Wolvie Wants to be a Millionaire

by Kayta Jade

Standard disclaimer, I don�t own the X-Men. Never have, never will.


He quite possibly overdid it this time. Now and again, he needed to go to Harry�s and let off some steam. Hey, pummeling a couple of thugs and drinking until he felt like crap was always a good time, but tonight�s aftermath was especially heinous. He�d left the mansion about 1:00pm after a disappointing Danger Room session and it was now 7:00pm. A long time to be drowning beers. He didn�t just feel like crap, he felt like serious crap. All he wanted to do was spend some quality time, maybe several days of quality time, in his bed.

Wolverine was slowly making his way up the stairs to his room when Bobby Drake crashed into him.

"Dude! Get outta the way! I�m late!" He rushed passed the growling Logan without a second glance.

Wolverine whispered to himself. "Ice chip, if I didn�t feel like death warmed over, I�da kicked yer frozen butt. An� I probably will later. Just fer laughs."

He continued his struggle to reach the warmth and comfort of his bed when another blow got him just as he reached the top of the stairs.

"Sorry, Sugah! I didn�t see ya there! Gotta run, or I�ll miss it again!" Rogue quickly helped Wolverine off the ground and flew downstairs.

"What the flamin� hell is everyone in such a hurry for? Ugh!" Damn, it was bad enough his head felt like it was gonna explode, he didn�t need everyone on the team slamming it around every five seconds.

"Oh, Wolvie, I�m sorry! I�d help ya up, but I gotta get downstairs or they�ll take my spot again!"

"Jubes, what the hell is goin� on?!"

As she disappeared down the stairs, she waved to him and called, "No time, Wolvie! Gotta run!"

As he sat on the floor in the hallway massaging his aching head, a deafening clamor of shouts and applause arose from the living room. "Okay, that�s it. I�m gonna settle this down now, or I ain�t gonna get any sleep!"

Wolverine trudged back down the stairs, cursing under his breath at the fact that with each step, his headache pounded in his ears.

"Why�d I ever decide ta live with these people? They got no respect fer the wounded. Hell they don�t even got respect fer the drunk."

He walked through the doorway of the living room to find the entire team seated around the television set, paying rapt attention to the guy on the screen.

"Hello and welcome to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Last night Archie Leach here reached $32,000. Tonight, he will try again to be a Millionaire!"

He couldn�t believe it. They were watching a game show. They stared at the television like a group of cultists listening to their psychopathic leader. He smirked and thought to himself, �Wait till he gets ta the fruit punch, kids. It ain�t gonna be all fun n� games then.�

"Hey, Wolvmeister, have a seat." Bobby was returning from the kitchen with a fresh bowl of popcorn, soda and a package of Twinkies. He noticed the repulsed look on Wolverine�s face and whispered to him.

"Hey, look. I thought the same thing. But I gotta tell ya, you watch it once and you�re hooked. You might as well join �em cause you can�t beat �em." He continued munching on the popcorn as he sat on his chair.

"That�s stupid. It�s just a TV show."

Bobby laughed. "You�ll see."

Wolverine heard the host prattling on about life and Archie�s hobbies � fishing, stamp collecting and spending time with his kids. Fascinating. Yeah, right. The host asked the first question. Wolverine let out a haughty laugh. "That�s easy. It�s �C�, �The Philadelphia Story�. "

A collective "SSSHHHHH!" and several dirty stares rose from the group as they listened to the tension building music and watched Archie struggle to answer the question that would get him $64,000. Huh. Easy money. If all the questions were that simple, he could be a millionaire in no time.

"You are correct! And you�ve won $64,000!"

Applause rose from the audience both on the television and in the living room. "Told ya it was �C�." Wolverine moved closer to the group and suddenly noticed that his head had stopped throbbing. �Huh. Well, I guess I�ll stay a minute �r two and see what this Archie guy knows.�

The host asked if Archie was ready to proceed and after receiving a hearty �Yes!� from his contestant, continued on. He read the questions and each answer.

His teammates began to whisper among themselves at the possibilities. Even Wolverine wasn�t sure if it was �A� or �D�. �That�s a tough one.�, he thought to himself. On the screen, Archie put his hand on his chin to assist his decision making. He walked through his thinking process out loud and eliminated �B� and �C�.

�I knew it. It�s gotta be �A�.�

Suddenly, Archie had made his decision and announced that his answer was �D�. The host looked Archie dead in the eye to make sure that �D� was really his FINAL ANSWER.

�Sorry, bub. answers �A�.� Wolverine was gonna enjoy being right again.

Archie took a moment to consider his answer and replied, �Yes!�. The host yelled out that he was right, the crowd went crazy and Wolverine was stunned.

"Whaddya mean it�s �D�! It�s �A�, ya moron!�

In one collective movement, the team turned around to look at Wolverine. "Well, come on, ain�t it obvious? Ain�t it? Well, I thought it was. I mean, wasn�t it�Ferget it."

A few of them smiled knowing smiles as they turned back to the television screen to see if Archie could pull out the million dollars.

Bobby got up, went in to the kitchen and returned with another chair. "Have a seat, big guy. You�re now officially, �one of us.�"

He was right. Wolverine had been sucked in. Surrendering, he sat in the chair.

"Gimme the popcorn, Ice boy."

"No way, get your own."

Snikt.

"Fine. Just save me some. But you can�t have my Twinkies."

"Whatever. Just shut up. I can�t hear the question."

Although Archie wasn�t destined to win the million dollars, Wolverine did manage to answer at least five more questions correctly.

�Next time, I�ll get �em all right. Next time.�

END


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