There are things one must take time to appreciate in this life. Things like the smell of rain hitting the floor of a massive New Jersey forest, the sound of thunder that makes the blood in one's veins pump just a little bit harder, the feel of water soaking through one's worn out pair of black Converse. While he may have appreciated these things at first, Lint was now far beyond the point of appreciation and well settled into irritation.

With hands balled into fists inside of pockets and head dipped towards the muddy ground, he ignored the rain steadily dripping from the ridge of his eyebrows and instead focused on his feet as they took one step after another. Each step bringing him a little closer to definate uncertainty. He was all the way across the country, a coast foreign to him, and he wasn't even sure if it was worth it to be here.

Another car passed on the highway to his left and he stuck his thumb out, but it continued like all the others. This one at least had the decency to pull away from him as it passed and not spray him with a wall of water like a few others before it had. He promptly shoved his hand into his pocket and resumed glaring at the ground. He could go without a ride, he reasoned, thinking that his destination wasn't far off anyway.

Of course this was merely speculation, since Lint had never been to New Jersey before, but within the hour he found himself veering off of the muddy shoulder of the highway and onto the paved streets of Hoboken. His first stop was a convenience store, to use the restroom and utilize the paper towels to dry what water he could off of his face and arms. He paused after exitting the small bathroom, pondering for a moment over buying some beer, but decided against it. Instead, he walked to the counter and ignored the derogatory look the clerk gave him, asking for directions. Sneering, the clerk gave him vague directions but advised him that he'd be better off calling a cab.

Negligent of the advice, Lint stepped out into the rain when had begun to taper off a bit. His feet carried him ever forward in the direction that the clerk had indicated. As he continued, the reason for her advice became clear - Hoboken was far more massive than he had expected. He came to a crosswalk and passed a wide, open park with manicured grass that absorbed the rainwater like a sponge.

The sun had sunk and he wrapped his arms around himself, debating pulling a hooded sweatshirt from the backpack he carried. Spotting a payphone ahead, he decided against it and instead riffled through the phone book attatched to find the numbers of cab companies. After discovering which street he was on and relaying the information to the operator, he perched on a nearby bench to await the cab's arrival.

He knew he should have been comforted by the fact that he was nearly to his destination. However, with the uncertainty that plagued his mind and the biting chill of the air against his wet skin, it didn't make him feel any better. He almost felt bad for leaving Berkeley, but not quite. Jesse had left first, after all, so it could only be expected that he would eventually as well.

He couldn't really blame Jesse for bailing. He had been scared, too. There was something between them that just couldn't go unnoticed any longer. But by the time Lint had overcome his unspoken fear and had been ready to talk to Jesse about it, it was too late. Jesse was gone. And with him, any happiness Lint had gained over the past four years.

Happiness wasn't something that came easily to Lint, growing up the way he did. True, music made him happy, and he cited it as his only escape from depression. But at the time, Jesse had been a big part of anything musical in his life. He wondered if it was the same now, for Jesse. If he was able to look at a guitar without thinking of Lint, if hearing the opening note of any of their songs made his heart sink.

The cab honked, drawing him out of his thoughts. He hadn't even seen it pull up. Disentangling his arms from around his body, he stood up and slung his bag back over his shoulder and crawled into the cab. Briefly giving the driver directions, he sat back to watch the tall buildings blur past.

Sooner than he would have expected, before he had time to pull himself together, the cab had stopped in front of a tall apartment building. Digging out his wallet, he payed the impatient cabby and scurried back out of the cab.

He climbed the short steps to the apartment building. He stepped inside the doorway, water immediately pooling around his feet, and looked over the list of names next to the 'doorbells'. He had no intention of using a buzzer, after all, he hadn't travelled across the country to talk to Jesse through an intercom.

Michaels - 17. Lint pulled the second door open and made his away across the lobby, ignoring the squishing of his feet inside his shoes as he reached the stairway. Reaching the second floor, he glanced both ways before heading right.

He wished he could have taken more time, although he had hitch hiked over half the distance from California. He wished he hadn't rushed himself so much in the downpour earlier. He wished the cab had driven just a bit slower. Because now he was here, staring at the brass '17' marking the door and he hadn't the slightest clue what to say.

The hallway was completely silent except for the steady drip of water to the floor. No noise came from the other side of the door. Lint had the overwhelming sense of invading something, being where he shouldn't be. He paused a second, nervously wringing hands together, then finally lifted one and rapped lightly on the door.

The moment of stillness passed. He could hear movement inside the apartment, and shifted uneasily on his feet. The door crept open a few inches and a pair of eyes peered past the chainlock. Unmistakably the same color as Jesse's, but not Jesse's.

"Uhm, hi," Lint began, clearing his throat when he could hear the shakiness of his voice for himself. "I'm looking for Jesse..."

The door closed momentarily and he heard the chain being taken out of the lock before it was reopened. It swung open again, revealing a woman with a pleasant face, including the eyes he had seen before. The resemblance to Jesse was more apparent now, and as she smiled at him, Lint couldn't help smiling back.

"Come in, darling," she offered when Lint hesitated to move. "You're soaking! Did you walk here in the rain?"

Lint nodded, hoping she wouldn't ask how far. She didn't, and he wandered through the open door cautiously.

"Jesse's asleep right now, but I'll be happy to wake him up for you,"she offered. "Just let me get you a towel first."

Lint nodded once again, being careful to stay on the linoleum floor of the kitchen as she ambled off to the bathroom quickly. Letting his gaze wander through the kitchen and living room, he found that it was a very comfortable place. He wondered for a second if that assessment was wrong and if there were dark, hidden secrets here like there had been in his own home growing up. Jesse hadn't ever spoke much of his family, so he was clueless on the subject.

The woman, who he'd assumed was Jesse's mother, returned and handed him a towel with another smile. He took it, returning the expression once again.

"I'll go see if I can get him out of bed. He's been sleeping quite a bit since he got home," she told Lint, then tilted her head to the left curiously. "Who should I say is here?"

"Oh, sorry," Lint apologized, realizing he hadn't introduced himself."Tim. Uhm, Lint."

She nodded in the vapid way that confused but polite people have and left him alone once again, scurrying down a darkened hallway. Lint watched her go, then busied himself with trying to dry off, more to keep his mind occupied than anything else. He toweled off his arms and face, then set about wiping some of the water off of his clothes.

Faltering, Lint looked to his feet, simultaneously cursing and praising them for bringing him this far. He looked back up as Jesse came into view from the hallway. Dressed in baggy, plaid pajama pants and an oversized black t-shirt, Jesse looked smaller than he ever had before. His hair, which had grown back to it's natural dark brown color, was haphazardly sticking out from his head and his eyes were narrowed groggily as he met Lint's gazed.

Lint knew as soon as their eyes locked what he'd been hiding from, and what Jesse had run away from. There was no way to deny it, but he couldn't express it in words either. Jesse hesitated only a second before crossing into the kitchen.

Not paying any mind to the puddles around Lint's feet or to the water that soaked his clothing, Jesse embraced him without a word. Lint did the same, snaking his arms around him. Before he could stop himself, he tilted his head and pressed his lips to the side of Jesse's jaw. In response Jesse held him just a little tighter.

"You're dripping," Jesse noted, voice thick with sleep. Regardless of that fact, he didn't release Lint.

"Yeah," Lint agreed after a second.

"What are you doing here?," Jesse asked, still not letting go.

"I...missed you," Lint told him, thinking it was obvious.

Jesse finally pulled away, not meeting Lint's eyes this time. "C'mon,"he started. "You need dry clothes."

Lint paused to take his socks and shoes off before following Jesse. Jesse pushed the door to his bedroom open, the silence that overtook the house uninterrupted in the room. As he made his way to the closet, Lint waited a few feet from the doorway, nervous again.

Jesse offered him a pair of pants similar to his own and a blank white t-shirt, and Lint accepted them wordlessly. He pulled his own soaked shirt over his head and exchanged it for the dry one, and Jesse sat down on the edge of his bed, stifling a yawn. Lint changed his pants as well, then stood and piled his soaked clothes in his arms.

"Here," Jesse offered, taking the garments from him.

Lint followed him out of the room once again and they walked to the end of the hall in silence, where Jesse tossed the clothes into the dryer and turned it on. Then they walked back to Jesse's room, still quiet. Jesse closed the door halfway, and returned to sitting on the edge of his bed. Lint remained standing, looking around at the sparcely decorated walls and letting the silence drag out as long as he could stand.

"Jesse...," Lint began, stepping towards him.

Jesse didn't respond with words, leaning forward to grasp Lint's hand in his own and tugging on it lightly. Lint followed the unspoken direction and sat next to Jesse. Releasing his hand and replacing his own in his lap, Jesse looked up at Lint searchingly. After a moment of the analytical eyelock, he wrapped his arms around Lint again and rested his cheek against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Jesse whispered. "I freaked..."

"It's okay," lint told him reassuringly. "I did, too, but...I didn't think you'd leave."

Jesse sighed, the exhalation of air warming LInt's skin and causing him to pull Jesse closer.

""Why did you leave?," he asked quietly, almost pleading.

"I was scared," Jesse answered.

"So was I! I've never...," Lint faltered; admitting it to himself was one thing but saying it aloud was quite another. "I've never cared about anyone that much before. Not even my family...I didn't know what the hell to think, what was going on."

He paused again, to see if Jesse had any response. He didn't, only keeping his head tucked against Lint's chest and his arms around him.

"I wanted to find out, though," Lint continued, his voice lowering in volume even more. "Didn't you?"

He felt Jesse nod against his chest without the slightest bit of hesitance, and pulled away from him. Jesse looked up into his eyes again and they watched each other for a long moment, then leaned in simultaneously until their mouths made contact with each other.

Jesse moved away from Lint before the kiss really had time to register, shaking his head and looking down.

"Don't you get it?," he asked vaguely.

"Get what?," Lint questioned. His hands remained loosely clasped around Jesse's back, but the other boy pulled his own hands back into his lap.

"How...how bad this will hurt," Jesse clarified. "It couldn't last forever, and when it ends..."

Lint stared at him in open disbelief. "It already hurts, Jesse. It hurt when you left. It hurt before, when we both ignored it."

"But it'll hurt worse...," Jesse maintained.

Sliding back across the bed and moving away from him, Lint leaned back against the wall and watched his companion closely.

"You're the one that doesn't get it, Jess," he spoke after a minute. "My whole life has hurt. I've never been happier than I was when you were around. You can't...hide from something that will make you happy, just because you're afraid of how much it will hurt when you lose it. For fuck's sake, you can't run away from it. That's no kind of life."

Jesse sighed heavily, finally looking up at him. "You can't ask me to go back."

"I wasn't going to. That's not why I'm here."

"Then why are you here?"

Lint bit into his lip thoughtfully and reached out, grasping one of Jesse's hands between both of his. "Because I love you," he told him. "And I wanted to at least let you know before everything went to shit again."

Jesse looked down at their hands clasped together, then crawled towards Lint, letting his arms encircle him again.

"I love you, too," he whispered.

Lint smiled and pulled the younger man tighter against him, dropping his head so that their lips met again. He knew Jesse was right, that it would start hurting as soon as he walked out the door and went back to the East Bay, which he knew he eventually would have to. It would hurt worse than anything had before, but it was far more worth it than anything else had been, too.

There are things one must learn to appreciate in this life. Things like love, and happiness, and the pain that follows the loss of both.