Let's Have A Big Welcome For Scott!

Here's a transcript of an interview conducted by a very famous bearded, balding man behind a desk with lots of blue cards with questions on them...

Name?
"Scott Hettig."

Nightwatch alias?
"Nooge."

Place of origin?
"Right here in Wisconsin."

Cow tipper?
"Absofreakinlutely."

Marital status?
"Married to Kelley with four sons."

Occupation?
"I work at Hepex, where we repair food service equipment."

My waffle iron doesn't work. Could you...
"No."

But I like waffles in the morning.
"Too bad, so sad, tell your dad."

You have saddened me, Sir.
"Sorry to hear that. Try Eggo."

Hmmm...I just may do that...Moving on, what is your contribution to the group?
"I handle the financial interests of the group, as well as assist in creating their scripts and lyrics. I am also the official brewmaster of the group. It's my job to get them drunk as often as possible."

Any hobbies or other interests?
"I'm into any and all things from the 80's, woodworking, and wheelchair drag-racing."

What would you say is your most defining trait?
"My ability to throw a party at any given moment."

Favorite game?
"The 'Drink The Zima And See What Happens' Game."

What is your favorite word?
"Togetherness."

Least favorite word?
"Matt."

Occupation you'd most like to attempt, besides your own?
"Filthy rich guy."

Occupation you'd least like to do?
"Sponge migration distance measurer."

I feel you, dog. Favorite curse word?
"%#&@$*!"

Finally, if Heaven exists, what do you think God will say as you arrive?
"That song was a lie; in Heaven, there's LOTS of beer!"

Get back to where you once belonged.