"How is this possible?" said Professor Xavier as he maneuvered his hover chair closer to the computer screen.
"I'm still trying to figure it out myself." responded Beast while sitting back in his chair scratching his head. "But I've cross referenced the data numerous times. The numbers are correct."
"What percentage of the student body are we talking about here Hank?" Professor X asked his voice showing great concern.
"If my calculations are correct, and I believe they are, we are looking at five percent of the students fitting into this category." Beast spoke while furiously typing on the computer keyboard. Bringing up charts and graphs on the screen.
Professor Xavier allowed his head to drop in dismay and shock. "What could this mean? How is this possible? " He spoke quietly to the room as much as to Beast.
Beast sat back and rubbed his forehead trying desperately to solve the puzzle before him. Suddenly his movements froze in place as the light went on in his head. He looked up at Professor X, his eyes wide with realization, "Could it be his healing abilities?"
Professor Xavier just looked at Beast for a moment as the thought sunk into his head and began to take it's horrible shape, then his eyes went wide as well. "Oh my God! We need to be sure of this Hank. Will you please run some tests at once?"
"Of course Professor. I'll start immediately." Beast answered and got up to call Wolverine down to the Med. Lab.
__________________________________________________
"Where's the fire Hank?" Wolverine asked as he entered the lab to see Beast peering into a microscope. "Your call sounded important."
"Thanks for coming straight away Logan. It is important. I need to run some tests on you if you don't mind." Beast said, not even looking up at Logan as he hurried around the lab.
"Why, what's going on?" Logan didn't like the tone in Hank's voice. Something was definitely troubling him.
"I'd rather not say too much until I have completed my analysis and I am one hundred percent sure of my hypothesis." Beast stopped to face Logan while he spoke as if to ask for his trust in this matter.
"Ok, Hank. You tell me when your ready. What do ya need me to do?" Logan said, knowing better than to force the issue with Hank and his theories.
Beast stopped and looked at Logan trying to find the words, "Um� I need a sample." He said a little flustered.
Logan shrugged and began to roll up his sleeve to uncover a vein for Hank's needle, "No problem," he said as he exposed his bulging biceps.
Beast noticed what Logan was doing and realized the awkward situation was not over. "Ah� no not a blood sample." He said as he handed Logan the small plastic container that he had retrieved from a cabinet under the examining table.
Logan took the container from Beast. "What's this for?" Logan raised an eyebrow and gave Beast a sideways glance. He wasn't about to make any more assumptions considering the way Beast was acting.
Beast decided to get the whole thing over with and blurted, "I need a sperm sample, you can go in that room over there." He said and nodded towards a small adjoining room for examinations. While doing that he opened a drawer to his computer desk and pulled out a magazine that made Logan's eyes bug out. "Here you can use this to help you if you want. Just put it back when you're done."
Logan wasn't sure what to be more surprised at, the magazine Hank had in his desk or that he needed to give a sperm sample. "There had better be a VERY good reason for all of this." Logan demanded as he made his way to the small room. He stopped to look down at the magazine again. The words 'Big and Bouncy' blazed across the top and a well-endowed female was smiling back at him. Logan turned to Beast and said, "Didn't anyone ever tell you that you would get hairy palms?"
If it was possible for Beast to blush under all that blue fur, Logan was sure Beast was doing just that.
____________________________________________________________
Logan had decided to hang around while Beast ran his tests. Even though it was going to take several hours he had to know what the fuss was all about and how his 'little troopers' were involved.
When the results were in Beast called Professor Xavier back to the lab to hear the details as well. The Professor and Logan waited with baited breath while Beast got his notes and thoughts together before he spoke. Logan could not take the stalling any longer.
"Alright already! What the flaming hell is going on Hank?" Logan got out of his chair and all but shouted at Beast.
"I'm sorry Logan but I needed to be absolutely sure before I made assumptions and caused you unnecessary grief." Beast apologized and took a deep breath before going into the long explanation. "For the last few weeks, The Professor and I have been cataloguing the genetic data we have on all the students at the school. We discovered something very interesting and disturbing in the genetic make up of many of the children here." Beast paused to look at the Professor for support. Professor X nodded for Beast to continue his explanation. "It seems many of them have similar genetics to you."
Logan raised an eyebrow, now he was intrigued. "What do ya mean similar?"
"I mean�a fraction of them can only be your children or grandchildren." Beast added and waited for that to sink in.
"What?! I don't have any kids! You've made a mistake." Logan shouted waving his arms.
"It's no mistake. We checked and quadruple checked. It's a genetic match and we think we have figured out how this is possible."
Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kids! And grandkids! This couldn't be right. He waited, almost holding his breath for Beast to continue. "Well, how then?"
"Well, we thought it might have something to do with your regeneration abilities and my tests confirm this. Your healing abilities seem to apply to everything about you including�. your sperm."
"WHAT!!?" Logan yelled, "So what? That doesn't explain anything."
"Actually it does Logan," Professor X spoke to explain further. "You see, human sperm normally only lives for a few hours outside the body. But yours, yours don't die for a very long time."
Logan had to sit down. This was all too much.
Beast decided to continue explaining his results. "It would appear that every time you have sexual relations it will result in a pregnancy. We are assuming that since you can't remember your past and you are also probably a great deal older than you appear, you have most likely had many partners in your lifetime." Beast paused, " This is why some of these students are most likely grandchildren. We also assume you didn't use a condom since you probably weren't concerned about giving or receiving any diseases."
Logan nodded his face blank of expression. "What about spermicides?"
"Beast looked at the Professor with a concerned look then back to Logan "It would seem that spermicides don't kill your sperm."
Logan's face went from incredulous disbelief to that of horror. "I better go talk to Ororo right away." He said.
Beast and Professor X looked at each other with dismay. They knew that Logan and Ororo had been involved in a relationship lately and were hoping their results would be different.
Beast decided to tread the waters "I take it you haven't been using protection then?"
Logan looked up on the verge of anger, this was normally none of their business, but under the current circumstances, " She is highly in tune with her body. She knows when it's safe or not." Logan told them.
"But Logan, you understand, there is no safe time with you," Beast said emphatically with a sympathetic look in his eyes.
"It's a bit too late to find that out now." Logan said. Then he looked up and if Professor X and Beast didn't know Logan better, they would have said he had a look of abject terror cross his face. "Beast, you said spermicide didn't kill 'em right?"
"That's right"
"How about chlorine?" Logan asked, his body almost shaking now.
"No, chlorine doesn't kill them either, why?" Beast asked, a little perplexed by the question.
"Well 'Ro and I were�" Logan paused, a little uncomfortable sharing this intimate detail with anyone. "Well, we were kind o' messing around in the hot tub late last night�"
Beast didn't even let Logan finish his tale before he exclaimed " Oh my stars and garters! We need to quarantine that hot tub immediately. This could be disastrous!"
All three of them took off at adrenaline induced speeds, the Professor's hover chair at full throttle. The race to get to the X-men's spa just off from the gymnasium was on. As they rounded the corner to the pool area where the tub was located they found that they were too late. There in the tub were Jean and Rogue, both enjoying a relaxing soak. Jubilee was just exiting the sauna and making her way towards the hot tub to join them in the water.
Jubilee looked up to see the Professor, Beast and Logan all standing there staring at them. She noticed they all looked extremely pale, especially Logan. She thought he looked like he needed to unwind. "Hey Wolvie! Want to come in the hot tub?" She yelled at him.
Wolverine went a shade of green at that and turned to literally lose his lunch in the hallway.
Jean confused and concerned asked Beast, "What's the matter with him? Has he got whatever Storm has? She's been throwing up today too."
Beast, himself close to vomiting, answered her, " No. He hasn't got what Storm has, but it is a good possibility that you and Rogue will find yourselves in the same condition as her very soon."
Xavier turned to look at the ill Wolverine. "I had better get you to your room." He said, trying to assist Logan down the hall, steadying him against his hover chair. Logan was holding his stomach and moaning, every once and a while gagging a dry heave.
Beast watched them retreat down the hall then turned to the ladies in the hot tub.
"Ladies�" Beast said.
**********************
Professor Xavier, as he assisted Logan down the main hall towards Logan�s room, came upon Scott and Remy coming back from a danger room session.
"Hey Professor, what�s with Wolverine?" Scott asked as he approached the pair.
"Yeah, He look like he ate dat breakfast Jubilee made da other day."
Xavier looked up and sighed, not ready to break the bad news to the two men about their significant others. "Would you two please go and wait for me in my office. I will be there presently. I need to talk to both of you." He said and continued down the hall with Logan in tow.
"Yeah sure." Scott replied a look of concern now on his brow. "This doesn�t sound good." He then said to Gambit.
Gambit shrugged, "Everyt�ing is serious wit dat guy."
**************************
Xavier left Logan alone in his room. The nausea had passed now but Logan�s nerves were shot. He found that his hands were shaking, badly. �Nothing scares me�, he thought, �So why am I shaking?�
He was unwilling to accept the notion that a house full of little Wolverines was making him more than a little nervous. "Give me Sabertooth, give me Lady Deathstrike, even give me Magneto, but a bunch o� X-babies? Dear God, give me strength." He said.
**************************
"WHAT!!!!?" Scott screamed at Xavier.
Gambit was less vocal but his expression said the same as Scott�s outburst. Not only that, but in his anger he accidentally charged the stack of books that his hand was resting on.
The explosion was small and otherwise harmless except for the books, which were now destroyed.
"Scott, Gambit, please calm down." The Professor begged.
"Calm Down?! Are you nuts?! My wife is going to have Wolverine�s baby, and you�re telling me to calm down?!" Scott hollered, waving his arms in spasmodic gestures.
"We don�t know that for sure yet. We can have Hank run some tests," the Professor insisted trying to lighten the mood.
"But you jus� said it�s almost 100% a sure t�ing. What percentage are you holding out for here?" Gambit asked.
"Please gentlemen. I�m sure things aren�t as bad as they seem." Xavier said but it was obvious he had no consolations to give to them.
"I�m going to kill him!" Scott shouted and started to move to the door.
"Wait Scott! It�s not his fault. He didn�t know about his condition," the Professor said trying to calm Scott down.
"Not his fault? Then whose fault is it? I didn�t ask that guy to come here. And I certainly didn�t ask him to impregnate MY WIFE!!" Scott bellowed. He was losing all self control now.
Gambit on the other hand was more composed; at least it seemed that way. He was quiet and subdued, but the stress was showing slightly in his face. A twitch in the muscle just below his left eye was evident. He looked ready to snap into an insane rage.
"Scott please, let�s just calm down for now. It�s too early to go off half-cocked and do something reckless." The Professor sighed, that seemed to have worked; Scott had finally stopped yelling.
"I�m going down to the lab and find out what Hank has been able to determine. I am sure he has informed the ladies by now. Please just wait here while I go see him" the Professor said then waited to observe the men�s reaction. When he saw that it looked like the two men had heard him and had understood he left to find Beast.
Once Xavier had left the room Scott started to rifle through the Professor�s desk drawers.
"What are you looking for?" Gambit asked
"Ah ha found them!" Scott said and pulled out a large pair of scissors.
"What are dey for den?" Gambit asked thinking Scott had lost his mind by the way he was holding the scissors with a manic grin across his normally expressionless face.
"I�m going to find Wolverine and I�m going to cut THEM off." Scott said, his psychotic grin distorting his face.
Gambit suddenly felt a little unnerved once he realized what Scott had planned and unconsciously hunched over a little and covered his private area in sympathetic response, "Won�t dey just grow back again?" he asked.
Scott�s smile faded and his normal expression returned, "You�re probably right. I doubt even the both of us combined could hold him down for that kind of operation anyway. I know it would take an army to hold me down." Scott responded and dropped the scissors on the table.
Just then the intercom beeped. "Scott�Gambit�are you still there?" buzzed the Professor�s voice.
"Yes Professor, we�re still here" Scott spoke at the intercom.
"�Would you please down to Beast�s lab. We have further developments�" the intercom hissed then switched off.
Gambit looked at Scott with an eyebrow raised. "It couldn�t get worse could it?" he asked. Scott swallowed hard; he wasn�t even going to answer that one. He didn�t want to jinx himself further. He had a bad feeling crawling up his spine already.
******************************************
Down in the lab Jean and Rogue sat on the steel examining table talking cheerfully as Scott and Gambit entered the room. As soon as their men came into view they both hopped down to run up and hug them respectively.
"Isn�t it great Hun? We�re gonna be parents." Jean said to Scott, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Yeah Sugah, Ah�m gonna be a mom. Isn�t that wonderful?" Rogue said to Remy.
The men let their women hang off their necks and looked over at Beast and the Professor who were not smiling.
"So what�s the �further developments?" Scott asked looking beyond his smiling wife.
Beast shuffled nervously, "Well I ran a scan and well�,"
"Spit it out Beast!" Gambit pushed.
"Well�It�s seems it will be multiple births" He finally said.
"Scott just looked stunned, "What does that mean?" He said in a daze.
"We�re going to have triplets." Jean said in an excited voice.
"And we�re going to have quads" Rogue added to the revelations.
Gambit swooned, "Mon Dieu, a litter of Wolverines!"
******************************************
The rest of the day the women had the men responding to their every whim and craving. Scott and Gambit were surprised that the cravings had started so early in the pregnancies but Beast had assured them it was normal for a mutant pregnancy. By the time dinner rolled around Gambit and Scott were exhausted. Jean and Rogue had demanded back rubs, foot massages and special trips to the store for every little craving.
Wolverine, on the other hand, had not left his room all day. Storm, as well, had not left hers; she was definitely not well and not in any condition to come down stairs.
At dinner the meal was unusually silent. Scott and Gambit looked like they had aged 15 years in the last 5 hours. Beast finally could not take it any longer.
"I�m sorry, but I just can�t do this any longer." He said and stood up from the table.
All eyes were on him but Gambit was the one to speak, "Can�t do what any longer?"
Beast turned to Jean and then Rogue with a pleading look. The women then looked at each other and smiled then looked back at Beast and both nodded.
"April Fool's!" Beast said with a smile then sat down again quickly.
The table was silent. Jean and Rogue continued to eat their dinner as if nothing had happened. Xavier, Scott and Remy, however, were not sure what was going on.
"Are you saying what I think your saying?" Xavier said starting to get very angry.
"Yes. I was employed by some people who I shall not name," he said while looking at Jean then Rogue, "to plan and execute an elaborate hoax for April Fools day for the benefit of the males on the team."
Xavier was beat red with anger, "I just had every single pool in this place emptied and cleaned, I almost had a heart attack at the implications of this situation, and your telling me it was a joke?!"
Beast averted his eyes and said sheepishly, "Yup"
Scott and Gambit looked at their significant others and glared with anger. Both women smiled and batted their eyelashes. "It was just a little joke, Sugah." Rogue said and ran her foot up Gambit�s leg.
Gambit turned his anger instead towards the man who implemented the joke but spoke to Scott, "Get da scissors Scotty"
Beast�s eyes went wide, he hadn�t realized that his elaborate ruse would cause such uproar. "It was just a joke, It�s not like you didn�t know what the date was." He tried to explain.
Xavier slowly began to calm down and smile. Being made a fool of was better than the alternative, that it was all true. " Good one Beast! Good one ladies! That was definitely a joke to top all. But Hank, isn�t Storm really sick?"
"Yes, but it�s only from Jubilee�s breakfast special." Hank answered.
"I have one more question. Who is going to tell Wolverine?" Xavier asked. Everyone at the table shuddered at the thought, then looked over at Beast.
Beast finally said, "I think I�d rather the scissors."
The End!
A/N: I know it doesn't make sense but I got stuck with this one. If someone out there wants to take the idea and run with it and write an alternate ending just send me an email.
