Wonderland

Our plane landed in San Diego and we reported to Camp Pendleton California, checked into our barracks and stowed our gear. Training would begin in a few days. Jungle warfare training they called it. I just called it a big organized grab ass session. We learned a few things sure, but nothing they taught us could compare to the real thing nor prepare us for the hell that was about to rain down on us.

I do however remember a few kind words the Instructors so illustriously laid upon us. It made a semi-lasting impression on a few others and myself. This Khaki clad bundle of encouragement said," All of you Shitbirds are going to Vietnam, but some of you swinging dicks won't be coming home as a living, breathing human being. Some of you shit balls will not pay attention here and therefore you will die on some battlefield in Viet-fucking-Nam. Others of you will forget all about your high school sweetheart Mary Jane rotten crotch and stick your pathetic peckers into some zipper headed Ho. You will die of black siff. Either way you hard-on’s will die. Listen up while you are here and you poor bastards may have the privilege of returning home to shoot the son of a bitch known as Jody. Jody is the draft card burning, anti war-protesting commie prick who will be banging your prom queen Mary Jane. If you make it home Jody will fear you, and Jody surely deserves to die. Now Marines, you have something to live for. That being, the de-peckerization of  that meat wielding son-of- a bitch Jody. So pay attention to what we have to say. What you will learn here may save your life.”

I thought, Oh yeah, now that was a deep and inspirational message of pure wisdom. I would dwell upon this wisdom for ten or maybe fifteen seconds and then it would self destruct.

Training had ended.

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