Ladies and Gentlemen: Matt!

Matt, one who eschews the public eye, recently granted an exclusive interview with a very famous bearded, balding man behind a desk with lots of blue cards with questions on them. Let's listen in, shall we?

Name?
"Matthew Martin."

Nightwatch alias?
"Stik."

Place of origin?
"Wisconsin, sir."

"Sir"? No need to call me "Sir".
"Sorry...I respect my elders, except for Dan."

Marital status?
"Married to Cori."

Occupation?
"Fireman."

A fireman? Like in "Backdraft"?
"Yes. That movie was completely accurate. Those type of things happen every day, twice on Sundays."

What about shows like "Third Watch" and "Rescue Me"?
"Affirmative. I see those things all of the time at my station house."

Good heavens. How often do you work?
"My current schedule has me at one day on, two weeks off."

What is your contribution to the group?
"I am the primary contact for the group, so I take care of all of the logisitics related to each performance. I am also the primary parody lyricist, I transport our props and set pieces, and I attract the women to our shows."

Any hobbies or other interests?
"Home improvements, riding my motorcycle, and using my ears to fly."

What would you say is your most defining trait?
"Finding something wrong with every one of Scott's ideas."

How about your favorite game?
"Hockey. I'm a goalie."

Ah, now I understand the resemblance to Jason Voorhees. Favorite word?
"Organization."

Least favorite word?
"Pop culture. I had to go with a term on that one."

That's OK. Occupation you'd most like to attempt, besides your own?
"Mongolian food taste-tester."

Occupation you'd least like to do?
"Clean up after Scott. I tell you, Kelley is a saint."

Favorite curse word?
"Shucks."

Finally, if Heaven exists, what do you think God will say as you arrive?
"You have endured much suffering by staying with Nightwatch for that long. Come on in and take a load off."

Gotta get back in time...