The Beast Is Out Of His Element by Salamander Summary: While on vacation with Logan, Jubilee runs into a little problem and needs him to fix it. Rating: PG. There is some bad language but nothing excessive. Author's notes: Sorry if this makes anyone uncomfortable. :^) Disclaimer: All characters except Larry are Marvel's. Unfortunately, I don't even get paid for him. Logan was happy. Extremely happy. He was in his element. He and Jubilee were on vacation at his cabin in Canada. There was nothing to interupt the bonding between him and his darlin'. Nothing at all. Not one thing could -- "Dammit!" Logan sat abruptly. He had been lounging on a hammock until Jubilee had cursed. At first, he was somewhat angry that she had used such dirty language. Sure, he used it, but it was entirely different when his precious 15-year-old Jubilee did. Then, he became somewhat worried. Why would Jubilee curse so loudly? Maybe she was in trouble! "Wolvie!" Hearing that, Logan jumped out of the hammock and bounded inside the cabin to the bathroom. "Darlin'? Ya alright in there?" He could hear Jubilee sigh. "I'll live." "That doesn't tell me if ya're okay or not, kid." "I'm not in the mood to be called kid!" Logan backed away from the door a bit. Her tone was somewhat scary. . . . "Are ya okay, darlin'? Jubilee was silent for a moment. "I need ya to do me a favor." "Sure, Jubes. Whatever ya need." . . . * * * Logan found himself in the closest grocery store, which was a twenty minute ride away. Things weren't that bad. Really, they weren't. All he had to do was grab it and pay for it. If he only knew exactly what to buy. . . . He should have asked Jubilee! He gave up searching with a growl and pushed armful after armful of the stuff into his cart. Logan pushed the cart to the front of the store as fast as he could. He didn't want Jubilee to wait too long. He threw the items onto the counter hurridly. The clerk just stared oddly at the rugged, rushing man. Then, the boy looked into the cart and onto the counter in front of him. Logan stopped and looked at the boy in a fierce way. "What's the matter, bub? Ya never saw someone buy these 'fore?" The boy, whose nametag said his name was Larry, shrugged and shook his head. He started to ring Logan's merchandise up. It wasn't that Larry hadn't seen anybody buy them before. He had. He had seen many different kinds of people, including young, old, male and female, buy them. He just didn't know, and really didn't want to know, why the guy was buying so much of it. . . * * * Logan dumped out the groceries onto his table. He was actually quite proud of himself. He hadn't allowed himself to be intimidated. And he was sure his li'l darlin' would be happy with him and what he had bought for her. Jubilee came out of the bathroom and her face lit up. "Gee, Wolvie! Ya really went all out!" She walked over to the table and looked at the mountain of packages of maxi pads. Her face fell. Considerably. And she even began to look a bit angry. "Wolvie?" Logan blinked. The change in her attitude had been so sudden and unexpected. "Yeah, darlin'?" "None of these have wings." Wings?? Wings!!! He could have shot himself! He had forgotten! And he couldn't believe it! "Sorry. Does it really matter, though?" "'Does it really matter'??? 'DOES IT REALLY MATTER'!!!!! YES! IT DOES!!" She took a package of pads and stormed into the bathroom. A few seconds later, the door opened suddenly. "Be a dear and bring those back and come back with ones with wings." When Logan didn't move, she changed her request to an order. "DO IT NOW!!!" She slammed the door behind him. . . . * * * Logan had never in his life made it to the market as fast as he had after Jubilee's nice request. Never. He raced into the store with several bags in his hands. He put them on the same counter. Larry looked up at him, confused. "Can I help you?" "Yeah! I want a refund." He opened the bags up a bit to show what was inside of them (like Larry could forget!) and then pulled out a receipt. "Don't worry. They ain't used." "Ummm . . . " Larry really didn't know what to do. "They weren't to your satisfaction?" It was Logan's turn to not know how to react. He was finally getting intimidated. "Somethin' like that. . . . " "So . . . you want a full refund or do you want to exchange them?" The boy could feel Logan's discomfort, which actually made Larry even more uncomfortable. "Ummm . . . a bit o' both. I need ones with wings. Let me go get some and . . . I'll be right back. . . . " Logan raced into the aisle and searched for pads with wings. Finally finding some in a sea of pads from companies with packages that were almost indistinguishable from each other, Logan grabbed three packages and made a mad dash to the counter. "Here!" Logan threw the pads on the counter. Larry was going as fast as he could. "Ummm . . . okay. It'll take me a minute. -- " "I ain't got a minute! She's gonna have my head if I don't come back with the right things in a hurry, bub!" Poor Larry was shaking as he tried to match the items on the receipt to those in the bags. "Okay . . . okay . . . ummm . . . I'm really sorry, sir. . . . " His adolescent voice cracked under the strain. Logan growled a bit. "Look, kid! There's one package not in there! Ya can say that it was the most expensive! Take the price o' these three bags and do some subtractin'! Then, pay me, dammit!" Larry nodded and started to work even faster. He was about to hyperventilate when he opened the register and gave Logan his money. "Here!" His voice was higher than normal. "Take it! Just take it!" Logan did and took the three packages of winged pads with him. . . . * * * Logan hurried into the cabin. "I got the pads, darlin'!" Jubilee rushed him and grabbed one of the packages. She disappeared into the bathroom for a few moments and then came back out. "Where's the Midol?" THE MIDOL!!!! He had forgotten the Midol!!! How could he have done that??? The first time he had gone, she had told him she wanted Midol and he had forgotten both times! Logan remained silent with a look of pure terror. Jubilee was looking pissed again. "Ya forgot it. I'm about to bleed to death, and ya forgot it????" "I'll . . . I'll . . . go get ya some, pum'kin." Logan would do anything to appease her now. Jubilee's head snapped up. "What did ya call me?" "Huh? Oh! I called ya darlin'." Was that the wrong thing to call her now? "No. Ya didn't." "Yes, I -- " "No!!! Ya called me 'pum'kin'!!!!" Logan backed up into the door. "I'm gonna go get ya yer Midol, darlin'." He raced out the door. The last thing he saw was Jubilee plopping down on the couch, holding her stomach, and saying, "Oh God! I'm gonna die!!!" . . . * * * Logan ran into the store and got ahold of Larry before the poor kid knew what was happening. Logan was breathless. "Where's the Midol, kid??" Logan had Larry by the boy's collar. Larry wasn't taking this whole thing too well. "It's . . . it's . . . it's . . . down . . . uhhhhh . . . -- " "Where???" Logan was looking quite rugged and very delirious. "Where the uhhh . . . where the . . . medicine is . . . " Logan nodded and started to run in the direction of the aisle, dragging Larry with his collar. When they were in the aisle, Logan began to look for it, but couldn't find a bottle of it. "Where???" >From the uncomfortable bent position Larry was in, he was still able to grab a bottle of it. "Here you go, sir." Logan let go of Larry, causing the boy to fall, and took the bottle from his hand. "I got it! HAHAHA!!! C'mon, kid, ring this up for me!" Larry moaned a bit before getting up and taking the bottle from Logan. Both guys went to the front in a hurry, and Larry rang the bill for Logan in record speed. Logan gave him the money and flew out of the store. . . . * * * Logan took a big breath before entering his cabin. As soon as he did, Jubilee was there. She took the bag from him and was gone in an instant. A few seconds later, she was on the couch again, watching Logan's new tv that she had insisted he buy. Logan sighed and walked into the kitchen to grab a beer. He opened the refrigerator and was greeted by a terrible sight. There was no beer. He closed the door slowly and walked to the door. "I'm goin' out fer a bit. Don't worry. I'll be back soon." Logan didn't wait for Jubilee to answer. He silently thanked God that he had bought a satellite dish to babysit Jubilee for him. Who knew what she'd do to his cabin in the state she was in if she was bored. . . . * * * Logan ambled into the grocery store. When Larry caught sight of him, he backed up into a display of soup cans, almost knocking them over. Logan looked up at the noise and shook his head. "It's over, kid. Don't worry. I'm just here fer beer. An' I know where that is." Larry nodded and let out a sigh of relief. Logan went to the back of the store and picked up several six packs of beer. He brought them to the front of the store where Larry rang up the order for him. Logan smiled fondly at the younger man. "Thanks, kid." Larry shrugged. "I didn't have much say in it, sir." "Ya got a girlfriend, Larry?" "No, sir." Logan nodded. "Good. Don't. And if ya get one, and they make ya get them feminine stuff fer them, make sure ya know exactly what she wants." Larry nodded. "That was for your girlfriend?" His eyes were wide and giving complete attention to the advice Logan was giving him. Logan shook his head. "Not really. More fer my daughter, I guess ya could say." "Oh." Logan gave Larry a new fifty dollar bill. "Keep the extra." Larry's face lit up. "Gee, thanks, sir! What a first day!" Logan didn't hear any of it. He was already out of the store and was gladly on his way back to his cabin. . . . * * * Logan was done with one of his six packs and was lounging on his hammock again. Nothing could break his mood now. Nothing. Jubilee had everything she needed now and wouldn't be bothering him. She was enthralled by something on one of those music television stations. Logan stretched a bit and yawned happily. His day was over. He could finally rest. Nothig to worry about. He was in his element. Not one thing could -- "Dammit!" Logan sat bolt upright. It wasn't happening again, was it??? "Wolvie!" One thought raced through Logan's mind. Run. And that's what he did.