Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
For a long time there was darkness. Then there were flashes. A dizzying array of images and sounds that melded together to form a cornucopia of sights and sounds. Then it all faded away. A sense of calmness came in its place. Suddenly everything made sense. There was nothing left to do. It was all at peace. A serene feeling came over things.
Then that too left. An icy coldness took its place. Empty and foreboding. Every so often a voice would speak, but it was too muffled and too far away to make out what it was saying. It helped fill the void that had come so suddenly. It carried a sense of hope, warmth, in its soft tone. Like there was some hope here, in this place, where there was nothing except the shadow fo one's own thoughts. Even those were to faint and distant that it was like being removed from oneself. One's own thoughts were alien. No one ever knows what's inside until that is the only thing that is left to keep them company.
Then at last there was light. Nothing more than a fuzzy picture at first. Only when it began to clear did things take shape. The voice that had been so distant became clear. It was still warm and hopeful. It was also full of concern.
"I think he's awake."
The light formed itself into an image, still fuzzy. The image finally cleared into a person. Alona.
She smiled. There were bags under her eyes and her skin was pale, suggesting that she had not slept much. "Hey there, guy, welcome back."
Nightsky lifted his hand to his head. "Where-"
"He's awake?" Someone else, out of his field of view, said.
Alona caught his hand. "Shhh, you shouldn't move around. You've been in a coma for two weeks."
"Two weeks?" Nightsky sat up abruptly. There was a coldness behind his eyes that refused to go away. He also had a splitting headache. The back of his mouth was dry and scratchy. The act of talking was torturous. "What happened to me? What is this place?"
"You shot yourself. In the head."
"You're alive!" Tart came from no where and hugged him. "You're alive! Really alive!."
"Tart." Nightsky held his head.
"Dr. Ramon said that you needed rest. You're barely survived." Alona informed him. "The bullet went through your temple. Shard managed to keep you alive until we got back to Seattle. Your eyes, and optic nerves, were gone. Dr. Ramon had to replace them."
Nightsky touched his eyes.
"With cybernetics." She added.
That was why they were cold. That was the reason things appeared to be grainy. The splitting headache he had was a side effect of the swelling his brain had endured during the coma.
"Dr. Ramon said you would get use to them. You need some time for your brain to adjust to the new signals. You'll be dizzy for a while."
Nightsky tried to sit up a little more, but the dizziness overcame him. His brain was having trouble accepting the new information.
"It's okay, Nightsky. We know why you did it. You weren't yourself." Tart said, still embraced in a hug. "Tart explained it. It was that Orb. It messed with your mind."
"Tart?" Alona said. "Maybe you should get Lenny and have him call Shard?"
Tart stood up, rubbing her eye. "Yeah, she should know." She smiled, though she was still shaking. Not from fear, but from excitement and relief. She made a slight wave with her hand as she slipped out the door.
When she had left Nightsky asked, "Where am I?"
"Lenny said that this is a shadow clinic. I don't really know where. Dr. Ramon is the doctor. I'm glad you're okay. I thought you were dead. Everyone did."
"Everyone?"
Alona sighed, more of a regrettable sigh than one of relief. "It's not your fault. It was like Tart was saying. It was the Orb you had. Some how if messed up the way you saw the world. Just like it did with everyone else. You didn't know what you were doing. I can't believe you would actually kill yourself in your right mind. I mean, you're a little remorseful at times, but you're not suicidal."
Nightsky chuckled a bit at that.
The door to the room opened. Lenny stepped in. The shadowrunner was wearing regular, everyday clothes. A plan white shirt, unbuttoned at the top, and simple coat. He grabbed a stool from the corner and sat it next to the hospital bed. "Hey, look who's awake. How do you feel?"
"Like drek. What happened?"
Lenny eased himself onto the stool. "Riggs and I came upstairs just after you shot yourself. Shard managed to keep you from dying until we were able to get back to Seattle. Checked everyone in to Ramon's. We brought the Orb of Voices back with us and turned it in to Hector. Job's done."
"Gideon?"
Lenny glanced at the floor for a minute. "Gideon's dead, Nightsky. Everyone else is okay. Smiley's, well. Smiley is alive. He's a tough bastard, but he's not the same. I think he snapped. Hector has him in a padded room on the other side of the sprawl. He's gone mad. Completely mad."
"Gideon? He's dead?"
Lenny huffed. "Wasn't your fault. Shard, when she got her strength back, gave the Orb a good going over before we turned it in. It released some kind of spell like effect. The old crone that you killed, put some kind of curse on it. It messed with all of our minds. We saw things that weren't their. We imagined things that weren't quiet right. The original team that brought the Orb out of Azltan suffered the same thing. The Orb got into them. Now all of them except one are dead."
Nightsky nodded solemnly.
"The girls tell you about your new eyes?"
"Yes. They feel strange."
"You'll get use to them after a while." Lenny lowered his sunglasses, showing his own cybernetic replacements. "They're really much better than normal eyes with their magnificition, low-light, and thermographics. I made sure Ramon put in a good pair. A new model of the kind I have. Don't worry. They're not completely like mine. They have a normal appearance."
"What did you do with Gideon?"
"We cremated the body two weeks ago. After we got back. He told me once that was what he wanted. Don't blame yourself for it. Doc Ramon is going to be in to see you in a moment. He talked like it will be a couple of days before you will be up and around."
"Money?"
"Taken care of. Hector gave us an extra fifteen percent when we got back. It set us all up for some much needed downtime. No one's arguing that we don't need it. Lenny leaned back, glancing at Alona and Tart. "Why don't you two get some coffee and breakfast? I know I could use some and I bet Nightsky is starving too."
Alona nodded, a bit reluctant at first. "Sure, Lenny. Want anything in particular?"
"Waffles would be nice." Lenny grinned. "Some bacon too. Real bacon."
"Tall order. Come on, Tart." Alona took the decker by the arm. The two of them left the room.
Lenny settled back on his perch. He fished a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. He lite one, even though there was a sign above the door that said no smoking. He didn't care. The acidic taste in his mouth was more inviting than the staleness of the sterile clinic. "Kind of funny, isn't it?"
Nightsky laid back on the bed. "What do you mean?"
"So much death over something so simple. You know, I never really thought about it before, but after it was all over I started adding up the people who had lost their lives as a result of the whole thing. It's funny. I have names to put to them now. I've had a lot of time on my hands to look up the ones I didn't know. Abbot and Perch died when Haiku took them into the jungle to get that thing. Austin when the Orb turned own him. Findler died because it was the law of the shadows. Earl Graham, Partrick Clifton, Johnny Marks, John Whitaker, Larry Cole......."
"Who?"
"The security guards from the Ethan Brown run."
"Oh. I had.....forgotten about them."
"Then Darrel, Jax, and that doctor. His name was Tota Laken. With them Alona's friend, Leslie."
"I had forgotten about them too. Funny, how it's easy to forget."
"Yeah. Last, there was Gideon."
"Gideon........"
"Don't dwell over him. The Orb made us all see things."
Nightsky took a breath. "That's just it Lenny."
"Huh?"
"The Orb of Voices didn't have anything to do with it."
He shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"I knew when it was the Orb and when it wasn't. I saw Imira again. I saw my mom and dad. I know the Orb showed me them. They spoke to me." He looked at Lenny. "But when it was Gideon, it wasn't the Orb. It was me and what I had inside. Just like......at the school. That was me. When I killed that boy."
"School? What are you talking about?"
"You are right though, Lenny." Nightsky stared up at the ceiling. "It's easy to forget them. Until you take that one that was one too many. Then they all come back to you at once. You can't take seeing all their faces. You just want it to end. I wanted it to end, but they won't let me take the easy way out. I have to live with them now."
Lenny took a drag from his cigarette, staring at the floor. "No one ever said shadowrunning was easy."
"It's not that."
"No?"
"No. Shadowrunning is easy. It's the living with the things you did on the run that's hard. Hard to let go of what happened. Letting go of the past, it's almost impossible to do. So we hide it, keep it a secret, and let it eat us away inside."
Lenny flicked the ashes off the smoke. "I forgot about it once. The past that is, but the Orb made me remember what it was liked. I was happier back then and I want it back, but I know I can't have it back."
"Like I can't have that night back? I can't bring them back to life?"
"No. I use to say there's no point dwelling on the past because there's nothing that can be done to change it." Lenny thumbed his chin thoughtfully, slipping the cigarette between his lips. "If you could have one night back, which one would it be?"
"That's easy. July 13th, 2059. I would........have ended the conversation differently. What about you?"
"I would take back March 10th." Lenny stood and brushed the ashes off his shirt. "I'm going to check on Dr. Ramon. Need anything?"
"Yeah, a cigarette."
"You don't smoke."
"I know."
Lenny shrugged, he thumbed the last cigarette from the pack and lite it for him. Then quietly slipped out the door. Nightsky laid there, taking the smoke into his lungs and letting it flow out, wisping its way up towards the ceiling. Then beyond the ceiling up towards the roof. Beyond the roof and into the sky. Beyond the sky and into that place where all people go where they die. Hoping one day he would be there too.
That's it for this story. Try going back to the Fiction Index and finding something else. Thoughts, rants, comments? Email me and tell what you thought about it.