This has to be the most unusual journal entry I have ever made. It's the first for this journal, but that's because I can't get my old one. Nightsky said that going back home would be a bad idea. I hate him. Why does he always think he knows what's best? I'm not an idiot! I know what I'm doing!
I'm getting ahead of myself. I should cover a little history first. These past few weeks have been so hectic I'm just getting around to writing about them.
At seventeen I am officially an orphan. How you ask? My father died last year in a car crash. My mother, whom I hadn't seen in years, came out of nowhere and took me in. I moved with her to Seattle. I never knew why my parents split up. My dad said that my mom was irresponsible and had problems of her own. I believed him. I didn't have a reason not to. When I asked mom (god it still feels odd using that word!) she said I wouldn't understand. I finally prodded it out of her. My mom might have looked like an elf, but she wasn't. All of it was cosmetic.
In Tir Tairngire non-elves are basically second class citizens. My dad must have blown his lid when he found out. I wonder if he kicked her out or if she left on her own. Mom never told me. I never thought to ask dad.
It's not like I'll get a chance to anytime in the near future. Another turn downhill that my life seems fond of taking. My mom wasn't who she said she was. She lied to me, but now I understand why she did it. She wasn't doing what that asshole, Barnabas, told her. She was trying to get her family back together. Nightsky says that he sees why she did it, but thinkgs the way she tried accomplish things was wrong. Maybe they were, but I still respect her.
I'm getting ahead of myself again. I should fill in some history Nightsky told me. My mother was a vampire. She became infected several years ago in California. He doesn't know what happened to her in those years. Before then my mom lived with Nightsky's parents. He never said what happen to his parents, but I saw their graves when we buried my mom. When mom came to Tir Tairngire to find me she was acting under orders from someone Nightsky called Darvish.
The son of a bitch wouldn't tell me more about Darvish. Nightsky keeps too many secrets.
Apparently mom was suppose to find Nightsky in Seattle, but mom had other ideas. She wanted to find me and him then sneak of and start a new life together. It was like she was trying to fix the bad things that had happened in her life. I feel sorry for her now that I know the whole story. She lost me and dad in Tir Tairngire then Nightsky and his parents in the California Free State. I wonder how things would have been like if mom was still here? Would we be together somewhere?
When Barnabas kidnaped me he was trying to lure mom back. He wanted her to sacrifice me and renew her loyalty to his kind. My mom didn't do it. She found Nightsky and Linna and convinced them to rescue me. She saved my life. Everything was so great after that. We had a chance to really be together.
If that bitch Linna hadn't shot her! I can't believe it. Linna was my best friend, but the whole time she Barnabas' pawn! I trusted her and told her all my secrets and she turned on me!
It doesn't matter anymore. Nightsky killed her. Nightsky killed almost everyone for that matter.
I keep calling him Nightsky. He's name is Michael. Michael Curo I think. Curo was the name I saw on the gravestones in California. After the fight we both watched mom pass away. I guess I was in shock for those next few days. He made arrangements to have mom buried in California next to his parents. I guess I should thank him. It all seems like so long ago now. Not just for saving my life and taking care of mom. On the way back from California he said that I could stay with him as long as I wanted. (I said yes. Of course I said yes! I didn't have anywhere else to go! My family's gone! My mom was a vampire! And I'm flat broke!)
I didn't want to at first. I don't know him for one. I also remember how he was the night mom was died. He murdered six people like it was nothing! He did it in cold blood! Even Linna! Well, Linna was about to shoot me with a crossbow, but that still doesn't justify what he did. Killing people is nothing like it is on the trideo. It doesn't look the same. It certainly didn't feel the same. It's funny when I think of him that night, then glance into the next room and see him reading a 'trix-zine. The first week I here I couldn't sleep a wink. Partially from what happened and partially from having him so close, but from the way he acts now you would have thought it never happened.
Nightsky's, I mean Michael's, place is really pretty low. It's in a generic, blue collar part of Seattle. There's one huge main room with a half kitchen, a single bedroom and adjacent bathroom, and a another room off to the side. It's bleak too with the gray walls and concrete floors. There's no pictures or posters anywhere. I don't see how he can live like this. I'd go crazy here. Plus the bedroom has this weird dark stain on the floor that won't come up. It's red and sticky and splattered in a real messy way.
In fact, I am going crazy.
Nightsky (damnit, I mean Michael) has the strictest rules! I can't go back to school, I can't go home, I can't even talk to any of my friends! He said the people who worked for Barnabas might come looking for us again and that it was best to lay low for a while. Lay Low?! I'm never going to graduate! I'm never going to see my friends again! How does he expect me to drop my life so carelessly? It's bad enough that I have no where to go! Before I had to worry about getting into a good university, but now I have to worry about whoever Barnabas' keepers are! This is too much. I've got to get out of here.
I can't write anymore.
Michael and I had a long talk last night. It was more of an argument punctuated by moments of silence, really.
He said my life was endanger. I believe him. I've seen it for myself. There's no reason not to believe that there is another Barnabas out there. Michael has a point. It's better for me to stay out of sight.
I just don't want to let everything go. Why can't he see that? I'm giving up my entire life. I've already done that one when dad died. It feels too soon to give it up again. My future really doesn't look that great anymore. It hasn't looked great for a year now. On top of it all I'm never going to graduate now. It's not like I can go back to school and live like this whole year never happened. I wish it was May. May was a good month. Things might not have been perfect then, but I remember just pretending they were. I carried on that idea up until these past few weeks. I thought that I could pretend that everything was prefect and the it would all turn out okay. It reached the point where it didn't feel like I was pretending anymore. Almost like it was really true.
Looking back, I don't know what made me think that. I guess I kind of got caught up in my own little fantasy. Things had finally settled down since dad's death. Everything looked so stable. I wanted it to last, but it didn't.
I think I'm getting use to the disappointment. It doesn't hurt like it did before.
I did get Nightsky to agree with me on one thing. His place sucks the big one.
"I know," He had said. "But it's only for a few more days. I've made some arrangements for a different place. Bigger and a little safer than this one."
Moving! That makes me happy! I can't wait to get out of this dump. I think I know why he wants to move too. It's not that the freezing floors, faceless walls, or leaky toilet. I think he's tired of sleeping on the floor!
I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Staring at the clock, watching it click from 11:00 pm to 12:00 am, didn't help much either. On the plus side this place wasn't as cold as it has been. It was humid and hot instead. Nightsky slept peacefully on a few blankets. I don't see how he can curl up like that, get a good night's sleep, and wake up refreshed in the morning. It's hard enough sleeping on that worn out mattress.
Not being able to sleep changed my day. Nightsky left the door to the room that I've never been in unlocked. That's a first. It hasn't been open in the few weeks I've been here. I'd seen through the door before, but all I saw was a big metal table in the middle of the room and a large locker on the wall. This time the locker was open.
I'll never forget what was inside. Guns, knives, swords, even grenades. This was nothing a private civilian should have either. I don't know much about guns, but I know an assault rifle when I see one. I know what grenades look like. One of the swords was even familiar. It was the one with the chunky blade hanging neatly in the corner. It was the same one I saw him use the night mom was killed. A few of those coats were even hanging up. I tried one on and found out that they were heavier than they looked.
Who have I been kidding all of this time? I don't know what Nightsky does for a living. The only thing I do know is that he has murdered people. I bore witness to it. Does that make me a threat to him? Would he kill me just as easily as he did the others?
I can't believe I did it again. I'm pretending everything's okay. WAKE UP ALONA! This is real!
This is a killer.
I left.
Left. That simple. I grabbed what few things I had and left Nightsky's place before he woke. I'm not going to kid myself anymore. My life is in danger. Not just from people like Barnabas, but I'm convinced that Nightsky himself would see me dead. He has every reason to come after me for seeing what he did to the others.
It doesn't matter if they deserved it or not. Before they were good or bad they were people first. That is what counts.
I wonder if he's noticed I'm gone yet? I wonder if he can find me? Frag it all, I can't find myself! I'm hungry and tired. I don't have any nuyen for food or a place to sleep. Not even a coffin motel. I don't know where to go either. I road the monorail most of the evening. Other than that I've spent the whole day on the road.
For some reason I went home. My home that mom and I lived in. I don't know why. Everything in me kept saying that it wasn't a smart move. That Nightsky would try to pick me up there or one of Barnabas' kind. I was careful. These past few weeks have made me very paranoid. Almost as paranoid as Nightsky
Today it paid off. I noticed a black car on my street. I know all of the cars in this neighborhood, but I have never seen this one before. The windows were polarized, so I couldn't see inside. I doubt it was Nightsky. He doesn't own a car. It could have been someone sent be the late Barnabas, but I can't be sure. It could've have been Lone Star, seeing as how I've been listed as missing for weeks now.
So much for that. I can't even sneak into my own house.
I thought about going to Lone Star and turning myself in. At least this way I'll have a chance at a normal life, but again I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. I guess it's my new found sense of paranoia. My reasoning is that turning myself into Lone Star will probably draw the attention of the goon squad again. I doubt Nightsky would come looking for me, but I can't say the same for the other's. Barnabas seemed like the kind of guy who had connections in high places. Even if he's dead now, those connections might still be looking. I'd rather starve to death than end up in the hands of someone like him again.
I don't know why I bother writing this. I guess it gives me a place to vent. Carrying around all these thoughts is like dragging excess baggage at the airport. Plus people don't look at me funny when I'm making entries. It looks like I'm working on something.
Good. I hate when people stare at me. I feel exposed. Out in the open. Like their eyes are meant for me.
Like they were working for someone like Barnabas..........
No, scratch that. I shouldn't think that.
I'll just watch the lights pass outside my window. That's the nice thing about the tram around downtown. It's raised above street level so I can see the lights of the city. Right now I can see the shiny acrology. That's a huge place. Linna and I went Christmas shopping there last year.
Linna.......I never expected her to be who she was. How could Barnabas have gotten his fingers into someone so close to me? I never had a clue. Apparently she fooled Nightsky too. It's good to see that someone can trick him. That other girl, I think her name was Sand, also pulled one over on him.
I'd smile for a moment, but then I remember what Nightsky did to them. I wonder if there's really that much difference between Nightsky and Barnabas?
I'm tired. I'll rest my head against the window for a moment. I like watching the lights pass.
I can't believe I fell asleep on the tram. Some freaky ork rifling through my pockets woke me up. That guy took my locket! The one dad gave me! After that the security guard threw me off.
"This isn't a coffin motel! You ride and you get off. It's your turn to get off!" He had said.
Drekhole! What kind of person does he think I am? He can't just throw me off like that!
I got off just so I wouldn't have to listen to him. I think it was somewhere south of downtown. Nightsky's place was in Tacoma. Not that it helps me any. I still don't have anywhere to go and I'm absolutely starving! I still don't have any money to eat with. I'm not even picky as long as it's edible.
I decided to walk. I picked a direction at random and put one foot in front of the other. I'll leave the rest up to fate. Fortunately fate shined on me. I did founnd a place that served lunch for free! It was a shelter. The food wasn't that bad. It had no taste to it, but it was still good. It was the best meal I've had in years. I guess it's true when people say your best meals are the ones you are starving for.
There was some nice people at the shelter. Aunt Lucy, this old ork woman, ran the place. She's a riot! Everything to her has a little joke hiding inside. She can take all the bad things in a day and make them funny again. I don't see how she does it. Whenever someone else tries it comes out all wrong. She makes it look effortless.
Suddenly I knew of a place to go. Linna's parents. Surely they had heard something about what happened to her by now. If not they know she has been missing for weeks. Aunt Lucy introduced me to Jimbo, her son. Jimbo was taking a van up that way. I hitched a ride with him. As he left he asked if I need a ride back.
I had told him. "No, I'll be fine."
Curse Jimbo's helpful personality. "I'll be passing by in a few hours. Give a shout if you change your mind." He had said.
Linna's dad answered the door when I knocked. From the look on his face I could tell that he was surprised to see me. Of course I said yes when he invited me in. It was so hard to see him like this. He was in hurting inside, but he kept the tears from showing. He reminds me so much of my dad.
Then I was the one fighting back the tears.
"Linna's been gone for almost a month. I don't know where to look. We called Lone Star, we hired private detectives, I even spent days driving around looking for some sign. Linna and her mother got into arguments every so often, but they always made up. I always supported and looked after her in any way I could. I always thought we got along great as a family. She was always so happy here. Why would she leave?"
"She always spoke highly of you, Alona. The day she met you at school she came running home with a bounce in her step like you've never seen. You two always got along great."
I hate to say it, but I shut out the rest of what he said. It didn't feel right, listening to him talk about how great friends we were. He was so proud of it, but I know it was all a lie. None of it was real.
Sometime later he put things together and asked where I had been. He found out that I hadn't been at school in weeks. I wasn't officially listed as missing because my mom was the only likely person to file such a thing with Lone Star. I left shortly after those questions. I didn't want to answer them, so I brushed them off and excused myself.
I stayed longer than I meant to. Jimbo had already come and gone. I ended up walking again. My feet carried me far from Linna's neighborhood. I walked all the way to Casino Corner. I didn't really mean to go to a place like this. It's a collection of gambling houses in central Everett. It's big on nightclubs. Once, several months ago, I visited the a few of them. I had a great time, but I'm not in the mood to have a great time tonight. Seeing all of the happy people waltzing down the strip is sickening.
Then I saw the car. It was cruising slowly down the strip. At first I didn't notice because it blended into the traffic. Then I spotted the small dent on the fender. That dent was on the same one at my house yesterday! I was sure of it. These were the same people. Twice I ducked into the doorway of a club and watched. Each time the car pulled to a stop and sat quietly. I when I started walking again the car followed. I tried losing them in a crowd outside a big club. It was easy to bury myself in the mass of people who were just dying to get in. The car stopped just like before. It say there for a few minutes. I thought they would give up.
Then three men got out and headed for me. They started pushing their way through and I ran. I pushed and knocked against people to get away. Suddenly I realized those bastards were herding me. One of them was working his way around the crowd waiting to see where I would pop out. If I hadn't spotted him at the least second he would have nabbed me.
Somewhere in foot chase I zigged when I was better off zagging, heading down a dead end alley. Solid brick walls three stories up. No doors, no windows. Not even a decent dumpster. I can't believe I cornered myself so easily. I should have been looking ahead! I should have been thinking!
But no.
Those three goons came into the alley. I didn't have anywhere to go. If this was a trideo now is when I would notice the manhole cover, but there was no manhole.
Cornered. Only one thing left.
"Come on! I'm not afraid of you! It takes three big guys to bring down a girl like me? Pussies!"
Looking back, I should've left out the pussy bit. They rushed me. One hit from their batons and I felt the whole world catch on fire. I couldn't believe the pain! It felt like every nerve was burning. I could hear them talking above me. What were they going to do? Beat, rob, and rape me? Kill me?!
"We got her, but it's not the right one." One of them said.
"Better than nothing. We'll get a little 'yen out of her." Another said.
Suddenly there was another voice. Someone at the end of the alley was screaming at them. Nightsky was there! And another man. I didn't know him. He was tall with reddish brown hair. His eyes were strange, but I think that was because of the unbelievable amount of pain I was in. The tall man said something, but I don't couldn't understand it. I could barely hold my eyes open, but I'll never forget the words and sounds that followed.
"Frag off! This isn't your biz!" One of them yelled back.
"You didn't see nothing man! Just walk away!"
One of their number went to shoo Nightsky and the other man off. I can never forget what happened to him. He screamed "Oh, drek!" just before Nightsky nearly cut him in half. The second pulled something from his coat, but he never made it. I turned away, but I saw his blood splattered on the ground. The man screamed, but abruptly went quiet. There was the quick stamp of boots on concrete as Nightsky rushed the third. I shut my eyes. I didn't want to see it again.
A hand on my arm forced me to open them. It was the man Nightsky was with. He stood over me, but he didn't look dangerous. He was offering his hand.
"Hello," He had said. "My name's Lenny. Are you okay?"
I wasn't okay. Every muscle in my body was aching, but I nodded anyway. Nightsky had the third man against the wall with a sword at his throat. There was blood. A lot of blood, but he held the blade motionless. The man's face had a horrible look on it. I think he was afraid to speak because his mouth worked slowly, but no words came out.
Nightsky asked Lenny to take me to the car. He said it so quietly I almost didn't hear him.
I didn't argue with him either. I hurt all over. Mr. Lenny almost had to carry me out. Lenny put me in an Eurocar on the curb. The seat was so comfortable. I was barely there a few minutes before I fell blacked out.
I never knew what happened to the third man.
I woke up at Nightsky's (Drekkit, I mean Michael's) place. I didn't feel that bad aside from a splitting headache and an ugly burn. I didn't stay in bed. I hopped out and passed that odd stain in the floor on my way to the main room.
He was there. Wide awake. There was even breakfast on the table. Takeout waffles and pancakes. He must have been waiting for me. I didn't really want to talk, but I was hungry and a pancake soaking in thick syrup was an unfair temptation.
When I asked how he found me he held up my gold locket, the same one that the ork had stolen from me two days ago, and said "Magic." The word he spoke didn't even register with me. Not at first anyway. I believe that in the middle of the sprawl he had managed to find me and my locket. I was ecstatic that I had my locket back. I didn't even think to ask for more of an explination, but he gave one anyway. He said that he had found the locket with some guy called a fixer in south downtown. My name was carved on the back, so he bought it. Then he took it to a magician friend of his who used it to find me.
After that, he asked one question, "Why?"
I had an answer, but I didn't want to say it. It didn't matter. I think he knew. He was sipping a cup of soycaf. He hates the stuff, but he was drinking it anyway. I watched for a moment just long enough for the silence to become unbearable. He must've been able to sense that I was uneasy. That's when he explained everything.
Nightsky is a shadowrunner. That's why he had all those guns. That's why he was able to kill those people. That's why he's so secretive. People pay him to run the shadows of Seattle, carrying out all kinds of activities that the general public considers criminal and illegal. He has been doing it for almost a year now. Before then he lived with a gang in Redmond. Most of the time he works with a team and hires out through someone he calls a fixer. Yes, he admits to performing many less than admirable deeds. He doesn't even have a SIN. Lenny, the man that was with him last night, is also a shadowrunner. He's the "headface" of Nightsky's team. The magician friend of his is also a shadowrunner and part of their team.
For the first time he admitted that he understood why I was afraid of him. Then he assured me that he would never harm me. He is holding to the promise he made to mom and he would do everything he could to bring something right out of what she had tried to do. I don't know why he feels so strongly about it. It's almost like that's the only thing he has to look forward too in his life.
Nightsky also said that he would understand if I still wanted to leave. He even offered to give me some money. I didn't answer him right away. I guess I wanted more time to think about it.
I won't tell him now, but I think I can learn to live with a shadowrunner a lot easier than learning to live with the loss of this past year. Left alone, I'm afraid all this might get to me. I'm afraid I'll lose my mind.
At least he and I have something in common.
We are moving today. There's not much in the place now. The walls are as empty as ever, but now the furniture is gone too. Nightsky is pretty thorough about cleaning things out. A few of his friends (and I use the term loosely) helped move everything.
The new place is on the other side of the sprawl. I still feel like I'm going to miss this place. It wasn't much, but it was home for a while. Nightsky doesn't seem to care. I don't think he puts much value in things like that.
It's time to go. I'm shutting the front door for the last time. I'm leaving everything behind. Everything from last month is going to stay in his place. It's better this way.