Know Your Muddafuggin' Rights Part 7 - Nihilism/DKI
Tim had no idea where he was headed, but he didn't seem to care. He pushed past thick branches and cut through underbrush,
veritably seething anger. How could Jesse lie to him like that? Sure, it may have been unfounded trust that forced
Tim to believe him, but it was still a lie. Tim let out a noise of frustration, unsure of whether he wanted to scream or
cry more, and sank onto the ground.
As if he'd been waiting for that cue, Hollywood emerged from behind a line of trees. Tim glared up at him disgruntledly as
he moved forward.
"I'm sorry, Tim," Hollywood said, at least sounding sincere. "I know you probably didn't want to find out like that,
but..."
"Well it doesn't fucking matter now, does it?," Tim spat angrily. Hollywood dropped onto the ground next to him and
Tim looked down. "I can't believe he lied to me."
"People lie," Hollywood stated. "It's in their nature. I just can't believe you believed him so quickly."
"I had no reason not to believe him. He saved my life."
Hollywood nodded thoughtfully, picking up a stick and dragging it across the slightly damp ground. "I guess it makes
sense...I mean, he did save your life, and you thought everyone else you knew was dead. In a situation like that
it's only natural to cling to the first person who offers themselves."
Tim looked up at Hollywood, narrowing his eyes slightly. "I wasn't clinging to anyone."
"Nah, that's not what I meant," he replied, shaking his head. "You're reading me wrong. I mean, you were sort of desperate,
it's understandable. I don't mean to insinuate that you're a weak person, Tim. We both know that isn't true."
Letting out a resigned sigh, Tim shrugged. "Yeah...fuck. I don't know, he seemed so...perfect, you know? Like he had it
all together...I should have known something was up. You're probably right."
"I didn't want to leave you here, especially if you had no idea what you were staying with," Hollywood told him, a look
of innocent concern on his face. "Dana didn't want me to say anything, said she'd rather have you be here and happy than
with us...but you were being lied to, and that bugged me."
"Yeah, it fucking bugs me, too," Tim muttered darkly.
Hollywood looked back at the ground, still idly dragging the stick through the dirt. "Are you going to come with us?"
Tim sighed heavily, nodding. "I guess so..."
"We should probably take off as soon as possible," Hollywood suggested. "I mean...unless you wanted to stick around for
a while or something."
Tim shook his head. "Nah...you're right. I'll just...say goodbye, and we can get out of here."
Hollywood stood up, brushing his hands off on his pants and tossing the stick he'd been drawing with aside, then offering
a hand to Tim. Tim took it and stood up as well. The pair started back down the path marked by broken branches left in
Tim's enraged wake.
"Hey, Hollywood?," Tim started after a moment.
"Hmm?," Hollywood responded, looking over at him.
"Thanks," he finished. "I mean, I'm really glad you guys found me and everything, even if you weren't really looking for
me. And even if I was happy with Jesse, it's probably better this way."
Hollywood gave him a strange sort of half-grin and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. "Hey, no thanks
needed. Believe me, I'm just as glad to see you as you are to see us. And I'm really glad you're coming back with
us."
Dana stared at Jesse in blatant disbelief. Tim had gone inside the cave to change back into his own clothes and get
ready to leave; Hollywood was pacing back and forth a few yards away smoking a cigarette. And Jesse was merely standing
against a tree, his arms crossed, staring out into the distance coolly. He was trying to pretend he didn't feel the
burning holes Dana was glaring into his head. He was also trying to pretend he didn't care.
Tim stepped out of the cave shortly, dressed once again in his torn-up black pants and Motorhead shirt, which actually
used to belong to Lars. Hollywood glanced up at him.
"Ready?"
Tim nodded, then looked over at Jesse. All the anger he'd been feeling evaporated in that moment, even though Jesse didn't
look back at him. He knew he couldn't stay, or wouldn't in any case, but he still felt like he should say something before
he left."Yeah...give me a minute," he told Hollywood. Hollywood nodded and he and Dana
moved off into the woods slowly.
Tim turned towards Jesse almost cautiously. "Jesse..."
"I'm not going to bite you," Jesse told him, speaking low and smirking slightly at Tim's hesitant behavior.
Tim looked at the ground. "I know. I just don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything," Jesse suggested. Tim looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow, and he continued. "I'll be fine.
You don't belong here anyway. Just go."
Tim bit his lower lip and nodded, then almost as an afterthought stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jesse.
"Thank you," he whispered.
Jesse returned the embrace, letting his eyes drop shut momentarily. He enjoyed the closeness for a second, then replied in
a similar whisper. "I'm sorry."
Tim stepped back, and their eyes met for a last time, filled with a million unspoken questions and pains. Then he was gone.
Tim, Hollywood, and Dana made it to the edge of the forest before deciding to stop for the night. By the afternoon of the
next day they'd found their way back into the city. For Tim, it was like he'd entered a reoccuring bad dream, or that
like the time he'd spent in the woods was a peaceful comatose state from which he was just waking up. Everywhere smelled
like fire and smoke, there were more people than anything else, and the sick metallic sound of electronics and tires on
pavement permeated the air.
"You okay there?," Dana asked, looking over at Tim with concern.
Tim turned his wide blue eyes from a group of people in business suits to her. "Yeah...yeah, I'm all right. I guess I
just forgot how surreal this all is."
Dana nodded knowingly and turned off into a much less crowded street. Hollywood was following inconspiciously behind the
other two, his eyes constantly moving.
"We're going to have to get a little further out of the city on foot," he told them in a low tone. "There's too many
people around here, and way too many fucking po's."
"Too many for what?," Tim asked curiously. "How exactly are we planning to get out of here anyway? I mean, Boston's a fuck
of a long way away..."
Dana grinned at him conspiratorially. "A fuck of a long way if you walk."
Tim was left to wonder exactly what she meant, although he had a pretty good idea, until they reached the outer edges of
the city and the sprawling suburban homes. The streets here were mostly deserted, a good portion of the occupants off
at mediocre nine-to-five jobs. The air was less crowded with smoke here, but not very much. After a while in silence,
Hollywood did a strange little half-leap thing and pointed towards an older model Ford Taurus.
"That one," he said decisively.
Dana tilted her head, squinting appraisingly at the car. "It's boring..."
Hollywood had already started towards the car. He shrugged. "That's the point. No one will miss it," he informed her.
A few moments later and the doors were open, and Hollywood was crouched under the steering wheel hotwiring the car. Dana
was harassing him from the passenger seat, trying to tell him the right way to do it, and Tim was perched on the backseat
with a bemused expression as he listened to their bickering.
"Don't do that, you'll blow the fucking car up!," Dana interjected.
"I am not going to blow the fucking car up. I know what - ," Hollywood started, his defense getting cut off as he straightened up and hit
his head on the steering wheel. "Fuck this. You do it."
Glowering, he relinquished his place under the panel to Dana. Within seconds, she had the car running and a very smug
grin on her face.
"Shut the fuck up," Hollywood muttered as he slammed the passenger side door.
Dana closed the other door as well, still grinning. "I didn't say a word."
"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. "Let's just get the fuck out of here."
That having been said, Dana pulled the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway of the vacant house then the trio
started off down the quiet street, unnoticed. Tim found himself falling asleep before they got very far out of town, since
the last night had been mostly spent awake. In addition to how tired he was, he found the whining smooth noise of the tires
against the pavement sedating, despite Dana and Hollywood's random bickering.