The Curse
of Being Snape
[Rating: General
···
Length: Medium ···
Genre: Humor ···
Word count: 709···
Completed: Yes]
In case you were wondering, the words between ' are thoughts
The main hall was soon filled with excited and scared
first years. As usual, Professor Mcgonagal stood out the
front with the list of names. Dumbledoor was his normal
cheerful self and Snape looked like he wanted to kill
something. Everything was as it should be exept for one
thing...
When Mcgonagal got down to the W's Snape froze. The hall
seemed to be a mile away from his wizzing mind. 'Not her!
Oh, please not her!' The grinning girl bounced up to the
stool and the hat was lowered. Quite a portion of the
staff were distraced from this, though, due to Snape's
downright bizzare behaveyour.
He was crossing his fingers so hard that his knuckles
went white, was scrunching up his eyes and incessently
muttering "Not slytherin, please not slytherin,".
When the sorting hat yelled "SLYTHERIN!!" He
went more pale then usual and sank down in his chair,
eyes full of horror. The girl, however, seemed very happy.
She jumped down from the stool and practically flew to
the teacher's table. Leaping over the wood and displacing
a significant amount of cutlery in the process, she wrapped
her arms around his practically exploding frame.
Wether he looked white because of anger, surprise, horror
or lack of oxygen or all together is still a mystery.
It is well known though, that after a second the whole
hall was silent and staring. Snape too was staring; staring
at the mass of frizzy brown hair and grin that was currently
pretending to be a corset. It is said that even the muggles
in britain heared the thundering "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
that he screamed.
A few weeks later, the whole school could see why he was
so upset. Whenever she was free, she would skip to his
office, barge through the door and either hug him and
or poke him for the next hour or so. Not only that, but
she referred to him as Sevvie or Sev or permutations thereof.
She also seemed beyond his repremand- He couldn't give
her detention because she would be there for longer. He
couldn't take points from slytherin because he was...well...him!!
Even glaring didn't seem to work. She just grinned back
untill he felt like destroying a large amount of something.
In his last deapths of dispare, he managed to lock her
in a cupboard- she seemed quite happy- and flew by broomstick
to the nearest pest-controll center. The old wizard set
down the bottle of "Gnome away" he was holding
and looked up over his specticles. "What can I do
for you, sir?"
"I need to make this quick. I have a rather serious
pest." "Ahhh, giant gnats." The man butt
in and turned to pick up a bottle of green poison. "No.
She is 11 years old, shows no respect, pokes me black
and blue and WONT GO AWAY!" The old wizard, taken
aback at Snape's outburst thought for a minute.
"Ahhh, you must be Severus Snape! Of course, the
annoying short girl. It's been all through the news. Now
what you need is a good strong Imperious curse."
He said, leaning back. "I tried that. She just rebounded
it and I found myself being poked for two hours, unable
to poke back.
"hmmmmmmm... Have you tried *He reels off all the
unforgivable curses, cleaning curses, hexes, paralysing
curses and swear words.*" "Yes and I always
got poked." </p>
They are interrupted by the door bursting open and the
word "Sevvie!!" Snape freeses and feels the
familiar mid back poke. "Where were you! I had to
look all over!" Her voice floated over his shoulder.
He just looked like he wanted to distroy something. The
older wizard ducked behind the counter and pulled out
his wand. He hexed the girl multiple times but she just
giggled and continued to poke Snape.
Follow-up:
And thus Snape was doomed to live. He was never rid of
the shoulder-hight pest. Even on his deathbed he was poked.
When he died, she looked sad but suddenly grinned. She
pulled out her wand and hexed herself and she too fell
dead. Hogwarts is still haunted by an annoyed ex-potions
teacher and poking girl. |
