head. "It's okay. I haven't given you any reason to think I'm sticking around...but I will."

Tim looked back up, grinning widely. He veritably pounced on Jesse, wrapping the ex-singer in his arms and pulling him close. Matt looked away respectfully, or maybe disgruntledly since it is Matt after all, as they kissed and occupied himself with reading a flier he'd seen a million times before.

Jesse pulled away from the kiss and pressed his cheek against Tim's to whisper in his ear. "I love you, Lint."

Tim grinned impossibly wider and buried his face against Jesse's neck. "I love you, too," he muttered, completely ignoring Matt's presence for the time being. The fact that Jesse had been gone for eight years and only back for a few days made what he'd said no less true. He did love Jesse, and now he was more sure than ever that it was something that time won't take away.